Anorak

TV & Radio | Anorak - Part 44

TV & Radio Category

Television and radio programme reviews, trailers, highlights, twilights and cinema news. Also the neglected gems from years past.

BBC2 Boss Janice Hadlow Axes Shooting Stars: Somehow Keeps Her Job And Never Mind The Buzzcocks

HOW the BBC works:

EastEnders: Broadcasts four times a week
Never Mind The Buzzcocks: Broadcast once a week
Shooting Stars: The brilliant comedy show broadcast once a week on BBC2 and now canned, presumably, to save money
Janice Hadlow: Paid £232,800-a-year to run BBC2

How’s that for value..? K-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-krap.

Posted: 22nd, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (5)


X Factor: Tulisa Investigated For Stinky Tattoo

HAPPY-slapping X Factor judge Tulisa Contostavlos is being investigated by TV watchdog Ofcom for promoting her brand of perfume on the show.

During the Nuremberg-styled walk-ons, the judges all pull a trademark pose. Tulisa makes a move that draws attention to a tattoo on her forearms that states “The Female Boss”. This just happens to be the name of her new scent.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 22nd, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Jožin z bažin: When John Travolta Met Bez

WHEN John Travolta* met Bez from the Happy Mondays, all of Czechoslovakia rejoiced (JT appeared under the nom de rock Ivan Mládek)…

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 21st, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Anorak How To Guides: This Is How You Breathe

THIS is how you breathe. It looks simple but some people – Manchester United midfielders season 1994-95; Jeremy Kyle victims; Louis Walsh and other mouth breathers – watch and learn:

Posted: 21st, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Daybreak Replaces Adrian Chiles And Christine Bleakley With Toby Jug And Plate Of Beans

SAD news for the country’s Daybreak fan: Christine Bleakley and Adrian Chiles have been sacked from presenting the ITV morning show.

This is Chiles, the former BBC presenter of business and then sport who got into the mood while covering the Beijing Olympics by attempting a forward roll in his hotel room. He “executed it”. This was presenting from the Stanislavski school. Morning telly fans expected to see Chiles lumbering into the shower as he presented a segment on cooking with seaweed and up to his chin in a plate of eggs, bacon and black pudding as he chaired a studio debate on why World War 2 tyrants favoured a front crease in their trousers.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 19th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


RIP Mark Hall: Thanks For Danger Mouse – The UK’s Mickey Taking Hero

RIP Mark Hall. You gave us Cosgrove Hall, creators of Chorlton and the Wheelies, Danger Mouse and The Wind in the Willows. You were 74:

Unashamed nostalgia:

Posted: 18th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


Susan Boyle’s Face And One Direction’s Hair Rock Children In Need 2011: Photos

CHILDREN In Need is the long show in which the BBC begs for cash – and people who hate it wonder how much charities could get if the BBC just used some of the licence fee. One Direction (it’s all about the hair) provided the swoony tunes and Susan Boyle gave us another great photo for the album. It almost betters this one

12115762

Picture 1 of 8

EXCLUSIVE TO PRESS ASSOCIATION. Susan Boyle performs during the BBC Children In Need Appeal 2011, at the BBC Television Centre, Wood Lane, White City, London.

Posted: 18th, November 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comments (4)


X Factor: Frankie Cocozza’s Four Lines Of Cocaine Pleases His Enablers

FRANKIE Cocozza, the X Factor’s terrible singer who was sacked from the show for taking, as he tells Heat magazine, “only four lines” of cocaine, and encouraged to behave inappropriately by the show and the tabloid press, appears on the cover of the Daily Star:

“FRANKIE’S SEX AND DRUGS DEN”

X FACTOR’S disgraced star Frankie Cocozza enjoyed another night of shame, snorting cocaine, boozing and bedding a sexy babe. Our shocking pictures show that the teenage bad-boy clearly has no intention of cleaning up his act and he is now spiralling out of control.

And that spiral down life’s plughole is getting him lot of fame in the tabloid press. Over in the Sun, Colin Robertson writes:

“Fears were raised for Frankie Cocozza yesterday after he secretly snorted cocaine ahead of anothwr all-night party.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 18th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Puppy Rescue On Arizona Freeway After Car Crash (Video)

A PUPPY is loose on the freeway in Phoenix, AZ. Its owner, a young child, has been in a car accident. Police are giving chase. Can they save the pooch? Will Bieber get squashed by a car or truck? Will the officer get bitten and the dog put down as being dangerous..?

