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Private Cheryl Cole world to keep the limelight as Liam Payne goes solo again

Like you, everyone else thought Cheryl Cole / Surname and former One Direction extra Liam Payne would spend the next decades together in Instagramed bliss. But, then, we also thought “the nation’s sweetheart” (Cheryl – source: all papers) would hang on in their with her first two husbands.

It turns out that Cheryl and Liam are not getting on well. The pair are “preparing to end their relationship”, in much the same way as mere mortals prepare to end a bath or log off twitter. You know how it is: you pull the plug, see the water circling life’s plughole, call your agent and announce that “crisis talks” with the rubber duck might not work.

A few unnamed “friends” helpfully call the Sun to say that Cheryl is “very private” – see photos of her arse and marriage in OK! – that she is an “amazing” mother to the couple’s child, Bear, has been “left holding the baby”, how she will “battle” on, and open Cheryl’s Trust Centre, a place where “vulnerable young people” can feel her unique brand of love.

No word yet on who gets to keep the paparazzi.

Posted: 19th, February 2018 | In: Celebrities, News, Tabloids | Comment

Bear Payne: Cheryl and Liam’s son wears wooden nappies

bear payne


In a “showbiz exclusive” the Sun leads with news that Cheryl Cole has named her baby…Sophie. No, only joking. It’s Bear Payne, the surname born of the baby’s dad Liam Payne, formerly of One Direction, and the first name inspired by an animal famed for shitting in the woods and time spent “getting to know their baby”.

Happily, Cher and Liam have loads of money to equip each of their bathrooms with a copse, so making Bear feel very much at home and preventing the bairn suffering any undue embarrassment.

Posted: 2nd, May 2017 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Irony overload: Cheryl Cole ditches X Factor for a career in music

The Sun has news on ‘nation’s sweetheart’ Cheryl Cole and her X Factor career:

cheryl cole x factor quit


Isn’t The X Factor a music… Oh, never mind.

Posted: 5th, April 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment

Cheryl And Liam Payne spin their great romance

cheryl liam pr x factor


Cheryl Tweedy Cole Fernandez-Varsini is seen stepping out with One Direction’s dullest member Liam Payne. The Mirror says the pair are “definitely an item”. In no way is this a PR stunt to keep us interested in The X Factor show, on which both feature, to make Liam look shaggable and Chezza down with the kids.

They were spotted “sneaking into a casino”. The couple – dubbed ‘Chayne ‘ – snuck in by getting out of a large Range Rover and going in the front entrance of Crockford’s a casino in central London.

One “onlooker” there to spot the sneaking and able to contact the press tells the Mirror: “Liam made sure she got out of the car and into venue safely.”

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Posted: 7th, March 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Cheryl Cole: The Sun hatchet job on estranged husband ignores national sweetheart’s criminal past

“Nation’s sweetheart” Cheryl Fernandez-Versini is separated from husband Number 2. Lest anyone be in any doubt as to whose side we should be on in the tale of love undone, the Sun features two stories:

First up is the Sun’s scoop on our Chezza: she’s no longer “so gaunt…that fans were left fearing for her health” (source: the Sun, December 2015). No way. Now she’s “sports toned”:


Screen Shot 2016-01-16 at 10.09.10


As for whatshisface well, you should see the company he keeps:


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Readers looking at the profile of Jean-Bernard Fernandez-Versini, aka ‘- -‘, may wonder why the Sun fails to also rake over Cheryl’s past. After all, in so part of the attack on – – can we find any evidence that he has been in trouble with the law. Cheryl, on the other hand, has form. She was found guilty of assaulting toilet attendant Sophie Amogbokpa. Judge Richard Haworth told her:

“This was an unpleasant piece of drunken violence which caused Sophie Amogbokpa pain and suffering. Her eye was painful for three or four weeks, there was bruising for three months and for a while she had blurred vision. You showed no remorse whatsoever.”


sophie amogbokpa



The hatchet job against – – runs:

…today we can reveal how JB hid his woman-loving ways from his future wife, appeared to exaggerate his business endeavours, distorted his educational record and even regularly changed his name.

Poor Cheryl Tweety/ Cole / – – !

