Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Victoria Beckham Introduces Brooklyn Beckham To The Poor – Role Model For A Generation
VICTORIA Beckham would like you and all Hello! readers to know that she is “incredibly proud” of her son Brooklyn.
Why? Is it because Brooklyn has blended a white T-shirt with black jeans and two-tone trainers under fringe? Not only. It’s also because he is “growing up to be a thoughtful and responsible young man who appreciates her has blessed life and wants to understand and help those who have less than himself.”
Those that have less than Brooklyn are just about everyone. So how is Brooklyn going to help us, the unblessed, whom God has overlooked?
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Posted: 18th, November 2009 | In: Hello! | Comments (4)
I’m A Celebrity: Camilla Dallerup Quits While George Hamilton Waits
AFTER just three days in the Blue Peter jungle, Strictly Come Dancing star Camilla Dallerup has quit the show. Says she:
“I just can’t sleep properly and I can’t think properly. My brain’s not working. It’s only three days in, so what’s going to happen after this? I’m scared because I don’t want to put my health in danger and I can’t think straight.”
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Posted: 18th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
X Factor In Pictures: Alexandra Burke Storms The EU
X FACTOR: Alexandra Burke, last year’s show winner, continues her scramble to climb as high up the EU Celebrity Mountain before the quota laws* kick in.
* Under EU law all EU members states are allowed only 5 celebrities. Alexandra Burke will never top the UK’s Noel Edmonds, Leona Lewis, Simon Cowell, anyone from Hollyoaks and Kerry Katona, and will be forced to emigrate to Austria and sing-off against the country’s fifth most popular Nazi.
In the meanwhile, Alexandra Burke performs on stage during the Little Noise Sessions at the Union Chapel in London. In pictures:
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Posted: 18th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price’s ‘Only Interview’ Causes ‘Mayhem’
I’M A Celebrity In OK: In this weeks’ OK! magazine Katie Price delivers her “only interview” (today), Samantha Fox calls Jordan a “freak” and Kerry Katona says she’ll see Katie in the jungle.
It’s the I’m A Celebrity jungle special in this week’s OK! magazine as the organ trails the show that has, er, already started.
To make this one fly, and the £2,.60 cover price worth it, OK! needs a scoop. Can it find one?
“With a face full of Botox, a mouth like a Kalashnikov, a head packed with explosive secrets, celebrity tornado Katie Price is sure to cause total mayhem as she rips through the I’m a Celebrity… jungle camp.”
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Angelina Jolie’s Diamond Snakes Mined At Source, In Pictures
IN “CRUEL MIND GAMES! Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston tell Enquirer readers of “2am calls!”, “CATTY insults!” and “DIRTY tricks!”
The aim of this is for Aniston and Jolie to “destroy each other”. Jen is looking to meet with Brad Pitt, catalyst for much angst, soon. Then Jen will star in the Lost City of Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Oh, it’s no good. Jennifer ‘nice hair” Aniston v Angelina “bedtime reading” Jolie is going nowhere. Every week the Enquirer trots out another front-page story about how Jen and Ange don’t get on.
“These mind games between Angie and Jen are no good for anyone,” says the source.
Yes, they are.
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Posted: 17th, November 2009 | In: National Enquirer | Comment (1)
In Pictures: Twilight New Moon Premier With Robert Pattinson’s Acne Cure
THE Twilight New Moon Premier was amazing. Robert Pattinson (hair), Kristen Stewart (long face) and Taylor Lautner (teeth) were all there. Stood besides the red rug hundreds of hacks were jostling to ask Pattinson “How does it feel?” and “Can I touch your hair”, which they say can cure adult acne.
Posted: 17th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
X Factor: Simon Cowell Kills Democracy With His X-Is Of Evil
IN Anorak’s X Factor book – The Audacity of Mediocrity – you will read chapter on how Simon Cowell championed democracy only to crash it beneath his shiny shoes when the public clamoured for change.
First Lucie Jones was dismissed form Cowell’s pop class in favour of Duracell Gonks Jedward, we wailed. When Jamie Archer was dismissed and non-singing Lloyd Daniels allowed to walks the stage like a man trying on a news pair of flippers once more, we raised our fists.
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Posted: 17th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Susan Boyle Beaten Up
SUSAN Boyle Watch: In readiness for another chance to sing before Simon Cowell, this time on the X Factor, Susan Boyle tells of her mum, being beaten up and her bullying hell.
The Mirror’s front page screams: “I was beaten every day.”
By whom? Simon Cowell? Amanda Holden? JLS?
“TV sensation tells of her childhood nightmare.”
The Britain’s Got Talent star says she was lashed with a belt every day by brutal teachers and cruelly taunted by other kids. She said: “You’re looking at someone who would get the belt every day. ‘Will you Shut up, Susan!’ – whack!”
Bullying is bad, says Susan. Has she any advice?
“For anybody who has that type of problem I’d tell them to see a teacher now – but I didn’t do it.
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Posted: 17th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price’s Eyebrows Fear Bush Tucker Trial
WANT to know why I’m A Celebrity sexual organ eater Katie Price spent £10K on “EXTREME MAKEOVER”?
Closer magazine says she did it to “GET PETE’S ATTENTION”.
Peter is Peter Andre, the former Mr Katie Price who seems to spend the larger part of his working life talking and singing about the former Mrs Peter Andre.
Inside Closer and we learn that Katie Price has her teeth turned “avalanche” white and face filled so that she looks like an almost lifelike porcelain doll to “rile Pete”.
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Posted: 17th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
X Factor Novelty Records: Rolf Harris Sings Christmas In The Sun For Jedward
ALL hail the novelty record. All hail Rolf Harris singing Christmas In The Sun. All hail Rolf signing Christmas In The Sun with Rick Parfitt, Rolf Harris and Wayne Morris.
Might the novelty Christmas be back? First Samantha Fox. Now Rolf. Then Jedward? See: X Factor’s John & Edward Grimes’ Novelty Record Top Ten.
Here’s Rolf:
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Posted: 17th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Is Benidorm In The Jungle, in Pictures
I’M A Celebrity comment do the day comes from Anorak reader Malcolm Henry:
They have transported the cast of Benidorm wholesale into the Jungle. . .
The proof:
Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
La Roux Singer Elly Jackson Says She Is Sick Of Talking About La Roux Singer Elly Jackson
LA Roux singer Elly Jackson tells You magazine that she had grown weary of talking about herself. She is sick and tired of talking about herself. Sick of it. How do we know this? We know this because she tells You magazine:
“I’m going to go far, far away, for three weeks with my family. When I go away I’m going to try not to think about La Roux because it’s become this thing where you meet up with your friends to have a normal evening and all you talk about is La Roux. I actually just want La Roux to f**k off!”
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Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
I’m A Celebrity: Samantha Fox Pulls Her Old Hits Out For The Lads
I’M A Celebrity gonad muncher (why always testes and penises and never a vagina or fallopian tube? Discuss) Samantha Fox WILL release her Greatest Hits CD in December.
Music fans and non music fans can buy Nothing’s Gonna Stop Me Now: Greatest Hits from December 12.
Easy to get sniffy until you realise that Fox achieved three Top 10 hits, namely ‘Touch Me (I Want Your Body)’, ‘Nothing’s Gonna Stop Me Now’ and ‘Do Ya Do Ya (Wanna Please Me)’.
We know this because we bought Samantha Fox’s Greatest Hits album in 1992, and enjoyed the songs ‘Touch Me (I Want Your Body)’, ‘Nothing’s Gonna Stop Me Now’ and ‘Do Ya Do Ya (Wanna Please Me)’.
Such is the way with things, the new album will also feature her latest single ‘Tomorrow’, which is produced by someone called Marc Mysterio, who sounds that when he’s not producing future greatest hits he’s reading futures in women’s knee wrinkles.
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Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
David Beckham And Ronan Keating’s Hair In Fight To The Death
HAIR Watch: Anorak looks at two recent pictures of celebrity award–winning barnets of yesteryear: David Beckham and Ronan Keating.
In 1998, Keating was voted Most Fanciable Male on the Planet at the Smash Hits Poll Winners Party, 2003. Keating was once named Rear of the Year. His hair also own a prize.
Says Ronan:
I don’t want to put on weight, I want to look my best. Most people in this day and age are far more aware of their image than they used to be. It’s important, but it’s not the be all and end all.