Posted: 18th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


Three Men One Spade: Video

HOW to solve the jobless crisis? Three men one spade, people. Or, if you Americans prefer, three men one shovel…

Posted: 17th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


I’m A Celebrity: Bewilderingly Untalented Mark Wright Discovers Kent

I’M A Celebrity smirker Mark Wright’s Quote Of The Year:

“It’s making me grow up and realise that life’s not all about Essex”

Next week, Mark makes a day trip to Kent..

Posted: 16th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


The Battersea’s Collars And Coats Celebrity Gala: Peter Andre’s Panties And Much Light Petting

ANORAK’S Aurora Bankhead went to Battersea’s Collars And Coats Celebrity Gala Looking For An A-List Pet. Among other dog enthusiasts, Aurora met Peter Andre, who goes out without any knickers on. Does he have a private shaker? Is he waiting for Jay Clothes to bring out a range of panties for men? Why, Peter. Why no knickers?

Says Aurora:

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 16th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Jane Moore On Fatima Whitbread And Those Insignificant Dwarves

JANE Moore is telling Sun readers about I’m A Celebrity agonist Fatima Whitbread:

“If testament was needed to the strength of women, then look no further than I”m A Celebrity contestant Fatima Whitbread… a mental fortitude that dwarves even the msot impressive of life achivers.”

Even those of record-breaking female dwarves.

Jane, Fatima Whitbread is patron of the Dwarf Spots Association of the United Kingdom.

Note: Fatima is not Gary Davies. No, she’s Andy Day from CBeebies.

 

Posted: 16th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Oscar Is The Handstanding Peeing Dog (Video)

OSCAR the handstanding peeing dog has talent:

Posted: 15th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Dalston Superstars Is A Parody?

DALSTON Superstars is a parody. It has to be. It is… Isn’t it?

Posted: 15th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


X Factor: Amelia Lily Wants To Be A Manufactured X Factor Star

THE World according to Amelia Lily, the X Factor contestant who went and then returned:

“I can be me and make it on my own – that’s what I’d prefer to do anyway. I’m not going to be made into a manufactured X Factor star now.”

So said Amelia Lily on her eviction from the show.

“Please vote for me. I want this so much”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 15th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


I’m A Celebripty: Freddie Starr Turns Japanese On Coco Austin’s Bootiful Camel Toe

DAY 3 of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here does Saga Holidays and Freddie Starr has been rushed to a nearby hospital. The hamster-muncher has suffered a severe allergic reaction something – most possibly to Lorraine Chase’s vest and Mark Wright’s smirk.

Anorak had expected it to be a ruse, a comedy ploy that would allow Starr to go feral, dress as a World War 2 Japanese soldiers (with fixed-eye joke shop glasses, huge teeth and Rising Sun bandana) and launch attacks on his campmates. It turns out, however , that he really is ill. The tabloids eat up the news:

The Sun (front page): “Freddie Starr Ate My Camel – Comic in hospital after eating beast’s toe”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 15th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


I’m A Celebrity: Jessica-Jane Clement Mistakes Mark Wright For An Roo’s Anus And Eats Him

JESSICA-Jane Clement is the I’m A Celebrity strumpet with the double barrels (not ‘arf!). News is that the 26-year-old mo-del has been told she can’t wear the engagement ring her 45-year-old lover, one Lee Stafford, gave her in case… Well, what reason does the Sun give?

A) One of the other celebs in the jungle clearing will murder her for it while she sleeps. We name no names…but Crissy Rock, everyone, Crissy ROCK.
B) Someone will mistake it for a kangaroo’s anus and eat it?
C) Mark Wright doesn’t try to squire her in a hammock?
D) It ends up weighing more then her?

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 14th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)


X Factor Monday: Kitty Brucknell’s Dead Sexy In Wootton Bassett And Amelia Lily Dyes

IT’S X FACTOR Monday in the ITV’s show’s in-house tabloid – the Sun. The front-page headline tells us:

X factor chaos goes on – watt a shambles

This is the post-Frankie Cocozza X Factor, where everyone sings like an over-confident coked-up teenager with Nookie Bear eyes. As Lucy Connolly reports:

AXED Amelia Lily was favourite to WIN X Factor last night after an astonishing comeback — ending a shambolic week for the ITV show.

