Posts Tagged ‘cheryl cole’
Cheryl Cole’s ‘Lost’ Baby and Phone Rape
CHERYL Cole has “lost” her baby. Sad news. And news that Cheryl’s brother Andrew Tweedy wishes to share with you via the pages of the Daily Star.
Cheryl Cole And Ashley’s Marriage
On the paper’s front page, we learn:
“Heartbroken Cheryl Cole was set to become a mum when love-rat husband Ashley Cole’s affairs shattered her family dreams.”
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Posted: 23rd, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Cheryl Cole Lines Up New Man For Revenge Shag
GOOD news for the legions of Cheryl Cole fans hoping to comfort her in a revenge shag as the “nation’s sweetheart” says she’s looking for a man with “Bermuda shorts and belly”.
“A guy could be in the Speedos and be ripped to within an inch of his life and I don’t think I’d look again. It’d have to be Bermuda shorts and the pot belly.”
Delete that photo of the athlete in his knickers you found on your pay-as-you-go phone and go for this one instead. It can’t fail…
Posted: 18th, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Cheryl Cole Snubs England And Full Details Of Meeting With Ashley Cole
CHERYL Cole is “plotting an Ashley-free future”. Cheryl is planning a “new life in America with her mum”. Well, so reports the Star in “CHERYL’S REVENGE“.
That’s right, the “nation’s sweetheart” is planning to turn her back on Blighty. Well, so says the Star. She’s not like Our Ashley Cole who will proudly don the Three Lions and do his bit for England. Cheryl’s revenge seems to be on us, her subjects.
With David Beckham out, Ashley Cole is an even more valuable member of England’s World Cup team. With a few short months until the World Cup, we begin our countdown to when Ashley Cole will win the World Cup for England and return a man who – as the tabloids will tells us – failed to let his wife’s pop star ambitions ruin the country’s dreams…
In other news, the Mirror tells us “What REALLY went on” when Cheryl met Sir Ashley.
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Posted: 15th, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Ashley Cole’s ‘Terrified Child’ And The Missing 10 Minutes With Cheryl Cole
HUGE debate and controversy over Ashley Cole’s missing 10 minutes with Cheryl Cole, the “nation’s sweetheart”.
Earlier, the Mirror’s Dan Piper had told us:
Furious Cheryl Cole threw ¬disgraced husband Ashley out after just 20 minutes when he turned up for their first face-to-face meeting in a month.
The Daily Mail says:
The Cole shoulder: Cheryl gives Ashley just half an hour to grab his things before asking her mother to show him the door
What happened in those missing 10 minutes? Was the tabloid watch stopped for Ashley’s injury?
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Posted: 14th, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Ashley Cole Goes German As Cheryl Cole Gives Him The Boot
CHERYL Cole has told Ashley Cole to “GET OUT”. Cheryl has asked for privacy in the matter of her impending divorce from England’s World cup hero (surely disgusting love rat? – ed).
Dean Piper says:
Furious Cheryl Cole threw disgraced husband Ashley out after just 20 minutes when he turned up for their first face-to-face meeting in a month.
Or as football fans might put it:
Cheryl failed to offer care and love to England left back Ashley Cole in a cruel snub that threatens to the country’s World cup bid.
Until the World Cup, when Ashley holds aloft the famous trophy, it’s is Cheryl who is the “nation’s sweetheart”.
Heartbroken Cheryl refused to speak to him, see him or even allow him into the same room as her at their £3million mansion, we can reveal. She stayed out of sight in the living room in a humiliating snub to philandering Cole, who was given just a few minutes to pack some clothes.
Privately, of course.
Then enraged Cheryl got her mother Joan, 50, to show him the door.
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Posted: 14th, March 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (17)
‘Unpatriotic’ Cheryl Cole Back With Heroic Ashley: Pictures
ASHLEY Cole And Cheryl Cole Divorce: Ashley jets back to Surrey, patriotic men line up for a revenge shag and Vicki Gough, Sonia Wild, Brooke Healy and Alexandra Taylor – but not Cheryl Cole – are considered for OBEs.
