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Madness

”KOP ARE MAD ON BAD FAD’ declares the Sun. Eh? Come again? Denis dreams of the day he will don the Old GoldWell, it’s not the best – or most … (read more)

Posted: 24th, July 2002 | In: Back pages | Comment

Spot The Dummy

‘How can a clam cram in a clean cream can? Big question. A good question. The kind of question that keeps the Big Brother quartet talking loud and long into … (read more)

Posted: 24th, July 2002 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Household Names

‘IT’S midnight on day nine hundred and twenty-seven in OK!’s tribute to Big Brother. The original Dwight dwellingHousemates Elton and David are sitting in Woodside, a sprawling mansion on the … (read more)

Posted: 24th, July 2002 | In: Reviews | Comment

PJ Drama

‘BUT Vicky and David are worried. Hot on their heels in the hunt for fame are PJ, Jade, Spencer, Alex, Kate, Tim and Jonny. The magnificent seven are thrilling the … (read more)

Posted: 24th, July 2002 | In: Reviews | Comment

Larks And Spencer

‘IT’S clear to us all that they do not make stars like they used to. And providing us with a breath of fresh air is that hero of old, Spencer … (read more)

Posted: 24th, July 2002 | In: Reviews | Comment

Mange Tout, Kate?

‘ALL ‘Porchugenees’ speakers beware – Jade is interested in your language and plans to murder it at her considerable leisure.Pork scratch and sniffOver the past few weeks, Jade has come … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, July 2002 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Nasty Nick Nicked

‘UNLIKE most British villains – the Krays, Frankie Fraser, Kenneth Noye, John Palmer – Nicholas van Hoogstraten scores some big points at scrabble. S-A-S-S-I-N-A-S-SIt is a pity that he didn’t … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

(Sex) Toys R Us

‘WHAT do you think of when talk – as it inevitably does – turns to the subject of sex toys? A blow-up rubber Jordan (with foot pump provided) for sir; … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2)

Couture Club

‘THERE are headlines and then there are headlines. And in the latter batch falls the one that appears on the Mirror’s back page: ‘Wise axed by team-mates.’ What initially sounds … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, July 2002 | In: Back pages | Comment

Archer Misses Target

”ARCHER appeal dismissed within minutes,’ announces the Times. ‘Judges take 110 minutes to reject Archer appeal on perjury conviction,’ says the Guardian. With Jeffrey out of the way, the Mary … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, July 2002 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Smut On A Plate

‘NO SNIGGERING at the back, please. This is serious. The Telegraph tells of the perilous future facing an important erotic artefact from Roman times. Disgusting!The artefact in question is a … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, July 2002 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

A Word To The Wise

‘OUR cup floweth over. On the same day that Jeffrey Archer learnt that his appeal against his four-and-a-half year sentence for perjury had been thrown out, we learn that Dennis … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, July 2002 | In: Back pages | Comment

Arranged Marriage?

‘WAITING for ‘the one’ often drives people crazy with frustration. But no one considers that ‘the one’ might not even be born until they’re 57. The ridiculousness of this notion … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Caine Mutiny

”WILLIAM Hickey meets Michael Caine. Again and again and again and againÂ…’ Thus spake John Cooper Clarke a quarter century ago, in his seminal work, (You’ll Never See A Nipple … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Suited And Booted (Out)

‘MORE evidence of class bias from the Express. This time, the victims were entirely innocent, as the opening sentence immediately indicates, concerning as it does, ‘three middle-aged consultants and two … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Sandcastle Sheikh

‘ALL hail and tidings glad be with you as his immortal majesty the King of Bahrain welcomes you to read his sensational new column in the Independent. ‘Life is, how … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

We Dunnae Ken

‘AS Parisians burn, Scots simmer. From the dry side of a pac-a-mac, Scotland’s beaches are every bit as welcoming as the rolling sands of Bahrain or Paris, yet oddly the … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Foreign Bodies

‘HAS anyone noticed that there are lots of foreigners in the world today? Over in Greece, there are thousands, while in China and India there are positively millions of them. … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Tiger Or Els

‘LET’S get the other news out of the way first before we return once again to the ins, outs and shake-it-all-abouts at Leeds United FC.What’s a South Afrian Ern? South … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Back pages | Comment

There Could Be Trouble Ahead

‘YOU could say that hundreds of thousands of disgusted Irishmen voted with their feet and stayed away from Roy Keane’s first football match on Irish soil since his dramatic early … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Back pages | Comment

Four Play

‘OMIGOD! Omigod!! Omigod!!! Yes, we have been treated to the collected thoughts of Kate in the Sunday omnibus.’Omigod!’Jade ripped her trousers. ‘Omigod!’ exclaimed Kate, holding her hands to her face. … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Soul Bidder

‘WHEN Faustus sold his soul, he expected 24 years of power and pleasure in return. But all Gareth Malham got for his soul when he auctioned it on an internet … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment

A Serious Undertaking

‘IF Norris wants to live long enough attend the next Shirley Bassey tour, he’s going to have to stop annoying Richard. Richard finally lost his temper with Norris after he … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Scum Of The Earth

‘MINUS 44. It’s nothing to be proud of, is it? In fact, as scores go, it’s pathetic. Yet that’s the score awarded to British tourists in a poll of the … (read more)

Posted: 19th, July 2002 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Aussies In Top Gear

‘THE TIMES continues to plough its own distinctive furrow, and reserves space on its front page for a curious report of the impending journey of Ian Thorpe, aka ‘The Thorpedo’, … (read more)

Posted: 19th, July 2002 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

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