That’s Amelia Lily, Cocozza’s old flame who Kelly Rowland told to dye her hair pink before kicking her off the show. Anyhow, she’s back. Among a gang of singers releasing swine flu over the face of music, Amelia Lily’s the nation’s favourite.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 14th, November 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment


Live Court TV Will Kill The Inflated News Anchor And Bring Back Capital Punishment

DID you watch the Conrad Murray v. Michael Jackson trial on Sky News? The channel broadcast the show for five hours a day . It was unremittingly tedious. Yet source say audiences were up a third on the channel’s usual shows. On the night of the verdict about three-quarters of a million people tuned in to see Conrad found guilty of involuntary manslaughter.

Is this the future of news telly: just show criminal cases?

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 13th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


Sorority Girls: Picking Which One To Hate Most Is Tricky

SORORITY Girls is the Channel 4 shows featuring five big-toothed American girls setting up a sorority house – Sigma Gamma – in…Leeds. These cultural missionaries will create the UK’s first Sorority.
The fivesom with the plan to colonise the UK (first Leeds, then Wakefield!) are:

Amelia – big white teeth and the biggest peal necklace outside the San Fernando Valley
Arianna – big even white teeth on an orangey backdrop
Devan – teeth that follow you round the room and most probably ask you what your life goals are
Dominique – shiny white teeth and “in charge of making sure our British girls are well mannered at all times”
Hannah – pearl earrings, pearl necklace and pearly whites. Girl most likely to say, “You betcha!”

The girls are not only defined by their pearls. They have quotes to hand your hat on (and yourself with – pass the pearl rope):

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 13th, November 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment


X Factor: Louis Walsh Says Gary Barlow Lacks Credibility In Incredible Story

LOUIS Walsh, bobble-headed super-injunction negating, Hughie Green impersonator and cloth-eared peddler of novelty hits, is to leave the X Factor. First Simon Cowell left; then Kelly Rowland put on her sick voice and had the week off; now Walsh is promising to walk. Below the headline “I can’t stay“, Walsh folds his arms a little too tightly about his waist in a hackneyed effort to look strident and says why the X Factor is so utterly joyless.

The article contains the gem:

“Gary’s credibility has gone downhill for promoting someone who can’t sing.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 13th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Fatima Whitbread Impostor Shocker: I’m A Celebrity Hopeful Might Be Gary Davies

FATIMA Whitbread is in this season’s I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. But might it be that the Olympian is actually some other celeb? Has anyone see Gary Davis, aka 1980s DJ “Ooooh Gary Davies”..?

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 9th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


Let’s Watch Freddie Starr Cry On I’m A Celebrity! Full Line Up Revealed

SUNDAY sees the start of a whole new season of colon-chomping misery once again as I’m A Celebrity… GET ME OUT OF HERE! kicks off a new series, set to make a star, briefly, out of someone with a dreadfully faded, dog-eared career.

And who are the latest gaggle of attention seekers to find themselves in a forest filled with witchetty grubs, waiting to be popped in mouths like pus-filled cherry tomatoes?

First off, we have the vacant dimwit and The Only Way Is Essex star Mark Wright making his way there, hoping to become the next Peter Andre/conquest of Katie Price. He’ll be joined by pint-sized Willie Carson and McFly’s Dougie Poynter who no-one over the age of 30 can recall the face of.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 9th, November 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comments (5)


X Factor Rebel Frankie Cocozza Is Jedward’s Brother Who Can Score Drugs And Girls

FRANKIE Cocozza can’t sing and he can’t dance. He’s the X Factor novelty act; the son of Wagner; the would-be star who looks into the camera and says: “It could be you. Anyone can be a pop star. You just need more front than Bournemouth, shaggability and good management.”

So. One day from Frankie’s removal from the X Factor, Frankie is on the cover of the Sun. The headline informs us:

“X Factor drug sacking – Frankie fired for coke sex boasts”

When Louise Walsh said Frankie could never be a rock star, he never meant it. What he meant was: “You need to leave the show under a cloud and then be branded as the boy who got expelled from Simon Cowell’s School Of Pap for being sooooo rock.” Rather than a being failure, Frankie is the bad boy who no-one could tame.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 9th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)