And here’s David Beckham. And his pet hair. News is that it’s Tribute to X Factor Duracell gonks Jedward. It’s might even sing better then them.
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Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Edward Woodward RIP: A Life In Pictures
EDWARD Woodward had died. In 1970 Woodward won a Bafta award for best actor for his role in Callan. Later he was The Equalizer, star of a show with the creepy opening sequence.
He was married to Frank Spencer’s wife Betty, aka Michelle Dotrice. This was his life:
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Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Calvin Harris Ruined By Jedward’s X Factor Pineapple Horror
CALVIN Harris interrupted X Factor Duracell Gonks Jedward with a pineapple hat and has now been banned from every doing it again (video here.) And now he must pay a terrible price.
As the Daily Mirror announces:
“Life ban from X Factor after pineapple stage invasion prank”
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Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
X Factor In Pictures: Lucie Jones Plays GAY Heaven
FOLLOWING those X Factor losers JLS, Too black Rachel Adedeji and Cheryl Cole tribute act Kandy Rain to GAY Heaven, is Welsh girl Lucie Jones.
Lucie follows her performance at a Cardiff shopping centre with an outing at the London venue. See if you can tell how many people were there? Anorak’s Man with camera was. So that’s one:
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Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Strictly Come Dancing Fans Demand Bruce Forsyth Returns
BIG news on the Daily Express’ front page is that “fans” of BBC show Strictly Come Dancing have come to bury Bruce Forsyth:
Strictly fans say Brucie’s had his day
No, scratch that. Fans are clamouring to tell the BBC that Forsyth must never ever get well enough to return to the show:
FANS JAM STRICTLY WEBSITE TO TELL BRUCIE TO STEP DOWN
The BBC may be less than upset at this, having already called Bruce Forsyth’s illness-forced withdrawal from last weekend’s show “WONDERFUL”. Instead of Forsyth, pro-celeb dance fans made do with Claudia Winkleman, Tess Daley and Ronnie Corbett.
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Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
X Factor Watch: Jedward Are Outside Favourites And Mariah Carey Dumps The BBC
X FACTOR Watch: Anorak’s round-up of X Factor news – Jedward is huge shock vote scandal and Mariah Carey snubs Strictly Come Dancing to work with Simon Cowell…
The X Factor features on only one front page. Oh, how soon they forget.
Daily Star (front page): TWINS SHOCK”
The shock is there was NO shock. Jedward were not knocked out; Jedward were not the worst act; Jedward were better than Jamie Archer and the non-singing, non-dancing, non-twin Lloyd Daniels (he’ll be out next week).
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Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price’s Lesbian Milf Affair And Therapy
I’M A Celebrity Watch: Anorak’s daily look at the jungle show in the news: Katie Price’s jungle therapy, lesbian affair, Milf credentials and proud kids.
Katie Price is not yet in the overgrown Blue Peter garden – but she still manages to be the only contestant to feature on any tabloid front pages.
In readiness for Jordan’s arrival, a swinging bench love seat has been erected on the spot where Peter Andre and Jordan fell for each other in 2004.
Producer Marty Benson admitted: “We want canoodling. The swing offers them some privacy. Hopefully they’ll talk about the other people in the camp. It’s surrounded by cameras, so we’ll capture everything they do on the swing. It’s located where Peter Andre wrote Insania in series three. It seemed appropriate somehow.”
Daily Star: “MY GIRL ON GIL JUNGLE LUST”
Katie Price has heard that Samantha Fox is a lesbian. Not a lesbian who pushes her big naked chest into another girl’s chest on Page 3 or has had her breasts groped by Trinny ‘The Tranny’ Woodall or Gok Wan, but an actual lesbian.
You know like, er, celebrity jungle alumni Janice Dickinson:
Janice, 54, who has flown to Australia for the ITV2 spin-off show Get Me Out Of Here Now, told the Daily Star: “Jordan is great. We had a lesbian affair on the flight over. It was great. We joined the mile high club. I didn’t know her until now.”
Not a grope on the flight but a full-blown affair, with dates, furtive texts, tears, melancholic taxi rides through rainy streets and loadsa shagging.