The Daily Star has huge news that Ashley Cole has begged Cheryl to take him back. As the front-page headline screams:
“ASH BEGS CHERYL: TAKE ME BACK”
Anything else?
“I’ll change, sobbing ace tells missus”
Ashley will change his pulling knickers, alleged, and his ways. This news from a “source”, via the tabloids to you, the reader. This sensation is trumped by the Sun’s front-page, which moves the reunion one stop on:
“ASHLEY HOME TO CHERYL”
Or as the Mirror’s front-page puts it:
“Ashley sneaks back for Cheryl reunion”
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Posted: 13th, March 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Cheryl Cole’s ‘Sick’ Revenge Shag And ‘Laid Up’ Waiting for Ashley
CHERYL COLE is “SICK”. This is good news for the nation’s men who are hoping for Cheryl’s revenge shag on Ashley Cole. Most would have just settled for squiring the “nation’s sweetheart” but if she wants to be sick, that’s her prerogative.
Reading on in the Star we learn that the revenge shag might have to wait because Cheryl “has been hit by bronchitis” and will not be appearing on the Jonathan Ross show.
This was the show, also featuring Charlotte Church, which led to the headline:
Cheryl Cole and Charlotte Church’s feud is set to reignite when they appear on Friday Night with Jonathan Ross this Friday.
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Posted: 12th, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
England Fans Demand Cheryl Cole Reunite With Ashley For World Cup
CHERYL Cole and Ashley Cole: Anorak’s at-a-glace round-up of what some are calling The Divorce of The Month…
Daily Star: “ASHLEY COLE SNUBS CHERYL REUNION”
Let’s not be hasty to judge. Does he have his new mobile phone number?
CROCKED football rotter Ashley Cole has chosen to save his football career over his marriage.
Rotter? Surely, “love cheat”, “love rat” or “playing away footy star”? Is writer Jerry Lawton a Terry Thomas fan? Anyhow, back to that scoundrel Ashley Cole:
The 29-year-old Chelsea and England star decided to stay at a French clinic for more treatment on his broken ankle. He was due to fly back to the UK today for showdown talks with estranged wife Cheryl, 26
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Posted: 10th, March 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (6)
Cheryl Cole’s Cold Sore In Pictures And A Secret Sex Text Revealed
BY now you’ll be wondering what Cheryl Cole has been up to since the X Factor ended. How’s Ashley? How are the rings? In the Danish version of the X-Factor in Copenhagen, Denmark, Cheryl made an appearance.
Well, the NoTW can revels that Cheryl has a cold sore. Soon everyone will have one and cold sores will make the bid for international recognition the cold sore community has been waiting for.
Ashley Cole, oddly, given the contagious nature of the sores, has clean lips. It’s pretty clear that Ashley is holding Brand Cheryl back and should be ditched.
In other news, Anorak has received this text message from a mysterious unregistered phone (via reader Michael Kritharis):
“Babe, I’ve finally left that ****** Ashley and I’m on my way round to you big boy and I’m horny as ****. (Carlsberg don’t do text messages but if they did… You’d be the last **** she would send that to…)
Posted: 7th, March 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Ashley Cole And Cheryl Cole Reunite In Pictures
ASHLEY Cole and Cheryl Cole are “BACK TOGETHER”.
The Star leads with front-page shot of the couple hand-in-hand in a car. Both are beaming with happiness. And who can we thank?
CHELSEA owner Roman Abramovich has turned Cupid to help Ashley Cole and Cheryl Tweedy patch up their marriage.
This is the same Abramovich who divorced his wife and now dates a younger mo-del?
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Posted: 4th, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Cheryl Cole And Ashley To Reunite For World Cup
CHERYL Cole and Ashley Cole will “be back together by the World Cup”.
Wow, indeed. It’s a branding nightmare for Simon Cowell industries. With Cheryl all set to crack America, will she be Tweedy or Cole on the press releases?
Cheryl Tweedy & Ashley Cole’s Wedding
OK! harks back to 2005, when it met Cheryl and Ashley in their two-storey apartment in North London. In 2006, they married before an audience of thousands as OK! broadcast the splendour. The pictures from the day in which Ashley wore a suit you could shave in and Cheryl knifed a cake were a joy.
As for them getting back together for the World Cup… Well, that’s what Gerard Sanderson, says. He’s the man who wrote Cheryl Cole: Her Story. Also Derek Acorah says Cheryl and Ashley will reunite, and he knows Michael Jackson.
OK! goes on to say how much is adores Cheryl and how the mag and the singer formed a kind of partnership of trust. OK! turned down photos of Ashley with Ann Corbitt, and told Cheryl’s reps “so they could investigate the allegation”.
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Posted: 3rd, March 2010 | In: OK! | Comments (7)
Cheryl Cole Shampoos As Ashley Cole Doubles For Yorkshire Ripper: Photos
ASHLEY Cole and Cheryl’s Divorce: For obvious reasons the Star chooses to equip the front–page news that Ashley Cole’s life “IS IN RUINS” with a pictures of the Yorkshire Ripper.
The caption, however, says: “CRACK-UP: Rat Cole lashes out yesterday.”
No word from the Rat Defamation Commission, just another shot of the Yorkshire Ripper and news that Cole, in France for treatment on a broken leg, telling one and all:
“Why won’t everyone leave me alone. I’m meant to be here for treatment. Fucking hell, my life is ruined. Why don’t you all just fuck off – just fuck off.”
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Posted: 2nd, March 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Ashley Cole’s Wedding Coil Missing As Expert Advises Cheryl Cole Tries An Affair
DID you know that Cheryl Cole – the one who asked the media not to intrude on her private hell – is “SO SCARED”?
Cheryl, 26, said: “I’m scared stiff about being single again after all this time – petrified. I’ve been with him for so long.”
Anorak has long advised that Cheryl enact a revenge shag, a trial run to see if she likes it. If it’s not all that thrilling, then she can return to Ashley, albeit a woman on the score sheet.
Cheryl Cole And Ashley’s Marriage in pictures
If it’s great sex, she can continue with her affir or leave Ashley. Either way, Old Mr Anorak is prepared to do whatever it takes to make the nation’s sweetheart whole again.
Says Cheryl, privately:
“I know I’m doing the right thing by moving on. Deep down I know it’ll be OK.”
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Posted: 1st, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (8)
Cheryl Cole And Ashley To Meet In Secret: Photos
CHERYL Cole does not want Ashley Cole to call her. We know this because she is telling Daily Mirror readers via the paper’s front page:
“Please stops phoning me, Ash, it’s over…”
Inside and the story is given a different twist:
“Cheryl Cole tells Ashely’s mum that it’s definitely over [sic]”
Cheryl Cole is splitting from Ashley Cole’s mum, Sue? You divorce your partner and you divorce your partner’s family. Unless you’re on Jeremy Kyle in which case you find a close relative to shag.
Cheryl Cole And Ashley’s Marriage
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Posted: 1st, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Cheryl Cole Linked To Zac Efron At Simon Cowell’s Wedding
CHERYL Cole and Ashley’s divorce: If there is one thing Cheryl needs it is more advice. And the Sunday Mirror leads with news that Simon Cowell does not want the “nation’s sweetheart” to honour her marriage vows and stay with her husband.
What with the Cheryl Tweedy assault on the US planned, the huge showbiz OK!-featured fairytale divorce due ready to hit the newsagent’s shelves and Cowell looking to trim numbers and sort out table seating plans for his forthcoming wedding, the advice is from the heart.
Simon told her, You need to get out of this situation. You need to think of yourself.
Listen to Simon. Sssssssimon knows. Trussssst in him.
