Anorak

TV & Radio | Anorak - Part 50

TV & Radio Category

Television and radio programme reviews, trailers, highlights, twilights and cinema news. Also the neglected gems from years past.

Alternative Olympic Sports: The Hula Hooping Rope Climb

ALTERNATIVE Olympic Sports: The hula hooping rope climb:

Posted: 23rd, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Photos Of Kitty Brucknell As Britney Spears And Lady GaGa: X Factor Victim Number 1

KITTY Brucknell is the X Factor’s stand-out wannabe. You might have seen her on Come Dine With Me or read about her life as Britney Spears impersonator in Now! magazine. She had fat sucked out (yeah, not injected) to look like the Toxic singer:

“I was so nervous I was shaking. When I came round, I was crying with the pain. I started panicking that I’d made a mistake, but then I looked down at my body and could already see a difference. I looked like a pin cushion, but I was dramatically thinner.”

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Posted: 22nd, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Darryn Lyons Fake Stomach Photos: The Abs-olutely Tragic

DARRYN Lyons is the paparazzo gone native, sticking himself in front of the cameras on Celebrity Big Brother. That’s him dressed like a detonated children’s entertainer. And get a load of this keen exerciser’s tummy. The rumours are that it’s fake. Tsk!

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Posted: 22nd, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


World’s Got Talent: Timmy Mallett’s Angolan Dwarf Does The Kim Jong-Il Dance

WORLD’S Got Talent heads to Angola, where Timmy Mallet is dressed as Kim Jong-il for a cutting-edge puppet show:

Previously

Posted: 22nd, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Tabloids Set About Destroying X Factor Blonde Kitty Brucknell With Sex, Lies And Videotape

WITH Colonel Gaddafi about to be toppled in Libya, the tabloid media scouts about for another enemy of the people and settles on…Kitty Brucknell. Kitty, already billed as the new “HATED’ Katie Waissel, has been auditioning for stardom on the X Factor.

The Sun uses its front page to pun:

“Sex and the Kitty – singer was “honeytrap’ paid to catch cheats”.

News is that Kitty held down an honest job.

X FACTOR star Kitty Brucknell worked as a private detective agency’s “honeytrap” girl – luring men into cheating on their partners…

Luring? Anorak imagines Kitty beckoning with a naked finger from behind a curtain on which is written “Blondes this way”. All the while she sings the Sirens’ song, tempting the hapless men with the puplar refreain: Is my body too bootylicious for ya babe? As ever, the women is the wrong ‘un and the man just the hapless fool:

A victim spotted the blonde, 26, on Saturday’s show. Her job was to entrap targets into kissing or touching her. Hidden photographers recorded the moment and tell-tale snaps were passed to suspicious women, who paid upwards of £2,000 to the agency Executive Honeytraps for the evidence. Kitty’s past was exposed by Dalbir Virdee, 37, whose ex-wife Puishpinda Matharu used photos taken of him with Kitty in her 2008 divorce from him.

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Posted: 22nd, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment


The Greatest Home Made Dance Video Ever: The Tonight Tonight Bop

THE West is not lost. The Chinese might have the money, the Indians the skills and the Arabs more spring than Zebedee in a Paris pogoing punk club, but still have our music. In this video, the happy family members dance to Tonight Tonight:

Spotter: Arbroath

Posted: 21st, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Australian Lifeguard Helps Man With His Big Balls Clothing Issues: Video

THE Australian lifeguard is here to help whenever your big balls tumble from your short shorts.

Take it away, wine makers – more wardrobe malfunctions this way:

Posted: 21st, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Celebrity Big Brother: Look Out For Kate and Gerry McCann, The EDL, Imogen Thomas, Natasha Giggs And Peter Andre

YOU know what Celebrity Big Brother needs? Yeah, Mohamed Al-Fayed. Richard Desmond (prop. Channel Five and Princess Diana obsessed Daily Express) rubbed his magic speed dial phone and – poof! – the Fulham Pharaoh appeared to host an Egyptian-themed task in which housemates were swaddled in bandages before being told to lie down and try to get up.

Tara Reid won. Should they make Boxing Helena 2 – You Okay Mommy? – Tara’s a shoo-in for the lead role.

