The Consumer Category
We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.
Who hasn’t looked at a Christmas jumper and declared ‘Jesus’?
Shredders are selling this fine seasonal sweater designed by Steve Byrne.
Here’s a noveltt item to reallt set the pulses racing: a Raiders of The Lost Ark candle. It’s modelled on Major Arnold Toht, the Nazi whose face melts when the magic chest is opened.
“Thankfully it melts a lot slower than his face does in the film.”
Want to see the real Barbie doll? Nickolay Lamm wants to show us what a real woman as a plastic doll would look like. His Lammily doll has impetigo, a mole, wounds, bruises and – unlike Mr Stretch Armstrong - stretch marks.
Who knew that a real person wasn’t like a doll?
Kids, eh, so stupid they think all adults look like Barbie. If you let them drive real cars they’d just sit ther going “Brrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmm”. And never – NEVER – leave your child alone with a full gown grizzly bear. Read the rest of this entry »
Read the rest of this entry »
ELLY Prizeman is the most talked about shirt designer on this planet (and whatever planet they’re on).
Her stellar range of shirts is out of this world (as modelled by Matt Taylor).
As another notable shirt designer, Vivienne Westwood, put it:
You have a more interesting life if you wear impressive clothes.
WHAT can Babie be? Well, if you melt her down, she could be doorstop, a martial aid part of South Korean car’s dashboard. But to Martel, Babrie can be anything.
Barbie Can Be…A Computer Engineeer.
Live the dream, Barbie! And dig those glasses. You sure must have smarts to wear bins like those.
John Waters hitchhiked his way across the USA. He’s written it up in Carsick.
“I have probably 8,500 books all catalogued and everything. I’m a book collector. The novelizations of movies which no one collects? I collect them. I also collect porn parodies of literature. So yes, I collect all kinds of books.”
The first two chapters of his book are fictional. He wonders what thrills await him, such as giving head during a demolition derby and being murdered by a serial killer with a thing for film directors.
“Some people skip [the introduction] and they don’t realize the first two parts are fiction. They say, ‘Did that really happen?’ Do you really believe my singing anus did a duet with Connie Francis?”
Save it for the movie…
To London, where Tom Doran @portraitinflesh spots this hideous advert from esate agency Strutt And Parker:
DEAR GOD. Is this a current advert? How on Earth could @struttandparker sign off on this?
Answer: because they’re estate agents.
YOU can raise salt in an captive environment:
Spotter: Anna Dingley @annadingley
This is a brothel menu from Mrs. F.A. Tasse‘s house of good repute. In 1912, the customer could purchase sex:
No discount for cash. Stink fingers and jerking-off matinees for young men under 21, every Wednesday from 2:30 to 4. Customers must enter with cash in one hand and tool in the other. If you are not a self-starter, stay at home and jack yourself off.
Goose quill: model’s own.
PS: Jezebel says the brother was in London. Well, no. It wasn’t. Not unless Mrs. F.A. Tasse. (surely FAT ARSE – ed) was appealing to a uniquely American clientele with her prices and spelling.
DECORATE your Christmas Tree with a weeping angel, as seen on Dr Who.
MODERN journalism is much about lists. You make a list and it is news. Things kicked off in 1977, when millions of people (my father mong them) The Book of Lists, compiled by David Wallechinsky, his father Irving Wallace and sister Amy Wallace.
It was a cracking book, a top toilet read. It was a valuable resource when I wrote the quiz questions for the TV show Jeopardy (What is the impossible job?).
OTHER Parents presents the loving mum who bought her 2-year-old daughter an Evil Stick. She thought the EVIL STICK wouild contain a picture of a fairy or some other ‘normal’ figure. Instead, as she tells us:
It looks like a magic fairy princess wand but when you push the button it laughs manically and a light flashes behind the foil star top, revealing a picture of a demonic woman cutting herself with a knife.
