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Premier League news. Stories from the newspapers and BBC sport – sports news from tabloids Daily Mail, Daily Express, Daily Star, the Guardian, Daily Mirror, the times, daily telegraph

Swansea City balls: Gary Monk sacked and Brendan Rodgers returns

Farewell, Gary Monk, manager of Swansea City, soon to be the Swans’ ex-manager. The papers all agree that the affable young Englishman is to be replaced by former Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers.

The Daily Express says Rodgers return to Swansea is a sure thing. The Guardian says Monk, 36, will be given his P45 when Swansea chairman Huw Jenkins returns from collecting his OBE in London.

But let’s not shed a tear for Monk. The Sun says he’s in line for a£3m payoff to Monk., That’s not too shabby.

Posted: 8th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Reviews, Sports | Comment


Manchester United go for Ancelotti (who fishes for Arsenal and Chelsea)

carlo man unitedCAROLO Ancelotti is vying with Pep Guardiola for the Manchester United job. The Sun leads with “CARLO SEES RED – I’d love to be boss of United.”

The Sun shows Ancelotti looking huge and vibrant, massive, hulking presence over Louis Van Gaal, the current Man United manager, who appears tiny, looking down and rubbing his nose.

This scoop is based on what Ancelotti told the Independent:

 

“I will continue to wait. If I don’t find a club with a good project, I can wait. What will I do? Watching games, fishing, all these things. But let us see next summer. I will not take a job in mid-season, but I would like to work again next summer.”

The Sun suggests Man United.

“Of course, for every manager, they would all think of managing Manchester United.”

Ancelotti has been on the media rounds. He’s looking for a top job, letting everyone know he’s available. Just get a load of these stories in the Daily Mail:

Ancelotti to Arsenal would be perfect. Why have the wheels not already been set in motion?!’ – Daily Mail, March 2015.

‘Liverpool make contact with Carlo Ancelotti as pressure mounts on Brendan Rodgers’ – Daily Mail, September 2015.

‘Chelsea plan for Jose Mourinho exit with Carlo Ancelotti waiting in the wings’ – Daily Mail, October 2015.

‘Carlo Ancelotti has now set his sights on his next coaching role. He wants the Bayern Munich job if Pep Guardiola decides to leave’ – Daily Mail, December 2015.

Via: MediaWatch

 

 

Posted: 8th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Reviews, Sports | Comment


Manchester United: Ferguson fears Liverpool boss Klopp and forgets himself

Sir Alex Ferguson says he’s worried at the impact Jurgen Klopp will have at Liverpool. The former Manchester United manager says of Klopp:

“I’m worried about him because the one thing United don’t want is Liverpool to get above us. He’s a fantastic personality, with those big white teeth always showing…”

And then Ferguson spoke about working with the media:

“You have to win twice on a Saturday. You have to win the game and you have to win the press conference. Some managers fail, simply because they lack experience or they’re emotional. You have to gather yourself. I used to wash my face before a press conference…. You have to give a message to your fans because they’re watching. They want to see their manager come out with a positive attitude and not a beaten man… You’ve got to handle the press. It’s a very difficult part of it.”

That would be the Alex Ferguson who for seven years refused to speak to the BBC after they dissed his son.

Posted: 7th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Liverpool, manchester united, Reviews, Sports | Comment


Chelsea lose to Bournemouth in Russian billionaire battle

Yesterday Bournemouth beat Chelsea 0-1 at Stamford Bridge. It was cracking result for the south coast club playing for the first time in the Premier League.

But in the Times, Rory Smith has a word to the wise:

 

bournemouth owner

 

Bah, humbug!

Posted: 7th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Chelsea, Reviews, Sports | Comment


Liverpool balls: Skrtel aims for the own-goal record

Martin Skrtel’s own-goal for Liverpool in their 2-0 defeat 1t Newcastle takes the player’s tally of shots-in-the-wrong-goal to 7, leaving him level with fellow Red Jamie Carragaher in the most top-division own goals table.

Skrtel is now only three hits behind the Premier League’s leading own-goal getter, Richard Dunne, who scored 10 times between 1997 and 2015.

 

Posted: 7th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Liverpool, Sports | Comment


Gary Neville named next Manchester United and England boss

Gary Neville, aka Gary the Red, self-styled Robert De Niro look-alike, and the former Manchester United and England defender, has taken a management job at Valencia. The tabloids all lead with the news.

The Mirror calls him “One EL of a boss”. He will “REIGN in Spain”.

The paper’s David Kidd says the “temptation is the regard Gary Neville’s appointment at Valencia as merely an audition for the England or Manchester United job”. Well, consider that temptation accepted.

