The Consumer | Anorak - Part 104

The Consumer Category

We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.

For Sale: Cat Toy Made From Dead Cats

cat-fur-toyPAULINE Burgess, aged 53, of Cotswold Road, Malvern, is “disgusted to discover that toy mice she bought for her pet cat were made of real cat hair.”

Those mice the cat, a feline called Mimi, was to toy with and tease and practice her torture methods on is made from cat fur. Oh, the irony.

The toy features three spring-mounted mice attached to a board. The mice are not believed to be real live mice, although the Halesowen News is unspecific.

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Posted: 19th, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comments (3)

Tesco Admits That Santa Is A Ginger

ginger-santaHEY, kids: “Santa loves all kids. Even ginger ones.” That’s what it says on the card. That red hat… Not a hat. Those jolly red cheeks… A myth corrupted from Santa’s red beard.

Santa is naked save for a black belt and a Playboy bunny girl’s tail won as a cod piece. Santa doesn’t just love gingers – Santa is flaming ginger, red all over.

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Posted: 15th, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Burger King’s Shower Girl Admits That It’s Breakfast Meal Is For W*ankers

burger-king-babeBURGER King brings you “the world’s first guilt free showercam”. Thanks to Cow and Pancentric Digital, meat lovers can “watch our shower babe shake her bits to the hits at 9:30 every morning.”

Shake your bits along to the showgirl. Grab a bar of soap, and shake and shake and shake and shake.

Says the Burger King Girl (not really):

“After giong tino burger King I always feel like taking a shower.”

What hits and what bits so you shake along too? Well, you decide. Burger pickers can vote for the outfit Burger Babe will wear and the song she will sing. Will she dress up as a cow, a potato or wear the uniform of a burger King drone as she serves your morning fantasy shake?

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Posted: 12th, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Christmas Is Hell: The Mince Pie Condom

mince-pie-condomsANORAK’S Man in LA brings news of Christmas gifts that linger all year round: the Mince Pie condom.

THE good news: If you’re a British ex-pat stuck in The States for Christmas, there’s a way to get the feel, and the flavor, of home this holiday season.

It’s mince pie flavored condoms.

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Posted: 10th, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment

The British Fashion Awards: In Pictures

TO the British Fashion Awards at London’s Royal Courts of Justice, London. We watched and knitted as the accused passed us by. They came to be tried for crimes against fashion and fat. The court calls: Victoria Beckham (glum), Amber le Bon (famous mum), Claudia Schiffer (adopted German), Lauren Laverne (BBC), Amanda Wakeley (fashion enabler), Myleene Klass (ubiquitous), Holly Branson (daddy), Sarah Brown (hubby), Sam Branson (pater), Isabella Calthorp (money), Laura Bailey (Pout of the night award!), Danny Cipriani (rugger), Jameela (telly), Beverley Knight (songs), Erin O’Connor (top toff model), Pixie Geldof (dadday), James Brown (dead?), Shingai Shoniwa (Shinga the singa), Tolula Adeyemi (chant), Nadja Swarovski (fake rocks), Kate Moss and Vivienne Westwood (peas in a pod). How do you plead?


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(left to right) Kate Moss and Vivienne Westwood after Moss won the London 25 British Fashion Council Award at the Royal Courts of Justice, London.

Posted: 10th, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment

The Margaret Thatcher NUT Cracker, In Pictures

THIS Christmas why not get the Margaret Thatcher nut cracker. Or is that NUT cracker? The National Union of Teachers are a Bolshie bunch who not content with joining institutions to institutionalise the young, join a union to immerse themselves deep within institutions. Walnuts, almonds, Brazils, filberts, chestnuts and if you’re a true Tory hankering for the golden era of Maggie and all that iron might, there are pine nuts…


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The Margaret Thatcher nut cracker has hit the shop this christmas and is the perfect party political accessory for people with a cracking sense of humour.

Posted: 9th, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment

In Pictures: Marks And Spencer Unveils Tiger Woods Underwear Range

ANOTHER day and with it another chance to be accosted by scantily clad women in the West End, this time lingerie model Natalie Suliman on London’s Oxford Street promoting M&S Stocking Fillies and Fellas. This turns out to be Marks and Spencer staff who will help shoppers to choose the right lingerie for a Christmas gift. Do women buy men lingerie other then to ensure that what their man wears is clean and not frayed? Do men buy lingerie that fits and isn’t made of man-made fibres? Let’s investigate, in pictures:


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Posted: 8th, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Complaint Over New Kangaroo And Emu Flavour Crisps

kangaroo-and-emu-crispsTHE new Smith’s crisps taste is kangaroo and emu flavour, the BBQ Coat of Arms. Can the two flavours blend? Before you investigate, know that the bag has offended someone.

As the plaintiff says, the bag of crisps ”depicts the national coat of arms in a manner which could be termed as ‘degrading’ for native wildlife and offends on social values.