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Posted: 28th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Join The Campaign To Get Cheryl Cole To Sell Her Wedding Rings For Haiti
CHERLY Cole and Ashley are big news. But can they do it for Haiti? Haiti is a subject close to Cheryl’s big heart.
X Factor judge Cheryl took a moment to think of the earthquake’s millions of victims before taking to the singing booth to lay down her part of the REM tune”.
Time, then, to hear from Madame Arcati, and what she think Cheryl should do now that she and Ashley have split. The words are NFW. The sentiment for from the heart:
Look, I’ll be honest with you. I couldn’t give a fuck about your marriage split. That’s your business. You’re both very rich, very famous, very spoilt people. You are both decadent. Cheryl, your engagement ring alone cost £100,000 – and bought from the proceeds of a legal settlement with the lying News of the World. Don’t deny it: you all but admitted it to Piers Morgan in GQ.
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Posted: 27th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Cheryl Cole Gives Ashley Another Chance As John Terry Shakes
CHERYL and Ashley Cole: The Daily Express leads with news that asks readers to wonder and debate:
Cheryl and Ashley: can the mum’s fix it?
This would be Cheryl’s mum, Joan Callaghan, of whom the Mirror told us:
Ashley Cole’s furious mum-in-law yesterday began packing his bags to kick him out of his marital home – as his pals claimed Cheryl may give him one last chance.
Cheryl’s mum doesn’t sound too keen. What of Ashley’s Cole’s mum – yes, he does have one. ashley’s mum is called… Sue. The rules of nominative determinism dictate that Sue must be treated kindly.
Chenille Steel: ‘Kisses’ Ashley Cole ‘Might Have John Terry’s Baby’
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Posted: 26th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Court Rules Cheryl Cole’s Songs Are ‘Antisocial’
CHERYL Cole is to be rebranded as Chelsy Tweedy in time for her crack at cracking America. (Why does America always need to be “cracked”? And can it be done by thighs alone – video?) Meanwhile, in Mansfield’s Ladybrook Lane, 22-year-old Martin Bramwell has been evicted from his council flat for playing Cheryl Cole records.
Cheryl Cole And Ashley’s Marriage – pictures
Councillor Danny McCrossan, offers:
“Justice has been done. No one should have to face this type of anti-social behaviour.”
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Posted: 26th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Cheryl Cole Loses 5 Pounds On The Ashley Cole Free Diet: Nation Delights
CHERYL Cole is disappearing. We talk not of the ink on the back of her neck – have you checked your necks girl for sings of Ashley’s coitus-enhancing felt tip (allegedly). We talk of Cheryl Tweedy’s vanishing act as she lives on a diet of mint tea.
The Sun says Cheryl has “barely eaten for three weeks and has lost 5lbs”.
Any danger of Ashley not getting a shag after his divorce from “nation’s sweetheart” Cheryl seems far-fetched. Shag Ashley and lose weight. They will flocks in their hundreds.
Cheryl Cole And Ashley’s Marriage – pictures
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Posted: 26th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Cheryl Tweedy’s ITV Divorce Special, In Private
ASHLEY Cole and Cheryl Tweedy are to divorce, and the media is full of words on what Cheryl meant by issuing a press statement to “respect her privacy”. What does it mean to the country that a national treasure who once assaulted a toilet attendant and a footballer with a pay-as-you-go phone can split?
Is there any hope for the rest of us?
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Posted: 25th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Cheryl Cole’s Divorce In Pictures: Ashely’s Tattooed Women And Blaming Joan
CHERYL Cole and Ashley Cole Divorce: Cheryl’s tattoo spreads, Jonathan Ross, blaming the mother-in-law Joan and John Terry. Anorak’s round-up of the big story:
The Sun’s front-page news is that Cheryl Cole is being erased. No, Cheryl is not dead. She is merely morphing into Chelsy Tweedy by having her tattoo removed. And, as luck as it, this change is taking place just as Chelsy is poised to crack America and put her hair in a bun.
The Sun tells readers that Cheryl is to have her “Mrs Cole” tattoo removed – the one that adorns the back of her neck in the style of a toddler’s felt tip doodle. It looks as if Ashley daubed it during a night of love. Do other women bear this “tag”, as graffiti-ologists call it. Check in the mirror. Ask a friend to help by holding a mirror to your rear while you face forward into another mirror.
Other love notes to look out for:
“Ashley was here”
“LOST: Mobile. If found call Cheryl’s mobile”
“I am not Ashley Cole”
In other news, the Sun continues to hunt down Ashley Cole, who – and this incidental to its daily stories on him – once sued the paper and won.
In “LOVE RAT SIDESTEPS SUN’S BIG QUESTION” the paper tells us:
“Ashley refused to say sorry for betraying Cheryl yesterday after the Sun tracked him down to a swish sports clinic in south west France”.
This is the swish clinic where swish Ashley is having his swish broken leg treated, swishly.
The story is that Cheryl is the nation’s sweetheart and in letting her down the Sun wants answers from Ashley, the anti-sweetheart. The Sun will fight, fight, fight for Cheryl, patron saint of teary hugs, mojo and toilet attendants.
Cheryl Cole And Ashley Cole’s Marriage In Pictures
And the thing is that it wasn’t Ashley’s fault. If you want to blame anyone, blame his mother-in-law, Joan. A source tells the Star:
“He blames everything on Joan living with them. He says they haven’t had room to breathe and moaned that she took her daughter’s side in everything. They couldn’t even have a proper row he said. But Cheryl insisted on her mum moving in after he cheated on her the first time. He was so desperate to keep the marriage going he would have agreed to anything. But he didn’t think of the long-term problems.”
Yep, this is the same Ashley Cole who blaming himself just yeterday and was talking of having therapy. Auch are the facts.
But wait a moment. It was Cheryl’s fault. The Mirror reports:
“One minute Ashley is grovelling and apologising for his betrayals and the next he is blaming her successful career for the split. Cheryl has been told Ashley strayed because he felt so alone in their marriage. Whilst she was off working on X Factor and with Girls Aloud, he was either at home alone, or in a hotel room playing video games while away with Chelsea.”
Poor, Cheryl. She is said to be all ready to “open her heart” to Jonathan. No, not John Terry. Jonathan Ross.
Let’s not complicate things…
Why John Terry Escapes And The Sun Guns For Ashley Cole
Posted: 25th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
Cheryl Cole And Ashley’s Divorce: Baby P, John Terry’s Great Escape And Trousers
CHERYL Cole and Ashley Cole Divorce: You’ll have read the details, gazed upon the love, seen the pictures, met the girls and studied the conspiracy. But what does it mean? Are you Team Cheryl or Team Ashley? Helping you to decide what to think of two people you’ve most likely never met (texts don’t count) are the columnists. They’re here to help:
Polly Hudson (Mirror) –
“Whatever the (icky) circumstances, she has lost the man she loved with all her heart, and she’ll need every ounce of her trademark strength and bravery to see her through”
For more on Chezza’s trademark strength and bravery read this.
Sue Carroll (Mirror)
Only a fool would believe they could pull the wool over a smart, streetwise and savvy Cheryl
Sean Hamilton (Sun)
What a relief. Cheryl has done what we’ve been screaming at her to do for two years and dump arrogant love cheat Ashley
Daren Lewis (Mirror)
Ashley Cole is – “The kind of pantomime villain that even people who know nothing about his very public marriage will hate – just because everyone else does
Jane Moore (Sun)
Elin gives lesson in coping with dignity
Elin is wife to Tiger Woods – the dignified woman who, allegedly, chased after her husband with a golf club and smashed his car with it…
“Now Cheryl Cole has used the inevitable attention of the paparazzi to let it be known that her cheating husband Ashley is so last season that she’s already allowing another man to dwell a deux in her LA hotel room until the early hours”.
Cheryl Cole, Derek Hough, A Terrier In The Bedroom And Ashley Cole’s Women
Patrick O’Flynn – The Express’ Chief Political Commentator (no less)
Whatever became of society’s sense of responsibility?