The back page of the, er, Mirror declares: “First stop Valencia then next stop..England.”

 

daily mirror neville gary

 

The Express says Gary Neville will be the next England boss:

 

daily express gary neville

 

The Mail says England could be next to Neville. And the Sun says The Valencia role is “audition for the Three Lions job”.

Now…if he can just win some matches…

 

Posted: 3rd, December 2015 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Full Text Of Ahmadinejad Racism Speech To The UN

mahmoudahmadinejadFULL Text Of Ahmadinejad Racism Speech To The UN:

Part of the Mahmoud Racism Masterclass, Module III.

“Governments must be encouraged and supported in their fights at eradicating this barbaric racism. Efforts must be made to put an end to Zionism…

“Those in authority at the time set off two world wars [were] killing hundred of millions of people and causing mass destruction.

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Posted: 20th, April 2009 | In: Back pages, Politicians | Comments (9)


1982 And Bust: Trade Will Contract By 2.1 Percent In 2009

DON’T bank on Ireland, Italy or Greece…

Or anywhere else for that matter; the World Bank has consulted the goat’s entrails and it’s not looking good: it believes that global growth will be a mere 0.9% next year, and “The volume of world trade, which grew 9.8 percent in 2006 and an estimated 6.2 percent this year, will contract by 2.1 percent in 2009.”

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Posted: 10th, December 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment (1)


Record Numbers At The Barack Obama Inaugural Hajj

BARACK Obama’s inauguration looms and they’re expecting record numbers for the Hajj.

Saudi Arabia is preparing for a record turnout at the annual Hajj pilgrimage.

More than 100,000 security guards have been deployed to cope with the three million people expected in the city of Mecca, when the Islamic pilgrimage gets under way on Saturday.

As J-Walk says: “Coincidentally, that’s the same number of people expected for the Obama inauguration.”

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Posted: 7th, December 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment (1)


A University Course In White Trash Studies

SO bad was George Bush at being president that Americans voted for a black man. And now Barack Obama is in charge, there is nothing for white men to do other then discuss where it all went wrong.

Nowhere is the debate more earnest than at Australia’s Monash University.

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Posted: 4th, December 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment (1)


Football fashion: why can’t black be the new black?

Much has been made of Nike’s ghastly new pink boots, as sported here by Arsenal’s Nicklas Bendtner.

The pink boot was inevitable, really. From the moment that Alan Ball first pulled on a pair of white boots, for Everton in the 1970/71 Charity Shield (“They were crap,” squeaked little Alan), it was only a matter of time – it took almost 40 years, but we got there in the end.

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Posted: 27th, November 2008 | In: Back pages, Sports | Comments (8)


Masks For Cross Dressers

MASKS for cross-dressers:

The site of Jovina, a cross-dressing masking fetishist, has oodles of beautiful images. (If this looks somewhat familiar, Jovina I believe is the one that introduced art-duo AIDS-3D to the fetish, which they’ve used in many installations).

Spotter

Posted: 25th, November 2008 | In: Back pages, Strange But True | Comment


Omen To That: In The Pink With Damien And Liz Hurley

DAMIAN Hurley “would have me dress in long couture dresses and glittery shoes every day”.

That’s Damian on the cover of Hello!, sat on his mother’s knee; his blue eyes and dark hair; his name; his small tattoo on the top of his head; his theme music; the stairs… watch out!

“Mother love,” says Hello!. And we understand.

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Posted: 4th, November 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment


Madeleine McCann: Family Danger, Caylee Anthony And A Challenge To Libel

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

THE SUN: “Maddie: Hol chat on risk of kidnap”

James Clench continues his investigation of the McCann’s holiday, and he’s brought Lucy Hagan along for back up…

Perhaps James can be Gerry McCann and Lucy can be Kate, and they can turn their story into a multi-media play for today? Now read on…

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Posted: 21st, October 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (90)


Scouting For Girls: Arkela’s Sex Class With Blue Peter And Kaa The Snake

WHO is that lone wolf in the park? Why it’s Arkela. He’s been on Paedo Prowl, and can report that the area is safe and secure.

He’s our Leader, leader, leader of the ging-gang-goolies.

Arkela wants you to Be Prepared. And he’d like to would like to introduce you to Baloo, also know as The Bear. Can anyone tell Arkela what a Bear is?

Yes, you, boy.

“Is it a hairy homosexual male, sir?”

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Posted: 20th, October 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (2)


Voodoo Tax Breaks Berry’s Troubled Assets

THIS is reply to Richard North’s post: Why Gordon Brown’s Rescue Package Is Not Going To Work, by Chenier…

It’s crap.

Sorry, not you FSBFP, the stuff about the accountancy rules.

They already changed them, and I wrote a piece about it at the time; it did f*ck all to improve matters.

John M Berry is being somewhat disingenuous in not mentioning in his article that the SEC had already issued a statement allowing people to take a much more cheery view of their Troubled Assets, but perhaps he just overlooked it in all the excitement.

(Image: Beau Bo D’Or)

Equally, John M Berry pointedly ignores a little local difficulty called Enron, which I suppose is unsurprising given that the fraud there involved taking a view of their Troubled Assets so cheery that people ended up doing jail time.

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Posted: 14th, October 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (7)


Man City The Next Club In Crisis

WEST Ham is in the mire. And Man City?

Dubai may need help from Abu Dhabi and the United Arab Emirates government to finance a surge in borrowing that paid for the world’s tallest tower, palm tree- shaped man-made islands and stakes in banks worldwide.

That’s the transfer kitty gone…

Anyone know what they did with Peter Swailes ?

Source

Al Sugar’s 54-A-Side Manchester City

Al Qaeda Will Attack Manchester City At 8pm On 05 November 2007

Posted: 14th, October 2008 | In: Back pages, Sports | Comments (8)


Me And Britt Lapthorne

AUSTRALIAN tourist Britt Lapthorne is murdered in Croatia. The mainstream media ignore her or abused her.

That is until Tracee Hutchison, a columnist for The Age (Melbourne), began to understand and make sense of Britt’s life and death.

Having called Britt Lapthorne “sunny-natured, seasoned traveller”, sunny antgured and seasoned Tracee begins to recognise the moral of the tale:

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Posted: 12th, October 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (2)


The End Of Football’s Age Of Innocence: Melanie Slade Strips Off

SETANTA. Director of football (not to be confused with football director). Theo Walcott. Lots of clean toilets at Wembley Stadium. Man City playing beach soccer. Dennis Wise in a suit and not appearing in court.

All parts of football’s brave new world.

But it’s not all change. No one told Melanie Slade, Walcott’s lover, that time has moved on. And here she in the Sun making a “great career mauve” in a lilac bikini.

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Posted: 11th, October 2008 | In: Back pages, Sports | Comments (9)


The Smell Of Victory: The Scent Of Football

SMELL that? That is the smell of Liverpool FC.

L4Men leads with the intense freshness of Robbie Keane and the garlic-infused sparkle of Fernando Torres.

Note the virile blend of frustration and star anise which finishes down with undertones of second-hand tyre and gold top.

This is Liverpool’s attempt to dethrone Beckham as the official smell of football. Right now L4Men is the official scent of the Premier League, but we can expect Liverpool’s rivals to up the stakes and take more vigorous approaches to the challenge of advancing the brand.

Here are some of the other odours that should be wafting through the grounds next season:

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Posted: 10th, October 2008 | In: Back pages, Liverpool, manchester united, Sports, Spurs | Comments (3)


Is This The Worst Sports Kit Ever?

THE Stade Francais replica kit – is it the worst sports kit ever..?

Their new strip has multicoloured images of Blanche de Castille, wife of Louis VIII and mother to Louis IX (how obvious).

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Posted: 9th, October 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (7)


Newcastle United: Joe Kinnear’s Greatest Press Conference Ever

ANORAK used to attend many football press conferences. The following is an edited transcript of Newcastle interim manager Joe Kinnear’s first official press conference yesterday, as provided by the Guardian:

JK Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror’s north-east football writer]?

SB Me.

JK You’re a c*nt.

SB Thank you.

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Posted: 3rd, October 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (16)


Matt Hughes Adds To Chelsea Crisis

CHELSEA’S striking crisis:

“…leaving Drogba and Anelka as the club’s only recognised strikers”- Matt Hughes, of the Times, fails to recognise Salomon Kalou, billed as a strike on the paper’s Fantasy Football League pages

See you at the January sales…

Posted: 3rd, October 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment


Summit About Nothing: Ronnie Wood Calls In The United Nations

RONNIE Wood is having “divorce summit”.

Right it is that an act of such global importance is afforded a position on the Sun’s front page, and covred by the alnguage of interntanl dimplamacy.

Ronnie Wood (UK) says he wants to be with Ekaterina Ivanova (Russia).

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Posted: 3rd, October 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment


Quote Of The Day: Tony Jacklin’s Four Balls

SPORTING Quote of the Day: Tony Jacklin on golf…

“Tom Wesikopf pined a note to my locker door with just these four letters – TEMPO” – Golfer Tony Jacklin on Sky Sports

B-A-L-L-S…

Posted: 3rd, October 2008 | In: Back pages, TV & Radio | Comment (1)