When he first became involved with Cheryl, the restaurateur tried to remove all traces of his playboy past from the internet.


Cheryl playboy


It included wiping 29 telling photographs from his Instagram account. The pictures, which we publish for the first time today, show him cosying up to various beautiful women, some of whom look strikingly like his future wife… In one image he is being straddled by a woman with her legs wrapped around his neck.

In another he is seen pulling the hair of a woman in a nightclub.

Got one of him punching the nightclub woman in the face? No.

Looks like the gloves have come off in this divorce story.

Posted: 16th, January 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Tabloids | Comment

Cheryl Cole: hyphenated husband in line for £8m payout

tabloids cheryl cole splt


‘Nation’s Sweetheart’ Cheryl Cole has split from husband number 2. He’s called Jean-Bernard Fernandez-Versini, aka –, an ambulatory hyphen magnet whose been married to Cheryl for a whole 18 months.

News in the Mirror is that he does no want his wife cash.

Cheryl can keep the pounds – and, boy, she could do them.

The Mirror hears from an unnamed source who says of JB F-V: “There is no question of him taking her to the cleaners. He says he doesn’t want Cheryl’s money and is happy to end things quickly and amiably.”

We never do get to hear from –, which leaves the Mail to take a different approach. It leads with “Now for the battle over Cheryl’s £20m fortune.” They says he could take away £8m.

In a fight, the easy money would be on — delivering the knock-out blow.  But Cheryl half form with cleaners, whether they be estranged husbands taking her to meet them or nightclub toilet workers.


Seconds out!


Posted: 11th, January 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

X Factor: Cheryl goes solo as marriage news runs thin

In trailing the X Factor final, the Sun has focused on the show’s judges, regaling readers with a tale of Rita Ora’s breakaway breasts and now claims Cheryl Cole (as she must ever be) is having domestic troubles.

The front-page news is that Cheryl and her “hubby are on the rocks – Pals fear it’s Caused Gaunt Look.”

Gaunt? Like Jon Gaunt?


jon gaunt


No – ho-ho. The Sun means her thinness, which could be linked to her relations with husband Jean-Bernard.

Cheryl is “fragile”. JB, as he’s known, hasn’t ben seen at a recording of the X Factor. In a list of things that could test a marriage, watching your other half say ‘wow’ and ‘amazing’ every week in a televised marketing campaign is right up there, beaten only, perhaps, by inviting John Terry over for tea and biscuits.

Unsure what to make of it all, we turn to the Sun’s Fan Wootton, who assures us, “Cheryl a fighter”. Well, she does have some history as a lightweight…




Posted: 11th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Cheryl Cole’s Baby Vanishes

COMPARE and contrast the news of Cheryl Cole’s womb in the Daily Star:

July 15:



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The Star’s Meg Jorsh wrote:

All bets off on newlywed pop beauty’s nappy news

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Posted: 20th, July 2014 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Cheryl Cole Had Ashley Cole Vaccinations In Her Bum



IN this week’s  OK! magazine, we gain invaluable insight into the life of Cheryl Cole:

“The X Factor judge has admitted she had a vitamin injection in her bum — to help her cope with the revelation that ex-husband Ashley Cole had cheated.”

Just a little prick on your rosy bum….


Posted: 6th, June 2014 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Operation Yewtree Calls Cheryl Cole?

JAMES Robertson is helping the Daily Mirror gain ground on by wrapping a lot of words around wrapping a story around Cheryl Cole’s Instagram photo.The headline tells readers:

Cheryl Cole celebrates New Year by kissing the luckiest boy in the entire world


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Posted: 2nd, January 2014 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Cheryl Cole Wins Money For Doing No X Factor work

cheryl cole money copy


CELEBRITIES live in a wonderfully weird world. Look at Cheryl Cole for example, who just got a load of money for not doing any work. She’s won a payout from producers of X factor USA, after she got dropped from the show after just one episode because she’s got an accent.

It was widely rumoured and reported that she got the chop because producers thought that Americans wouldn’t be able to understand her when she spoke with her Geordie accent.

She sued production company Blue Orbit for for £1.4m for loss of earnings and now the case has now been settled out of court, with the Girls Aloud member accepting a lovely undisclosed sum.

