Anorak

The Consumer | Anorak - Part 104

The Consumer Category

We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.

In Pictures: Arsenal’s Sol Campbell Naked For Give Up Clothes For Good

THE Give Up Clothes for Good campaign enables us to publish pictures of Sol Campbell naked giving a cheeky look over his shoulder and cupping his breasts. Look out for Sol on Page 3. Also naked shots of Bruno Tonioli, Kate Walsh, Julia Bradbury, Christopher Biggins, Sol Campbell, Jasmine Harman, Liz McLarnon, James Anderson and Camilla Dallerup. It’s a TK Maxx, HomeSense and Cancer Research UK campaign for children’s cancer research www.tkmaxx.com. Have you shopped for clothes in TK Maxx? Well, they’d rather go naked…

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Posted: 6th, April 2010 | In: Fashion | Comments (6)


In Pictures: The Dressed To Kilt Charity Fashion Show With American Idol And Joan Jett’s Knockers

AT the 8th annual ‘Dressed To Kilt’ Charity Fashion Show presented by Glenfiddich at M2 Ultra Lounge in New York, USA, we spotted fat Scot Mike Meyers, Matthew Modine, Kelly Killoren Bensimon, Desperate Housewives’ Kyle McLaughlin, Alan Cumming, American Idol star emeritus Kellie Pickler, Twilight mum Joan Jett, Shani Davis, Thom Evans, Eve Muirhead and did we mention those Joan Jett knockers? Spot the knobs yourselves…

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Joan Jett walks the runway at the 8th annual 'Dressed To Kilt' Charity Fashion Show presented by Glenfiddich at M2 Ultra Lounge in New York, USA.

Posted: 6th, April 2010 | In: Fashion | Comment (1)


The New KFC Double Down Buries Jamie Oliver In His Bucket Of Hummus

GREAT news for those of you on a low-carb diet is that the new KFC Double Down replaces the bread with two pieces of chicken.

In the middle of the chicken baps lurks a piece of American cheese and some bacon. It’s 460 calories, 23g fat and 1430mg of sodium.

Has the Colonel been watching Jamie Oliver’s fleshy tongue flapping between to massive wet lips in his quest to get protein-rich young Americans to turn away from death and embrace hummus?

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Posted: 5th, April 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (4)


Holland’s Muslim Sex Shop And The Pakistan Fetish Factory

SKY News reports on the “first Muslim sex shop”. Which it isn’t. The online El Asira sex emporium is not the world’s first Muslim sex shop. Sure, shoppers can buy massage oils and tablets – all strictly kosher, bruv, and “permissible under Islam”.

Well, so says Abdelaziz Aouragh. And until a mullah says Mr Aouragh is wrong and must be shot in the face, we are not to disagree.

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Posted: 2nd, April 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


The Belly Button Bear Fights The Toe Jam Hoodies

FOR the special person in your life, a little big of you to cuddle: a teddy bear fashioned from belly button fluff.

“These charming, tiny bears are made of lint and even have eyes and a nose! They come in a 2.5″ glass jar with a cork and label. Each bear and jar comes in a black satin satchel to keep them safe.”

Safe from the toe jam gang, a rabble of hoodies made entirely from toe jam.

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Spotter, via

Posted: 26th, March 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (2)


Maharajas’ Express Marketing Campaign Leads To Pakistan Invading India, Probably

ABOARD the Maharajas’ Express, passengers are thrilled to be journeying to Kolkata, the Buddhist pilgrimage centre of Gaya and the Bandhavgarh Tiger reserve in the Bay of Bengal.

This, as the advert boasts, is the chance to see “an India like never before!”. It’s not kidding – you can visit New Delhi, which is now located inside Pakistan.

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Posted: 22nd, March 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Bournemouth Asda Sells Sex Lubricant As Children’s Bath Aide Fun

FROM the Asda store in Bournemouth Castlepoint, Mike Boss receives his home delivery of sexual lubricant for his child’s bath. It’s clean fun!

Can Durex Play Lubricant foam on application? Is it better than the pervy-named Lucky Matey bubble bath Mr Boss had ordered?

Sexy Foods

Matey, rebranded as Wanky in a Young Ones episode, comes in a bottle shaped like a cheery parrot wearing an eye patch. Says Mike:

“We’ve had issues with Asda deliveries before. Last time there were 16 substituted items. But this is taking things to a whole new level – I’ve no idea who could confuse sexual lubricant for children’s bubble bath. When they bring your order they give you a delivery list to check so that you can confirm the substitutes. When I saw what they’d done I was gobsmacked!”

And intrigued?

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Posted: 21st, March 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


In Pictures: The Most Bizarre Crisps And Chip Flavours

ANORAK has been to the shops and come back with a packed of lemon-flavour crisps for Tiffin. And they are, surprisingly, disgusting. But so they make it into our gallery of the most bizarre flavours? Ranging from the deliberately self-consciously odd to the tempting to the sick crisps disguised to look like fruits, the gallery follows:

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Posted: 20th, March 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (20)


School Uniform Outfitters Harrods Turns Away Hampshire Scouts Group For Wearing Uniform

THE 1st Bordon Scout Group, from Hampshire, was going to Harrod’s to presumably earn credits for their shopping badge, but was refused entry unless they removed their neckerchiefs and woggles.

A Harrods drone says there is no record of the event – although there is now – and apologised “unreservedly“.

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Posted: 18th, March 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (4)


Achtung People Of Walmart: Jews To The Showers And Walmart Orders Blacks Out Of New Jersey Store

PEOPLE of Walmart. Achting Achtung! Would all blacks please make their way to the exits.

The announcement at the supermarket in Washington Township, New Jersey, runs:

“Attention Wal-Mart customers – all black people leave the store now.”

Raus!

This reminds us of Jerry Sadowitz joke. He begins his shows by announcing in a cut-glass accent:

Ladies and gentlemen. The show is about to start. Please take your seats. And would all Jews please make their way to the showers. Thank you.”

Back to New Jersey, where shopper Sheila Ellington offers:

“In 2010, I want to know why such statements are being made. It flies in the face of what we teach our kids, and that’s tolerance.”

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Posted: 18th, March 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (3)


The World’s Most Disgusting Food: A Gallery

DISGUSTING foods are marketable. Pizza Hut can’t all be wrong. Anorak has been trawling the aisles and stock room of Mr Obertelli’s emporium and come up with this gallery of truly revolting confectionary. Enjoy a fruity change to eating your own bogies: Enjoy this gallery of sexy food

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Posted: 11th, March 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


The Ironic iPhone App Presents The World’s Worst Company Logos

THE Iphone ICount is a terrific product. François Goldgewicht’s application lets you count on your phone. You can play counting games. It’s just great. The best bit about it is the logo that targets a key iPhone demographic… The ICount presents the world worst corporate logos – updated:

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Posted: 5th, March 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


John Lennon’s Citroën Gets The Horn

JOHN Lennon is brought back to life for a car commercial. John Lennon has finally arrived. As TB says, “A Citroën is no psychedelic Rolls.”

But this is not just cashing in.

Beatles Wives And Girfriend- gallery

Sean Lennon, John and Yoko’s son, puts us straight on Twitter:

* “She did not do it for money. Has to do w hoping to keep dad in public consciousness. No new LPs, so TV ad is exposure to young.”

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Posted: 5th, March 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (2)


Small Hotshot Condoms On Sale For Swiss Pre-Teens

THE Hotshot is the small condom 12-year-old Swiss boys have been waiting for. No embarrassing lips over the chin now boys, as the Hotshot sits atop your head neatly. Price: £4.70 for an optimistic pack of six. Ideal for kids’ bithday parties.

The Hotshot is the result of a story by Switzerland’s Federal Commission for Children and Youth. What they don’t know about under-age sex is not worth knowing.

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Posted: 3rd, March 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Vivienne Westwood’s Anti-Shopping Fashion Show: Pictures

LONDON Fashion Week: The Vivienne Westwood fashion show was just terrific. The Deceiver reminds us of these words from the designer herself. Keep them in your head as you shop:

“Stop all this consumerism. I just tell people, stop buying clothes. Why not protect this gift of life while we have it? I don’t take the attitude that destruction is inevitable. Some of us would like to stop that and help people survive.”

Now, watch these shots…

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Pixie Geldof backstage during the Vivienne Westwood show for London Fashion Week, central London.


Posted: 24th, February 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


London Fashion Week: Pixie Geldof Justifies Vivienne Westwood

8417439LONDON Fashion Week introduces Vivienne Westwood continuing her impression of Queen Elizabeth 1st at a  Toyah Willcox concert.

Anorak’s new fashion blog does fashion so very well, as only our new editor can. We meanwhile sit back and marvel as Pixie Geldof models on the catwalk at the Vivienne Westwood fashion show, staged at the Royal Courts of Justice.

This is justice? Peaches Geldof gets the bras and little sister Pixie gets the big fashion show. You want justice? Can Peaches handle the justice..?

Vivienne WestWood For London Fashion Week 2010

Posted: 22nd, February 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


London Fashion Week In Pictures: Charlie Le Mindu Changes The Guard

LONDON Fashion Week in pictures: The Charlie Le Mindu catwalk show was terrific. Anorak has spent the past few hours asking weekend staff (Bronco Pete who sleeps on the stairs) what Charlie Me Mindo designs? She knows, of course. We think it’s sherbet lemons or sporrans. Turns out its merkins and hair in general…

Kanye West’s Robot Lover Amber Rose’s Naked View At Charlie Le Mindu: NSFW Photos

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A model on the catwalk at the Charlie Le Mindu fashion show, held at the On/Off venue as part of London Fashion Week.