”It implies that it is perfectly OK to kill kangaroos and emus, just for fun!”

That’s the national coat of arms of Australia – one of the few countries to feature pet food on its official badge.

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Posted: 5th, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Truth And Advertising: The 10 Most Incredible Before And after Pictures

YOU know those Before and After pictures that show a grey-faced, fang-toothed drudge transformed into a sparkling beauty in a few short weeks? They work. They really do. you just need to believe.

Well, Anorak now presents the 10 Most Incredible Before And after Pictures


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Posted: 4th, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment

The Chanel Shanghai Coolie Fashion Show, In Pictures

IN Shanghai there a Chanel Fashion show going on. The catwalk is erected in front of the Pudong panorama. China is keen to do business with the inscrutable – sorry – the excruciating Karl Lagarfeld. It wasn’t all bad – Vanessa Paradis poses for a photograph. Enjoy the pictures of the cashmere coolie hat, with tin inlay…


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Model walks the catwalk in front of the famous Shanghai Pudong panorama at Chanel Fashion Show in Shanghai, China

Posted: 3rd, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)

Fifty Women Strip In London For Gaia Cellulite Awareness: In Pictures

ANORAK was in London’s South Molton Street today and happened upon 50 models (each counted by hand) wearing their knickers and bras in the rain. Was this a protest for Gaia, a bid to get fit young women to cuts down on washing and ironing and so reduce their carbon footprints? Turns out that young models were wearing anti-cellulite underwear. This stuff really works, as tethering it to the firm skin of young woman proves. Ann Widdecombe remains frustratingly just out of shot… The pictures:


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A shepherd and his flock

Posted: 3rd, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)

Food Company Offers Free Home With Every Can Of Pork And Beans

CLAYTON Homes, of Tennessee (with a double ‘ee’), is offering first-time home buyers an $8,000 tax credit and…a can of pork and beans.

And not just any can of VanCamp’s Pork and Beans in Tomato Sauce. Now pork and bean enthusiasts can legally buy their fetish with no fear of being shunned by polite society and ostracised. Invest in a can of beans and get a Clayton manufactured home for FREE.

Plumbing included!


Posted: 3rd, December 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Ilfracombe’s Floating Sperm Presents The World’s Worst Corporate Logos

COME to Ilfracombe, Devon, induces the seaside town’s new logo. Come to Ilfracombe, Devon, and swim with the sperm.

The “idiosyncratic swirl” is the work of Tessa Martin. Her works encourages people to “take another look and be surprised” by Ilfracombe, Devon. The log also reminds them to wear something protective and shower after bathing. Incidentally, Ilfracombe has the country’s second highest rate for teenage pregnancies – so it might be an advert for new sperm donors.


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Posted: 27th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment

Stella McCartney Hires The Mighty Boosh To Switch On Her Lights, In Photos

WHEN we saw the invite to see Stella McCartney turn on the Christmas lights, we thought Paul McCartney’s daughter was turning on the Oxford Street lights, the ones that make it better to see shoplifters. But no, Stella was turning on the lights in her shop, something one imagines she or an underling does every day.

Helping her to turn on the lights were Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt of The Mighty Boosh, who flipped the switch to the thrill of such passers by as Lulu, Kate Moss, Pam Hogg, Twiggy, Jamie and Louise Redknapp and Paul McCartney. Katie Price is available for when the lights need turning off. The pictures:


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Stella McCartney and her husband Alasdhair Willis are seen outside her shop as Stella turns on her Christmas lights at her West London boutique.

Posted: 24th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment

In Pictures: The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

AFTER the backstage pictures of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, we now bring your fashion lovers the 2009 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in New York City, in pictures.

Featuring Behati Prinsloo, Marisa Miller, Heidi Klum, Doutzen Kroes, Miranda Kerr, Alessandra Ambrosio, the Black Eyed Peas and a host of underwear enthusiasts:


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A Victoria's Secret model during the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show at the Lexington Armory in New York. PRESS ASSOCIATION Photo. Picture date: Friday November 20, 2009. Photo credit should read: PA

Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment

Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show In Pictures: The Black Eyed Peas, Miranda Kerr And The $3Million Bra

IN our gallery, Anorak’s woman with a backstage pass goes behind the scenes at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, at the Lexington Armory in New York. Pictures of the Black Eyed Peas, Marisa Miller, Heidi Klum, Miranda Keer and a $3million bra follow.

(Anorak readers have been asking for more pictures of young, buff men, for research purposes. And we have listened. Pay attention to the images of Doutzen Kroes Miranda Kerr, in which nice men feature…)

Pictures of the show here.


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Miranda Kerr at work

Posted: 20th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Christmas Gifts: Laptop Steering Wheel Desk By Mobile Office Outsells PS3

laptop-steering-wheelCHRISTMAS Gift of the day is the Laptop Steering Wheel Desk by Mobile Office. As Yampster says “this thing will outsell PS3 this Christmas”. And the hamsters.

