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Not So Slim Pickings

‘PRAGUE is currently at the mercy of the so-called Obese Family, a ruthless gang of pickpockets. ”It’s a military operation,” said Bruce Jefferson, ”and if The Obese Family chose you, … (read more)

Posted: 12th, September 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Off Message

”’THIS FOR THE NEW-BORN KID.” Not one of the more offensive massages ever to have been displayed at a football ground but still enough to earn Thierry Henry a rap … (read more)

Posted: 11th, September 2002 | In: Back pages | Comment

Fungus And The Bogeyman

‘IT has become a truism that September 11th 2001 was the day the world changed forever. It is one the papers are happy to trot out again this morning, with … (read more)

Posted: 11th, September 2002 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Silent Night

‘CAN we claim credit for spotting the first ‘Christmas is cancelled’ story of the year – a whopping 15 weeks before turkey time? ”Dear Little Jimmy. Since your pathetic showing … (read more)

Posted: 11th, September 2002 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Egging Them On

‘IAN Huntley drew a crowd that many Division 3 football teams would be happy with on his first appearance in court yesterday to answer charges that he murdered Holly Wells … (read more)

Posted: 11th, September 2002 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Brains Before Beauty

‘WE know it will be fatuous, thin on content and full of speculation, but there is still something captivating about a show called Liz Hurley’s Brains.”Divine Brown’s got nothing on … (read more)

Posted: 11th, September 2002 | In: Celebrities | Comment

The Tough Get Going

”’WILL They Strike Today?” asks the Daily Express on its front page. And the answer, gauged from the TUC Conference in Blackpool, is: no, but they’ll have a bloody good … (read more)

Posted: 11th, September 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Drawing The Line

‘TODAY, on the 365th day of remembrance of Nine Eleven, the badger community will also be mourning the death of one of its own. As with human beings, it is … (read more)

Posted: 11th, September 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Shane’s Shame

‘EVER wondered what it’s like to snog Christine Hamilton? No, us neither, but here’s the Sun to tell us anyway. ”Snogging Christine Hamilton was like kissing an octopus,” it declares … (read more)

Posted: 11th, September 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Nine-Eleven

‘IN keeping with the football community’s deep desire to show deep respect for everything and empathy with everyone, this column will now hold one minute’s silence, in which we hope … (read more)

Posted: 11th, September 2002 | In: Back pages | Comment

Old Friends

‘DON’T know about you, but we find ourselves getting more and more concerned by what we find in Hello! these days. On a clear day you can see the refugees … (read more)

Posted: 11th, September 2002 | In: Reviews | Comment

Bums On Seats

‘WELL, Hello! It’s our old friends Edward and Sophie Wessex, caught on camera (by the paparazzi, not CCTV) as the ”celebrate religious diversity at the Jain Temple in Leicester”.Massive crowds … (read more)

Posted: 11th, September 2002 | In: Reviews | Comment

Harry’s Game

‘EXCUSE us while we let out a low whistle. Who’s the hunk? Prince Harry, that’s who! In a red-and-blue polo jersey and red-and-blue face to match, he’s a sight for … (read more)

Posted: 11th, September 2002 | In: Reviews | Comment

Back Chat

‘IT is still hard to believe that the charmless striker who sloped off to Real Madrid a few seasons back is to return to Highbury tonight in the colours of … (read more)

Posted: 10th, September 2002 | In: Back pages | Comment

Can’t Cope

‘EVERY day brings news of a new and more esoteric trauma suffered by a hapless member of the British public. And, sure as night follows day, there will be a … (read more)

Posted: 10th, September 2002 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

His Amisn’t True

‘MARTIN AMIS is a very clever man. So clever, in fact, that he knows everything. But surely that’s impossible, you are thinking. After all, nobody knows everything – except God, … (read more)

Posted: 10th, September 2002 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Unhealthy Developments

‘YESTERDAY we reported that ungrateful asylum seekers were turning their noses up at baked beans donated by Christians in Gloucester. Perhaps somebody made the mistake of telling them that this … (read more)

Posted: 10th, September 2002 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

The Fortune-ate Ones

‘WE asked 100 people to name the presenter of the new series of the best gameshow to ever hit the television schedules, Family Fortunes. You said Max Bygraves. Our survey … (read more)

Posted: 10th, September 2002 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Young Tear-Away

‘LACHRYMOSE larcenist Edward Hardy burst into tears when a shopkeeper told him to get lost as he was trying to rob the shop. Hardy had pointed a gun at the … (read more)

Posted: 10th, September 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

King Of The Jungle

‘TONY Blackburn claimed his sole reason for taking part on I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here was to get fit. But the 59-year-old DJ will soon be able to … (read more)

Posted: 10th, September 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Spanish Armada

‘TOMORROW the papers are likely to don black mourning clothes as they celebrate the first anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon, but for now … (read more)

Posted: 10th, September 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

No Sex Please

‘A YEAR ago, all the talk was of the clash of civilisations and whether the Christian world and Muslim world could co-exist. Today, all the chat is about the clash … (read more)

Posted: 10th, September 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

In The Eyes Of Hod

”’I CANNOT envisage a situation where Tottenham would commit £30m on one player. That would be very dodgy business strategy. If he breaks a leg it can have serious consequences.” … (read more)

Posted: 10th, September 2002 | In: Back pages | Comment

Farewell, Kate

‘AAAAHHHHH!!!! Sorry, readers, but ever since OK! began to insert its Hot Stars section into the middle of the magazine proper, the pages routinely flop open on some less than … (read more)

Posted: 10th, September 2002 | In: Reviews | Comment

Get Ahead, Get A Bump

‘WITH the world set to end at any minute, there are at least five people out there who have yet to wear the cloak of celebrity. Vanessa had a … (read more)

Posted: 10th, September 2002 | In: Reviews | Comment

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