So expect lots of lesbian sex. As the Sun says:
Fumble in the jungle? Not at any Price
Phwoaar!!! In other news, we look at Katie’s mental health:
Daily Mirror: “I’m NOT nuts”
Beneath a picture of Katie Price looking like she emerged from Dr Frankenstein’s Cosmetic Studios – a child beauty pageant heads stuck onto a pair of Ford fiesta airbags and Barbies body – readers hear:
“For others, it’s a game show. For me, it’s closure. I’m going back to a place where a big fairytale began for me.
“I met my husband, I had two more beautiful children and six years on I’ve been married, divorced, ready to go back in. I’ve had a crap year and the fairytale has ended. I’m going in for closure.”
It’s not a telly show – it’s a place for Jordan to exorcise her demons. It’s therapy.
“People think I’m breaking down, I’ve lost the plot, I’m not a good mum, I’m a man-eater. They’ve got all these perceptions but I think that when people see me again, like last time, they’ll see I’m grounded, if not more grounded.”
See the Daily Star’s story all-too-unbelievable story about her being grounded aboard a Jumbo Jet Down Under before she sucks down a kangaroos genitals. This one’s for you, Pete. And the kids:
She said of her three children: “They’ll be able to watch me on telly and be proud of their mum.” But she also announced: “I am the jungle MILF” – referring to the cheeky term for “mum I’d like to f***”.
Mum I’d Like To **** is “cheeky” to the Sun. It makes you wonder what the tabloids consider crude.
Here’s Jordan to save a telly show that doesn’t need saving.
Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)
Shayne Lamas Is DIU Shame Lame Ass Role Model
DID US reality TV fodder Shayne Lamas set herself up to get arrested on purpose to promote her new telly show Leave It To Lamas?
Lamas – aka Shame Lame-Ass – was arrested for DUI 1 on Saturday. Says she to the E! network which – get this – broadcasts her show:
“Early Saturday morning after consuming one drink, I willingly drove through a mandatory check point on my way home.”
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Posted: 15th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
X Factor: Jamie Archer Out For Not Being Pretty Enough
X FACTOR: Jamie Archer is out. Jedward were in the bottom three. No, not really. They got more votes than Stacey Solomon.
Jamie is beaten by non-singing Lloyd Daniels. Daniels remained mute while Jamie picked up forfeits. He won by default.
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Posted: 15th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Cheryl Cole’s Secret X Factor Gig: Carole Malone Exposes The Truth
CAROLE Malone does the X Factor’s Cheryl Cole and produces a review about a song that has not yet been sung.
Somerset Bob spotted the oddity. And as MacGuffin says:
“In mid-October it was widely trailed that Cheryl Cole was to perform her new single on The X Factor and that she was not going to be singing live (although only some of it appears to have been mimed in the end). Noticing that the show goes out on a Saturday night, Malone fired off her column for the next day’s News of The World. She asked:
‘Why did she mime her new solo single on last night’s X Factor?'”
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Posted: 15th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Mariah Carey Sells The Brand On Simon Cowell’s X Factor, In Pictures
MARIAH Carey is at the Dorchester Hotel in London. She’s due to sing on the X Factor. Why?
Simon Cowell and BHS billionaire Sir Philip Green are “creating a giant music and merchandising company dubbed ‘Britain’s answer to Disney’”.
Carey wants to be big in perfumes, tourism, food and drink, music, video and more. This is business. Behind the Cabbage Patch Doll-like exterior, Carey wants it all.
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Posted: 15th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
I’m A Celebrity Ge Me Out Of Here: Sabrina Washington And Stuart Manning So In Love
WHAT odds on the two least know celebrities in the I’m A Celebrity jungle – Sabrina Washington and Stuart Manning – sharing a romance?
From the patio heater warmed Blue Peter Garden, the Mirror hears a source tell:
“Stuart has been following Sabrina around like a love-sick puppy. And she has been lapping up the attention and flirting outrageously.”
Stu-pot is gagging for it. As he says:
“I don’t want my private life played out on screen, to be honest…”
While Stuart’s agent takes him to one side and reminds him how it works – to be liked you must: flirt, smoke and replace the word “my” with “me” – Katie Price continues to speak like a talking tabloid. Here’s Katie making redtop sub-editors redundant:
“I’m coming here to win. All those who have come out against me won’t know what’s hit them.”
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Posted: 15th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
