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Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.

Star Wars hilarity: listen to Sheffield student Godfrey Elfwick troll the BBC

This is just brilliant. Listeners to the BBC World Service’s World Have Your Say show were introduced to Godfrey Elfwick, a student from Sheffield talking about the lastest Star Wars franchise, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Awakens. Godfrey says the character “Dark Raider” is “racial stereotype”.

 

Screen shot 2015-04-20 at 21.32.09

 

Godfrey Elfwick is a work of parody. Having said on twitter that he’d never seen Star Wars, the BBC got in touch:

Did Angela do any research? If she did, she must have missed Godfrey’s other tweets, like these:

 

Godfrey Elfwick Godfrey Elfwick Godfrey Elfwick

Screen shot 2015-04-20 at 21.22.41

 

Godfrey pricked the knowing liberal bubble with a skewer:

 

 

Brilliant. Just brilliant…

(PS: is he the only work of parody in that clip?)

 

Posted: 20th, April 2015 | In: Film, Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Watch Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (Retro Style)

Batman v Superman – Retro style:

Posted: 20th, April 2015 | In: Film | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Watch ‘ugly’ TV’s presenter Britt McHenry’s CCTV take down

Britt McHenry

Look ma, I’m on the telly

 

This week ESPN’s Britt McHenry learnt that these days anyone can be on camera:

A video surfaced Thursday of the ESPN reporter dressing down a parking-lot attendant in brutally ugly fashion.

 

For those of you in need of a script, McHendy said:

“I’m in the news sweetheart, I will f****g sue this place…. Maybe if I was missing some teeth they would hire me, huh? ‘Cause they look so stunning … ‘Cause I’m on television and you’re in a f*****g trailer, honey.”

McHenry is now suspended.

Posted: 19th, April 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Watch The Premiere Of John Carpenter’s Night Video

john-carpenter night

 

‘Music to shiver by’ might be the name of John Carpenter’s album of Lost Themes. The man who thrilled us with his Halloween and these overlooked gems inspired directors Gavin Hignight and Ben Verhulst to put pictures to Carpenter’s tune Night. 

Hignight pays tribute to the master of sinister synth:

“Upon hearing NIGHT by John Carpenter my head was instantly filled with these nighttime highway road dreamscapes. Someone or something, haunted, traveling the road alone in the late hours.

“Our goal was to take that feeling and put it into a video that paid tribute to the film work of Carpenter but at the same time gave him a new world to play in… in this case literally through Virtual Reality.”

 

More here.

Spotter:  io9

Posted: 17th, April 2015 | In: Film, Music | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Arnie Schwarzenegger seductively feeds a woman a Brazilian carrot

Budding MPs and actors with political ambitions can rest assured that your past peculiarities need not be barriers to the legislative chamber. In this video future California Governor Arnie Schwarzenegger seductively feeds a woman a carrot.

 

 

Posted: 12th, April 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Simon Cowell is looking to adopt a child called Ernie

Simon Cowell has a new format: he wants to adopt a child.

 

Simon Cowell adopts

 

 

Could being Cowell’s child be a TV talent show?

In 2013, Cowell trailed the idea of an adoption show by asking his twitter followers to suggest names for his news dogs. The dogs were adopted, of course, it being not yet possible to for Cowell to sire his own.

Cowell opted to name his adopted pets Squiddly and Diddly, after characters on an old TV show. So any parents with children of that name, hard cheese. Better news for parents of a child called Ernie, because Simon Cowell has a young son called Eric.

(Has this scoop got anything to do with Cowell having a new series of Britain’s Got Talent to promote? – Ed)

 

 

Posted: 12th, April 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Amanda Holden: Simon Cowell Can Have Her Nipples For £2m

amanda holden nipples

Pull the other one

 

Amanda Holden heralds the start of vaude­villian Britain’s Got Talent season whatever by telling the Sun she wants her nipples are insured for £2m. The Sun works out that each nipple is worth £1m apiece. But we think they’d struggle to branch out on solo careers as holders for wet donkey jackets or Deal or No Deal presenters, being better off together and attached to the adamite Holden superstructure.

Says Amanda:

“I decided if it was good enough for Kylie Minogue’s bum or Mariah Carey’s legs, it is definely required for my nipples.”

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Posted: 10th, April 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Party Kensit: Kate Middleton is ‘our generation’s suffragette’

Patsy Kensit is talking about Kate Middleton in Stylist:

patsy kensit suffragette

Watch out for horses, Kate! And naked women!

