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Premier League news. Stories from the newspapers and BBC sport – sports news from tabloids Daily Mail, Daily Express, Daily Star, the Guardian, Daily Mirror, the times, daily telegraph

Cristiano Ronaldo’s Transfer Is On

CRISTIANO Ronaldo’s transfer is back on after being back off earlier this morning.

Says the Sun:

“Spanish beauty Nereida Gallardo looked sick as a parrot yesterday after getting the red card from soccer ace Cristiano Ronaldo”

Asked if she wanted to comment, she commented: “No.”

She’s a slave to love…

Posted: 16th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (8)


Cristiano Ronaldo’s Transfer Is Off

YESTERDAY the transfer of Manchester United’s Cristiano Ronaldo was very much on. Today it is off.

The Star reports that he IS staying with Nereida Gallardo and will NOT be transferring his affections to a new Page 3 stunna.

Says Nereida from her parents’ home in Mallorca: “We are still very much in love… We are still very much together.”

Says a source: “He’s a slave to love…”

Posted: 16th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (2)


Cristiano Ronaldo Gets Nereida Off His Chest

DAILY STAR readers may wonder which of the Big Brother housemates Ronaldo is, and if he has ditched “HIS ‘TOO SEXY’ LOVER” to hook up with Lisa, Rex or Maysoon?

Its turns out that for the first time in weeks the Star leads with non-Big Brother news and readers learn that Cristiano Ronaldo is a footballer who has broken off his beach-side frolick with Nereida Gallardo.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 15th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (5)


Only Olympic Judo Winners Get Paid

A SURVEY by the Sunday Herald Sun, Australia, says Britain pays nothing to Olympic champions, except those who triumph in judo.

Given the recent headlines on youth crime and the Jeunesse D’ore’s favoured hobby of kebab-shop-stabbing, the British taxpayers’ money is safe when it comes to awarding trials of unarmed combat.

But why should any Olympic athlete get paid anything? Do you get paid to run about, hopping and swimming all day?

Posted: 13th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Money, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Good Lourdes: Ingrid Betancourt And Liz Jones

THE Observer leads with a picture of Ingrid Betancourt giving thanks for her release from captivity at the Catholic shrine of Lourdes.

Observer readers may not be aware that Betancourt looks very much like Liz Jones, the Mail’s fashion expert. Cold they be related. And what odds that the Colombia’s Alvaro Uribe got the wrong woman.

Picture (via) shows Betancourt at a squalid camp, although the image is widely thought to be a fake…

Posted: 13th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Sepp Blatter And Why Cristiano Ronaldo Is No Darren Ferguson

SEPP Blatter, the FIFA president, is musing on Cristiano Ronaldo’s move from Manchester United to Real Madrid:

“I think in football there’s too much modern slavery in transferring players or buying players here and there, and putting them somewhere.”

The Sun is outraged and in “Sepptic Blatter” says the FIFA boss is a “disgrace”.

“To say that [Alex] Ferguson has treated the pampered multi-millionaire Ronaldo as a slave is a disgusting insult. Sir Alex has treated Ronaldo almost like a son…”

Almost, but not quite.

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Posted: 11th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (18)


Gazza 2008: Bianca Gascoigne’s Tribute To Paul

GAZZA 2008 might be over, but the tabloids are still talking about the big summer footy battle, and now its got its first Wag.

Step forward and drop your shorts, Bianca Gascoigne. Says the Star’s front-page headline: “BIANCA – I love dad and he’s doing brilliant.”

Anorak readers versed in the highs and lows of the Gascoigne career, will realise that Bianca’s exposed backside is a tribute to her dad’s dropping of fellow England player Paul Ince’s shorts; her chest might be the same chest Gazza strapped on in his pomp; her over the shoulder look ape’s the filial glance Gazza gave Vinny Jones all those moons ago.

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Posted: 11th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)


Fernando Torres Is On A Hat-Trick

THE Star says that Spain and Liverpool striker Fernando Torres is “addicted” to the number 3.

Torres is turns out does every thing three times, everything three times, everything three times.

Torres has three sets of shorts, tops and socks laid out before each game. He recites the Frankie Howerd mantra “Nay, nay and thrice nay” three times before meals.

He envies England players with their three lions on their chests.

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Posted: 11th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (3)


London Olympics Torch Protest

THE London Olympics sets the capital ablaze…

Image: Monkeon

Posted: 10th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Photojournalism | Comment


Football Referee Too Drunk To Whistle

TO a Belarusian Premier League match between FC Naftan and FC Vitebsk.

The half-time whistle blows and FIFA appointed referee Sergey Shmolik heads to his room for a restorative.

The second half gets underway and Shmolik is drunk.

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Posted: 10th, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (12)


Mad About English: A Film About China

THe Olympics are coming to China and the locals are getting ready. Mad About English is a 60 minutes documentary by local production house Journey Pictures. It’s going to be a hit.

File under: Humanising the Chinese

Posted: 9th, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment (1)


A Free Sausage With Every Daily Star

THE Daily Star has been at the vanguard of building site-newspaper relation for years.

Not for nothing has it been the official building site paper.

And today Star readers are offered a “FREE CUMBERLAND SAUSAGE BUTTY”.

The Cumberland sausage is the meat product that when overcooked looks not enough unlike a joke shop doggy doo-doo.

It is delicious, and very possibly the most patriotic and British of sausages, rivalled by the Lincolnshire, the princely Saveloy (batted and smooth) and the Rennet.

Vegetarians are offered the alternative pork pie…

Posted: 9th, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (2)


30 Reasons To Watch China Olympics

THE China Daily has “30 reasons to watch the Beijing Games” – once the smog clears, naturally.

Want to know why you should watch? (Picture: Beau Bo D’Or Website)

12. “English, English”

A 170-page Chinese Menu in English Version is seen as exemplary of one success of the English-speaking campaign throughout the city.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 8th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Politicians | Comments (4)


A Judge And Durex At The Max Mosley Case

THE story so far: Max Mosley, motor racing boss, is suing the News of the World for invading his privacy.

Mr Justice Eady sat stony-faced as he heard that the woman was known for arranging bondage sessions involving a man dressed in a judge’s gown and girls.”

– Times

Posted: 8th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets | Comments (5)


The Rafael Nadal Volley

RAFAEL Nadal has won the Wimbledon tennis rubber and the Sun’s Nick Francis puts his achievement in perspective:

The boy who never made it as a footballer

Back of the net!

Posted: 8th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment


Henman Wins At Wimbledon

ANORAK is returned from Wimbledon where Old Mr Anorak, our patron, was delighted to observe that after years of effort Tim Henman made it to a Wimbledon final.

He more than held his own against the brattish American mouth John McEnroe and showed Boris Becker up for the swivel-eyed German banger he truly is.

OMA spent the greater part of the outing with a transistor radio pressed to his good ear and rooting for our Tim.

(That do? – Ed)

Posted: 7th, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (4)


Cheryl Cole Passes Diamonds

ASHLEY Cole, vomitous footballer to Wag Cheryl Cole, is wooing his allegedly cuckolded wife with loadsa prezzies.

For the occasion of Cheryl’s 25th birthday, C-Ashley bought her a villa in Spain, a plate of tofu in champagne sauce, and a cake shaped like a handbag and studded with “£5,200 of edible diamonds”.

Can a Wag live by lo-cal diamonds alone? And if not, should she throw them up?

Posted: 2nd, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities | Comments (6)


Football Crazy: The Summer Game Is Here

WITH the football season at an end, it’s time for the Star to feature the English summer sport: football.

GAZZA TO WED SHEZZA” – Googly-headed Paul Gascoigne has bowled a maiden over

Ronaldo’s babe gets even hotter” – Testing time for Nereida Gallardo as she proves her top order is in top order!

HARRY COL” – Harry Kewell is Kewell-ing off in a swimming pool with his belter of a wife showing some leg-by

“Barton is branded disgrace by judge” (Sun) – Bad leg-break for wrong un Joey Barton who cut an off-break by escaping another jail term for his slog…
More football throughout the summer…

Posted: 2nd, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (2)


Euro 2008 With Adrian Chiles, Professional Football Fan

“THEY were coarse, noisy, excited and exuded a slight air of menace. That’s what football’s all about.”

