Back pages | Anorak - Part 50

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Premier League news. Stories from the newspapers and BBC sport – sports news from tabloids Daily Mail, Daily Express, Daily Star, the Guardian, Daily Mirror, the times, daily telegraph

Euro 2008: Colin Kazim-Richards

gazza-2008.jpgEURO 2008 Quote of The Day: Turkey and England’s Colin Kazim-Richards

I’m English, without a doubt. I will never ever say I’m not English. English born and bred. I’m Turkish though”

Kazim-Richards plays football for Turkey

Posted: 20th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (6)

Chavscot: Getting ‘Em Off At Ascot

lady_godiva.jpgIT’S Chavscot, the Ascot racing jamboree, staged in a beery hall by a circular midget farm in Surrey.

The Independent leads with a picture of two women dressed in matching day-glo dresses and feathery hats. Below them is the headline: “GM crops needed in Britain says minister.”

Well, we’ve already got GM people, dressed the same, behaving the same, homogenised by a diet of Bacardi Breezers, curry sauce and horse manure.

And they’re told what to wear by the Duke of Devonshire, who decreed that anyone entering the Royal enclosure should not wear mini skirts or strappy dresses (back to the closet, Eddie) and avoid streaky bottle tan, electing instead to bronze on a former plantation in the Caribbean.

The Telegraph Bryony Gordon wants to fit in and in “Ditch the decorum for a day at Royal Ascot” is advised by a “kind soul” to act like a lady.

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Posted: 19th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Tabloids | Comments (5)

Euro 2008: Swiss Pay Tribute To Germany’s Nazi Past

SWITZERLAND – a land where euthanasia is legal: 

Swiss television has made an embarrassing error during live coverage of the European Championship football match between Germany and Austria.

The national channel SRG ran subtitles to Germany’s national anthem including the obsolete first verse – ignored since the fall of the Third Reich.

“Deutschland, Deutschland ueber alles” or “Germany, Germany above everything”, was popular under the Nazis’ rule.

The third verse, on its own, became the anthem following unification in 1990.

The third verse, which begins “unity and justice and liberty for the German fatherland”, was sung by Germans in the west of the country after World War II.

And that verse alone became the official anthem after East and West Germany unified.

Tsk! Kan’t ve all just learn to leeve in peace..!? Cue the music, Mel…

Posted: 18th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (2)

Coleen And Wayne Rooney’s Britney Spears Theme Wedding

THE wedding of Wayne Rooney and his Coleen, and a question for OK! readers:

Who would have thought that two 16 year olds who met on the streets of Liverpool, went to an Austin Powers movie, and got engaged on a petrol station forecourt , would six years later be getting married in the most glamorous and talked-about wedding of the decade?”

Well, not OK! which would surely have secured the rights to the wedding snaps for something more akin to a Family pack of Revels and a quick feel by the crisps, rather then £3million.

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Posted: 18th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, OK! | Comments (2)

The Celebrity Baby Ordering Service

celebrity-baby-service.jpgRING! RING!

This is recorded announcement. The Celebrity Baby Ordering Service is busy right now.

Press 1 to leave an order; 2 for returns; 3 for the Malawi office; 4 for a product recall on Armanis.

In the meantime, a word from our sponsors:

Coleen McLoughlin and her footballer Wayne Rooney have placed an order for “three or four” babies (Mirror).

Looks are unspecified, so too marketable skills, but the packages available are:

The C for 3: Three children – one boy (Capri Son) and two girls (Chamois and Jolie).

The D for 4: Four boys – (Capri Son, Bros, Eusebio) and a discounted ginger child called Leslie Edmonds.


Hollywood VIP Nicole Richie and her tattooed Elton John look-alike singer husband Joel Madden have placed an order in the National Enquirer.

Says Richie: “I want five children. Twin boys and three girls.”

She’s opted for the B for Five package – Julian, Dick, Anne and the twin boys George and Timmy.

Beep! Message ends.

Cue theme song from Annie…

Picture: 14

Posted: 17th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (3)

Olympic Shames: Austarlia Boycotts Beijing Opening Ceremony

THAT Beijing Olympics announcement:

Australian Olympic officials have banned the country’s athletes from marching at this summer’s opening ceremony in Beijing because of concerns about air pollution in the Chinese capital.

Can they cycle instead?

Posted: 17th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (4)

Stevenage Borough New Kit

THE new Stevenage Borough kit – sack the marketing department:


Via here and here 

Posted: 17th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Photojournalism | Comments (10)

Euro2008: Those Results In Full

gazza-2008.jpgIT’S Gazza2008 and the papers are going cray-zee for footy.

Next season’s Premier League football fixtures are in and so too are the scores:

Daily Mirror 8 pages – Sun 3 pages.

Daily Star 4 pages – Daily Express 4 pages

Says “tormented “Paul Gascoigne in the Mirror: “I’M SORRY I BEAT YOU – tearful Gazza tells ex of guilt.”

Such is his sportsmanship, which is sorely lacking on today’s modern footballers…

Posted: 17th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Beijing Olympics: No Middle Name, No Ticket

Middle name? No tickets for you: The WSJ’s China Journal blog reports:

The online application forms requested only first and last names. But when foreigners showed up to claim their tickets, using passports for identification, bank staff refused to hand over tickets to people whose passports also included a middle name. (It’s a non-issue for most Chinese, who use family names and given names but not separate “middle” names.)

Mr Smith…

Posted: 16th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment (1)

Austria V Germany

BBC broadcast Austria v Germany in 2008. Cue Gary Lineker:.

Germany annexed Austria in 1938…

Lest we forget…

Posted: 16th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, TV & Radio | Comments (2)

Euro 2008: With The Tabloid Nazi Hunters In Austria

croatia-nazis.jpgOTHER than football, paedos and telly, the tabloids’ next favourite story is of Nazis.

True enough the Taliban hold away, being as they are the modern equivalent of the German mob. But while they can create the “Talibin” rubbish police, Nazis give tabloids so much for flexibility and scope: Bin Nazis; Traffic Nazis, Page 3 Nazis and so on.

Today the Sun leads with: “We find wanted Nazi at Euro 2008.”

That old man is Milivoj Asner, “no ordinary supporter welcoming his national side Croatia to his adopted Austrian town”.

Finding an old Nazi in Austria is just matter of pointing at any local who looks to be in their 80s or older and screaming “Der weiße Engel”.

But the Sun thinks it has got its man – the man who lives under the cunning alias of Dr Georg Aschner in the Croatian part of Klagenfurt. He’s the man one local says is “an SS man”. He’s the man the police and Nazi hunters know lives there but the Austrians say is too poorly to stand trial.

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Posted: 16th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Swear It Again: Wayne Rooney Serenades Coleen

wayne_rooney.jpgWAYNE Rooney is spending another summer leading the celebrity frontline, scoring a magazine deal and taking the silverware, gold forks, taffeta, electric toaster and plutonium lapdance pole (thanks, Rio).

And hark, you can hear him singing his victory songs via the Mirror’s front page, where “WAYNE TUNEY” is joining Westlife in a “romantic serenade to wife Coleen”.

Anorak was going to leaf through the Westlife back catalogue, and then we saw this:

He stunned guests and the four band members by joining them for a note-perfect rendition of their hit Swear It Again.

Sing along if you know the words. Take her away, Wayne…

By Jesus swore Rooney, I f*** it so well,
I think I’ll get up and I’ll **** it again,
So Paddy got up and he ****** it again,
Over and over and over again…

Repeat til police are called…

Posted: 14th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Golden Rein At The Olympic World Mind Sports Games

nuns-urinal.jpgIN China preparations are underway for the Olympic Games and:

China will test bridge and chess players for performance-enhancing drugs at the first World Mind Sports Games in Beijing in October. The games comprise four mind sports — including checkers and Go — and about 3,000 participants from about 100 countries will compete for 35 gold medals in the inaugural Games, Oct. 3-18, a few weeks after the Olympic Games in Beijing.

Bridge players being tested for drugs, banned substances that include gin, tonic and lemon wedges.

The World Mind Sports Games follow the Paralympics, which follow the Olympic Games. When all the data is in, gold medals will be awarded to the contry’s with the best urine.

Faster, Longer, Straighter – as they say at the Olympic urinals…

Posted: 13th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (2)

Tiger Woods Photoshop Shot

TAKE a look at this picture of Tigers Woods and Phil Mickelson playing golf. Look at the caption that featured on page 15  (this huge pdf) of the Washington Post…



Posted: 13th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Photojournalism | Comments (4)

Euro2008 England Theme Song

EURO 2008 – England’s staying home..

Posted: 13th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (2)

Olympic Torch Update: London’s Burning

olympic-torch.jpgAFTER the Olympic Torch relay through London – who can forget the tableau of Konnie Huq fans being kept at bay by a team of hired Chinese goons? – things quietened down.

Now by way of an apology Chinese authorities have revisited London and with a deep nod to our rich history put the Olympic torch to good use – as these exlsuive CCTV picures prove…

Click the image…


Posted: 12th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Photojournalism | Comment (1)

Chinese Children Named Olympic Games

BEATS Wembley: “More than 4,000 children in China have been given the name Aoyun, meaning Olympic Games, in the past 15 years.”

Posted: 11th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (4)

Robert Dee Says He Is Not World’s Worst Tennis Player

bad-tennis.jpgNOT all British sportsmen are happy to be hapless losers. Eddie The Eagle does not play tennis:

Lawyers representing a British tennis player yesterday began libel proceedings against three media organisations following the publication of stories claiming that the 21-year-old was the world’s worst professional in his sport.

Libel writs have been lodged at London’s high court against Daily Mail publisher Associated Newspapers, news agency Reuters and Independent News and Media, owner of the Independent titles.

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Posted: 11th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Tabloids | Comment (1)

Luiz Felipe Scolari At Chelsea

CHELSEA have named Luiz Felipe Scolari as their new manager.

Here’s what the papers said this morning:

Chelsea are set to receive a second snub from AC Milan boss Carlo Ancelotti, who they want as their new manager. (Daily Mirror)

But Portugal manager Luiz Felipe Scolari has hinted that he may be ready to ‘live and work in another country’, increasing speculation he could be about to join Chelsea. (Daily Mail).


Posted: 11th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (26)

Euro 2008: The News In Full

euro20082.jpgIT’S Euro2008 and the Sun is celebrating with a cavalcade of footy news:

“I ROO – Wayne & Coleen get ready to wed.”

“SELL RONALDO? I’LL EAT MY HAT” – Manchester United boos Alex Ferguson is on a sun lounger talking on a mobile phone. “Bread devil… boss scoffs toastie.”

“Snore away..Sir Alex nods off”

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Posted: 10th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (7)

Gemma Atkinson’s Kebab Fillers

gemma-atkinson-kebab.jpgHAS the Sun written the line that best sums up tabloid reporting? Your views please:

BOOZED-UP telly babe Gemma Atkinson has stunned customers in a kebab shop – by bragging she turned down £8MILLION to show off her boobs.

For those of you interested in the full tableau, the Sun journeys to the First Base kebab shop in Bury, Greater Manchester where a lad is asking a surgically enhanced Atkinson: “Get your t*ts out!”

Says Gemma, in the company of her footballer Marcus Bent: “You are being rude. I have turned down showing my breasts for f***ing £8million.”

Anorak is uncertain of the going rate for breasts, but believes a pair can be bought for less than that sum, although what with the add-ons and optional extras, costs can mount up…

Posted: 9th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (4)

The Polish Tabloids Are Coming

polish-tabloids.jpgTHE Sun is in Polish but does Poland need the Sun?

To the pages of Poland’s Express newspaper and its pictures of Poland’s Dutch coach, Leo Beenhakker, clutching the bloodied heads of German footballers Michael Ballack and Joachim Löw.

Katarzyna Kopacz, editor of UK Polish website, says: “They’ve taken the journalist who ran our internet portal and they also have three journalists from Polish Express.”

Might the Polski Sun be a belated attempt to compete with Polish organs which show signs of beating the British tablids at their own game?

Posted: 7th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Photojournalism, Tabloids | Comment

Euro 2008: Geoff Hurst’s Guide To German Fans

geoff-hurst.jpgEURO 2008 kicks off today and having sportingly stepped aside to allow the lesser nations get used to our game, Britishers are being encouraged to teach the foreigners how to be a fan.

Today the Sun focuses on Geoff Hurst, that tabloid totem who appears at each international tournament to show us his World Cup winner’s medal.

Make that Geoff Herrst, who is pictured wearing the black, red and yellow of Germany and saying who he vill be cheering on zer Hun this zummer.

“Come on you Germans,” says Geoff. “A few people may raise their eyebrows, but you’ve got to fancy them, haven’t you? Their record in World Cups and European Championships is fantastic.”

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Posted: 7th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment

The Polski Sun In English

miss-poland-2008.jpgTHE Sun has published an issue in Polish. The Polski Sun’s arrival coincides with Euro2008.

The Sun will win over the Polish community with tales of Page 3 stunskis, Skyski satellite dishes and Germans.

The front page features a blonde woman draped in red and white and a headline that surely translates to “COME ON YOU POLES”.

All is written in Polish, but what with it being the Sun English readers may not realise and think Sun columnists like Jeremy Clarkson and John Gaunt are being ironic…

Posted: 7th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Gazza 2008: Sheryl’s Shoulder, Tough Love, And George Best

euro20081.jpgWITH no British teams in Euro 2008, the tabloids’ summer of football focuses on Paul Gascoigne’s troubles.

It’s early days in Gazza 2008, and over in the Sun, Alex Best, ex-wife of resting footballer George Best, is invited to say: “It’s a mirror image of George.” (Best ended his days looking like the mirror image of television’s Grandpa Simpson.)

Ever since George Best died the Sun has been looking for a new famous footballer to pity and plead with not to die lest it have one less thing to write about.

But can Gazza last the summer? The Mirror hopes so and watches “SAVIOUR SHERYL – Gazza ex-wife rushes to help him beat crisis.”

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Posted: 5th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment