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Key Posts | Anorak - Part 212

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Pardon: Rod Blagojevich Offers Senate Seat To George Bush

A MAN throws his shoe at George Bush in Iraq.

He misses. George Bush smiles. Says George Bush:

I’m OK. It doesn’t bother me. So what if he threw a shoe at me. All I can report is it is a size 10.

You’ll miss him when he’s gone…

As one pundit puts it:

“The single best thing about the election of Obama,” he says, “may be that we now have a chance to view the terror threat without the distorting lens of Bush hatred.”

That’s Obama, whose name is being muddied by association with Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, you know the guy who offered the U.S. Senate seat to the cop who arrested him.

The American electorate is waiting for that other shoe to drop…

Posted: 14th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (4)


Peddling Grief: Baby S Comes After Baby P

THE SUNDAY Mirror delivers Sean, a “NEW BABY P”.

The grief-peddling paper goes on:

Scandal of Baby S: 18-month-old taken off at-risk register and killed by his mother

Baby S? Well, with the Baby P story running out of steam, it’s time for some more baby Porn. Some see. Pull out a hankie.

Tragic toddler Sean Denton – left by Social Services to die at the hands of his drug-abusing mother who had already served a jail sentence for manslaughter.

Terrible stuff. Shocking. But Sean Denton’s life and death is not as brutal a story as that of Baby P’s, whose mother awaits sentencing. But perhaps if the Sunday Mirror can call him Baby S it can look like a progression of the Baby P story?

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Posted: 14th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (6)


The Kim Il Jong Dog Zoo And Farm

TO North Korea where supreme leader General Secretary Kim Jong Il give  a salutatory warning that all dogs are for study purposes and not for other pursuits:

Pyongyang, December 11 (KCNA) — The number of rare animals is steadily increasing at the Central Zoo at the foot of picturesque Mt. Taesong.

General Secretary Kim Jong Il made sure that the Central Zoo was reconstructed on an expansion basis, indicated an orientation and ways of sprucing it up well under a long-term plan and sent many rare animals to it in order to provide people with better conditions for cultural and emotional life.

At least 650 animals of more than 100 species have been sent to the zoo in more than 40 installments this year to be helpful to the working people’s cultural and emotional life and the education and upbringing of youth and children.

What wonders are on show, Supreme Leader?

44 dogs of 17 species for admiration were sent to the zoo recently.

88 dogs of 24 species for admiration have been lived the zoo since January this year to please the visitors.

There are also numerous rats, mice and cockroaches…

Image: Kim Il Jong – the hair; the heels; the girls – is North Korea’s Gary Glitter. Leader!

Posted: 13th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (4)


Eoghan Quigg Has The Madeleine McCann X Factor

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

DAILY MIRROR: “NO CHEERS FOR TEARS”

It’s sardine munching Tony Parsons. He’s got mourning sickness.

If Eoghan Quigg wins The X Factor tonight, it will be because he tugged the nation’s heartstrings by sobbing like a big softy on last week’s show…Even boyband JLS would be preferable to cry-baby Quigg and his croaking, fist-punching High School Musical routines…

But cry-baby Quigg could nick it after blubbing his heart out when Diana got the boot. Personally, I thought I was going to vomit.

Sod Cowell and Tweedy’s Cry In – who’s for a game of Tabloid Bingo?

I remember when we said goodbye to another Diana, and William and Harry walked behind their mother’s coffin, their hearts breaking but their eyes dry.

Tick. Tick. Tick. (It’s a quick game.)

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Posted: 13th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (103)


The Top Ten Rod Blagojevic Fingers and Hair Pictures

ROD Blagojevich is accused of wrongdoing. Has he had his fingers in the till? Those hands and that hair – they follow you around the room…

The Top Ten Blago Hair and Hand Pics Ever. Well, call it ten. Do we understand each other?

Rod Bla -lego – vich

Posted: 12th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Photojournalism, Politicians | Comment


Knife Crime And Media Scare Stories: 1981 Revisited

“FOR David,” says the Sun’s editorial on David Idowu who was knifed to death earlier this year.

It’s a tragic water of life. But that’s enough about David, because the Sun is soon using his death to lead into a piece on the wider malaise of “Broken Britain”.

Crime figures reveal a small dip in knife crime “largely due to increased stop-and search action”. Brrr! It’s cold out there. Anyone want to fight now or wait until the summer when we get to stay out late?

The solution:

“…increasing stop and search operation.”

Cast your minds back to 1981 when the ‘Sus’ law meant anybody could be stopped and searched if officers merely suspected they might be planning to carry out a crime. In early April that year, Operation Swamp Sussed more than 1,000 people in six days.

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Posted: 12th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment (1)


Career Suicidal Thoughts With Jon Gaunt On Matthew Norman

JON Gaunt says assisted suicide “is wrong and should never be allowed”.

Gaunt writes for the Sun, owned, like Sky, by Rupert Murdoch:

“However I fully support Sky showing the assisted suicide of Craig Ewert…on Wednesday night because at least it has kick-started a much–needed debate”

Earlier Gauny got onto the thorny matter of Matthew Norman:

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Posted: 12th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (6)


Actor Hoevels Cuts Own Throat On Stage

DANIEL Hoevels is on stage. He picks up a blunt stage weapon and makes to slice his throat.

He collapses with blood foaming from his neck. The audience stands to applaud Friedrich Schiller’s play Mary Stuart.

Bravo. How very realistic. Bravo! More!!!

But there will be no encore. Not yet.

Hoevels, 30, does not take a bow, less his head fall off and the Austrian crowd at Vienna’s Burgtheater clap all the harder.

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Posted: 11th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (4)


The 12 Most Wanted Least Wanted Football Chants And Chanters

GOOD news that two Spurs fans have been arrested for aiming homophobic chants at Portsmouth Town footballer Sol Campbell.

In all 16 suspects have been caught on camera singing songs about the player.

And once these are dealt with, the police will round up any and all other sick-midned fans. The 12 Most Wanted Least Wanted Football Chants And Chanters (NSFW):

Do you know the fans who…:

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Posted: 11th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (8)


Whatever Happened To Karen Matthews’ Other Baby?

SHANNON Watch: Anorak’s looks at Shannon Matthews, Karen Matthews and the greater Matthews clan…

Karen Matthews is guilty of a serious crime: she made columnists look like fools:

BEATRIX CAMPBELL: “Who do we blame?”

Compare and contrast the stories of Shannon Matthews and Madeleine McCann – and what we see is a narrative of nasty class prejudice

Shannon Matthews’ neighbourhood, community and family are poor, lacking in resources, and yet they have spontaneously displayed remarkable resourcefulness – children organised a vigil, adults went out searching for the missing child, community intelligence led the police to her. And once she was found, a party was promised.

Karen Matthews has acted appropriately throughout: she was waiting for Shannon at home; she contacted the police as soon as she had exhausted all the obvious locations.

And yet, our eye is drawn to her poverty, numbers of partners, cans of lager going into her household. Everything about Ms Matthews’ life has been up for scrutiny.

Continues for a few hundred more words…

THE SUN: ‘Let Shannon go please’”

She said Shannon’s disappearance had broken her family apart and told how she cried herself to sleep at night and could not go into her daughter’s bedroom.

She said she accepted police had to carry out criminal checks on members of her family.

DAILY EXPRESS: SHANNON MOTHER MAY BE PREGNANT

THE mother of Shannon Matthews is thought to be pregnant with her eighth child.

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Posted: 11th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (17)


Three Baby Ps A Week, Every Week

“THREE BABY Ps A WEEK,” announces the Daily Mirror on its front page.

No-one can accuse the Mirror of not offering value for money. It’s some promise but can the paper really spend half the week leading with the deaths of children?

There is the danger of readers getting a hardened heart from a diet only of grimness. Here’s what you the readers are saying about it:

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Posted: 11th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment (1)


Kerry Katona Opens Her Sack

“ONLY me,” screeches Kerry Katona from the cover of OK!. It’s top news for those tens of Katatonics already missing her weekly column.

Kerry is cuddling her children, to: a) hide her tum-tum; b) keep warm; c) keep steady; d) show us what a proud a terrific mum she truly is?

Inside and Kerry is sat on Santa’s knee. She reaches into his sack and pulls out…

Well, can you guess? Is it?

a) A baked potato
b) A litter of wet kittens
c) Brian McFadden
d) Fern Britton’s autobiography: “Phil Her Up”

It’s e. And Kerry opens her mouth in shock. This is the “lean, man glamour mum” at work and even with her mouth agape no-one dares pops in an Iceland squirrel vol-au-vent or even a wine gum.

Says Kerry: “I’ve got brand new agent, a new me, a new figure and a brand new fresh start.”

And where else do you start but from the bottom. Which bring us to Santa, aka Mark Croft, who tells us that Kerry’s slurred speech on This Morning was down to her medication.

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Posted: 10th, December 2008 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (32)


Suicide Watch: Craig Ewart Is Not The Bridgend Of The World

CRAIG Ewart is being filmed dying at the Swiss clinic Dignitas.

His death will be broadcast on Sky Real Lives programme Right to Die?, Mr Ewert drinks a fatal dose of barbiturates, as prescribed by a local doctor.

His reasons:

“If I go through with it I die, as I must at some point. If I don’t go through with it, my choice is essentially to suffer and to inflict suffering on my family and then die. Possibly in a way that is considerably more stressful and painful than this way.”

Possibly.

Sky is owned by Rupert Murdoch’s news Leviathan, which also owns the Sun, where suicide is will treated with not a bit of sensation. Readers may remember Bridgend, a place the Sun was keen to label Suicide Town.

While Switzerland, with its strong sense of civic pride, gnomes and fascism is a place that actively encourages suicidal thoughts, Bridgend is something else.

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Posted: 10th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (6)


Gordon Brown: “We Not Only Saved The World”

GORDON Brown – what started as parody ends in truth. Says Grodon Brown during PMQ’s:

“We not only saved the world”

Hurrah!

Of course what Gordon meant to say was: “We not only spent the word”, as is right and prudent…

(Video to follow)…

Image: Beau Bo D’Or

Posted: 10th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (8)


Shannon Matthews And The Taxis Of Evil

SHANNON WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Shannon Matthews and family…

THE SUN: “FREAK OUT – Shannon beast released from jail so docs can treat bust jaw”

It’s “kidnap fiend” Michael Donovan. He looks a bit like Vivienne Westwood, only in more wearable clothes. The “toothless weirdo” is out of jail and into hospital to have his jaw fixed. “Evil mum” Karen Matthews remains in choky.

Evil. Fiend. A devil man! Pure evil!

BUG-EYED beast Michael Donovan gets a taste of his own medicine yesterday as he is restrained by handcuffs and a chain.

The 40-year-old oddball, who tethered kidnap victim Shannon Matthews with a noose during her 24 days in captivity, was manacled to a guard for a hospital visit.

Smile!

The reviled abductor has been unable to put in his false teeth since the lag battered him three weeks ago, inflicting a double fracture.

Off to the doctors for realignment.

Donovan, flanked by two guards, was taken to Pinderfields from Armley jail in Leeds in a TAXI.

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Posted: 10th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (25)


It’s 3am And Barack Obama Is Call Screening

RING! Ring! It’s 3am and the phone is ringing in the offices of Pakistan’s President Asif Ali Zardari.

India is on the phone. India’s foreign minister is on line one. He is most unhappy. Islamabad puts the airforce on high alert.

Anorak wonders if call screening has yet arrived in Pakistan? Call screening may save the world from nuclear annihilation. You see that the call is from the angry man so you don’t pick up. The caller lets off some steam on your answer phone and goes to bed. He tells his wife that he gave the other guy what for and he sleeps well. And the other guy has a fun thing to play his guys. Everyone wins.

If Stalin had had call screening, he could have pretended he knew nothing of a pact with Germany and not left his country open to attack. It’s 3am already, Joe. Don’t pick up the phone.

In other calling news President-elect Barack Obama called Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen on her cellphone Wednesday to congratulate her on her re-election. She hung up on him.

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Posted: 9th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Photojournalism | Comments (8)


After Beijing: A Mongolian Legacy For London 2012

AFTER the 2012 Olympics, the Olympic village will be transformed into the “lungs of East London”, a venue where those not already evicted from the homes and business can come and with big hearty coughs clear their lungs of the city’s visible air.

For those of you who doubt the power of the Olympic legacy, consider the glories of White City (1908; turn left at the Fly Over) and the wonder that is Wembley (turn right at Ikea and watch out for traffic).

Says the message in the flame:

We need a powerful brand to help us achieve our ambition. A brand that combines the power of the Olympic rings and the city of London together. The number 2012 is our brand. It is universal and understandable worldwide

As Waltham Forest borough council hymned.

“The Olympics will promote sport and healthy living in the capital,” it says. “We can now look forward to seeing the area regenerate with the best sporting, leisure and cultural facilities the world has ever seen.”

And that legacy could last all the way to 2009. The Waltham College swimming pool is now managed on a day to day basis by GeLL. “It is anticipated that the pool will continue to operate until June 2009 subject to ongoing review by GLL, the Local Authority and the College.”

“It’s happening here,” trills the Waltham Forest Council slogan. “And it will continue to happen here while everyone’s looking. Then we’ll most likely shut the borough’s biggest public pool.”

Over in Beijing the Olympic legacy is make terrific strides in enduring progress and 21st Century bleeding-edge synergies etcetera and so forth:

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Posted: 9th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment (1)


Madeleine McCann: The X Factor, Mourning Sickness And Celebrity Tears

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

THE Dianification of Britain has passed what historians will come to call the X(Factor) Point, the day when the pro-John Sergeant focus group met the lachrymose X Factor warblers in an all-singing, all- dancing tribute to Baby P.

Hey. It’s what Madeleine McCann would have wanted, so too out Princess of Hearts, say the jobbing mourners as the DVD, CD and ribbon hit the shops and broadcasters feel impelled to play it lest they lag behind in the celebrity caring stakes.

There is no escape. There is escapism, because while you watch to see the rubbish singers and the rubbish dancers fail, you are not allowed to point and laugh. That could be you. There for the grace of God…

And having exhausted themselves cheerleading and ululating with mourning sickness, the hacks have noticed.

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Posted: 9th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (124)


Let’s Rip Those Brits To Bits And Other Australian Olympic Sports

DID you know that Great Britain, or Team GB as the brand says, scored more gold medals than Australia at the China Olympics?

And did you know what else – the best bit about it is? The Australians cared. They cared enough to produce a film of “a posturing Pom” – “a Brit with a mouth as wide as the Thames” – telling Australians:

“You haven’t got what it takes . . . the only gold you will be picking up is from a chocolate wrapper.”

Indeed. Britons are no longer whingeing Poms. Britons are gloating, brash, cock-sure winners.

Let’s rip the Brits to bits in London 2012,” comes the Aussie slogan.

Higher. Faster. Sadder. That’s the new motto of the Australian Olympic movement. If there one thing that makes winning a swimming medal worthwhile it is seeing the loser take it to heart.

Britain Expects

Of course the message is all wrong. Britain’s new motto may be Dipso Tesco Asbo, but we are noble sports to a man and had the Australians only asked we’d have most likely given them a medal for turning up, or invented new game for them to win.

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Posted: 8th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (5)


Naked Bart Simpson Is Paedophilia And Child Porn

BUT is it porn, you know that London 2012 Olympic logo of Lisa Simpson giving London a b*** j**?

To Australia, where Justice Michael Adams dismisses the appeal made by Alan John McEwan over his conviction for possessing child pornography and using his computer to access child pornography.

In February, McEwan appeared before the Beak who said that if the images had contained real children he would have been jailed. McEwan was fined $3000 and placed on a ‘good behaviour bond’.

McEwan felt wronged. His images depict figures that “plainly and deliberately” depart from the human form, says he.

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Posted: 8th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (14)


Madeleine McCann: TV Survivors, Alan Carr And Karen Matthews Bingo

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

SUNDAY PEOPLE: “APOCALYPSE? WOW!”

EXCLUSIVE TV’s Survivors star Julie tells why she shuns Botox and surgery at the age of 43

Why?

But Julie said: “I’m happy the way I am. OK, there are days when I wake up and think, ‘Who’s that old bag looking back at me in the mirror?’ “And I see pictures of myself five years ago and think, ‘Why can’t I look like that any more?’ But I’m happy the way I am. What is wrong with a woman looking her actual age?”

What’s good for Julie is good for Kate McCann. Really:

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Posted: 8th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (98)


Obama’s Jon Favreau Denies Sexual Relations With Hillary Clinton

BARACK Obama’s 27-year-old speechwriter Jon Favreau says of his meeting with Hillary Clinton: “I did not have “sexual relations” with that woman.

He then touched his still warm hand to his nose.

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Posted: 7th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (4)


Global Warming Activists Gas Greenland

DAVID Buckland, an “artist”, created Cape Farewell in 2001 to instigate a cultural response to climate change.

Having searched for the perfect iceberg to best place a bench from which to observe the world ending, artists continue responding to the weather:

On 29 September, Francesca Galeazzi walked to the top of a small hill in Greenland’s Jakobshavn fjord carrying a black gas tanks, kneeled down, opened the valve and released 6 kilograms of pure carbon dioxide into the air.

Did you experience it?  Says she:

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Posted: 7th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (2)


The Ten Greatest OJ Simpson Book Covers

OJ Simpson said he was “stupid” and “sorry” and “didn’t know [he] was doing anything illegal”.

He “was confronting friends” and “retrieving [his] things.”

He has least 15 years to think about things. And we get to look abck at the man’s carrer as celebrate din art,. books and film: The 10 Best OJ Simpson souvenirs:

Double Negative

You will not find this book unhelpful!

Image

Posted: 5th, December 2008 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Photojournalism | Comments (7)


How The Media Turned Shannon Matthews Into A Madeleine McCann

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann and Shannon Matthews.

Karen Matthews has been found guilty of kidnapping her child Shannon Matthews and perverting the course of justice. Karen Matthews is “PURE EVIL”. As Evil as Baby P’s killers?

Lest readers not understand that Karen Matthews is “PURE EVIL”, the papers remind them of the fact on their front pages:

THE SUN:PURE EVIL – Family even tied to scam Maddie fund”
DAILY STAR: “PURE EVIL” – Shannon’s mum had sex and food orgies as kids starved”
DAILY MIRROR: “MOTHER OF PURE EVIL” – In the rush to damn, the Mirror seems to be calling Shannon Matthews “PURE EVIL”. And that’s harsh.

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Posted: 5th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (183)