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Anorak - Author Archive

Britney Spears’ Evolution

THESE are some old pics of Britney Spears that I’ve never seen, but they are classic.

The tits, the hair, the acne…I love it all.

She should’ve just gotten white yarn and … (read more)

Posted: 10th, October 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Party’s Over

The Poker Party is over. The US Congress passed legislation on Sept. 30 making it unlawful for credit-card companies to collect payments for transactions with online-gaming sites.

PartyGaming, the world’s largest … (read more)

Posted: 10th, October 2006 | In: Money | Comment


Kate & See

HAVING dated for what feels like an eternity, and not dated for what felt like longer, Kate Moss and Pete Doherty are to marry.

That’s if they haven’t done so already. … (read more)

Posted: 9th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Americana Is Over

Miceage.com has a spectacular scoop: Disneyland’s Burbank braintrust is planning to close Tom Sawyer’s Island and turn it into another Pirates of the Caribbean-themed attraction.

Some of the reasons given are … (read more)

Posted: 7th, October 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Keeping A Clean Council

THE chat forum on Yatton Parish Council’s website has been closed for mentioning gambling.

Parish council chair, Faith Moulin, says: “People have been clicking on the links and have found something … (read more)

Posted: 6th, October 2006 | In: Money | Comment


Diamond Geyser

THE tape begins with Diamond in a bathtub, narrating what’s to come. It ends with Diamond introducing one of the women to a “Dirty Sanchez.” Suffice it say, it is … (read more)

Posted: 5th, October 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Kinki Gambling

Author, bon vivant and professional Texan Kinki Friedman wants to legalise gambling in the Lone Star state. “This is common sense,” Friedman says. “It’s crazy to have Louisiana gamblers mad … (read more)

Posted: 4th, October 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Sutton Ho!

IT’S not hard to see why Britney Spears chose to name her newest child after the London Borough of Sutton.

Britney adds her name to the pantheon of Sutton locals who … (read more)

Posted: 4th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Wags Have Got Some Balls

“I’M crazy about my football fella Darren Byfield – but if I ever caught him playing away I’d show him the red card.”

Singer Jamelia has spent a day editing the … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, October 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


George Michael Chants

“THERE was spliff in car but I don’t have drug problem,” says George Michael on the Sun’s cover.

And we hang our heads low. Poor George. Has it come to this? … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Life After Loss

FIFTEEN months after the mysterious disappearance of her alleged boyfriend Patrick McDermott, Olivia Newton-John has finally laid out her official account in the new issue of People magazine.

It’s an extraordinary … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, October 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


How Mad Is Tony Blair?

He who blinded by ambition, raises himself to a position whence he cannot mount higher, must thereafter fall with greatest loss.
Machiavelli (1469 – 1527)

It is the nature of ambition to … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, October 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment (1)


Jessica Simpson Makes Eyes

When Nick Carter learned that his girlfriend at the time, Paris Hilton, cheated on him with Chad Michael Murray, he got revenge. He immediately hooked up with Asshole Simpson. Are … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Anorak Dictionary

Archery (n) – Sporting contest in which contestants compete to tell the most outrageous lie, the winner of which receives a brown envelope containing £2,000 in cash.
(“I’ve never seen archery … (read more)

Posted: 29th, September 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


The Come Back Kids

IT was a week of returns.

On Monday, George Michael was back in the headlines. George was giving a public performance before a crowd of 18,000 fans in Barcelona. It was … (read more)

Posted: 29th, September 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


Poor Players

Best Buy

A shirt worn by Manchester United player George Best has sold at auction for £24,000. The shirt, won by Best in United’s 8-2 thumping of mighty Northampton Town in … (read more)

Posted: 28th, September 2006 | In: Money | Comment


Paying Gests

THE Enquirer lingers over the bones of what was once so fleshy a relationship, bringing news from the divorce proceedings of Liza Minnelli and David Gest.

Illustrated by portraits of Liza … (read more)

Posted: 28th, September 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


WAWTs & All

WE were going to bring you news of Readers Wives, the polygamy porn mag that’s the organ of choice for loving partners from Salt Lake to Saudi Arabia.

But our attention … (read more)

Posted: 27th, September 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


A Groovy Kind Of Love

AFTER the pretender, comes the, well, pretender. And the Times was there to see Tony Blair deliver his last address as leader of the Labour Party to conference.

Unlike other showmen … (read more)

Posted: 27th, September 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment (1)


Abigail Clancy’s Got Form

ABIGAIL Clancy makes us look at Pete Crouch in an entirely new way.

Blessed with a “beanpole” physique and the kind of legs most often seen hanging from a flamingo’s nest, … (read more)

Posted: 25th, September 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


The Rugarians Aren’t Coming

YOU’VE seen the pictures of the thick-set Bulgarian and Romanian men and women looking forward to a new and wonderful life in Britain.

You’ve heard the conflicting views. “There’s not enough … (read more)

Posted: 25th, September 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Hello, Stud

Adios

The interesting football transfer of Argentine superstars Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano to West Ham United has caused William Hill to open a book on when the pair will … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, September 2006 | In: Money | Comment


There Are Limits

The eight possible locations for the sighting of Britain’s only super casino are writing their bids.

Blackpool, Wembley Stadium, Cardiff, Glasgow, the Millennium Dome, Manchester, Newcastle upon Tyne and Sheffield are … (read more)

Posted: 21st, September 2006 | In: Money | Comment


Agassi Wins

Old Red Eyes

By now Andre Agassi should just about have stopped crying. The tennis ace has retired from the game, and his eyes are red with tears. But there is … (read more)

Posted: 20th, September 2006 | In: Money | Comment


Bird Brains

“I COULDN’T believe it. I thought I was stupid.”

So says Danielle Lloyd, the current flame of footballer Teddy Sheringham.

It turns out that this is one of the few things Dani … (read more)

Posted: 15th, September 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment