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The Consumer Category

We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.

Stephen King: the productivity of writing books

Screen shot 2015-08-29 at 06.48.53

How to write like Stephen King – as in, how to physically write like Stephen King; the talent you’ll have to work on that yourselves:

As with most postulates dealing with subjective perceptions, the idea that prolific writing equals bad writing must be treated with caution. Mostly, it seems to be true. Certainly no one is going to induct the mystery novelist John Creasey, author of 564 novels under 21 different pseudonyms, into the Literary Hall of Heroes; both he and his creations (the Toff, Inspector Roger West, Sexton Blake, etc.) have largely been forgotten…

Yet some prolific writers have made a deep impression on the public consciousness. Consider Agatha Christie, arguably the most popular writer of the 20th century, whose entire oeuvre remains in print. She wrote 91 novels, 82 under her own name and nine under a nom de plume — Mary Westmacott — or her married name, Agatha Christie Mallowan…

As a young man, my head was like a crowded movie theater where someone has just yelled “Fire!” and everyone scrambles for the exits at once. I had a thousand ideas but only 10 fingers and one typewriter. There were days — I’m not kidding about this, or exaggerating — when I thought all the clamoring voices in my mind would drive me insane. Back then, in my 20s and early 30s, I thought often of the John Keats poem that begins, “When I have fears that I may cease to be / Before my pen has glean’d my teeming brain …”

My thesis here is a modest one: that prolificacy is sometimes inevitable, and has its place. The accepted definition — “producing much fruit, or foliage, or many offspring” — has an optimistic ring, at least to my ear…

Can a novelist be too productive? 

Posted: 29th, August 2015 | In: Books, Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Minions toy body wash will give your kids nightmares

minions death

 

The Minions 3-in-1 bodywash does not do what it says on the tin: it will not cause your child’s eyes to bleed. Probably.

Spotter: Ash Warner

Posted: 29th, August 2015 | In: News, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


eBay dogging and murder caravan goes viral

dooging

 

On eBay the caravan “suitable for affairs or murders” is for sale.

“Apparently I owned this utterly crap caravan for three weeks before actually setting eyes on it.

“My husband drunkenly bought it on Ebay, and neglected to mention that one day he’d taken the day off work and driven halfway across the country to pick it up, deposit it around the back of our office, and failed to declare it as technically a marital ‘asset’ until recently.

“Luckily, I’m the trusting type, and despite appearances I don’t think he bought it solely for the purpose of having a sordid extra-marital affair or taking up dogging, however as you might be able to see from the pictures, it would be PERFECT for both…

“It has been brought to my attention that the “caravan” would also be suitable for use as a rolling meth lab. Apologies for the omission.”

Also: badger watching.

Posted: 28th, August 2015 | In: News, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Artist Shinji Nakaba makes brilliant pearl skull jewelry

Shinji Nakaba turns peals into skulls.

 

pearl skulls making

pearl skulls 5 pearl skulls 4 pearl skulls 3 pearl skulls 2 pearl skulls 1 pearl skulls

Spotter: here

Posted: 28th, August 2015 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Human Centipede glass pipe for your hot box

human centipeded pipe 3

 

The Human Centipede pipe, by Dustin Yunker, is the ‘hot box’ tribute to the film of that name. We’re not sure what end goes to your lips; but our therapist assures us that which end you choose will say a lot about you.

 

human centipeded pipe 2

human centipeded pipe 1.

Spotter: DM

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Posted: 24th, August 2015 | In: Film, News, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


For sale: kinky pagan leggings with hoofs

hoof boots 3

 

Blair Ondria’s Etsy shop Chaos Costume gives you the chance to dress like an extra from the Lion The Witch & The Wardrobe. 

“The construction of these hooves will be of high strength resin fused to a heelless 4 inch shoes. The arch is rigid plastic, and does not bend, so it keeps that beautiful silhouette, effortlessly.”

 

Are they comfortable?

Q: How hard are these to walk in?
A: Not very – if you’ve walked in stiletto heels, it’s about like that. They are very easy to move in, and do not roll-back easily.

Tails are optional.

 

hoof boots 4

 

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Posted: 20th, August 2015 | In: News, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Arsenal Balls: Gunners buy Benzema and his diamond ball

benzema diamond ballThe news cycle whirls with what might be the most specious football story of the year. The Sydney Morning Herald tells us:
Arsenal target Karim Benzema spends a fortune on a diamond ball
To which you can only wonder what he plans to kick it with. Solid gold boots would be too soft. How about  goethite, a material found in the mouths of limpets? Sure millions of the creatures would have to die to enable Benzema to work on his ball skills but it’s surely what they would have wanted.
The story continues:
If Real Madrid striker Karim Benzema makes his much-speculated move to English Premier League giants Arsenal, he could bring with him his new prized possession, a $340,000 soccer ball. The 27-year-old French goal-scorer, who has been on the Gunners’ hit-list for months, reportedly purchased the 1,250 carat ball encrusted with 72,000 diamonds from a celebrity jeweller.
Fair enough. It’s his money. We only hope he writes his name on it lest it get muddled up with everyone else’s when he check into the Emirates.

Update: Every paper says Benzema has agreed to join Arsenal for £45m.

Posted: 20th, August 2015 | In: Arsenal, News, Sports, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The saddest aisle in the supermarket (photo)

The saddest aisle in the supermarket

 

This is the saddest aisle in the supermarket.

Spotter: @TechnicallyRon

Posted: 19th, August 2015 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Video: how to make a frisbee into a lethal weapon

 

Now to get a Hard Ticket to Hawaii – scroll down for the killer frisbee.

Spotter: b3ta

Posted: 18th, August 2015 | In: Technology, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Design fail: University of North Texas coffee mug

university of texas coffee mug

 

 

Spotter: $10, Karen!

Posted: 15th, August 2015 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Splorch: enlarge your sex life with a rubber ovipositor (Video)

An ovipositor is an “organ used by some animals for the laying of eggs”. And you can buy one made from a veiny rubber.

 

ovipositor

 

It’s called the ‘Splorch':

 

 

Spotter: JWZ

Posted: 7th, August 2015 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Jo Malone does more in 25 minutes that you’d want to do in a day

Jo Malone beauty regimeHow does Jo Malone “get ready” to go out? She tells the Guardian that her regime take 25 minutes.

I multitask. I’ll make a face mask, jump into the bath with my favourite Pomelo bath cologne and, yes, I always light a candle. I like a glass of wine, too – there is a pink called Whispering Angel that comes in tiny bottles, so I can have just a glass. I’ll put some oil – either jojoba or vitamin E – on my hands and feet: nothing looks worse than dry feet if you’re wearing sandals.

Who ran the bath? How big is the bath? Is it a bird bath? Can she make a face mask faster than Zorro?

I’ll get out of the bath and my skin will be moisturised because of the mask, which I clear off with a warm face towel. I pop Vaseline round my eyebrows, then quickly dye them so they look dark – leave it on too long and you look as though you’ve two caterpillars above your eyes.

I lay out what I am going to wear. I love a chic, well-fitting black tie trouser suit with drop diamonds, my vintage gold Prada shoes and a simple black evening bag.

At this point I have a cup of tea and a baked potato or toasted ham and cheese.

Baked. Or raw?

Then I’ll pop in my gum shields with toothpaste bleach mixed with Colgate and leave for 10 minutes…. Because my hair often drops, I’ll zhush it up with my rotating brush.

I don’t wear a lot of makeup but I do wear MAC base and put on false eyelashes, blusher and lip gloss. I paint Pomelo fragrance on to my body with a brush and let it dry…

Watch painted body dry.

…then do a second layer.

Twice.

Then I’ll get dressed and spray whatever I am wearing with the same fragrance, and I am ready to go.

Next week, Jo makes a six-course meal for 10 in 15 minutes.

Posted: 7th, August 2015 | In: Celebrities, News, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Penis biscuits: St Patrick’s Day cookie cutter promises golden rain at the ends of the rainbow

fussy pup
The FussyPup offers you the chance to buy this St Patrick’s Day Cookie Cutter –  a “pot of gold at the end of the rainbow”.

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Kimberly Wolfe, one of the proprietors of TheFussyPup, has it pointed out to her that the cookie cutter looks like a knob:

“One pointed out its resemblance to the male organ. We had a little giggle and dismissed the thought. While making adult theme cookie cutters isn’t our main goal, we are happy to provide cookie cutters for any occasion—and we love to see the creativity of our customers! Now if only someone would send me a picture of the results!”

 

Spotter: Fastcompany.com

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Posted: 5th, August 2015 | In: Key Posts, News, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Amazon gives free buzzing dildo with children’s sandals

Shoe box

In the box

Anyone still too shy to buy a dildo should know that Amazon offers shoppers a free vibrator with pairs of children’s sandals. You just have to select the right brand, which is not all that subtly called PRIMIGI.

Sophie Grantham, 36, didn’t know of the special offer until she took delivery of a pair of said sandals and spotted the five-inch purple Durex vibrator in the box.

Sophie, of Whiteley, Hampshire, explains:

“The parcel was vibrating so the postman made a comment about it maybe being a toothbrush. I was absolutely horrified to find there was this purple vibrator, loose and buzzing about in the shoebox. I don’t know what happened, but it’s not on.”

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Posted: 16th, July 2015 | In: Key Posts, News, Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Edinson Cavani’s anus is immortalised as a door bell

cavani-doorbell-poke1
Chile’s semi-final victory over Uruguay in the quarter-finals of the Copa America featured Gonzalo Jara sticking a signer into Edison Cavani’s backside.

Uruguay’s Cavani reacted by slapping Jara across the face – an act that earned up a second yellow card.

But now you can relive the incident with this delightful doorbell.

Proctologists may prefer to knock.

Spotter: @ReaccionFut

Posted: 10th, July 2015 | In: News, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Playable tortilla records for your turntables

tortilla records

 

Someone at Rapture Records saw the video of someone “playing” a tortilla and created tortillas records.

The tortillas are, of courses, raw. The grooves are laser cut.

 

tortilla records

 

 

Make your own here.

Posted: 8th, July 2015 | In: Music, News, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0