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Posted: 20th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)


Celebrity Big Brother Review: Day 1, Where Everything Felt The Same

SOME things had changed in the skewed landscape of (Celebrity) Big Brother. First off, there was no Davina. It was also on a different channel, getting shunted sideways from Channel 4 to Five. And other things had changed too like… er… well… nothing.

See, BB came back with Marcus Bentley providing his usual ebullient Geordie narrative, along with that theme tune, that house, that braying crowd of placard holding dimwits and that sneaking suspicion that this show, while briefly exciting in return, has probably had it’s day.

In previous years, Big Brother has always fared well on the opening night. We can all muster up enough interest to see which poor, beleaguered sod wants to put themselves through the wringer, tuning in to hurl obscenities at them or, more appropriately, shriek “WHO ARE YOU?! NO SERIOUSLY! WHO? YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A WIKIPEDIA PAGE! YOU PLEB!

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Posted: 19th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


The Horse Performs A Gymnastic Routine (Video)

THE agile horse will now showboat and perform a gymnastics routine.

(Anorak resists all temptation to make arcane reference to the working horse’s reluctance to get into the Germans’ lorry and be taken to a place of rare freedoms.)

Posted: 19th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (3)


Celebrity Big Brother: Amy Childs’s Breasts At War

HOW talented is Amy Childs? Well, she is more talented in parts than the entire body of Tara Reid and Kerry Katona. The Daily Star’s front-page headline yells:

Amy: My Boobs Will Win Big Bro

Amy might be at war with herself because there can be only one winner on Celebrity Big Brother. Anorak suggests Amy’s left breast sets the pace, falling out her top in a week’s time before leaving the field to the right breast, which, with its better styling, roundness and recession busting tap dancing routine, will win the show. Maybe the breasts could row and trigger a sibling rivalry not seen in showbiz since Liam and Noel Gallagher last fell out.

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Posted: 19th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Tara Reid Mistakes Big Brother For The Big Lebowksi 2 (Photos)

CELEBRITY Big Brother: the housemates are in: Tara Reid, Kerry Katona, Jedward, Amy Childs, Pamela Bach Hasselhoff, Lucien Laviscount, Sally Bercow, Darry Lyons, Paddy Doherty, and whoever.

But Tara Reid is the star. Only last week the American Pie actress the world she was engaged and then married to a businessman, Zack Kehayov, after a ceremony in Greece.

And you can expect much from her. Aside from the wardrobe malfunctions (see below), once dating a man called Michale Asxtman (that’s Assman with censored text), Reid is a dreamer who once said she was set to appear in the The Big Lebowski 2Austin 360 asked Joel and Ethan Coen about Tara Reid’s plans:

“I’m glad she’s working on it. Well, we don’t (have a sequel in the works) but we’ll watch it when it comes out.” Joel added, “Especially if Tara’s in it.”

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Posted: 18th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


OK! Scoops Rivals To Big Brother Top Secret Shocker

BIG Brother is on Channel Five and in OK! magazine. In this week’s OK!, the Big Brother house gets showcased. Says OK:

“Everyone has been battling to get the first glimpse of the newly renovated house – which has, until recently, been kept top secret by Channel 5. So, as you can imagine, our competitors were glowing green with envy when they found out OK! had been invited for a VIP behind-the-scenes tour of the pad…”

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Posted: 18th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


X Factor 2012: Let Cynicism And Tulisa Contostavlos’ New Teeth Rule (Launch Party Photos)

THE X Factor is back. The most cynical, manipulative, pragmatic, greedy, shallow, worthless show on the magic box returns for another chance to create the new sound in pop music from a pro-am signer who might have been to stage school. The star of the new show is, of course,

Tulisa Contostavlos, the NDubz singer who is now so street that she’s got new teeth, shiner hair and an orangey tan. It’s not only the acts who go through the Cowell processing plant…

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Posted: 18th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


Woman Uses Lawnmower To Power Wheelchair? ( Video)

CAN you mow pavement? In this video, a woman in wheelchair mow-sies down the road. Is she wheelchair bound and looking for petrol-powered help? Or is she a less-than-keen gardener looking for take it easy? Media studies students – your answers , please…

Posted: 18th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Sesame Street: Cookie Monster Tom Waits Mash Up

THE Sesame street Cookie Monster Tom Waits mash up:

Posted: 17th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


Jedward Will Be In The Celebrity Big Brother House, Of Course

THERE is absolutely no surprise that John and Edward (or Jedward from now on because they really don’t deserve to have separate names really, given that, together, they equate to less than your average human being) have been strongly linked to Five’s Celebrity Big Brother 2011.

Basically, when you’ve no discernible skill, other than a constant source of wonder at the world, coupled with the ability to take the English language and mangle it into something curious and baffling, you’re always going to gravitate toward a show that essentially prolongs your career without having to do anything more than sit on a sofa, occasionally cook, have drunken quarrels, shag under kitchen tables and perform a vaguely humiliating tasks in a garden.

Essentially, it’s fresher’s week for celebrities.

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Posted: 17th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Alternative Olympic Sports: Dog Volleyball (Video)

CONTINUING our look at Alternative Olympic Sports, we bring you dog volleyball:

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Posted: 17th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Tulisa Gets Called A ‘Scumbag’ During X Factor Auditions (Video)

BOOMING voices and flashing lights! That’s what makes the X Factor impossible to turn over once you start watching it. It’s a cartoon version of an already horrific industry and we all huddle round in our ill-fitting clothes acting as executioners, waiting to boo and bray at anyone who has the audacity to stick their head above the parapet.

And while Cowell is still getting his tits rubbed in America, we’re all gearing up for the UK series which only has Louis Walsh left over from the original judging line-up.

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Posted: 16th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


London Riots: Video Of Man Being Mugged For His Scooter In Croydon

MORE videos of the riots in London are emerging. In this tape the man on his scooter is chased down and mugged by a man and his mates inspired by Wayne Rooney, greed, Mark Duggan, polar bears and whatever other elements the experts can toss into the blender. It might, of course, that he did it because he felt that he could get more girls that way…

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Posted: 16th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


At Home With Hilary Devey: Dragon’s Den Is Massive Shiny Stately Home

HILARY Devey is the newest TV star on Dragons’ Den, the BBC talent show that enables rich business people to get recognised on the street. Her job, for those of you not versed in the tired show, is to be part of a panel who humiliate members of the public who dare to step before them and pitch an idea. The dragons will then smirk, sneer, exchange knowing nods with one another or present a magic pile of beans that will make both them and the pitcher richer.

Self-made millionaire businesswoman Hilary Devey is here to breathe fire. She looks like a deranged Dot Cotton who’s let her bangs grow out and likes to keep her clothes uncreased by pulling them on over the coat hanger and the wardrobe. The BBC’s creepy trailers sought to foster the idea that Devey is angry, possibly demonic – a Saturday morning cartoon baddie.

But we get to know otherwise because we’ve read her interview on Hello! magazine.

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Posted: 16th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)


Race Spectator Video Of The Day: Runner Beaten by Lamppost

TO the City2Surf 14km race from Sydney to Bondi Beach on Sunday, the untrained athlete who joined the race late catches up with the pace setter:

Posted: 16th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Louis Walsh Called Simon Cowell A ‘Fool’: It’s Like Chosing Between Illnesses

TAKING sides is never easy. However, as humans, we’re preprogrammed to do exactly that. Whether it’s football teams or pooh-sticks floating down a river, we need to back someone because without competitiveness in our lives, we’re nothing.

However, what do we do when both sides are equally odious? Step forward, the catfight that is Louis Walsh and Simon Cowell. On one hand, we have a coal eyed, man boobular, high-waist banded snark; the other, we have a camp lunatic who has never once introduced his brain to his mouth (like a little Lenny Henry, you might say).

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Posted: 15th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


How To Purge Stinking Homosexual Demons With Bob Larson

WHAT would you say to a “stinking homosexual sex demon”? No need to wonder any longer – Bob Larson is here to help. You can always trust a man who uses hairspray in readiness for talking about gay sex…

Posted: 15th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


Maru The Cat Will Be Unbearably Cute: Video

YOU ready for Maru the cat? Grab a big basket of lemons and suck hard – you’ll need to restore equalibrium lest Maru turns into a rainbow unicorn…

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Posted: 11th, August 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment