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Money | Anorak - Part 68

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Money in the news and how you are going to pay and pay and pay

Red Tuesday: Banks Fall, The Experts’ Top Tips And Spending Is The New Saving

MORE news that no-one knows what’s going on in the money markets as the Sun screams: “BLACKEST DAY”. Or as the Mirror puts it: “BLACKEST MONDAY.”

Black Monday is the name given to Monday, October 19, 1987, when stock markets around the world crashed. Should not yesterday be “Blacker Monday”?

Readers may be confused. To be in the black means to be free of debt; it is in the red that suggests debt and poverty. The Sun’s headline should read: “REDDEST DAY.”

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Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (24)


Call 419: The $700bn US Treasury Scam

DEAR AMERICAN:

I NEED TO ASK YOU TO SUPPORT AN URGENT SECRET BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP WITH A TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF GREAT MAGNITUDE.

I AM MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY OF THE REPUBLIC OF AMERICA. MY COUNTRY HAS HAD CRISIS THAT HAS CAUSED THE NEED FOR LARGE TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF 800 BILLION DOLLARS US. IF YOU WOULD ASSIST ME IN THIS TRANSFER, IT WOULD BE MOST PROFITABLE TO YOU.

I AM WORKING WITH MR. PHIL GRAM, LOBBYIST FOR UBS, WHO WILL BE MY REPLACEMENT AS MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY IN JANUARY. AS A SENATOR, YOU MAY KNOW HIM AS THE LEADER OF THE AMERICAN BANKING DEREGULATION MOVEMENT IN THE 1990S. THIS TRANSACTIN IS 100% SAFE.THIS IS A MATTER OF GREAT URGENCY.

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Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: Money | Comments (32)


What Housing Bubble: Fox New 2007

THIS is how TV news works:

Spotter: Peter

Posted: 29th, September 2008 | In: Money | Comments (2)


Heath Ledger’s Life Insurance Firm Won’t Pay Out

THERE will be an insurance company investigation into Heath Ledger’s death. Forget the police, this is money:

The firm, which is owned by ING Americas, wrote the policy in June 2007, and the insurance money was due to be paid out to an unnamed trustee who would hold the money until two-year-old Matilda comes of age.

But they have so far failed to honour the document and have launched their own probe into Ledger’s death to establish if he committed suicide, therefore voiding the policy.

Heath’s family has gifted his entire $16.6 million dollar estate to his daughter Matilda…

Posted: 29th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comment


It’s Grim Up North: We Own Bradford And Bingley

SAYS the Telegraph: “Financial crisis: Bradford & Bingley nationalisation will cost taxpayers £150bn.”

So says the Telegraph, which should note that it won’t it will only cost the British taxpayer £150bn if not a single one of B&B’s debtors repays their mortage..

But still, let’s try and make things sound worse than they are…

What Does B&B Stand For?

Posted: 29th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Money | Comments (10)


Labour’s Michael Meacher Will Not Speculate On His Speculations

THE overarching reaction to the banking crisis is that so few of our elected representatives have a clue about the money markets.

It’s not just Sarah Palin who is utterly ruderless, but also ambitious Michael Meacher, our Labour MP for Oldham West & Royton. This is what he writes in the Times:

For Labour to have a fighting chance at the next election, radical demands surfaced at Manchester for significant policy change. Not just a crackdown on short-selling, but action against speculators in general.

We must cut down on speculators. Go it? Now read on:

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Posted: 29th, September 2008 | In: Money, Politicians | Comments (18)


What Does B&B Stand For?

B&B stands for Bradford and Bingley. And what else?

Posted: 29th, September 2008 | In: Money | Comments (17)


David Cameron’s Flawed Debt Story

DAVID Cameron has been quiet on the banking crisis. Want to know why? It’s because he and his party have nothing meaningful to add:

Cameron is then directly quoted, saying: “I think that we have had a failure of regulation and we have had a debt boom that went on for far too long and it reached into parts of the economy it shouldn’t have done. The whole thing has become infected and it has got to be dealt with.”

A propos our previous post, Cameron is playing with fire taking this line. For sure, it is generally agreed that that has indeed been a “failure of regulation”, but by far the bulk of regulation, and the regulatory structures, are of EU origin. They are not within the gift of Cameron to change, without taking on the European Union, which the leader of the opposition shows no sign of doing. But to pretend that they are “Gordon Brown’s” is a very silly strategy indeed.

Isn’t it all the failure of capitalism?

Posted: 28th, September 2008 | In: Money, Politicians | Comments (8)


Paul Routledge Can Rejoice As Credit Crunch Banker Tops Himself

“CREDIT CRUNCH BANKER KILLS HIMSELF,” screams the Daily Mail’s front-page headline.

Kirk Stephenson, who was married with an eight-year-old son, died in the path of a 100mph express train at Taplow railway station, Berkshire. Mr Stephenson is believed to have taken his own life after succumbing to mounting personal pressures as the world’s financial markets went into meltdown.

Believed by whom, is not said. But at least one man is happy: Paul Routledge can rejoice:

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Posted: 28th, September 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (9)


EdF Glows With Pride At Radioactiove Take Over

BRITISH Energy is now owned by the free enterprise French. French EdF, 84.8 per cent owned by the French state, bought British Energy for £12.4bn.

Declares The Libération “A nous les vielles centrales anglaises” (The ageing English power stations are all ours). Snotty in victory. It was ever so.

A press conference, then, staged by Gordon Brown’s brother Andrew. So to the Millennium Hotel, London, we go.

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Posted: 28th, September 2008 | In: Money | Comments (10)


Double WaMu: Alan H. Fishman In Line For Million Dollar-A-Day Bonus

WHEN Lehman Brothers collapsed, news was of the French trader who’d arrived at his desk to see his desk leave the office. (Although now Nomura, the Japanese outfit, has agreed to take over the European business, his desk might return).

Now learn of CEO Alan H. Fishman, chief executive of Washington Mutual. He started his new job at the failed bank just three weeks ago.

Mr Fishman is now eligible for $19.1 million in compensation.

The New York Times notes:

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Posted: 27th, September 2008 | In: Money | Comments (30)


Laughing At Peter Schiff, Ron Paul’s Economic Advisor

LAUGHING at Peter Schiff, economic advisor for Ron Paul:

Good to have another point of view…

Posted: 27th, September 2008 | In: Money | Comments (12)


McCain Chooses Politics Over Poverty

I’m sure that we are all shocked and surprised by the news that John McCain has decided that, after all, the financial crisis gripping the USA should take second place to his Presidential campaign, and that he should instead devote his time to the televised debate with Obama.

Ok, the more cynical people on the planet might feel that it was only too predictable that once McCain had failed to pressure the Democrats into forcing the bailout through Congress, thus allowing him to claim that the Republicans would never have been nice to those nasty bankers, he had nothing more to gain from screwing up the process still further.

Indeed, a decent human being might have been embarrassed at the sight of a Republican Secretary to the Treasury going down on his knees to beg Ms Pelosi to use the Democrat majority to save the country from another Great Depression; McCain clearly didn’t care.

A week ago Hank Paulson was demanding powers beyond Stalin’s wildest dreams; yesterday he was Otis Redding telling his country that he loved it too much to stop now.

And the share and bond holders of WaMu just got caught in the crossfire of McCain and Palin’s desire for power…

– Chenier

Posted: 27th, September 2008 | In: Money, Politicians | Comment (1)


UK Is A Vegetative State

CREDIT Crunch news of the day: A turnip for the books…

“The humble turnip is helping crash-strapped UK families take the credit crunch out of the credit crisis”- Sun

Ours is a vegetative state…

Posted: 26th, September 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (5)


The Google Phone Is For Porn

WHY will the new google phone be a hit? Easy: porn:

 Spotter ; via

Joy of Tech via BBSpot:

Posted: 26th, September 2008 | In: Money, Photojournalism | Comments (8)


Anorak Scoops Washington Post On Sovereign Funds Debt

FIVE days ago Anorak reader Chenier doubted whether the US could:

“persuade the sovereign funds, which are about the only source of that much capital, that they should throw yet more good money after bad”

The Washington Post has finally noticed, and reports today that

“…the sovereign wealth funds of Asian and oil-rich Middle Eastern nations, which have come to the rescue of U.S. firms before only to see these investments erode, showed little interest in taking a similar gamble”.

What odds Manchester City owning Manchesterr United’s sponsors..?

Posted: 25th, September 2008 | In: Money | Comments (4)


Osama bin Laden And Hermann Göring Barred By Ryanair

ULRIKA Örtegren-Kärjenmäki is waiting to board a plane, a Ryanair flight from Stanstead Airport.

She was still waiting right to the point she spent £380 on a new supersize ticket.

She may encounter similar problems until she can find and marry a Mr Right, a Mr Ng or a Mr Anorak. It is also reported that the “dots” on the letters invalidated it in security checks.

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Posted: 23rd, September 2008 | In: Money, Strange But True | Comments (4)


Courtney Love Needs An Anally Retentive Documentarist, Apply Here

COURTNEY Love is looking for housekeeper/documnetartist. Cleaners who might want to put a steadycam on their heads, can apply:

this is wierd but what the fuck
Current mood: cantankerous

Aura: Dusty.

is anyone insanely clean neatfreak near malibu? i need a non thieving non freaky housekeeper

Is anyone a clean freak in California? How many hundreds of thousands of people do you want?

also i need we need a documentarist, someone to document our studio as we go in wedsday, and i have ALOT of work to do til then and i wont just hand this to hbo or bbc 2 or bravo and god forbid not vh1!

Caution:

A DOCUMENATRY NOT A REALITY SHOW. get in touch with jason whp will further put you in touch with jason wienberg at untitled.

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Posted: 23rd, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comments (3)


US Treasury Takes On Powers Stalin Only Dreamed Of

IT has finally dawned on less august media that the proposed legislation I described some days ago as –

‘the US Treasury acquiring the sort of untrammeled power that Stalin dreamed of’

– would, indeed, give the US Treasury the sort of untrammeled power that Stalin dreamed of.

Well, at least the New York Times has, noting that the Treasury Secretary –

‘will be vested with perhaps the most incredible powers ever bestowed on one person over the economic and financial life of the nation. It is the financial equivalent of the Patriot Act’

Perhaps Anorak readers could comment on whether this is a ‘Good Thing’?- Stevie…

Posted: 23rd, September 2008 | In: Money | Comments (19)


Government Goes Short On Hedge Funds

STEVIE writes that GLG has been added to the list of ‘protected’ companies.

GLG is a hedge fund.

Which makes its money shorting other companies…

GLG Alpha Select Fund aims to generate absolute returns from long and short investments, primarily in UK equity markets.

A market neutral approach aims to have a low correlation to equity markets and other long/short hedge funds.

Och-Ziff Capitalis another fund on the protected list…

The Useless Ban On Short Selling

Posted: 23rd, September 2008 | In: Money | Comments (7)


Credit Crunch: Sue Carroll Is Down There With The Have Nots

SUE Carroll, the Mirror’s well-paid blonde, white columnist is considering the credit crunch, and hits upon the idea that when money is tight the poor suffer.

In “It’s Britain’s poor who are really feeling the credit crunch”, Carrol opines:

As a nation we’re feeling stressed, physically under par and tired. I get that.

Adding:

There’s nothing more repellent than listening to the haves pretending they’re down there with the have-nots.

Yeah. That is just so pathetic…

Posted: 23rd, September 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (4)


When HBOS Employees Kill

FROM INDIA comes a message for the Lloyds TSB -HBOS merger burghers:

The [Gradiano] Chief Executive Officer …was on Monday beaten to death by a group of dismissed employees inside office premises after a meeting called to resolve dispute between them and the management failed“. Source

Spotter

Posted: 23rd, September 2008 | In: Money, Strange But True | Comments (3)


America Is Saddam Hussein’s New Iraq

LIKE 65.45 per cent of one-armed Jewish lesbians, Anorak loves a good survey.

And out attention is drawn to a survey commissioned by American Research Group.

On the matter of the economy, the survey polled a perfect 100 per cent, a score only previously achieved by Saddam Hussein, Big Brother’s Charley Uchea and the Labour Cabinet, who are to a man and women behind Supreme Leader Number One.

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Posted: 22nd, September 2008 | In: Money | Comments (5)


Lily Allen’s Key II

LILY Allen News Of The Day: Lily’s keys II

Lily Allen managed to keep a Smile on her face after locking herself out of her new North London home – Gordon Smart, The Sun

More Lily Allen news tomorrow…

Posted: 22nd, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, Tabloids | Comments (6)


Credit Crunch: The Baby Boom And Bust

CREDIT Crunch news of the day: “BED-IT CRUNCH”

BRITAIN is heading for a baby boom as the credit crunch is forcing couples to entertain themselves at home. People have limited cash to splash at pubs and restaurants so are spending more time in the bedroom.

Sales of maternity clothes rose by nearly half last week, says the Sun:

But it’s no free ride:

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Posted: 22nd, September 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (2)