Spotter: @Country_Steve


Posted: 8th, April 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Thought of the Day: Blue Verse, by W.H. Auden

American (English-born) poet W.H. (Wystan Hugh) Auden holding glass & smoking cigarette in undated, serious cafe portrait.

American (English-born) poet W.H. (Wystan Hugh) Auden holding glass & smoking cigarette in undated, serious cafe portrait.

 

Blue Verse, by W.H. Auden:

There was a young poet whose sex
Was aroused by aesthetic effects;
Marvell’s The Garden
Gave him a hard-on
And he came during Oedipus Rex.

Said the Queen to the King: “I don’t frown on
The fact that you choose to go down on
My page on the stairs
But you’ll give the boy airs
If you will do the job with your crown on.”

The Bishop-Elect of Hong Kong
Has a cock which is ten inches long;
He thinks the spectators
Are admiring his gaiters
When he goes to the Gents–he is wrong.

 

For  more retro goodness follow Flashbak

Posted: 7th, April 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Rolling Stone: A Rape on Campus is ok but a bad Hootie And The Blowfish review will get you fired

Rolling stone rape hootie

 

What gets you fired from Rolling Stone magazine? A story that wrongly branded a frat house violent gang rapists will not get your fired. But a bad review of Hootie and the Blowfish might.

When Senior Editor Jim DeRogatis reviewed the band’s 1996 album Fairweather Johnson, he called it ‘bland’. Lowlights include:

All of the songs overflow with generic jangly guitars that evoke denatured versions of edgier Southern popsters like R.E.M. and the dB’s, whose Peter Holsapple is reduced by the need for health insurance to serving as fifth Hootie on organ, piano, and accordion…

These comfy, cozy sounds–the musical equivalent of Mom’s chocolate chip cookies and a big glass of milk–are paired with lyrics that reek of Hallmark-card sentimentality…

To these ears, Hootie are the blandest extreme of a wave of bands…

His review was spiked, replaced with more favourable review by contributor Elysa Gardner.

DeRogatis told the New York Observer.

The Observer quoted a spokesman for Rolling Stone saying the review swap was a matter of writing quality and not opinion, and DeRogatis saying Rolling Stone Editor and Publisher Jann Wenner is not necessarily a Hootie fan, but “a fan of bands that sell eight and a half million copies” of a record. The day after the piece ran, DeRogatis was fired. (A follow-up piece in the Observer said Rolling Stone would not discuss DeRogatis’s departure for reasons of employer-employee privacy.)

Rolling Stone employment policy might change if the frat house sues

 

Posted: 7th, April 2015 | In: Music, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Casey Batchelor raffles off her new breasts

casey batcehlor sex

 

The Sun has replaced Page 3 and most of Page 2 with the story on Casey Batchelor, a toppless stunna last seen in public frotting a member of middle-aged boyband Blue on Celebrity Big Brother.

Casey – no longer topless – is here to tell us that she’s not had sex for eight months.

“I don’t miss sex, says Casey.” I’ve dated so many guys I thought were nice, but once the deed was done they lost interest…. I refuse to waste another number on a man that doesn’t deserve me.”

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Posted: 7th, April 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Joey Essex and Amy Childs woo young Thatcherites

joey essex amy childs conservative

 

The Sun has secured two people to speak up for “hard-working Brits”. Miners, carehome workers, northerners, Jeremy Clarkson’s dry-cleaner and Kim Kardashian’s depilators were vusy, so they found the next best workaholics: Joey Essex and Amy Childs off TV’s The Only Way Is Essex.

Taking time out from their hectic working lives of eating kangaroo anus, being thick to deadline and tanning, Essex and Childs call for a change in politics.

The Sun think the country needs more influence from Essex man and woman. This is Sun politcs where The Only Party is Essex.

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Posted: 6th, April 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Passsive-aggressive bragging from Ben Fogle in the Sunday Times

Pippa Ben Fogle

 

The Sunday Times‘ “Relative Values” feature focues on famous relations. This week, the paper looks at TV presenter Ben Fogle and his father, Bruce. It features one of the most wonderful epsisode of passive-aggresive bragging we’ve seen for a long while.

Sasy Ben Fogle:

Mum and Dad never “bragged” about their life. Dad has written more than 50 books and got an MBE [for his work as co-founder of Hearing Dogs for Deaf People], but he always underplays his achievements. In that sense, I am definitely my father’s son. Even though I might be off to Outer Mongolia for a month, I don’t tell him because I don’t want him to think I’m bragging. I didn’t even tell him I got an invite to William and Kate’s wedding; I think he read about it in the newspapers. But what do you say? “I’m mates with William and Harry and I’ve been invited to the wedding.” I want Dad to be proud of me, but I don’t want to come across as arrogant or conceited. In retrospect, there are a few things I ought to have told him, and that was one of them.

Is he really “definitely his father’s son”..?

Posted: 5th, April 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Lucille Ball Statue Is Utterly Horrific

Screen Shot 2015-04-04 at 21.21.54

 

Do you love Lucille Ball? If you do, then you can join the Facebook page ‘We Love Lucy! Get Rid of this Statue‘. The Lucille Ball bronze statue lurks in Memorial Park Celoron, N.Y.

It is terrifying. In years to come, Lucille Ball will no longer be the local woman famed for her charisma and showbiz talents; she’ll be the woman who eats you if you don’t eat your greens and rips the soul from anyone cutting through the park after dark.

Oh, and the last person to put their mouth to that spoon woke up the next morning with their lips inside out. True story!

 

lucille ball statue

lucille ball statue

lucille ball statue

lucille ball statue

 

lucille ball statue

Posted: 4th, April 2015 | In: Celebrities, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Texas trooper must undergo counselling after posing for photo with Snoop Dogg

Snoop Dogg deputy police

 

TO TEXAS, where Snoop Dogg is in company of a police officer. Snoop’s not under arrest. He’s at the South by Southwest festival in Austin to entertain.

The officer of the law is one Billy Spears. Snoop Dogg has asked if he can take a picture with him. Spears says he can. And on Instagram you can seee Snoop and Billy stood above the caption, “Me and my deputy dogg.”

Fast forward a couple of weeks and Spears is in therapy. Because the rapper has several convictions for drug possession, Billy’s bosses at the Department of Public Safety and Transportation officials say the officer was deficient in his duties. He requires counselling by a supervisor.

Snoop Dogg is so toxic that even standing close to him requires follow-up therapy.

Now, that is a badge of honour…

PS: If you know what theDepartment of Public Safety and Transportation officials ae iosking, avoid it.

Posted: 4th, April 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Peter Dinklage the sex symbol: Tyron Lannister is a busty Cosplay star

Tyrion Lannister

 

It takes a lot of strapping to turn Peter Dinklage into Games of Thrones’ hero Tyrion Lannister.

Peter, a buxom 32D, is rarely seen as nature intended to let his acting do the talking.

 

Tyrion Lannister Tyrion Lannister

Spotter: Geekologie

Posted: 3rd, April 2015 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


AMY: Watch the trailer for the Amy Winehouse documentary

LONDON - JANUARY 15:  Singer Amy Winehouse performs live on stage at HMV Oxford Street on January 15, 2004 in London.  (Photo by Bruno Vincent/Getty Images)

LONDON – JANUARY 15: Singer Amy Winehouse performs live on stage at HMV Oxford Street on January 15, 2004 in London. (Photo by Bruno Vincent/Getty Images)

 

Amy Winehouse was brilliant.  When she died age 27 she left behind too little music.

AMY is the documentary to her short life.

 

LONDON - JANUARY 23:  Singer Amy Whinehouse retrieves her mobile phone after receiving the Pop award for "Back to Black" at the South Bank Show Awards at the Savoy Hotel on January 23, 2007 in London, England.  (Photo by Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images)

LONDON – JANUARY 23: Singer Amy Whinehouse retrieves her mobile phone after receiving the Pop award for “Back to Black” at the South Bank Show Awards at the Savoy Hotel on January 23, 2007 in London, England. (Photo by Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images)

 

This trailer features the line:

“I don’t think I’m going to be at all famous. I don’t think I could handle it. I think I would go mad”.

Only a few things have made me shed a tear – her death was one of them…

 

Posted: 2nd, April 2015 | In: Music | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


A new highpoint for Twitter: Russell Crowe narrates the story of The Hat

On Twitter, those of you sitting comfortably enjoyed @russellcrowe narrating the tale of The Hat.

For the rest of, you can read Crowe’s story here.

The story begins at the bottom. Read up from the moment the rosy-fingered dawn breaks…

Russell cRowe hat twitter

Spotter: @ScottFilmCritic

Posted: 28th, March 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Zayn Malik: sex, drugs and other reasons he left One Direction

Zayn Malik drugs

 

We’ve heard many reasons why Zayn Malik left One Direction: he wanted their next song to be about crystal meth; he realised that depsite the money and the fame One Direction isn’t a proper band; he bought a second album and learnt that he wasn’t singing The Best Song Ever; and so on.

Radar online alleges he was kicked out for being tired an emotional. A source claims:

“Zayn’s alcohol and drug use became a huge problem. They gave him every opportunity to clean up his act, but he just couldn’t do it. He’s been going down fast and an intervention was needed. It was decided that it was best for him to go and take care of him for right now.”

If that act was any cleaner One Direction would squeak when they walked.

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Posted: 27th, March 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Russell Brand is the thinking girl’s sound Prospect at 30

Russell brand prospect

 

The Daily Star reports that Russell Brand is the “fourth most imporant thinker”. Well so says “upmaket magazine” Prospect. Brand’s aim is to be entertaining. And he is. His flowery language to espouse whatever Left-wing claptrap he’s just read garners lots and lots of comment from people who think almost every day.

The Guardian complained that Brand’s “presence [on the list] looks designed to be provocative”. Well, d’uh. It is. It gets headlines. A search for “Russell Brand Prospect magazine” on Google calls up 436,000 results.

So. Here he is in the no-brow Daily Star. And the good news for Brand is that he’s no longer a middle-aged egotist in teen jeans (he’s 39). The Star says he’s 30.

Russell brand prospect

 

That should make him think happy thoughts…

 

 

Posted: 26th, March 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Watch Aretha Franklin sing ‘RESPECT’ in 1970 live at the Antibes Jazz Festival

Aretha Franklin 1970

Aretha Franklin 1970

 

Today Aretha Franklin turns 73.

Back in 1970, the ‘Queen of Soul’ prefomed her her version of Otis Redding’s 1965 song Respect at the 11th Antibes Juan-Le-Pins Jazz Festival.

In New York on Valentine’s Day, 1967, Franklin and her backing singers – her sisters Carolyn and Erma – recored the song. They feminised Redding’s lyrics.

Redding sang:

Hey little girl, you’re so sweeter than honey
And I am about to just give you all my money

Franklin countered:

 

I’m about to give you all of my money
And all I’m askin’ in return, honey
Is to give me my profits
When you get home…

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Take care, TCB

Oh (sock it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it to me)
A little respect (sock it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it to me)

Posted: 25th, March 2015 | In: Celebrities, Music | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


One Direction: Eleanor Calder puts her hair in a ponytail and Louis Tomlinson in her memory closet

Meet Eleanor Calder. Who she? Well, she is the ex-loved to One Direction singer Louis Tomlinson. Today’s Eleanor’s on the cover of the Daily Star. “Pain is etched on her face” after Louis was pictured kissing a “half-naked mystery girl”.

Problem is that the etching is not all that evident. If we were to guess, we’d say Eleanor looked cheesed off that a camera is being shoved in her face as she walks her dog.

 

Ealeanor Calder One Direction Louis

 

The Star says Eleanor was looking”downcast” as she walked her dog in Manchester. And sure enough it just so happens that the one photo of Eleanor that apepars on page 4 and 5 shows her looking not upwards but downwards.

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Posted: 23rd, March 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


IVF: An Elton John study in conformism that goes against human nature

 Louise BROWN, born at Oldham Hospital near Manchester, Great Britain, is the result of the IN VITRO fertilization of her mother. The biologist Robert Edwards holds the baby beside the midwife and the surgeon Patrick STEPTOE, on July 25, 1978. (Photo by Keystone-France/Gamma-Keystone via Getty Images)

Louise BROWN, born at Oldham Hospital near Manchester, Great Britain, is the result of the IN VITRO fertilization of her mother. The biologist Robert Edwards holds the baby beside the midwife and the surgeon Patrick STEPTOE, on July 25, 1978. (Photo by Keystone-France/Gamma-Keystone via Getty Images)

 

How does an orthodoxy take hold? When designers Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana shared their views on love, sex, romance, gay marriage, children, IVF babies and children of same-sex couples the media and celebrity voices united in condeming them, siding with Elton John, who expressed his displeasure with a shrill call to boycott the brand.

The Daily Mirror has carried this news on its front page:

“Elton – I will never wear Dolce & Gabbana again after they dared call my kids synthetic”

Elton, who with his husband David Furnish is father to IVF-conceived sons Elijah and Zach, appeared over two more pages. It was “Elton’s fury” at an “astonishing attack”.

Elton said: “How dare you refer to my beautiful children as synthetic?”