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Posted: 29th, November 2013 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Cheryl Cole is ‘proud to reach 30’

EMBARGOD TO 0001 SATURDAY JANUARY 19 File photo dated 09/06/12 of Cheryl Cole performing with her boyfriend and dancer Tre Holloway (right) as their romance could "go the distance", according to her bandmate Kimberley Walsh.

HOW was Cheryl Cole’s 30th birthday? A “source” tells all media:

“Cheryl’s been through so much in the past few years, and she’s actually really proud to reach the age of 30.”

And we’re proud of you, Cheryl. We are proud to count ourselves one of the people proud of Cheryl.


Posted: 3rd, July 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Girls Aloud: Getting back together, just so they can split up

LIKE it or not, Girls Aloud are just about the best pop-group that these isles produced after the Millennium, in a period where rock lost its way, dance music turned into a dubstep version of Kiss and pop ruled absolute. Girls Aloud kicked the door in, introduced fun that was hip and, for a period, put an end to all those dreadful bloody ballads.

And then they went away, had varying degrees of success with their solo careers (Nadine’s being particularly gruesome), with the threat of coming back and showing Stooshe & Co how you’re really supposed to be a pop outfit.

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Posted: 15th, October 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Cheryl Cole recalls meeting Sophie Amoj Amogbokpa

CHERYL Cole has written a book. A few highlights of the nation’s sweethearts tome:

She texts Simon Cowell when he sacks her from the US X Factor:

“F*** you. F*** Fox. F*** Britain’s Got Talent. F*** the orange and purple outfit. F*** big hair. F*** the UK X Factor. F*** you all. I hate you.”

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Posted: 13th, October 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Cheryl Cole takes a dive

CHERLY Cole is back. On the weekend, the singer dived from the balcony onto The Voice stage, where she was caught by a bevy of male dancers. That was in keeping with the Year’s Olympic theme. But, of course, this is precisely how the lads from Chelsea FC choose their conquests. Stung by the kind of kiss ‘n’ revelations that helped separate Cheryl from the Blues’ Ashley Cole, the players are now cautious: if they toss the lovely in the air and she lands face down, the lads give the thumbs up and she’s whisked off to Grosvenor House for a barbecue; face up and the lady waits while the players check her identity against their C-fit app. and Max Clifford’s client list.

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Posted: 28th, May 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Cheryl Cole’s new tattoo: tupped by Rolf Harris or a toilet accident?

WHEN you’re not shagging, you’re not pregnant and you’re not under arrest, the celebrity becomes newsworthy by way of a tattoo. And that’s what the tabloids are saying Cheryl Cole has, a new tattoo that begins somewhere under her knickers and runs down the back of her thigh.

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Posted: 4th, May 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Cheryl Cole models the Gareth Williams murder – photo

IS murder ever fashionable? Gareth Williams was found dead zipped up in a read sports bag. Cheryl Cole, the charmless autotuned voice of WAGs and enemy of toilet attendants, poses for GQ in a red top she seems to have trouble zipping up. Is this how it is now, celebrities adopting any story for themselves? Will we see Cheryl in a pair of towering 9/11 heels, a Titanic pelmet or a Saddam Hussein rope of diamonds..?

More photos of demure Cheryl here.

Image via

Posted: 1st, May 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Cheryl Cole likes sex and Prince Harry – but both at the same time?

CHERYL COLE was once the people’s princess (whatever that means) but, since America broke her (instead of Cheryl breaking America), she’s dropped off the radar, save for a few column inches and cosmetic beauty commercials. And so, it appears is it time to get her career back on track, which means reminding everyone that they need to think about her in a sexual manner.

Since she split with Ashley Cole, she’s cut something of a British Jennifer Aniston character, portrayed as lonely and crying all the time. With alarming predictability, she’s popped along and decided to tell the rags that: “I am a woman and I like sex.” Talking to GQ magazine, she said: “I’d love kids. I’m obsessed with babies. I know that is what I was put on Earth to do – to be a mother.”

Meanwhile, the entire universe wonders if there’s any truth in the rumour that she’s a lesbian, especially on the back of Louis Walsh saying that he was going to tell all about Cheryl in his book. Well done if you yelled ‘that’s a bit rich!’ in your mind there.