Posted: 20th, February 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


The Twilight Manillow: Smother The One You Love With Robert Pattinson’s Or Taylor Lautner’s Face

THE Twlight Manillows are magic. We have no idea what  any fans of Robert Pattinson or Taylor Lautner would do with a Manillow and are unsure it is is even legal to imagine keeping on in your sock drawer or on your granny’s face. But it is allergy proof. And get the love doll

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Etsy Via Pink is the New Blog

Posted: 17th, February 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


Taylor Lautner Coming Of Age Love Doll Hits The Market

TWLIGHT wolf-boy Taylor Lautner is 18. This means he has come of age and can now legally be the subject of a Hollywood sex tape. Break a duck, Taylor. The Twitterverse is cock-a-hoop as Twihards salute the dream that maybe now they can shag the actor. In the meanwhile, here’s the Taylor Lautner action figure, or the “love doll” as many fans call it. Taylor presents the best:

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Hitler

Posted: 12th, February 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


Alexander McQueen: Jumping On The Story In Breasts, Pictures And Celebrity Tweets

ALEXANDER McQueen had died. His spokesman asks for “Privacy” from the media. Will the death of a fashion great be a private affair? Answer: no. It’s the * ‘Alexander McQueen Suicide Mystery?’ , a chance for Tweets from the celebrity mourners – Kelly Osbourne: “i really just dont know what say im really in shock” ; Peaches Geldof: “RIP Alexander McQueen.”Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”- T.S. Eliot”; Katy Perry: “Rest In Peace Alexander McQueen. Just woke up, so sad”, and the wonderfully opportunistic: “EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Sex And The City Stylist “Shocked” Over Alexander McQueen …” Pictures (NSFW):

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NOTE ALTERNATE CROP. The body of Alexander McQueen is removed from his home in Green Street, London.


Posted: 11th, February 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (3)


Alexander McQueen Goes Vintage: A Career In 77 Pictures

ANORAK Celebrity Death Alert service tells readers that British fashion designer Alexander McQueen has died. He is now a vintage brand. RIP. A spokeswoman for McQueen says:

“Mr McQueen was found dead this morning at his home. We’re devastated and I hope you understand that out of respect to his family and his colleagues we’re not going to be making any further statement.”

Yet. The pictures:

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NOTE ALTERNATE CROP. The body of Alexander McQueen is removed from his home in Green Street, London.


Posted: 11th, February 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


The Hug E Gram: John Terry Need Never Leave Home Again

hug-e-gramAS John Terry dashes out to Dubai to be with his loving wife Toni – just as soon as the game is over, and the next game, and the next – you may be wondering what you can do to show your love this Valentine’s Day. Garage forecourt flowers? A new tea towel? A divorce? Well, those and more. With a Hug E Gram who can tell your partner what you really think of them. Available in Chelsea Blue and “clingy”…

Posted: 10th, February 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Prius Drivers Assured That Toyota Does Not Make Breaks On Wooden Carts

leo-priusTOYOTA’S are being recalled – and that’s troubling news for Prius owners who can now worry about how much of that deadly carbon they’re throwing up as the cars are shipped back home to the factory.

The only thing for it is for Prius owners to do nothing, to carry on regardless and rebrand the lack of breaks as something green like organic accelerating or free gliding.

Trudi Styler’s “Occasional Use Of Private Aviation Fuel”

Toyota is looking into 100 complaints from owners of the new Prius, over claims of a brief reduction in breaking performance when travelling on rough roads aka Green Terrain.

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Posted: 5th, February 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (4)


People Of Tesco: Supermarket Bans Pyjamas, Nighties And Bare Feet

people-of-tescoPEOPLE Of Tesco was to be a great site – an insight into life in the UK. But then a spokesman for the chain’s supermarket in – get this – St Mellons in Cardiff decreed that shoppers are forbidding from entering the store in pyjamas or barefoot. Says the sign:

“To avoid causing offence or embarrassment to others we ask that our customers are appropriately dressed when visiting our store (footwear must be worn at all times and no nightwear is permitted).”

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Posted: 28th, January 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)


Believe In God: The Fresh Breath Of God In A Spray

god-breathsprayDO you believe in God? Do you believe in the minty freshness of God?

When dreaming of kissing God or being kissed by God do you believe in a pepper-minty faith-enhancing breath spray?

Even if you do not believe in God, one spray from Believe In God – instantly – breath freshner will turn you.

Buy now.

Breathe often…

Posted: 28th, January 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (2)