So says BBC football presenter Adrian Chiles, writing in the Sun, on those Russian fans upholding the spirit of England.

This is Chiles “who loved Euro 2008 …despite the corporate circus”.

“The trouble with the tournament,” laments Chiles, from his airplane seat, “is that, the longer is goes on, the less it seems to be for proper football fans”. Corporate types in football. “Mad, mad, mad, mad,” says Chiles.

This is Chiles who writes for News International (part owner of the Australian National Rugby League, investor in the Premier League; former owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers; sometime stake holder Manchester United, Leeds, Chelsea, Sunderland and Manchester City).

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 1st, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Newcastle United Sack And Don’t Sack Joey Barton

FOOTBALLER Joey Barton has admitted a charge of assault occasioning actual bodily harm on former Manchester City teammate Ousmane Dabo. Barton is currently serving a six-month jail term for an attack while on bail in which he punched a man in Liverpool.

The Sun:

Soccer yobbo Joey Barton dodged a second jail term for thuggery yesterday – as Newscastle United finally gave him the boot… the £5.8million midfielder’s career in football “IS effectively over”.

The Mirror:

Joey Barton is ready to pick up his career with Newcastle and return in time for pre-season training – despite pleading guilty to assault yesterday for a second time… Toon manager Keegan is happy to have Barton back…”

Such are the facts…

Posted: 1st, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment


Liverpool Rings Bells For Fernando Torres

ENGLAND and Liverpool’s Euro 2008 hero Fernando Torres is having trouble at home. Says the Star:

Euro 2008 match-winner Fernando Torres has been keeping his neighbours up – because he can’t turn off his house alarm.

And he needs one.

Five Liverpool footballers have been burgled in the last 18 months in what appear to have been targeted robberies, it has emerged.

Plus Steven Gerrard, and his Wag-tastic wife Alex Curran. That’s no mere alarm, Fernando, it’s the sound of the city and acceptance…

Posted: 1st, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (3)


Oil Crisis Hits Auto Trader

AUTO Trader magaxine responds to the oil crisis:

Via

Posted: 30th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (3)


How Many BBC Hacks It Takes To Cover The Olympics: Update

HOW many BBC staff it takes to cover the Olympics: update?

The BBC will send 437 staff to Beijing, a level essential, it says, for extensive programming. They will deliver 2,750 hours of coverage from 28 Olympic sports across 31 venues. Six channels on the BBC Sport website will provide constant live feeds.

And how many athletes is Team GB sending to China?

Around 300…

Posted: 30th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets | Comments (2)


French Understatement Of The Day

OVER in Carcassonne, members of a marines parachute regiment are demonstrating a hostage liberation exercise to visitors.

Bang go the bullets. And fifteen civilians, including five children, and two soldiers are injured.

The senior official for the Aude region where Carcassonne is located, Bernard Lemaire, said that investigators believed the deadly ammunition was loaded by mistake.

“The question being asked is ‘Did the soldier engage in a criminal act or not?’,” Lemaire said. “For now, no one can answer that, but the theory being worked on is one of error.”

Such is the investigation…

Posted: 30th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (7)


Good Clean Fun With Glasto, Euro and Brillo

EURO 2008 is at an end and the papers have had to make do with the lack of rioting, anthem booing and stories of police brutality with news of a football match.

An image of Spain’s Fernando Torres celebrating his decisive goal in the Euro 2008 final occupies the front pages of the Star, Guardian, Sun, and the Times.

He is so very clean.

On the cover of the Telegraph there is also a picture of goings on at Glastonbury, a sea of smiling and above all clean faces giving full throat to the music.

Inside, and the Telegraph has a report from Glasto by London Mayor Boris Johnson’s father, Stanley Johnson.

As dawn breaks on my first Glastonbury morning, I find myself wandering through a still-sleeping encampment like Henry V before the Battle of Agincourt.

Hard to imagine that before glorious battle the legions were so well scrubbed.

Given the mud and the tension with Wino at Glasto and Fernando at Euro, Anorak marvels at the cleanliness of the main players who seem to have been washed by brillo.

Posted: 30th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment (1)