The Laptop Steering Wheel Desk By Mobile Office is the last word in Laptop steering desks. Buy yours while they’re still legal. Here’s what shoppers are saying:

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Posted: 19th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment

In Pictures: Free Jimmy Choo For H&M, In Pastry

8029575JIMMY Choo is London’s most famous cobbler. he is one letter aways from being Jimmy Choos and thus a product of nominative determinism. As it is we wrestle with Jimmy Choo, which should be pronouned as in ‘choux’, the pastry.

Anorak was there to see Jimmy Choux unveil his range for H&M, which is pronounced HAM. The pictures feature Sophie Ellis Bextor, Jameela Jemil, Jade Parfitt and Jasmine Guinness, Amber Le Bon, Ben Grime, Jenni Falconer, Lola Lennox, Tamara Ecclestone, Little Boots, Nicola Roberts, Alexandra Burke and anyone else with two feet after a freebie.


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Sophie Ellis Bextor attending the launch party for Jimmy Choo at H&M, at the store's Regent Street branch in central London.

Posted: 14th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment

For Hire: Engrish Teacher To Learn You Grammer

FOR Hire: Engrish Teacher To Learn You Grammer – get him while he’s hot:


Posted: 13th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comments (4)

Zhu Zhu Pets Turn Your Dead Go Go Hamster Into A Thing Of Fun

gogo-pets-hamster-mr-squigglesHOW do you know when a pet hamster is dead? You don’t. They never die. They just become Go Go Pets.

Go Go Pets are on sale in the UK for £10 as Zhu Zhu Pets. A tenner for a dead hamster glued to a toy car sounds steep.

Chunk needs a pal. And Mr Squiggles needs a mate. This is how it is with hamsters. You get one. You end up with hundreds.

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Posted: 9th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comments (2)

Disney’s First Black Princess Obama, In Pictures

a4A YEAR after the election of Barack Obama, Disneyland officially inaugurated its first black princess with the debut of Tiana’s Showboat Jubilee! starring Princess Tiana from the new animated feature, The Princess and The Frog.

Anorak’s Man In A Furry Suit in LA was there:

SINGING and dancing and performing from the Mark Twain riverboat along the Rivers of America and culminating in a second line march into New Orleans Square, the spectacle is, as the daily program, promises, a “toe tappin,’ hand-clappin’ riverboat extravaganza” that veers perilously and surprisingly toward the coonin’ and buffoonin’ of another era and a Showboat of another era.

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Posted: 9th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)

China’s ‘God’s Hand’ Inflatable Bra Commercial Finds A Use For Your Car’s Cigarette Lighter

KATIE Price is finished. Pamela Anderson has had it. Victoria Beckham can be plugged into the car cigarette lighter. Amy Winehouse is valve away from avoiding the anaesthetic. News reaches us from China of the inflatable bra.

The size of your breasts is now only restricted by gravity and the days’ wind report.

And men, you too can look like Simon Cowell, or like Buster Gonad. Cue the video for ‘God’s Hand’ (which is warm):


*Male interpreter*
Is her, Is her, her is her AGAIN! she is the same, just that a breast size is different!

*The girl speaks*
When I go to the office, I adjust to B cup. Pretty in every sense!

When I hit the streets, I adjust to a C cup. I bedazzle all the people around me!

When I party, I adjust to a D cup. Hot and Fiery!

*Man interpreter comes back*


Posted: 8th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Fisting A Chicken Demonstations In Sainsbury’s

TO Winchester Sainsbury’s, where shoppers can learn how to fist a chicken all this week:


More fisting fun on Anorak TeeVee

Posted: 7th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Belfast Gets Own Monopoly Game: Get Out Of Jail Free Cards All Round

21ANORAK was there to see Mark Marrriot, designer of the Monopoly Belfast edition, launch of the popular board game, in Belfast.

The dice are green. Although you can have red, white and blue ones, if you prefer. Title Deeds are NOT proof of ownership, although placing “safe houses” on the land and building big high wall around it can make a powerful argument that it is yours. Hotels are best avoided.

The most expensive spot is the seat of government at Stormont, yours for £400 or the promise of a call centre for a large American conglomerate.

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Posted: 6th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Rainbow Dogs Present The Best Novetly Toilet Paper

toilet-rainbowTHANKS to Collonelle toilet tissue you can wipe you backside on a picture of a dog cradling a rainbow.

This is what your excreta deserves, and so do dogs and rainbows. There is no brown in this rainbow. But thanks to Collonelle there will be, and, roughage providing, it should match your chocolate lab.

Find your crock of **** at the end of the rainbow as you look through our toilet paper gallery:


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Posted: 4th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comments (2)