Anorak

| Anorak

- Author Archive

author blurb missing....


's Recent posts:

Blairs Set Sights On America

WHAT odds that Tony Blair and their Blairios will be the next Britishers heading off for a new life in the United States? Perhaps Tony will make politics “higher than … (read more)

Posted: 12th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Mature Students

THE good news is that when you legally leave school you will be able to buy a packet of cigarettes and a bottle of cider to celebrate. You will be … (read more)

Posted: 12th, January 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Britney Spears Mistakes Her Son For A Dog

BRITNEY Spears has yet to be pictured with David or Victoria Beckham. But this is surely no oversight in Brand Beckham’s plan for inter-galactic domination. Might it be that Britney … (read more)

Posted: 12th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Middleton’s Pap

KATE Middleton – enjoy her why you can. Rupert Murdoch’s media empire has stated that it will no longer use paparazzi pictures of Prince William’s gelfriend. Kate will be free … (read more)

Posted: 11th, January 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Walking Ugly

IF David Beckham is to end it in the United States of America he will need to learn the language. Britain and the States are countries divided by a common … (read more)

Posted: 11th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Beckhams’ Real United

David & Victoria Beckham saddle up…
IF David Beckham went to Los Angeles would others follow? It might happen. “ADIOS?” asks the Mirror’s front-page headline. “Beckham to decide TODAY if he’ll … (read more)

Posted: 11th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Maid For Gest

DAVID Gest is topless on the Star’s Page 3. Let it go on record that Gest, who has gone under the knife more times than the Christmas turkey, is not … (read more)

Posted: 11th, January 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Who Heeded Cook Robin?

“ROBIN COOK” And so it begins. Politicians love to have the last word. On Cook’s headstone at Grange Cemetery in Edinburgh, the legend reads: “Parliamentarian and Statesman. Born 28th February … (read more)

Posted: 10th, January 2007 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


Golden Earrings

YOU’VE journeyed to Valhalla, turned your guts over on Avalanche and marvelled at the illuminations. Blackpool has so much to offer. And now come with us indoors. Pass the Bowladrome, … (read more)

Posted: 10th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Ugly Betty Meets Minging Liz

“TOMORROW: THE REAL-LIFE UGLY BETTIES.” The Sun has noticed that with Celebrity Big Brother failing in the ratings it is time to focus on another TV show. So here is … (read more)

Posted: 10th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


30 Carrot-Plated

HAYLEY Davison, a “wacky student”, wants to be as orange as David Dickinson. For those of you not au fait with daytime TV (and we are sorry for that), Dickinson … (read more)

Posted: 10th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Angelina Jolie – Hands Off Brad

ANGELINA Jolie. Brad Pitt. Nicole Kidman. Can you guess which celebrity owns the hand? The Star publishes a picture a hand holding a glass of beer. The glass is half … (read more)

Posted: 10th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Skull & Bones

KEIRA Knightley is in the sea. More immediately, Ms Knightley is in a bikini of red and white horizontal stripes. The Star has no fewer than five pictures of Keira … (read more)

Posted: 9th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2)


Up In Smoke

“YOU COULDN’T LIGHT IT UP.” So says the Sun’s front-page headline. And the news is that a “fuming” couple have been warned about smoking in their own home. The paper … (read more)

Posted: 9th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Watered Down Booze

THREE cheers and bottoms up for consumer power. It is encouraging to know that all those drunken nights out and cans of beer in front of the telly have not … (read more)

Posted: 9th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Morrissey’s Eurovision

HELLO HELSINKI! It’s Manchester’s favourite musical miserabilist Morrissey. And he’s making ready to sing his entry in this year’s Eurovision Song Contest. And Morrissey is certainly capable of creating a … (read more)

Posted: 9th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Slice Of An Angel

Charlotte Church lines up for a big Amy Winehouse encore… 
AS Amy Winehouse sets new standards in live music with her on-stage vomit, we travel to France. There, the Sun looks on … (read more)

Posted: 8th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Liver & Let Live

PSSST! Wanna buy a liver? Livers are rich in vitamin A. Although too much vitamin A (more than 1.5mg of vitamin A per day from food or supplements – source: … (read more)

Posted: 8th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


GMTV Modified

“CAMERON Diaz has apparently split from Justin Timberlake.” So writes “GMTV’S Fiona Phillips”. Fiona is not sure about the state of the Diaz-Timberlake relationship – doubtless she is still researching … (read more)

Posted: 8th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Europe Of The Fatherlands

“ROMANIA’S first gift to the European Union – a caucus of neo-fascists and Holocaust deniers.” The Rogarains are among us. And the Guardian notes that they are bringing gifts. Not … (read more)

Posted: 8th, January 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Amy Wino-House

Amy Winehouse’s sick sideshow…
EVERY new musical age pushes the boundaries a little further. And for punk rockers gobbing at their fans, we introduce the popstar vomit. The Mirror raises an … (read more)

Posted: 8th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Doomsday Test

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. And if it … (read more)

Posted: 7th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Britney Spears’ Next Big Hit

HAPPY New Year, Britney Spears. Or “BRITNEY FEARS”, as the Mirror’s front page skilfully manipulates her name to. But the paper’s headline might be little misleading. There is only one … (read more)

Posted: 6th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Kate & See

IS Prince William’s lover Kate Middleton under surveillance? We live in uncertain times and it might just be that the six police officers the Mail spots trailing Kate as she … (read more)

Posted: 5th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


We’re Under Attack!

FORGET the Rogarians, that shadowy band of Bulgarians and Romanians the media have been warning us about. The Rogarians are hardly arriving in massed ranks. Simona Tatulescu, a Romanian tax … (read more)

Posted: 5th, January 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment