Anorak

| Anorak - Part 30

- Author Archive

Wayne Rooney Tells All

“FORSOOTH! I eyed him narrowly…” The opening line to Wayne Rooney’s autobiography The Story So Far promises to show us the real Wayne. Of course, Wayne is only 20 years … (read more)

Posted: 17th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


United States Of Cameron Diaz

WHAT happens when an American visits Europe? Do they change when they land or does the process begin when on the plane or earlier? We talk not of the American … (read more)

Posted: 16th, July 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Drought To Worry About

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. Here is a … (read more)

Posted: 16th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Big Brother Nikki Acts Up

IS Nikki an actress? The cardboard doors at the top of the Big Brother exit ramp were pulled back by a couple of willing crew members to reveal Nikkkki. Her … (read more)

Posted: 16th, July 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes At ‘War’ Over Suri

WHEN the war comes, whose side will you be on? As the Enquirer’s headline says: “TOM AND KATIE AT WAR OVER BABY!” Tom Cruise wants baby Suri to attend a … (read more)

Posted: 16th, July 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Victoria Beckham & Other Wags

WITH the serious business of kicking a ball in the sun out of the way, some of England’s footballers unwound by kicking a football on a beach. On Monday, the … (read more)

Posted: 16th, July 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


Big Brother’s JaYne

AND then…a thought. JaYne is revolting. This much we know for sure. She’s like a Dickens caricature made so much flesh, blood and gas. A kind of Mrs Gamp meets … (read more)

Posted: 15th, July 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Denise Richards Is Charlie Sheen’s Love Doll

WHILE not to everyone’s taste, Denise Richards manages to add a certain something to her outfit of tight three-quarter-length marble denim jeans and a white bra top with cups seemingly … (read more)

Posted: 15th, July 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Victoria Beckham’s Club

“ROMEO’S a better singer than I am.” So says Victoria Beckham. Having seen Victoria perform, we’d wager that her son is also a better dancer than his mother. He may … (read more)

Posted: 14th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Sleeping Beauty

THE sixth law of tabloid journalism states that any article that does not say Princess Diana was an angel made of flesh and silk is a “devastating blow” to Princes … (read more)

Posted: 14th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Daryl Van Horne

“Everyone is fighting for the limelight ‘cos they think it is going to be their only week in the House. It is draining the s*** out of me." We had … (read more)

Posted: 14th, July 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Angelina Jolie Takes It All

“IT can’t get much worse for Jennifer Aniston,” says the Sun. Well, her fabled hair could fall out while starring in a live advert for shampoo. That would be pretty … (read more)

Posted: 14th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Robbie Williams’ Guide To Sex

GOOD news girls. When in years to come you dandle your grandchildren on your knee and say “I shagged Robbie Williams”, you will able to back up your claim with … (read more)

Posted: 14th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Bobbing Up & Down Like This

“CAN I bob up and down yet?” asks the little lad. It’s the first night of the Proms and the patriotic cove has used his best blue felt tip to … (read more)

Posted: 14th, July 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Jennifer Aniston Compares Vince Vaughn & Brad Pitt

“VINCE is better than Brad in bed.” Vince is Vince Vaughn, the tall actor who has, apparently, been dating Jennifer Aniston, his co-star in the film called – irony of … (read more)

Posted: 14th, July 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


More Questions In The House

“I want programme makers Endemol to explain themselves.” So says Tony Cunningham MP. As Tony’s website says: “MPs don’t come any more local than Tony Cunningham." But that is not … (read more)

Posted: 13th, July 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Cop A Load Of That

AFTER Closer, heat, OK! and Now, the world of celebrity magazine gives a big airy kiss to safe!. As the Star reports, the magazine is the work of those top … (read more)

Posted: 13th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Making Them Pay

ANYONE for tennis? We hear that Cliff Richard has a pretty decent backhand? Perhaps he can be Tony Blair’s new tennis partner now that his old one, Lord Levy, has … (read more)

Posted: 13th, July 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Rich Pickings

“DIANA, the cameraman and another squalid kiss and tell.” That’s what the Mail says about the matter of Sebastian Rich’s “lurid, money-making revelation” that he had sex with Princess Diana, … (read more)

Posted: 13th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Indepedence Day For Jolie and Pitt

WHAT with all the journalists being under lock and key, reports from Namibia are sketchy. But Anorak’s man on the sandy ground hears that the country is to be renamed … (read more)

Posted: 13th, July 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Wazza Does A Gazza

“WAZZA HAZZA WOBBLA,” says the Sun’s front page. And, as is the way with things football, the story has a vital lip reading element. Pictured on a boat in St … (read more)

Posted: 13th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Je Regrette

“I’M a man first,” says Zinedine Zidane. “I would rather have taken a punch in the jaw than be insulted in that way.” And in what way was he insulted? … (read more)

Posted: 13th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


After Sven’s reign of error: what next for England?

SVEN Goran Eriksson leaves England pretty much as he found them – a last-eight team.Before Eriksson, England were a last eight-team who sometimes failed to reach the quarter-finals but compensated … (read more)

Posted: 12th, July 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Roads To Nowhere

MANUAL for Streets, the invaluable new pamphlet from the Government, has caught the eye of the Times. This is no Nanny State guide to walking in streets, featuring cartoonish diagrams … (read more)

Posted: 12th, July 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Half Nelson’s Column

TODAY Britons walk a little shorter. It is our painful duty to report that Nelson’s Column is 16ft shorter than it was yesterday. We had thought the Trafalgar Square landmark … (read more)

Posted: 12th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment