Anorak

The Consumer | Anorak - Part 102

The Consumer Category

We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.

Advert: That Rightmove Advert Looks Familiar

ADVERTS are created by creative types – like this advert for property search site Rightmove. How do those nutters think it up, eh? Here’s possible clue from Big Train, Graham Linehan and Arthur Matthews’ telly show:

Spotter

Posted: 18th, January 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


Emily Bronte Writes New Twilight Book: Picture

TWLIGHT only lasts three books. But wait – theres another. Emily Bronte has written a fourth. The future of literature is assured. Bella and Edward endorse:

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Posted: 16th, January 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Children Trained To Spot Jihadis And Use XRay Security Check Points: Pictures

THE Playmobil Security Check Point will train your child to become a boarder guard of the future – or work out how to dodge the system and board a flight carrying a ton of cocaine. It’s hours and hours and hours of fun – and that’s just waiting in line to pass through the machine. Says the maker:

The woman traveler stops by the security checkpoint. After placing her luggage on the screening machine, the airport employee checks her baggage. The traveler hands her spare change and watch to the security guard and proceeds through the metal detector. With no time to spare, she picks up her luggage and hurries to board her flight!

Upon which point she is ordered to stop and then shot. Pictures:

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Posted: 13th, January 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


In Pictures: The 2010 International Auto Show, Detroit

THE 2010 International Auto Show, Detroit, MI, in pictures: big is better. Slap the word “hybrid” on the side if it makes you feel good. But big cars are in.

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The Dodge Challenger on display at the 2010 International Auto Show in Detroit, MI, USA on January 11, 2010. Photo by James Fassinger/ABACAUSA.COM

Introducing the Ford Fusion Flex Fuel (North American car of the Year), Cadillac Escalade Hybrid, Chrysler Delta, Honda CR-Z Hybrid, the Chevrolet Aveo RS, Mazda 2 2011, BMW Concept Active E, Chrysler Delta, Fiat 500, Ford Transit Connect Van, Audi R8 V10 Convertible, Audi A3 TDI, Ford Escape, Maserati Gran Tourismo Convertible, Chevrolet Camaro, GMC Granite Concept, Chevrolet Camaro SS, Audi e-tron Electric Sport Car, VW NCC New Concept Coupe Hybrid, Toyota FT-EVII, BMW X6 Active Hybrid, Mercedes Benz ML 450 Hybrid, Buick Regal GS concept car, Chevrolet Tahoe Hybrid, Toyota Sienna, BUGE by Harvey Coachworks, Mercury Milan Hybrid, Ford Taurus, Dodge Challenger, Mini Concept ‘Beachcomber’…

Posted: 13th, January 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Peaches Geldof Arrives In The 1980s: Rellik Opens, In Pictures

PEACHES Geldof was at the opening of Rellik, a “concept boutique” dedicated to fashions and goods from 1990 to 2000, inside Selfridges department store. Yeah, all that tat that’s been sat around in warehouses of decades has found a market. Cue Peaches, whose mum and dad were big stars in the 1980s. That’s right, Peaches has been beaten to it yet again by her parents. Another day in Peaches’ Geldof’s battle to find something in showbiz to make her own. PS – Is that a rescued Chihuahua in her bag?

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Peaches Geldof attends the opening of Rellik, a concept boutique dedicated to fashions and goods from 1990 to 2000, inside Selfridges department store on London's Oxford Street.

Posted: 8th, January 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Strapya World: Save Money By Feeding It To The Dog

SAVE money by feeding coins to dogs. Strapya dogs will lap up any spare change. (Rope lead not included.) Do you trust banks with your cash? If you do, think again. You shouldn’t. Sitck your money inside a dog and be assured that it’s safe and warm. Give your money a good home:

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 7th, January 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Sex Shop Sells Live Pussies, And Cats

TO a window display in a city. What does the shop sell? Cats? Captions and ideas as to what Ye Olde Englissh Shoppe should stock, please…

window-display

Posted: 5th, January 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


The Marks & Spencer Bodymax And Other Sock Drawer Porn

bodymaxTHE Marks & Spencer Bodymax will do for men what Spanx do for women. We give you the male corset, known in the trade as “male shapewear”.

Dave Binns, who’s big in men’s underwear, tells us:

”Men are becoming more conscious of their appearance. The fact that Men’s Health is now the biggest selling men’s magazine really highlights this trend.”

No. Free porn on the internet and embarrassment is why Men’s Health is the biggest selling men’s magazine. The day when a publisher brings out a jazz mag pre-wrapped within a copy of Aviation Monthly is the day Men’s Health, Loaded, FHM, House & Garden and all the lads mags die.

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Posted: 30th, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Guinness Factory Burns to Produce A New Drink: In Pictures

A FIRE breaks out at the Guinness plant in Dublin’s Victoria Quay. It is understood the blaze broke out when building materials being used by workmen to repair a felt roof with a torch caught fire. Burning things is, of course, how Guinness was discovered. With every disaster an opportunity looms to push the Guinness myth. It’s not a fire, it’s a Papal pall of smoke to signify a new divine beer. Guinness wants you to take it seriously. It’s not just black, theme beer. If you stare at the smoke you can see thundering horses and men with washboard stomachs hewing canyons from barren earth…

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The scene at the iconic Guinness plant in Dublin city centre where up to six fire units contained the blaze at Victoria Quay.

Posted: 21st, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment


For Sale: Cat Toy Made From Dead Cats

cat-fur-toyPAULINE Burgess, aged 53, of Cotswold Road, Malvern, is “disgusted to discover that toy mice she bought for her pet cat were made of real cat hair.”

Those mice the cat, a feline called Mimi, was to toy with and tease and practice her torture methods on is made from cat fur. Oh, the irony.

The toy features three spring-mounted mice attached to a board. The mice are not believed to be real live mice, although the Halesowen News is unspecific.

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Posted: 19th, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comments (3)


Tesco Admits That Santa Is A Ginger

ginger-santaHEY, kids: “Santa loves all kids. Even ginger ones.” That’s what it says on the card. That red hat… Not a hat. Those jolly red cheeks… A myth corrupted from Santa’s red beard.

Santa is naked save for a black belt and a Playboy bunny girl’s tail won as a cod piece. Santa doesn’t just love gingers – Santa is flaming ginger, red all over.

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Posted: 15th, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Burger King’s Shower Girl Admits That It’s Breakfast Meal Is For W*ankers

burger-king-babeBURGER King brings you “the world’s first guilt free showercam”. Thanks to Cow and Pancentric Digital, meat lovers can “watch our shower babe shake her bits to the hits at 9:30 every morning.”

Shake your bits along to the showgirl. Grab a bar of soap, and shake and shake and shake and shake.

Says the Burger King Girl (not really):

“After giong tino burger King I always feel like taking a shower.”

What hits and what bits so you shake along too? Well, you decide. Burger pickers can vote for the outfit Burger Babe will wear and the song she will sing. Will she dress up as a cow, a potato or wear the uniform of a burger King drone as she serves your morning fantasy shake?

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Posted: 12th, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Christmas Is Hell: The Mince Pie Condom

mince-pie-condomsANORAK’S Man in LA brings news of Christmas gifts that linger all year round: the Mince Pie condom.

THE good news: If you’re a British ex-pat stuck in The States for Christmas, there’s a way to get the feel, and the flavor, of home this holiday season.

It’s mince pie flavored condoms.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 10th, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment


The British Fashion Awards: In Pictures

TO the British Fashion Awards at London’s Royal Courts of Justice, London. We watched and knitted as the accused passed us by. They came to be tried for crimes against fashion and fat. The court calls: Victoria Beckham (glum), Amber le Bon (famous mum), Claudia Schiffer (adopted German), Lauren Laverne (BBC), Amanda Wakeley (fashion enabler), Myleene Klass (ubiquitous), Holly Branson (daddy), Sarah Brown (hubby), Sam Branson (pater), Isabella Calthorp (money), Laura Bailey (Pout of the night award!), Danny Cipriani (rugger), Jameela (telly), Beverley Knight (songs), Erin O’Connor (top toff model), Pixie Geldof (dadday), James Brown (dead?), Shingai Shoniwa (Shinga the singa), Tolula Adeyemi (chant), Nadja Swarovski (fake rocks), Kate Moss and Vivienne Westwood (peas in a pod). How do you plead?

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(left to right) Kate Moss and Vivienne Westwood after Moss won the London 25 British Fashion Council Award at the Royal Courts of Justice, London.

Posted: 10th, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment


The Margaret Thatcher NUT Cracker, In Pictures

THIS Christmas why not get the Margaret Thatcher nut cracker. Or is that NUT cracker? The National Union of Teachers are a Bolshie bunch who not content with joining institutions to institutionalise the young, join a union to immerse themselves deep within institutions. Walnuts, almonds, Brazils, filberts, chestnuts and if you’re a true Tory hankering for the golden era of Maggie and all that iron might, there are pine nuts…

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The Margaret Thatcher nut cracker has hit the shop this christmas and is the perfect party political accessory for people with a cracking sense of humour.

Posted: 9th, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment


In Pictures: Marks And Spencer Unveils Tiger Woods Underwear Range

ANOTHER day and with it another chance to be accosted by scantily clad women in the West End, this time lingerie model Natalie Suliman on London’s Oxford Street promoting M&S Stocking Fillies and Fellas. This turns out to be Marks and Spencer staff who will help shoppers to choose the right lingerie for a Christmas gift. Do women buy men lingerie other then to ensure that what their man wears is clean and not frayed? Do men buy lingerie that fits and isn’t made of man-made fibres? Let’s investigate, in pictures:

Posted: 8th, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Complaint Over New Kangaroo And Emu Flavour Crisps

kangaroo-and-emu-crispsTHE new Smith’s crisps taste is kangaroo and emu flavour, the BBQ Coat of Arms. Can the two flavours blend? Before you investigate, know that the bag has offended someone.

