Katie Price: Jordan Posts Fantastic Photo Of Harvey

KATIE Price thought it a good idea to post this picture of her current beau and some of her kids.

Anorak

Posted: 30th, October 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Gun drawn in Jordan’s parliament (Video)

SCRAPS in overseas parliaments are much, much better than the ones we have in England. You see politicians knocking each other out, jumping on desks and shouting ’til their veins burst. In the Commons, you just get a bunch of posh blokes posing at each other and seeing who can piss the highest.

Over in Jordan, parliament had to be stopped when a ruckus broke out MPs yesterday.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 8th, March 2013 | In: Politicians | Comment

Jordanian MP pulls gun in TV debate on Syria

TO Jordan, where Mohammed Shawabka MP is debating stuff with  Mansour Sayf al-Din Murad, a former MP and cheerleader for Syria’s President Assad.  Shawabka says Murad is “an agent of Syria”. Murad says Shawabka is “an agent of the Israeli Mossad”.

Offender, Shawabka tosses one of his shoes at Murad. He then pulls a gun.

Anorak

Posted: 7th, July 2012 | In: Politicians | Comment

How Katie Price tricked the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan

BEYOND irony story of the sat features the new that Katie Price is going to sue Jordan for breach of copyright.

The Pan-Arabia Enquirer, a satirical website, says Katie Price will sue the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan for abusing her global trademark:

Katie Price’s solicitors, Bed, Knobs & Broomsticks, are claiming that, with 185 autobiographies and 65 reality TV shows already under her belt, the model has a far greater international connection to the name ‘Jordan’ than the country of Jordan, which has so far only been the setting for Laurence of Arabia and a few rubbisher films.

Anorak

Posted: 18th, May 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Peter Andre Won’t Be Dating You Famous Women, So You Can Breathe Easy

DESPITE barely registering on most people’s scale of celebrity, Peter Andre has an almost charming delusion that he’s a big deal. He takes his music very seriously (no, honestly he does – if he was any more earnest, he’d be a good replacement for the Montell Williams Show) and is very, very keen to remind us all what a good parent he is.

Not that anyone cares about his stupid offspring.

And now, for reasons unclear, Pete wants to inform us all that he won’t be dating women who are in the public eye anymore. Is that because they don’t tend to recognise him?

“I always thought they should understand your job, but given the option now I would like to stay away from dating anyone in the industry.”

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 22nd, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Peter Andre Didn’t Hump Elen Rivas While His Children Watched

PETER Andre is a modern day saint. Think about it. He had sexual relations with Katie Price so no-one else had to. He really took one for the team while Jordan fell on the metaphorical sword.

Of course, Price went off with Alex Reid, attracted to his womanly frame and the fact that he was so dumb that he couldn’t spot that he was nothing more than bait to make Peter Andre jealous. This saw Andre crying on Sky News at the hands of the monster that is Kay Burley.

Then, secretly, Pete started going out with Elen Rivas. Sadly for him, everyone had kinda guessed it already.

About the fact he was keeping this relationship a secret, Andre says:

“I never let them see Elen and I in bed together, not ever.”

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 20th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Katie Price Pulls Out Of London Marathon, Saving Us From Seeing Her Hideously Sweating Everywhere

KATIE Price – or Jordan if you’re from the ’90s – has decided to do us all a massive favour by pulling out of this year’s London Marathon, saving us all from the awful image of her distorted face and voluminous breasts pumping out orange sweat onto the pavements of the nation’s capital.

It’s tempting to think that she could have actually gone ahead with the thing, allowing people to point and laugh while blurting out “LOOK! That Katie Price outfit is amazingly unrealistic! Those lips look like a burst settee. Wait. That’s not the real deal is it?”

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 13th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Katie Price Gives Full Throat To Furious Essex ‘Sex Show’ – And More Facts

KATIE Price has been hurt by a “HATE MOB”. You can read about their “FURY” as Jordan puts on a “SEX SHOW”.

Katie is a mum-of-three. If she wants to put on a 2sex show”, then it is her right. It is a sorry pass when a British woman or man cannot put on a sex show where they want, with whom they want and where they want.

This is Katie Price’s “disastrous public appearance”, says the Star – the one that scored her another front page on the, er, Star.

To Mayhem club, Essex:

The shameless model cavorted with cage-fighter husband Alex Reid, grabbing him by the throat and simulating obscene sex acts in a packed nightclub. Security had to hold back the angry audience as they cried out “Slut!” and chanted her 37-year-old ex-husband Peter Andre’s name while trying to grab her.

Anorak

Posted: 19th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Katie Price’s New Man And Peter Andre’s Bergamot And Mint

WANT to know about Jordan’s “Secret Other Man”? Want to know about the “third man in Kate’s marriage”? The Star’s front page promises much. And readers familiar with disingenuous headlines will wonder if Alex Reid has name for his little Toffee Crisp? Maybe he calls it Peter, or Big Andre?

Inside, and wonder now more as the third man can be revled as…Dane Bowers, the singer who dated Katie and used her baby churner as a foot muff on video.

Anorak

Posted: 26th, May 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

Katie Price Sells Andre And Gets A Striker In Her Bosom

KATIE Price, currently appearing on Celebrity Big Brother as a dream sequence shag is selling Andre. No, not Peter Andre – Andre is a horse. The Mirror says that “riding Andre seems inappropriate”.

Katie Price’s Career As Jordan (NSFW)

So she’s going to dry hump it instead. Ba-ba-boom! The Mirror sets them up and we hammer them in.

Anorak

Posted: 7th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment

On Jews, Israel, Organs, Alder Hey, Jordan, Galloway, Mengele And Anti-Semitism

IN Israel, pathologists removed body parts from dead Israelis and Palestinians in the 1990s. The scandal was reported on Israeli TV. George Galloway has spotted the story. Before we get to his blog in the Daily Record, you may recall the scandal at Alder Hey Children’s hospital where organs from hundreds of babies who had died between 1988-1996 were harvested.

George Galloway compares the giongs on in Israel to the…Holocaust. The practise has now stopped. No-one was killed for their organs. And all bodies were treated equally, irrespective of race.

Still less of anyone being held accountable for playing mini-Mengele on Palestinian prisoners in Israeli jails.

Anorak

Posted: 29th, December 2009 | In: Reviews | Comment

Celebrity Big Brother: Katie Price’s Men – Bowers, Peter Andre and Reid – In TV ‘Fight’

PETER Andre and Katie Price: The lightweight fight between Alex Reid and Peter Andre is on! It’s Fanny v Tranny. The Star has news on Celebrity Big Brother:

GOBBY Jordan is in for treble trouble when Celebrity Big Brother kicks off. Because THREE of the model’s exes are set to square up on TV.

The 10 Men Most Likely To Marry Katie Price

Can three people square? That question to geometrists. More on the “PUNCH-UP”.

In the red corner is punchy Alex Reid, the cross-dressing cage-fighter. In the blue corner is Dane Bowers, who knows all her sex secrets. And in the, er, orange corner is her popular ex-husband Peter Andre.

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, December 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

X Factor: Hairy Jordans Jedward To Star On I’m A Celebrity And Coronation Street

WHEN Jedward left the X Factor on the same night Katie Price quit the I’m A Celebrity jungle, we knew there would be no shortage of tabloid exclusives.

Today the Sun accompanies its front–page news that Katie Price has dumped Alex Reid, with the story:

NOW BOSSES WANT JEDWARD FOR JUNGLE

Exile? Well, Australian deserves it, we suppose. Give them a pair of Stubbies, a vest, a can of amber ambition and their li-lo a hearty shove. Bon voyage. Next!

Anorak

Posted: 24th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Dumps Alex Reid On The Telly

I’M A Celebrity: One day one from news that walking Toffee Crisp Alex Reid was going to ask Katie Price t0 marry him, Katie Price says she is no longer dating Alex Reid.

What Price that had Jordan/Katie/Kate stayed in the jungle longer she would have continued to date Alex Reid for the duration?

The path is cleared for Katie Price and Peter Andre back together.

One last time for the cameras – with feeling…

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Vows Her Kids Will Die If She Eats Another Gonad

I’M A Celebrity: How the old dead tree press responded to the news that Katie Price has quit the jungle:

The Sun (front page): “Jordan: no more trials”

Not a shabby effort at prediction. But, in reality, this is just a quote from Katie on last night’s show.

Says Katie Price:

“I swore on my kids’ lives I’m not doing any more. I am not doing any more. I am not doing any more. I have said to them I am not doing it.”

Why not swear on her own life? Why brings the kids into it? Their lives are tied to their mum’s bug eating? If she eat more bugs – they die! This is terible. Although, it is good telly…

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

I’m A Celebrity: Quitter Katie Price Wanted To Die With Jedward

I’M A Celebrity: Katie Price has left the jungle to be with her make-up.

Jordan walked out jungle. She put in a good shift. She’s not John Fashanu.

But Katie Price leaves the jungle with her head high and her Jordan’s held higher, like Saint Agatha in a bikini.

She leaves the show with a legacy of a slightly sunken hammock and the waters with traces of eyebrow felt tip and tangerine varnish.

Says Katie Price:

“Everyone else, give them something to do. You’ve seen me struggle, you’ve seen me cry, shake, want to die.

“I really don’t want to be doing this. I miss my children. I’m hungry.

“I want a nice bed and I don’t want to have to put myself through these horrible challenges.”

Did she walk in sympathy with Jedward?

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)

I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price To Marry ‘Dumped’ Alex Reid In Jungle

I’M A Celebrity:Katie Price to marry, Alex Reid to be dumped in the jungle and Michelle Heaton whispers. The news round-up:

News of The World (front page): “MARRY ME KATIE”

It’s walking Toffee Crisp Alex Reid.He’s heading Down Under to see his one true love:

“EXCLUSIVE: ALEX TO PROPOSE IN JUNGLE”

Eveyone loves a wedding. It will so great. Katie can wear a veils fashioned from spiders webs and Alex can makes ring from a kanagaroo’s anus. But hold on a moment:

Sunday Mirror (front page): “Tarzan Alex is dumped in jungle”

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (16)

I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Finds Jordan In An Alcopop

I’M A Celebrity: In Make Your Own Katie Price, we tell you how to grow your own Jordan in a bottle of alcopops or wine box.

Jordan adorns the cover of the Sun’s front page and tells readers: “Keep me sober or I’ll get nasty.”

This is, of course, a call for the I’m A Celebrity producers to airdrop caseloads of fermented cockroach penis to the jungle studio. It’s is also receipe for Jordan.

The Sun says that Katie plus booze equals Jordan.

Anorak

Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

I’m A Celebrity: Naked Katie Price Becomes Kate And Jordan ‘Dies’

I’M A Celebrity: Katie Price is dying. Kate Price is upon us. Jordan makes a naked dash for fame. And the worms get ready to complete the food cycle…

Daily Star (front page): “JORDAN: I’LL DIE IN BUSH”

Is that Bush the famous Shepherd’s Bush, location of the overgrown Blue Peter Garden and the BBC’s Television Centre? To viewers it looks like the Australian Bush, made to look bigger by clever angles and having little Ant ‘n’ Dec present the show.

Jordan will die in this Bush. Having eaten so much insect, she will become insect food.

KATE Price believes she is so hated, the public actually want to see her die in the jungle.

Anorak

Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Man Uses Katie Price’s Old Jordans As Muscle Implants, Video

IT turns out that Katie Price’s old breast implants are not used as filler for car bumpers not are they formed into a defence shield along the US-Canada border. Breast implants are repackaged as muscle implants.

The 10 Men Most Likely To Marry Katie Price

One man invested in some. One problem might be if they inherit character traits of the previous owner. If so, look out for him squiring Peter Andre, singing in Eurovision and jumping so hard that they rearrange his features…

For Cheryl, June and all the Anorak ladies:

The Katie Price Burning: A Life In Pictures

Anorak

Posted: 20th, November 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comments (4)

I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Gets Stoned

I’M A Celebrity Watch: Katie Price says she going to take her Jedwards and walk out of the overgrown Blue Peter jungle – it’s not been the same since Percy Thrower died. Well she might.

Here’s what the front pages are saying about I’m Katie Price…Get Me A Crocodile Penis And Make It Snappy:

Daily Star (front page): “JORDAN: I’LL QUIT JUNGLE OF HATE”

Defo! Katie Price will quit. Nothing can stop her!

Anorak

Posted: 20th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Is Rubbed Off In Kim Woodburn Bust Up

I’M A Celebrity: For the first time in weeks, there is not a single X Factor story on the cover of any paper, which can only mean one thing: Katie Price is wearing a bikini in the overgrown Blue Peter garden. The daily round-up of I’m A Celebrity news:

The Sun (front page): “Three on the bounce”

Jordan has now completed Three Bush Tucker trials. And it’s all because of Peter Andre:

Fans of her ex-hubby Peter Andre are said to have hatched an internet plot to force her to do EVERY trial in revenge for her treatment of the singer.

Good of the Sun to undercover this datardley plot on the shadowy web. What do we know?

One poster on Facebook wrote: “Keep voting for Kate to do all the tasks.”

Another added: “Vote her to do all the nasty trials.” Bookies made Jordan favourite to do the next trial.

Can it be that only two people vote for the celebs to be put up for challenges?Or is teh sun workign on away to keep Peter Andre in the jungle dynamic? In other news, there’s been a fight, what tabloids should call a BUST UP:

The Mirror: “Kim v Katie”

It’s televised pro-celebrity cleaning woman Kim Woodburn and Katie Price. Fumble? No. Rumble. Yes! Fight!

She looks as if she could handle herself in a physical confrontation and after her verbal rucking with Katie Price in the episode on telly a couple of hours ago, Kim’s obv up for a rumble in the jungle too…

The Mirror is writing in the manner of a text message to git din wiv da kidz. Back to the fight. Will Kim wipe the floor with Katie? Will Katie starts calling Kim ‘Quim’? The exchange goes like this:

Katie wants to know what the other campmates thing of her. This is good because ITV can now film Katie and the other celebs at the same time, instead of just Katie:

Gino In Da Campo: “I thought you would be a right bitch.”
Quim: “You are what I thought you’d be.”
Jordan: “What, a bitch?”
Quim: “You’re a publicity seeker. You live and die for publicity and you do it well. As Shakespeare once said, ‘We fear you protesteth too much.’”

Shakespeare might have said it but he never did write it down. Kim Woodburn is an authority on Shakespeare, that’s Brett Shakespeare, supplier of scouring pads to the rich and famous.

Jordan: “What do you mean?”
Kim: “You said you escaped to come in here but you’ve got 12 million people watching you every night. I don’t get that. What I’m saying is you do publicity very well and you protest all the time but love it. You live it and dream it.”
Jordan: “No, I used to love it”

Kim continues to rub away at the stain. But Jordan is constructed beneath indelible layers of felt tip and wood stain. Oh, if only breasts were elbows Kim would have the power to wipe Jordan from the face of the planet.

And it end with fisticuffs? Well, no:

Katie: “We’re all talented in our own way, Kim. I’ve got to laugh out loud to myself. I’m agreeing with you, Kim.”

Katie Price not in fight and gets on with campmates – read all about it! It’s MAYHEM!

See pictures of busty stars here.

I’m A Celebrity’s Sam Fox’s Career In Pictures

Me And My Chest: Peter Andre’s Career in Pictures

The Katie Price Burning: A Life In Pictures

Anorak

Posted: 19th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (15)

I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price’s Lesbian Milf Affair And Therapy

I’M A Celebrity Watch: Anorak’s daily look at the jungle show in the news: Katie Price’s jungle therapy, lesbian affair, Milf credentials and proud kids.

Katie Price is not yet in the overgrown Blue Peter garden – but she still manages to be the only contestant to feature on any tabloid front pages.

In readiness for Jordan’s arrival, a swinging bench love seat has been erected on the spot where Peter Andre and Jordan fell for each other in 2004.

Producer Marty Benson admitted: “We want canoodling. The swing offers them some privacy. Hopefully they’ll talk about the other people in the camp. It’s surrounded by cameras, so we’ll capture everything they do on the swing. It’s located where Peter Andre wrote Insania in series three. It seemed appropriate somehow.”

Daily Star: “MY GIRL ON GIL JUNGLE LUST”

Katie Price has heard that Samantha Fox is a lesbian. Not a lesbian who pushes her big naked chest into another girl’s chest on Page 3 or has had her breasts groped by Trinny ‘The Tranny’ Woodall or Gok Wan, but an actual lesbian.

You know like, er, celebrity jungle alumni Janice Dickinson:

Janice, 54, who has flown to Australia for the ITV2 spin-off show Get Me Out Of Here Now, told the Daily Star: “Jordan is great. We had a lesbian affair on the flight over. It was great. We joined the mile high club. I didn’t know her until now.”

Not a grope on the flight but a full-blown affair, with dates, furtive texts, tears, melancholic taxi rides through rainy streets and loadsa shagging.

So expect lots of lesbian sex. As the Sun says:

Fumble in the jungle? Not at any Price

Phwoaar!!! In other news, we look at Katie’s mental health:

Daily Mirror: “I’m NOT nuts”

Beneath a picture of Katie Price looking like she emerged from Dr Frankenstein’s Cosmetic Studios – a child beauty pageant heads stuck onto a pair of Ford fiesta airbags and Barbies body – readers hear:

“For others, it’s a game show. For me, it’s closure. I’m going back to a place where a big fairytale began for me.

“I met my husband, I had two more beautiful children and six years on I’ve been married, divorced, ready to go back in. I’ve had a crap year and the fairytale has ended. I’m going in for closure.”

It’s not a telly show – it’s a place for Jordan to exorcise her demons. It’s therapy.

“People think I’m breaking down, I’ve lost the plot, I’m not a good mum, I’m a man-eater. They’ve got all these perceptions but I think that when people see me again, like last time, they’ll see I’m grounded, if not more grounded.”

See the Daily Star’s story all-too-unbelievable story about her being grounded aboard a Jumbo Jet Down Under before she sucks down a kangaroos genitals. This one’s for you, Pete. And the kids:

She said of her three children: “They’ll be able to watch me on telly and be proud of their mum.” But she also announced: “I am the jungle MILF” – referring to the cheeky term for “mum I’d like to f***”.

Mum I’d Like To **** is “cheeky” to the Sun. It makes you wonder what the tabloids consider crude.

Here’s Jordan to save a telly show that doesn’t need saving.

Anorak

Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)

Katie Price’s Marries A Toffee Crisp And Peter Andre’s Other Woman Confesses

OK! magazine continues the push the limits of trades descriptions as it tries to eek more sensation from the predictable life of Katie Price, aka Jordan.

In “KATIE PRICE – ‘We can’t wait for our wedding day’”, the OK! cover sees Katie dandling her kidzzz under her pendant charcoal drawn eyebrows over a picture of she and Toffee Crisp-dusted Alex Reid looking smoochy.

Anyone who expects to read about Katie and Alex’s big day is either a fool, a bigger fool or someone who has never bought OK! before. Eight pages into a Halloween photoshoto in which Katie appears as a neon Jack-o-lantern and hr progeny Princess Tiaminimeeeee takes on the guise of a young Marty Feldman channelling Danniella Westbrook, we get:

OK!: Do you still believe in marriage?
KP: Absolutely. I definitely want to get married again.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, November 2009 | In: OK! | Comment

Peter Andre And Katie Price: Pete Stops Son Talking To ‘Gay’ Alex Reid

MORE news on Katie Price, who having risen to fame as Mrs Peter Andre is pictured on the cover of the Daily Star canoodling in a swimming pool or large bath tub from Ideal Standard’s Essex Range with Alex Reid, the cross-dressing cage fighter.

There is “JORDAN HUNK SENSATION”, and we learn via the Star:

“I make love to Kate dressed as a women.”

Kate Price’s lover says he only slaps on feminine gear for “special occasions” and is very “proud” of who he is.

Good to know that squiring Katie is still special and has not become routine. As we know, a lack of sexual positions is most likely what drove a wedge between Katie and Peter Andre.

Says Alex:

“I’m very gay, I love cross-dressing… It’s a laugh. So what? There are wars happening everywhere and people care about this? Give me a break.”

Hey, Alex, this is how wars start. Things can escalate. One day you’re wearing a skirt, the next your Jewish tailor says your bum looks big in it and before you know it you’re overcompensating by invading Poland.

“If I go out and wear a dress, so f***ing what? I’m proud of who I am, bring it on. I bet loads of people who slag me off for this are harbouring some desire that they’re too scared to admit or experience.”

Anorak

Posted: 14th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)