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Anorak - Author Archive

Will George Bush Give Tony Blair What He Wants?

THERE they go in their matching dark blue Burberry jumpers (RRP: £90).

Having developed the stiff-armed George Bush swagger, Tony Blair might now be wearing a jumper just like the one … (read more)

Posted: 25th, July 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment (1)

Carly Zucker’s “Sexercises”

IT’S Carly Zucker.

She’s in a swimming pool with her lover Joe Cole. The pair are at the Miami Beach Hotel, relaxing in the sun after spending a summer kicking a … (read more)

Posted: 21st, July 2006 | In: Back pages | Comments (2)

Coleen McLoughlin Watches Wayne Rooney Caged

WHAT’S this? Wayne Rooney behind bars in France. How can it be?

The Sun calms our fears that young Wayne has been pinched by the Gendarmerie as he holidays in the … (read more)

Posted: 18th, July 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment

Cheryl Tweedy & Her Footballer

WITH less than 24 hours for our fake bake orange tan to dry, the pressure of getting ready for Cheryl Tweedy and Ashley Cole’s wedding is mounting.

Like you, we are … (read more)

Posted: 14th, July 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment (1)

Grin It To Win It

NOT a day goes by when Cheryl Tweedy is not talking about her footballer or showing us her footballer.

Today Cheryl and her footballer are promoting an advert for the National … (read more)

Posted: 12th, July 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment

Dial M For Marriage

SHORT of marrying her footballer Ashley Cole in Namibia it’s hard to know what else Cheryl Tweedy could do to deflect unwelcome attention away from her impending nuptials.

Having already told … (read more)

Posted: 10th, July 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment

New Balls

“ENGLAND babes are rated the hottest on the planet.” So says the Star with understandable pride.

The paper has seen a survey by a company called Carma, and notes that the … (read more)

Posted: 26th, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment

Blotting Her Copy Book

Lisa Huo! It’s a name you can really shout, like “Westward Huo!” or “Hi-Huo Silver!”.
But resist the urge to scream it. Fight the temptation to chant “Get Huo Out” or … (read more)

Posted: 21st, June 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment

West Ham & Porkies

Quotes Of The Day

German journalist to T&T midfielder Densill Theobald: “So, Densill, do you miss the beach?”
Theobald: “What are you talking about? I play in Falkirk”

“Goalkeepers never like the ball. … (read more)

Posted: 20th, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment

A Sharp Exhale Of Air

‘YOU will be doubtless interested to learn that the matter of Storer v Bedminster Down Secondary School, Bristol, has reached an end.

A Bristol employment tribunal says that in the case … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Soap Odds & Suds

‘LAST Christmas, EastEnders’ Jamie Mitchell lay dying in his hospital bed. As he slipped in and out of consciousness we wondered, like he did, what the future held in store. … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, December 2003 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Star Billing

‘NO wonder Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez called off their wedding at the last minute – how could they compete for the title of Wedding Of The Year with Ulrika … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, December 2003 | In: Reviews | Comment

The Royal Family

‘HOW the Queen must wish that, like Pam Ewing in Dallas, she could wake up to the noise of Prince Philip in the shower and the realisation that this year … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, December 2003 | In: Reviews | Comment

Give War A Chance

‘WHEN George Bush came over on his State visit, we asked him a question. We wanted to know where we could join up and fight the war on terror.

B … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, December 2003 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

A Mute Point

‘AFTER three years in charge of the fractious bunch of misfits, miscreants and Miss Whiplashes that these days constitute the Tory Party, the volume was finally turned right down on … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, December 2003 | In: Broadsheets | Comment