As the plaintiff says, the bag of crisps ”depicts the national coat of arms in a manner which could be termed as ‘degrading’ for native wildlife and offends on social values.

”It implies that it is perfectly OK to kill kangaroos and emus, just for fun!”

That’s the national coat of arms of Australia – one of the few countries to feature pet food on its official badge.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 5th, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Truth And Advertising: The 10 Most Incredible Before And after Pictures

YOU know those Before and After pictures that show a grey-faced, fang-toothed drudge transformed into a sparkling beauty in a few short weeks? They work. They really do. you just need to believe.

Well, Anorak now presents the 10 Most Incredible Before And after Pictures

Posted: 4th, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment


The Chanel Shanghai Coolie Fashion Show, In Pictures

IN Shanghai there a Chanel Fashion show going on. The catwalk is erected in front of the Pudong panorama. China is keen to do business with the inscrutable – sorry – the excruciating Karl Lagarfeld. It wasn’t all bad – Vanessa Paradis poses for a photograph. Enjoy the pictures of the cashmere coolie hat, with tin inlay…

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Model walks the catwalk in front of the famous Shanghai Pudong panorama at Chanel Fashion Show in Shanghai, China

Posted: 3rd, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


Fifty Women Strip In London For Gaia Cellulite Awareness: In Pictures

ANORAK was in London’s South Molton Street today and happened upon 50 models (each counted by hand) wearing their knickers and bras in the rain. Was this a protest for Gaia, a bid to get fit young women to cuts down on washing and ironing and so reduce their carbon footprints? Turns out that young models were wearing anti-cellulite underwear. This stuff really works, as tethering it to the firm skin of young woman proves. Ann Widdecombe remains frustratingly just out of shot… The pictures:

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A shepherd and his flock

Posted: 3rd, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


Food Company Offers Free Home With Every Can Of Pork And Beans

CLAYTON Homes, of Tennessee (with a double ‘ee’), is offering first-time home buyers an $8,000 tax credit and…a can of pork and beans.

And not just any can of VanCamp’s Pork and Beans in Tomato Sauce. Now pork and bean enthusiasts can legally buy their fetish with no fear of being shunned by polite society and ostracised. Invest in a can of beans and get a Clayton manufactured home for FREE.

Plumbing included!

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Posted: 3rd, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Ilfracombe’s Floating Sperm Presents The World’s Worst Corporate Logos

COME to Ilfracombe, Devon, induces the seaside town’s new logo. Come to Ilfracombe, Devon, and swim with the sperm.

The “idiosyncratic swirl” is the work of Tessa Martin. Her works encourages people to “take another look and be surprised” by Ilfracombe, Devon. The log also reminds them to wear something protective and shower after bathing. Incidentally, Ilfracombe has the country’s second highest rate for teenage pregnancies – so it might be an advert for new sperm donors.

waterstones-logo

Posted: 27th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


Stella McCartney Hires The Mighty Boosh To Switch On Her Lights, In Photos

WHEN we saw the invite to see Stella McCartney turn on the Christmas lights, we thought Paul McCartney’s daughter was turning on the Oxford Street lights, the ones that make it better to see shoplifters. But no, Stella was turning on the lights in her shop, something one imagines she or an underling does every day.

Helping her to turn on the lights were Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt of The Mighty Boosh, who flipped the switch to the thrill of such passers by as Lulu, Kate Moss, Pam Hogg, Twiggy, Jamie and Louise Redknapp and Paul McCartney. Katie Price is available for when the lights need turning off. The pictures:

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Stella McCartney and her husband Alasdhair Willis are seen outside her shop as Stella turns on her Christmas lights at her West London boutique.

Posted: 24th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment


In Pictures: The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

AFTER the backstage pictures of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, we now bring your fashion lovers the 2009 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in New York City, in pictures.

Featuring Behati Prinsloo, Marisa Miller, Heidi Klum, Doutzen Kroes, Miranda Kerr, Alessandra Ambrosio, the Black Eyed Peas and a host of underwear enthusiasts:

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A Victoria's Secret model during the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show at the Lexington Armory in New York. PRESS ASSOCIATION Photo. Picture date: Friday November 20, 2009. Photo credit should read: PA

Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show In Pictures: The Black Eyed Peas, Miranda Kerr And The $3Million Bra

IN our gallery, Anorak’s woman with a backstage pass goes behind the scenes at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, at the Lexington Armory in New York. Pictures of the Black Eyed Peas, Marisa Miller, Heidi Klum, Miranda Keer and a $3million bra follow.

(Anorak readers have been asking for more pictures of young, buff men, for research purposes. And we have listened. Pay attention to the images of Doutzen Kroes Miranda Kerr, in which nice men feature…)

Pictures of the show here.

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Miranda Kerr at work

Posted: 20th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment