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Media cluster trolls, Allison Pearson and old-fashioned hate

IT’S ages since I last thought of Allison Pearson, once of the Daily Mail parish, now ventriloquising for the middle-class mutes of the Daily Telegraph. She re-entered my head with the horrible news that she had fallen victim to the troll virus. Some dreadful person-reader had unleashed the fruitcakes of Twitter upon her good name and exposed her to words yet to be recognised by Wikipedia. One of them, with a ‘gynaecological’ connotation! Allison opined eloquently against trolls – read her piece here.

The business of trolling – ie conducting a targeted and persistent campaign of threatening abuse – reminded me of a piece Allison wrote in her Mail column in March 2008 about Fiona MacKeown. You may recall that Fiona’s daughter, British schoolgirl Scarlett Keeling, was raped and murdered in Goa – it was largely thanks to Fiona’s tenacity the case ever got to trial. Allison, among others, though I am sure privately empathetic, publicly used this tragic event to reproach Fiona for being a selfish hippy. Fiona had not bought into Allison’s addiction to workaholic conformist angst otherwise known as bourgeois life – and so was now deserving of the kicking Allison happily gave her as editor Paul Dacre pulled yet another one of his theatrical faces.

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Posted: 9th, April 2012 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (8)

The Reviews For Allison Pearson’s I Don’t Know How She Does It Are Beyond Parody

ALLISON Pearson’s book I Don’t Know How She Does It has ben turned into a film starring Sarah Jessica Parker. If the reviews are a guide, the movie should be hilarious:

Sandra Parsons writes in the Daily Mail:

Now, I hate to sound unsisterly. But if I hear one more woman droning on about how hard life is for us today, I may have to set about her with my enormously bulky handbag — or possibly a copy of my predecessor Allison Pearson’s brilliant novel, I Don’t Know How She Does It, now made into a film with Sarah Jessica Parker.

When the novel was published ten years ago, a colleague who’d just had a baby bought me a copy, admiringly inscribed: ‘I really don’t know how you do it!’ (At the time, I had a full-time job, a five-year-old and a baby). My answer then was the same as it is now: by simply getting on with it.

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Posted: 16th, September 2011 | In: Film | Comment

Male Neurotic Sexists Wave Goodbye To The Daily Mail’s Allison Pearson

ALLISON Pearson has left the Daily Mail. Madame Arcati puicks up a doily wipes away the tears:

She’s left the Daily Mail, as expected. So I read her piece on her depression, an implied reason for her departure. As you’d expect she sexes up her condition by locating it on a fashion wave band: she’s one of the Blues Sisters. She’s Sandwich Woman. More labels that may yet hook a gullible editor into a zeitgeist tsunami of publishing cash.

Because Allison is a newspaper columnist she has nothing useful to say about either depression or her inner life. A Thurderbirds puppet lulled into a Derren Brown hypnotic trance would reveal something at least as against Allison’s spirit void.

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Posted: 30th, April 2010 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)

Madeleine McCann: Watching Amelie And Sean Start School

find-maddyMADELEINE McCann Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Madeleine McCann in the news – We’re watching Our Maddie’s twin siblings Amelie and Sean go to school with Jaycee Dugard.

Sky News tells us: “Parents’ Pain As Twins Join Madeleine School”

All the media talks is of the McCanns’ pain: Pain. Pain. Pain.

We are not looking for the missing child, we are watching the parents, as ever. And we are watching the children. Nothing creepy about watching someone else’s children, a stranger’s children start school. This is just good wholesome gawping.

After “pain” the other word is “proud”. As all news sources tell us, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann are proud. This from Sky:

It will be a proud moment for her parents when they drop off twins Sean and Amelie for their first day in primary class in Thurmaston, Leics. But the occasion will be tinged with overwhelming sadness for the couple.

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Posted: 3rd, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann | Comments (5)

Baby P Is The Baby Of Hearts

BABY P Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Baby P in the news…

THE SUN (front page): “Haunting portrait of baby P shows cuts and bruises”

These are the:


The torture and death of Baby P is not enough for the Sun which continues to search for more pictures of the child to broadcast and therewith show how much it cares for the “blue-eyed angel”.

Here’s one of Baby P fresh out the womb, born on Wednesday March 1, 2006. He’s a healthy weight of 7lob 1oz.

Here’s one of baby P is an Army-style fatigue jacket. He’s smiling. And here’s that front-page shot again, this time with arrows pointing at his “old bruise”, “new bruise” and “red marks”.

Wannabe social workers should make notes. They should be shown the front-page picture and asked to spot any abrasions, lacerations and contusions. Failure to get less than the full three marks would result in a fail, and a job in Haringey.

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Posted: 20th, November 2008 | In: Reviews | Comments (44)

Daily Mail Bloggers For Russell Brand

ALLISON Pearson is discusing how offended she is by Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross in the Daily Mail. Having transcribed the phone calls, Pearson notes:

 A bewildered, icily polite Gwyneth Paltrow, who had just survived the rigours of natural childbirth, had to put up with Ross asking if she planned to have sex again soon…

She survived child birth. Her three doctors can stand down. And Palttow survived sitting on a sofa. What a gal! 

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Posted: 1st, November 2008 | In: Reviews | Comments (5)

Gordon Brown Finds The Family Pop Shaft

GORDON Brown is not into the cult of celebrity. He is on GMTV because GMTV needs him.

Gordon Brown will not parade his children before the media, especially when Ben 10 is on the telly and Gordon is called upon to hum the theme tune. His children are not props. His wife is more an autocue than a prop.

Gordon Brown is with Allison Pearson, of the Daily Mail, because he needs to be. He wants to be tough on Pearson and the causes on Pearsons:

The PM has been meeting people all day. But when we walk into the living room of the flat ‘above the shop’, there is someone else waiting patiently for his help – a small boy wearing a pair of cartoon pyjamas. ‘The wheel’s come off,’ says John Brown, five next week, handing over a Transformers car. ‘Fix it, Dad.’

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Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comment (1)

Lily Cole Tries To Contact Gary Glitter

THE Daily Mail is wondering how it can republish that shot of Lily Cole dressed as schoolgirl and give readers another chance to cut it out and keep it as a sign of the sick times in which we live.

Allison Pearson steps into the breach:

The 20-year-old – who with her lanky frame and stunnedcod face looks like a mermaid put through a mangle – agreed to be photographed in pigtails, long white schoolgirl socks and with a pink teddy parked up her Henri Matisse. Factor in the translucent skin and cute snub nose, and Lily looks at least 12.

At leasts. Maybe, 19, or 20…

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Posted: 8th, October 2008 | In: Reviews, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Allison Pearson: The Sword, The Money Or The Poison Pen

ALLISON Pearson, of the Daily Mail, is still talking about those City “spivs” and how they are, well, just so worthless:

Throughout the boom years, the bankers justified their stellar incomes by saying they were working heroic hours to help bring greater prosperity to us all. Oh, really? Try telling that to a soldier who has spent 180 days dodging mortars in Helmand and dreamt of nothing more than enjoying a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken in front of the TV with the family he adores.

Most bankers never have to justify their incomes, wages being a matter of market rates. And do not soldiers dream of owning islands, flying first class and watching their football team play on a massive plasma screen? Do bankers eat KFC?


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Posted: 1st, October 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Unravelling Allison Pearson’s Message For Lehman Brothers Sorority

ALLISON Pearson, of the Daily Mail, is discussing the impact of the Lehman Bothersearthquake” and what investments bankers did to us when they never had it so good:

For years, investment bankers could outbid any family on a London house because they were always cash buyers. Flash Harrys and Jaspers with bonuses as big as their egos were happy to pay stupid money. So the property market duly went insane…

Who can afford those cray-zee prices?

Film studio Miramax has demanded that Allison Pearson return the $700,000 it paid her for rights to her novel I Think I Love You after the Daily Mail columnist failed to deliver the book. The novel, Pearson’s second following her successful debut I Don’t Know How She Does It, is about one girl’s infatuation with David Cassidy.

Pearson goes on:

The quality of British life became dangerously frayed. Kids unravelled.

Unravelling children. For shame! You’ve seen them, with their frayed fingers, unstitched heads and loose bits of digestive tract trailing behind them on a sodden grey pavement.

Pearson’s seen them. And she’s seen the kiddie unravellers at Lehman Brothers, once addressing the banks sorority:

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Posted: 17th, September 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (8)