But they were synthesized? This is how the BBC explains IVF to GCSE students:

If a couple are having difficulty conceiving a child because the quantity or quality of the man’s sperm is poor then IVF can be used. This is where the egg is fertilised outside the woman’s body and then implanted back into her uterus. As FSH can also be used to encourage the production of several mature eggs at once, it is used as part of IVF to increase the number of eggs available for fertilisation.

Some people worry about the ethical implications of IVF. They are concerned that couples may want ‘designer babies’ with ‘desirable’ qualities, so may only want certain fertilised eggs. For example, they may want a girl if they have lots of boys in the family, or they may wish to avoid producing a baby with an inherited defect.

Elton goes on:

And shame on you for wagging your judgemental fingers at IVF… a miracle that has allowed legions of loving people both stright and gay, to fulfil their dream of having children. Your archaic thinking is out of step with the times, just like your fashions. I shall never wear Dolce & Gabbana ever again.  #BoycottDolceGabbana.

At which point anyone not laughing or thinking Chris Morris was writing the news should dash out and buy armfuls of D&G schmutters. Do they do a kids’ range? If they do, buy that, too. Elton John wants people who are judgemental banned. And – irony of irony – many voices on Twitter, that paragon of intolerance and incoherence, agree.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 17th, March 2015 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Elton John kicks Dolce & Gabbana out of the gay community centre

Elton John kicks Dolce & Gabbana out of the gay community centre

 

Whoah! Put that down that Floral Jacquard Waistcoat and Bolero Jacket with Trimming (£3,300.00)! Think on. Anyone ready to buy that or a Dolce & Gabbana T-shirt (RRP. £445) should first know that Elton John says you must not. You see, Stefano Gabbana and Domenico Dolce, for it is they, have said that they prefer “traditional” families. Dolce likes a male and female to be parents, rather than man and man, or woman and pigeon.

He also says IVF creates “synthetic children”.

“I’m not convinced by those I call the children of chemicals, synthetic children. Wombs for rent, sperm chosen from a catalogue … psychiatrists are not ready to confront the effects of this experimentation,”

Elton John – gay, married, dad of two two children through IVF and ‘womb renter’ – says Dolce’s views are “archaic” and “deeply insulting”.

Gabbana says: “We firmly believe in democracy and the fundamental principle of freedom of expression that upholds it.”

Elton John adds:

“How dare you refer to my beautiful children as ‘synthetic’… And shame on you for wagging your judgemental little fingers at IVF – a miracle that has allowed legions of loving people, both straight and gay, to fulfil their dream of having children.”

Isn’t John guilty of wagging his finger at them?

Elton John then coined the hashtag #BoycottDolceGabbana.

And everyone laughed at his intolerance? No. Gay rights activist Peter Tatchell said in the Guardian:

“It’s quite outrageous that two gay fashion designers who have relied on the gay community for much of their success are opposing gay equality. They’re lining up with the Pope and the far right in their support for legal discrimination.”

Didn’t they just rely on their talent and business acumen? Or do the minutes from the gay community AGM suggest members only wear D&G’s schmutters because the designers are gay, and therefore are in the meeting and not easily ignored?

Tatchell adds:

“If they don’t want to be parents that’s fine, but it’s deeply insulting to disparage the many same sex parents who have brought up children happily and successfully.”

Is anyone else astounded that sucessful parents would be so thin skinned as to give a toss what D&G think, let alone have the energy to demand they be shunned, ruined and banned from the gay community centre for speaking freely?

Now. About that 450-quid T-shirt – can you wash baby sick out of it?

Posted: 15th, March 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Blurred Lines: The Sugar Hill Gang’s Rapper’s Delight is The Ketchup Song

sugar hill

 

Blurred Lines: a look at songs that sound very much like other songs. Let’s look at the Sugar Hill Gang’s Rapper’s Delight and the Ketchup Song (Asereje) by Las Ketchup.

First up, the Gang and that catchy beat:

I said a hip hop,
Hippie to the hippie,
The hip, hip a hop, and you don’t stop, a rock it
To the bang bang boogie, say, up jump the boogie,
To the rhythm of the boogie, the beat.

 

 

And now for Ketchup kids who appear, as MichaelPDeacon has discovered, to be singing the lyrics of Rapper’s Delight in comedy Spanish accents.

 

aserejè ja de jè de jebe tu de jebere seibiunouva,
majavi an de bugui an de buididipi,
aserejè ja de jè de jebe tu de jebere seibiunouva,
majavi an de bugui an de buididipi

 

Send us your Blurred Lines.

Posted: 15th, March 2015 | In: Music | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0