Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
HOW do you play rock n’n roll? Well, like this. And LOUD. Play it LOUD:
NIKKI Finke says the man how inspired the film Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom has died. Yeah, that film based on an actual true story. He was 95. That’s older than the film. Who knew?
THE tweet purporting to be from Paris Hilton saluted the passing of Nelson Mandela:
THE Beckhams are returning to the UK. No longer will we have to catch snippets of their life overseas through foreign newspapers and photos from the society pages. Back home, we’ll get to see them all the time. And in readiness for the big return, the Beckhams’ family home is being made ready. Heat magazine reports that the mansion will feature a “James Bond-style” kitchen.
ON the Sunday morning of 21 September 1969, a slightly-built Chief Inspector convinced some hippies inside a squat at a large five storey mansion at 144 Piccadilly to lower an improvised wooden drawbridge so doctors could help a seriously ill person inside. The drawbridge came down and Chief Inspector Michael Rowling flung himself bravely across the barricaded opening to establish a bridgehead. Suddenly a police sergeant blew his whistle and shouted “Come on lads – let’s go in!” and a hundred policemen, seemingly from nowhere, charged over the bridge and through the front door.
HUGE swathes of the press are incredibly excited about the Nigella Lawson court case because they’re getting loads of juicy information on her private life without having to rummage around in bins, tap phones or interview a soul!
Perfect for the modern, lazy hack.
However, it seems that no-one on Fleet Street has actually realised what is being revealed – that Nigella is actually very normal and that the life of a celebrity is crushingly similar to most people’s.
WILLIAM Shatner, for his cover of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, is usually cited as the cardinal wrongdoer among the long list of actors and actresses taking a spin at a singing career. But I must confess, Shat’s spoken-word rendition has grown on me. His sincerity and hamminess are just freaking adorable. For that matter, The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins by his Star Trek comrade, Leonard Nimoy, is equally endearing.
No, this list has nothing adorable in it. There’s nothing charming about a single chord on these celebrity records – nothing to latch onto and attach some redeeming quality. These are objectively awful from the first note to the last.
“Rape” by Peter Wyngard (1970)
In France of course, where fun is greedy
The women are a little more seedy
And rape is hardly ever necessary
Marketing manager Nicola Baker explains: “The Culture Guide has proven to be enormously popular with cultural organisations and the public. It has also been an excellent form of promotion of the Hull City of Culture bid and was used extensively as a backdrop on the day when Hull was announced as the winner, being featured on national and international media reports.
“A large number of groups and individuals contributed suggestions of people, places and events for inclusion. Poppy Morgan is an acclaimed actress – albeit in the adult film industry. She won Best Female Actress of the Year at the 2006 UK Adult Film and Television Awards in London. This guide is clearly not about condoning porn but it is about celebrating Hull’s diversity of culture and entertainment.”
SIR Bradley Wiggins has apologised after cracking an unfortunate joke at the Firecracker Ball in aid of Barnado’s.
Wiggo had donated a signed shirt and when his face appeared on the giant screen he turned to auctioneer Jon Hammond, and said: “You’ve got a posh voice, I like posh voices. Suck me off.”
WHEN actor Paul Walker died in a car crash along with Roger Rodas, the internet reacted. Both men are survived by a young family.
PAUL Walker, 40, died when the Porsche in which he was a passenger crashed into a lamp post in Santa Clarita and burst into flames.
IN 1922, Walt Disney brought us the Little Red Riding Hood laugh-o-gram. This was Walt Disney’s first full-length short cartoon.
* In 1915, Disney founded the Laugh-O-Gram Studio in Kansas City, Missouri, inviting some of animation’s future greats, including Iwerks, Hugh Harman, Friz Freleng, and Rudolph Ising, to create fairy tale cartoons. This program features six of these tales: Little Red Riding Hood (aka Grandma Steps Out), Jack the Giant Killer (aka The KO Kid), Puss in Boots (aka The Cat’s Whiskers), Goldie Locks and the Three Bears (aka The Peroxide Kid), The Four Musicians of Bremen, and Newman Laugh-O-Grams. Iwerks, a Kansas City native, followed Disney to Hollywood, where he was instrumental in the creation of the Alice Comedies and the transformation of Oswald the Lucky Rabbit into Mickey Mouse.
CELEBRITIES live in a wonderfully weird world. Look at Cheryl Cole for example, who just got a load of money for not doing any work. She’s won a payout from producers of X factor USA, after she got dropped from the show after just one episode because she’s got an accent.
It was widely rumoured and reported that she got the chop because producers thought that Americans wouldn’t be able to understand her when she spoke with her Geordie accent.
She sued production company Blue Orbit for for £1.4m for loss of earnings and now the case has now been settled out of court, with the Girls Aloud member accepting a lovely undisclosed sum.
PEACHES Geldof used her Twitter blog to name the two women linked to convicted child abuser Ian Watkins. The two mothers (aged 21 and 24) allowed Watkins, 36, to abuse their children. The court granted the children lifelong anonymity. And then Peaches tweeted their mothers’ names. Foolish.
Geldof then tweeted:
“The babies will most probably be given new identities to protect them from future abuse from other paedos… The question of wether (sic) or not to give anonymity to criminals in cases like this will go on forever. However, these women and Watkins will be gettings (sic) three meals a day, a double bed, cable TV etc – all funded by the tax payer alongside not being named apparently. It makes me sad.”
THE Daily Mirror leads with a tribute to actor Lewis Collins “A True Professional”.
LEWIS Collins, hairdresser-turned tough-nut actor, has died. Most famous for playing police enforcer William Bodie in the cult 1970s TV series The Professionals, Lewis succumbed to a prolonged battle with cancer.
Lord Grade, who launched the programme in 1977, told the BBC:
“It worked perfectly and the chemistry between the two of them was magic,” he said on Radio 4′s World At One. [Collins] was Bodie – he was a very macho character in real life. He got us into trouble one time where he had a few days off from filming where he went parachute jumping and broke his leg which held up the filming. But what you saw on screen was the same as what you saw off the screen – he was just a big, hunky, macho character with a lovely innocence about him.”
WHEN singer Roy Harper, 72, has been charged with sexually abusing a girl from the age of 12, we thought it unfortunate that just five days earlier BBC Radio 6 Music broadcast a show about him. It’s title? The First Time With Roy Harper:
Note: Mr Harper was not required to enter a plea to any of the charges.
IAN Watkins, singer of Welsh rock band Lostprophets, is guilty of “depraved” child sex offences. This is him.
This is him in court:
This is him in the studio:
This is Ian H Watkins of Steps:
They are not the same person:
Still. You might laugh…
EAST Sussex Council have named their roads gritting lorries Grittney Spears and Usain Salt. There’s a TV show, too:
Visitors to East Sussex County Council’s will be able to watch the progress of the gritting vehicles as they travel across 950 miles of roads
All very entertaining, and notable for the lack of Other once famous souls, such as Brad Grit and, erm, Gary Gritter.
WILL Young will “show the children what ‘gay’ really means”. Ooer:
Spotter: Brendan O’Neill
CAN the Sun create a RACE STORM from nothing? It can try. In “Fans were so racist Hannah shocked by X Factor abuse”, X Factor wannabe Hannah Barrett is pictured looking a tad morose.
Hannah told TV Biz: “I’ve had a lot of hate — people have been racist to me. They say they hate my music, they tell me that because I am black I can’t ever be a singer.”
FACE of the Day: Chris Twamley (centre) from Reading is dressed as Obi-wan Kenobi as he joins hundreds of budding actors queuing for hours for a chance to act on the new Star Wars film as Disney hold open auditions at Twickenham Stadium in West London.