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Money | Anorak - Part 69

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Money in the news and how you are going to pay and pay and pay

Credit Crunch: Heroin Dealers Make Rasher For It

CREDIT Crunch news of the day:

“SHOPLIFTERS ARE GETTING RASHER – Bacon is stolen to order”.

It’s the CREDIT BRUNCH, reports the Star, albeit missing the pun.

To a boarding house in Burnley, where the breakfast menu is being perused…

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Posted: 22nd, September 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (3)


Katherine Bucknell On The Lehman Brothers’ African Pump

WRITES the Times: “After Lehman Brothers: desperate City wives“:

The real-life stresses and strains of being married to an investment banker forms the backdrop to Katherine Bucknell’s bestselling US novel Canarino; Here she explains what the repercussions are for the families caught up in the latest financial meltdown…

At last, someone to make sense of it all…

For every vanished pile there will be crying children, an angry spouse, unemployed builders and domestic help, goods left on shop shelves, flats and houses available to rent or buy, empty restaurants, and villages in Africa that don’t get their new water pump after all.

Now do you understand..?

Unravelling Allison Pearson’s Message For Lehman Brothers Sorority

Posted: 20th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Money | Comments (4)


The Greatest Non-Sequitur Of The Decade

HEADLINES like “WE‘RE ALL F***ED” (all papers) might have led readers to believe that the world’s economy was in freefall and we were all doomed to rearing turnips as a source of fuel, housing and good, clean, honest fun.

Now the Times says we’ve been to “Hell and back”. The Express leads with “SHARE BOOM SENSATION”. “The panic is over…possibly,” says the Independent. And the Sun commands readers to “FILL YOUR BOOTS”.

We’ve never had it so good.

(Image: Beau Bo D’Or Website)

And that goes for Gordon Brown, too, who is the recipient of the Guardian’s non-sequitur of the decade: “After the crash, a record bounce – and Brown fightback begins.”

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Posted: 20th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Money, Tabloids | Comments (2)


Who Said This..?

WHO said this..?

“We are banking on private initiative, entrepreneurial freedom, openness and rational integration with the global economy”

a) Gordon Brown

b) George Bush

c) Osama bin Laden

d) Barack Obama

e) Vladimir Putin

f) Hugo Chavez

g) John Maynard Keynes

Answer…

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Posted: 20th, September 2008 | In: Money, Politicians | Comments (3)


BBC Traders Series Seeks Ethical City Boys

THE City’s faulty and entirely ineffectual regulatory systems are not to blame for the money markets crash. All that singing Malteser, dried-up women and Brothers grim, Gordon Brown’s heroes.

Oh, not. It’s all those City traders and their short selling, which is not illegal. But, still, let’s ban it and then we can all sleep easy.

What we need is a new breed of trader. Death to the old.

History attests to the fact that financial crises bring out the worst in the masses, and the action taken by the FSA is nothing more than vigilante violence on a national scale. Problems in the economy? Let’s find a scapegoat. Too difficult to blame the real culprits? Let’s pick on a minority, surround their homes with flaming torches, and drive them out into the wilderness.

And in the nick of time, here’s the new BBC show. It’s call Traders. It features what TV nodding heads call “real people” – a housewife, a student and an ex-marine – trying to earn oodles of cash on a pretend trading floor.

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Posted: 19th, September 2008 | In: Money, TV & Radio | Comments (3)


Laughing At The Unemployed City Boy Terrorists

THE Mirror is celebrating the loss of so many jobs in the City. Thousands – secretaries, traders, money makers, revenue, caterers, wealth generators, bar staff, cleaners and more – are looking at redundancy and the Mirror, voice of the worker, is delighted:

Brian Reade:

But I’m still laughing so hard at the sight of those City Boys departing Avarice Towers with their possessions in champagne boxes, that my face is redder than a glistening new Ferrari.

Or redder than an unpaid utility bill. Happily he then wishes death upon them.

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Posted: 19th, September 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (9)


The Idiots Guide To HBOS And The Singing Malteser

HSBOS bank collapses, proof that capitalism works and you’re never to big to go under. (See Lehman Brothers.)

Big news, then. But the red-tops have a problem: they need to make their readers understand what Lehman Brothers was. They do this by finding an easy point of reference and talking down to them in words of one syllable or fewer.

THE SUN: “MASS EXIT – 40,000 face axe, including Howard.”

Howard..? Is he the boss of the failed outfit? In a way yes.

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Posted: 18th, September 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (11)


Italian Virgin For Sale And Danielle Lloyd’s On Offer

SHOWGIRL, mo-del and Big Brother star emeritus Raffella Fico, 20, tells Italian magazine Chi:

“I can’t wait to see who’s going to pull out the money to have me. I don’t know what it’s like to have sex.”

Miss Fico is selling her virginity.

Now over to the UK, where Danille Lloyd is on the Star’s cover page: “DANI LLOYD – She’s naked & wants you.”

Since Danielle swore off footballers, she’s been looking for a new gig. And it might be you. Inside the paper and Danielle is offering Star readers the chance to win a date with here.

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Posted: 18th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, Strange But True | Comments (9)


Gordon Brown Salutes Lehman Brothers’ Rosy Future

BANKING Quote Of The Day: Gordon Brown On Lehman Brothers:

“Lehman Brothers is a great company today that can both look backwards with pride and look forwards with hope. And in wishing Lehman Brothers the success it deserves for its future, let me thank you for the privilege of being here and formally declare this building open”Gordon Brown opening Lehman’s European HQ, Canary Wharf April 2004.

Let’s hope Gordon’s future is every bit as rosy as that of the Lehman Brothers…

Posted: 18th, September 2008 | In: Money, Politicians | Comment (1)


Lehman Brothers Go The Gay Way

LEHMAN BRothers keep it in the family. If both brothers are gay, there are unlikley to be any more he Lehman Brothers. Look out for the Lehman Sisters at revue bar near you….

Posted: 17th, September 2008 | In: Money | Comments (2)


How the BBC Affected The Forunes Of HBOS And Lloyds TSB

HBOS PLC, owners of the Halifax, and Lloyds TSB PLC are said toi be in advanced talks about a merger. We know this because the British Broadcasting Corp. says so.

Neither company would comment on what they called “market speculation.” BBC business editor Robert Peston said that the talks were “very advanced” and could be wrapped up this week.

A scoop? If so, a scoop in the financial markets that has not been confirmed. Which makes it a rumour. And rumours in the City can create problems, and fortunes.

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Posted: 17th, September 2008 | In: Money, TV & Radio | Comments (6)


Unravelling Allison Pearson’s Message For Lehman Brothers Sorority

ALLISON Pearson, of the Daily Mail, is discussing the impact of the Lehman Bothersearthquake” and what investments bankers did to us when they never had it so good:

For years, investment bankers could outbid any family on a London house because they were always cash buyers. Flash Harrys and Jaspers with bonuses as big as their egos were happy to pay stupid money. So the property market duly went insane…

Who can afford those cray-zee prices?

Film studio Miramax has demanded that Allison Pearson return the $700,000 it paid her for rights to her novel I Think I Love You after the Daily Mail columnist failed to deliver the book. The novel, Pearson’s second following her successful debut I Don’t Know How She Does It, is about one girl’s infatuation with David Cassidy.

Pearson goes on:

The quality of British life became dangerously frayed. Kids unravelled.

Unravelling children. For shame! You’ve seen them, with their frayed fingers, unstitched heads and loose bits of digestive tract trailing behind them on a sodden grey pavement.

Pearson’s seen them. And she’s seen the kiddie unravellers at Lehman Brothers, once addressing the banks sorority:

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Posted: 17th, September 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (8)


Kenneth Branagh Does The Credit Crunch

CREDIT Crunch news of the day: Kenneth Branagh’s play for today…

The play was an early one and is generally seen as a poor relative of the four classics of Chekhov’s too brief maturity. But it has acquired striking topicality on two counts. First, it deals with debt, and with relationships dominated by economic circumstance. Debtor and creditor are unable to engage in social or emotional transactions without the paralysing effects of unreturned money. This is credit-crunch Chekhov.

A decent ticket for Ivanov at London’s Wyndham theatre costs a credit-crunch busting £32.50, plus £1.50 booking fee…

Posted: 16th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comments (9)


Lehman Brothers’ Workers Save Jobs By Playing Bingo

YOU join us for another game of Tabloid Bingo. Today the tabloids are counting the numbers of bankers falling from the windows of Lehman Bothers’ offices.

DAILY MIRROR: “About 4,500 Lehman Brothers staff …may lose their jobs.”
They have chance…

DAILY MAIL: “Some 4,500 Lehman workers lost their job in Britain”

Damn!

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Posted: 16th, September 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (4)


The Idiots Guide To The Lehman Brothers

LEHMAN Brothers bank collapses, proof that capitalism works and you’re never to big to go under.

Big news, then. But the red-tops have a problem: they need to make their readers understand what Lehman Brothers was. They do this by finding an easy point of reference and talking down to them in words of one syllable or fewer.

THE SUN (front page): “CRASH – BANG – WALLOP”

Jobs have been lost. Lehman’s hasn’t half a sixpence to its name. But what does it man? Well:

“Manchester Utd sponsor AIG could be next.”

That’s right. Man United fans might be forced to buy a new shirt. And with the season but a few weeks old. For shame!

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Posted: 16th, September 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (8)


America Is In The Great Depression

WRITES Cheryl from the US:

It is a nightmare over here, trust me! Drive down the streets in very nice areas and Foreclosures signs going up right and left. Stock market took quite a hit today and some people are losing their life’s savings in one fell swoop. Gas went up the other day in some places by 89 cents more per gallon add-on to already outrageous prices even before Ike hit Texas! I was reading an article last week about the potential for suicides by people losing their homes. Trying to remember history but believe it was the Crash of 1929 or 32 that caused the multitude of people to kill themselves who lost everything and thus the Great Depression. Here is something from the news over here today but not the latest and it only worsens.

More

Posted: 15th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Money | Comments (8)


Sky Has Changed Football More Than Any Billionaire Team Owner

SIMON Barnes, the Times’s Sports Columnist of the Year, is talking about Al Sugar, Manchester City and how football clubs have become rich man’s play things, as opposed to in those halcyon days of the minimum wage, when football clubs were, er, rich men’s play things.

Football is like a bird attached to a brick by a strong piece of elastic. The bird is flying skywards with all its might and there are only two things that can happen. Either the elastic will break or the brick will hit the bird up the arse. The bird is the billionaire owner, the brick is the supporters.

And the Sky in which it flies is the big money broadcaster which has done more to change football than any multi-millionaire, billionaire or trillionaire…

Not that Barnes notices. The Times is, incidentally, owned by the same company that owns Sky TV…

Posted: 15th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Money | Comments (8)


Oragsms Guranteed At Turkey’s New Aquapark

TOUGH times in the travel game.

Package tour operators going bust.

Credit crunch.

But in Turkey, there is fun to be had at the Bodrum Aquapark.

Fun for all the family.

Something for the kids. Something for the mums and dads, grandmas, grandpas….

Posted: 14th, September 2008 | In: Money, Photojournalism, Strange But True | Comments (2)


How Green Is My Wadi: Abu Dhabi And Dubai Battle Over Environment

SAYS Abu Dhabi’s Dr Sulaiman Al Fahim, Manchester City’s very own Al Sugar, in the Star:

“Of course I want to build great teams. But the greatest legacy we can leve our children is not just trophies but eco-friendly societies they can live in.”

Mewnwhile over in Dubai:

South African hotelier, Sol Kerzner, will be celebrating the launch of his new Dubai resort with a party so extravagant, that it will be seen from space, claim its organisers.

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Posted: 14th, September 2008 | In: Money | Comments (4)


Rupert Murdoch On the Importance Of Journalism

RUPERT Murdoch. Publishing genius. Here he tells Esquire readers about how journalism captivated him:

I finished college at twenty-two. I was going to do six months training on Fleet Street, which was the mecca of competitive journalism. I sat in on the Daily Express, and I enjoyed it so much, I thought, I gotta have a job here, just to learn. And I did that for four or five months. It was one of the happiest experiences of my life. I was living in a friend’s sitting room in London — which in those days was filthy from the pollution — and watching the editor and learning to be a journalist.

There was paper rationing in Britain in those days, and they couldn’t produce more than an eight-page broadsheet. And they treated every day like it was life-or-death competition. They would put up a one-page critique of the paper every day. “We had 156 stories today, and the Daily Mail had 164. Never let that happen again.” Everything was boiled down to two paragraphs or so. Brevity was important. Facts had to be right. And it was exciting. As a journalist, you felt as if you were right at the center of events.

Why does Anorak exist? To try to replicate some of that buzz in choosing stories that are not led by PR, spin and advertisers…

Posted: 13th, September 2008 | In: Money | Comment


All George Clooney’s Films Flop, But Kidman Is Box Office Hell

GEORGE Clooney. All his films are box office disasters:

Last year’s Michael Clayton brought in less than $50 million in American receipts. Good Night and Good Luck’s fared little better, grossing just five times its $7 million budget. Syriana, the cerebral thriller set all around the world, grossed $50,824,620 domestically, just 824 grand more than its production cost. The Good German? $1.3 million in the States. And earlier this year, Leatherheads, Clooney’s biggest flop to date, brought in just $40,666,628 worldwide after being produced for $58 million.

Ocean’s 11 did quite well… But, his films aren’t all box office gold. But neither are Nicole Kidman’s:

Nicole Kidman is the most overpaid celebrity in Hollywood, US business magazine Forbes said.

The Hours actress, who won an Oscar in 2003, topped the magazine’s second annual list of most overpaid stars, taking the top spot from fellow Australian Russell Crowe.

Kidman’s films were estimated to only earn one US dollar (57p) for every dollar the 41-year-old actress was paid, compared with eight US dollars (£4.57) a year ago.

The Invasion, a remake of the 1956 classic Invasion of the Body Snatchers, lost 2.68 US dollars (£1.53) for every dollar earned by Kidman, who was reportedly paid 17 million US dollars (£9.7 million) for her role.

Forget the hype. Why not use a new actress and make the film better?

Posted: 12th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comment


Rebranding Estate Agents As Property Artists

ESTATE agents are the vertitable scum of the earth. But no more.

Now they are property artists working in property studios.

What odds this year’s Turner Prize being won by a compoact and bijou artist’s pink shirt and mathing socks?

Spotter: Clive Davis

Posted: 12th, September 2008 | In: Money, Photojournalism | Comment


Amy Winehouse Finds Demons In The Farmhouse

AMY Winehouse is going to “battle her demons” in a “secret country retreat”.

Of course, the countryside is where demons live and the real fear is that Londoner Farmhouse, story, Winehouse, will merely be exchanging her old demons for new ones called Seth.

To prevent Winehouse from making a terrible move, the Sun gives clues to the secret hideaway in the hope that someone will gazump our Amy.

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Posted: 11th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, Tabloids | Comments (3)


Daily Express To Be Edited By Robots

THE Daily Express and Sunday Express move one step closer to being written and edited by monkeys.

News is that subs are being sacked in favour of a new editorial system called Woodwing.

In a letter to the downtrodden, group managing editor Ian Parrott (all his own words) says the system will allow the paper to “revolutionise the way pages are written and edited and therefore reduce costs”.

(Image: Beau Bo D’Or Website)

He goes on to blame that ever-present excuse: my dog ate it, Miss. No, it’s the credit crunch, dummy:

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Posted: 11th, September 2008 | In: Money, Photojournalism, Tabloids | Comments (4)


Nike Wants You To Jump Into The Tunnel

JUMPING into the tunnel is forbidden – so Just Do It, say Nike…

Spotter: Tom Mayhew

Posted: 10th, September 2008 | In: Money, Photojournalism | Comments (6)