And she’s no fairy. We’ve checked…
FINALLY, the wearable Futon. Alistair Gentry reviews:
Japanese office supply company King Jim offer this lovely wearable futon and air mat set for a mere ¥4,500 (about £25, €30 or $40), because Japan. It’s ideal for those times when you’ve come to hold your own life and dignity so cheap that you’re willing to voluntarily wear a futon at your workplace and sleep next to your desk like a dog. The title in the blue box says “kiru futon & eaamatto” (literally “wear futon and air mat”). The kit also contains an air pump. I once slept on a legit air bed for far longer than is sensible and it nearly crippled me, so I’m guessing this glorified packing material is hardly better than the office utility carpet from which the air mat is supposed to protect you.
Stylish cuffs, no? It’s nearly as hip as turning up selvedge jeans, except you’re wearing a futon therefore you have gone beyond being trendy and you have lost your damn mind. I like the model’s expression in the picture above. He’s like “Dafuq? Is this really happening?” Maybe that’s why he looks dead in pic 1. He completely lost the will to live in the course of this photoshoot, laid down on the air mat in his wearable futon and gave up the ghost.
@francescamain has a question:
What kind of person gets a photo of their child’s face made into a chopping board?
It turns out that lots of people do:
Someone’s recut the new John Lewis advert as a horror movie, and it’s bloody brilliant:
IN San Francisco, artist Ben Venom recycles heavy metal t-shirts into handmade quilts.
Metal fans hould enjoy looking for familiar looking swatches:
WORRIED about how to epxress you displeasure? Worried about being called a troll for stating your heartfelt opinion? Well, Shit Express will send a heap of poo to enemies, or friends (if they’re into it).
1. Choose an animal.
2. Give us an address.
3. Choose how to wrap your package.
4. Pay anonymously with Bitcoin.
HIGH minds in low places. Amber Sparks interviewed writers about their influences:
“I aspire to write ‘great books,’ but great books are not at all what made me want to write,” says Mike Meginnis, author of Fat Man and Little Boy. “Some of my most formative early reading experiences were apocalyptic Christian YA fiction from my church’s lending library.” It seems ridiculous, on the face of it, that writers could learn their craft at the doorstep of writing or culture that might appear inartful, inelegant, or lack complexity. And yet it makes perfect sense. These books are popular not because of their sentences, but because of their storytelling. And isn’t that the first thing every writer has to learn, regardless of medium or genre? …
I discovered, as I talked to lots of writers, that the vocabulary of the lowbrow almost universally reflects a kind of throwaway culture: garbage, disposable, trash. Yet it’s clear many of us have never tossed out these first and primary influences—they are anything but disposable when we look back at where it all began. Whether we writers actively avoided, sought out, or just plain knew nothing else, it seems what we consumed of the lowbrow world of literature, television, films, video games, and other pop culture has had significant influence on an awful lot of us. When we were young, many of us sought pleasure in the simplest kinds of stories, wherever we found them.
RUSSELL Brand, age 39, has written Revolution, a book dedicated ‘To the divine, mischievous spark in you”.
Craig Brown reviews in the Mail:
‘Russell Brand wants YOU to join the Revolution’ is the pithy way his publishers, Century, put it. Oddly enough, Century is a part of Penguin Random House, itself a division of the German media conglomerate Bertelsmann and Pearson PLC, the largest education company and book publisher in the world, and owners of the Financial Times…
Swiss retail outfit Migros has been seducing punters to its coffee creamer containers by decorating the packets with pictures of Hitler (skinny?) and Italian fascist Benito Mussolini (full fat?).
The NY Times notes:
“In coffee-loving Switzerland, labels from the mini-cream containers are cult collectibles, and producers often seek new and inventive ways to enhance their appeal.”
A Migros spokesman responds:
“Whoever made this mistake was not thinking properly, as these aren’t images accompanying a book about World War II, but rather something meant to be enjoyed with coffee and a chocolate cake.”
Failing to add, “…as a prelude to mass murder”…