O’Flynn is the picks of the bunch. Ashley Cole is placed in the same context as Sabah Al-Zayyat, the GP who failed to spot Baby Peter Connelly’s injuries, Mark Johnson, the police dog handler who “left his two ‘beloved’ Alsatians to bake to death” in his car and Jamie Tandy who broke his girlfriend’s nose.
Oliver Holt (Mirror)
I have only met Cheryl Cole once. She saw me and a colleague from The Independent talking to Victoria Beckham in the bar at the Brenner’s Park Hotel where some of the English press and the wags stayed during the 2006 World Cup.
She assumed, understandably, that we were bothering Mrs Beckham and, with the accompaniment of a few evil glances at us, let her know she had ‘got her back’.
She left us in little doubt that we were in for a battering if Mrs Beckham gave her the nod. Not quite as demure as her act suggests.Poor old Ashley. I’d put money on who wore the trousers in that splintered household.
Matthew Syed (Times)
But this is nonsense, too. Even if Cole corroborates this version of events (which is doubtful), he is entitled to ask why the misleading of club officials was not of any great concern when Terry secretly took three businessmen — actually undercover reporters — on a tour of the training ground (on club time and on club property) in return for £10,000. “If the club finds out, it’s a little bit . . . you know,” Terry told them.
Why John Terry Escapes And The Sun Guns For Ashley Cole
Steve Stammers (Mirror)
The treatment of Cole and Terry smacks of hypocrisy – but well-paid has to mean well-behaved But Terry and Cole have been naive in the extreme. Both, from personal experience, are well-mannered and polite when approached on football matters. Both had tough childhoods – especially Cole. But both emerged from life on the mean streets of East London to excel in their chosen profession. They are both lucky and unlucky.
You invite the wold to gaze upon your love – and then the world comments…
Posted: 24th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Cheryl Cole And Ashley Cole’s Marriage In Pictures
CHERYL Cole and Ashley Cole Divorce In Pictures: Reasons why Cheryl and Ashley are no more are many. But the most likely is that they never achieved the dream of their own nickname. The Beckhams are easily identifiable. Brangelina. Yep. Jedward. No worries. But The Coles? Just at Chelsea and England there are Joe and Carly Cole? No, the marketing was never right. But the pictures were great – Ashley Cole’s Women (Alleged):
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Posted: 24th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Cheryl Cole And Ashley’s Divorce: Sex Therapy, All The Women And Cheryl’s Tattoo
CHERYL Cole And Ashley Cole divorce: As Cheryl Cole heads back to being Mrs Tweedy – that “Mrs Cole” tattoo on the back of her neck may be harder to get shot of than her Chelsea and England footballer husband – the papers reports. The news round-up:
The Sun (front page): “CHERYL KICKS ASH – BEAUTY DUMPS FOOTIE STAR HUBBY”
In case anyone is wondering which side the Sun is on – The Beauty with access to the X Factor judges and acts or The Rat who once sued the Sun and won – the papers comes equipped with a John Terry exclusive.
Terry is Cole’s captain at Chelsea and was his skipper at England too – until he resigned in light of allegations in the New of The World (the Sun on Sunday) that he had shagged loadsa women, including his Chelsea and England teammate Wayne’s Bridge’s lover, one Vanessa Perroncel.
Why John Terry Escapes And The Sun Guns For Ashley Cole
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Posted: 24th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (19)
Cheryl Cole Has Left Ashley Cole: Full Details And Photos
AND so it came to pass that the magazines were wrong an the tabloids were right:Cheryl Cole and Ashley Cole have split. Well, in truth he left her – she arrived home to an Ashley-free home. She will not fight, fight, fight for the love. The news round-up:
The press release:
Cheryl Cole is separating from her husband, Ashley Cole. Cheryl asks the media to respect her privacy during this difficult time. We have no further comment to make.
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Posted: 23rd, February 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