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Posted: 30th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Simon Cowell’s orgy with Dannii Minogue, Cheryl Cole and Natalie Imbruglia – exclusive

SIMON Cowell had an affair with vowel-heavy Dannii Minogue, his co-judge on the X Factor? The Sun says it’s true! It’s front-page headline declares:


Inside the paper, Ben Jackson’s “world exclusive” tells readers:

SIMON Cowell had a sensational secret affair with X Factor judge Dannii Minogue, The Sun can reveal.

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Posted: 15th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (19)

Cheryl Cole dreams of marrying Prince Harry

IT IS all very well being a pop princess, but being an actual princess is far superior. Presumably, as a member of a royal family, you get more than mere VIP treatment. You’re probably allowed to handpick a member of the public and hunt them for sport when you get bored. You probably get Findus Crispy Pancakes with griffin meat in them.

With that, we look squarely at Cheryl Cole who British pop royalty who dreams of becoming a blue blood. That’s right – her subconscious has placed Prince Harry in there as husband material, all grinning with a boner.

Of course, Harry has previously revealed his love for Chezza at an awards show in 2009, where he told Joe McElderry that one was “so jealous that you got to spend weeks with Cheryl”. During a question-and-answer session, a fan asked Cheryl whether she knew if Harry ‘fancied’ her, to which the Girls Aloud star replied: “I do! I love Prince Harry. Actually, I had a dream last night I married Prince Harry and was a real-life Princess! It’s true! And Prince Charles was my father-in-law instead of my charity partner.”

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Posted: 3rd, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

Did Cheryl Cole get an MC Harvey tattoo?

CHERYL Cole is back on the front pages. In the bleak mid-winter between the X Factor and Britain’s Got Talent, “nation’s sweetheart” Cheryl of the furious fists and extended hair is the subject of a story that she is not dating one of So Solid Crew’s leading 100 members, MC Harvey. (Single out in March!)

Harvey was once married to Alesha Dixon, who is now occupying the seat Cheryl once cooled on the X Factor. He is also father to Javine Hylton’s child. She’s the Eurovision Song Contest flasher with the personable bum who came sixth on the reality TV show that spawned the five-piece Girls Aloud. If you sit in the showbiz Petri Dish and wait a few seconds, MC Harvey (aka Michael Harvey Jnr) will come a-swimming by. If he can squire Cheryl, Harvey will be able to play the binder in the ITV Saturday Night Calendar.

Says Cheryl on twitter in a discreet tweet directed at Harvey:

“Was this “relationship” happening in your head @harveyofficial?! Are you smoking something?”

He replies:

“Do you actually want me to tweet some of the messages you emailed me @cherylcole pipe down and stop playing the saint in front of your fans.”

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Posted: 1st, February 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

How I fell asleep with Cheryl Cole and her 4,000 shoes

LAST week Heat magazine’s fashion presenter Mark Heyes sat down with Cheryl Cole and tried to make a wet noodle sound interesting.

Mark didn’t exactly bust an ass bone here by trying to trip this pop tart up with poignant and soul searching questions designed to enlighten us with how totally interesting Cheryl is.

No this interview was to bland as uncomfortable is to watching a nurse trying to keep her straight face while asking questions before an STD test.

Are you still awake? I’m sorry for this boring post about this boring woman, perhaps I should have put up a picture of a boiled cabbage instead.

You know what, I think in a head to head interview I would come out more interesting than Cheryl.

Let’s see.

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Posted: 17th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Here’s Cheryl Cole’s Lonely Lonely Phone Number

IF you’re a man that doesn’t make those unique (but funny) male sounds in the morning and have a high level of testosterone then may I suggest you contact Cheryl Cole as soon as possible.

According to those yappy assed girls over at Closer and Star magazines Cheryl is going to be cameoing in either The Walking Dead or Home Alone 3 this Christmas and she’s crying (yes crying) her little heart out with loneliness. Nobody wants her but the magazines are all saying she wants a man to share in her spotlight, her bed and with her Mom’s pickled onions.

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Posted: 8th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)