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Mof Gimmers

Mof Gimmers - Author Archive

Man blinded by vodka, revived by whisky

DRINKING yourself blind is an astonishing feat in itself, but to drink your eyesight away and then have it revived by even more booze is quite another.

And that’s exactly what … (read more)

Posted: 5th, December 2012 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment

West Bromwich Albion player Liam Ridgewell chided for wiping his bum with a wad of cash (photo)

THERE are people out there who are really quite stupid. They’ll argue that footballers are overpaid, while still promoting ‘proper’ things like fine art and movies, despite the fact that … (read more)

Posted: 5th, December 2012 | In: Sports | Comment

Union J fan woman screams what we’re all thinking at X Factor (VIDEO)

THE single greatest thing the X Factor has given the UK, is that for one night a week, we’re unified in bewildered hatred. Of course, there’s the berks who hate … (read more)

Posted: 4th, December 2012 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Watch, as a man wins $588m

WINNING the lottery is something most of us have idly dreamed of at some point, but imagine for a second if it actually came true AND the moment you found … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, December 2012 | In: Money, Reviews | Comment

Catholic church set up hotline for possessions and Pope goes on Twitter

FINALLY, the Roman Catholic Church is getting all modern on us! Have they relaxed their views on contraception and homosexuals? Don’t be ridiculous. They are, however, embracing technology, so it … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, December 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment

Shave with bacon flavoured shaving foam

EVER found yourself shaving and wondered how magical your life would be if you could eat your shaving cream? Of course you have. Everyone on Earth has wanted to eat … (read more)

Posted: 30th, November 2012 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Man builds ark to escape apocalypse, like you do

MENTAL people think there’s an apocalypse coming because some Mayans forgot to finish making their calendars. And one insane guy in China is currently making an ark to escape the Mayan … (read more)

Posted: 30th, November 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Vampire warning sees garlic sales rocketing in Serbia

VAMPIRES don’t exist. We all know that. Even stupid people have an inkling that vampires aren’t real. However, in Serbia, they do things a bit differently and by that, what … (read more)

Posted: 29th, November 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)

Lindsey Stone: Woman fired for making a joke on Facebook

JOKES are serious business. We live in a world so jumpy that you can make a clearly off-hand remark about blowing an airport up and you end up in a … (read more)

Posted: 28th, November 2012 | In: Reviews | Comments (3)

The name’s Gaffney… Dean Gaffney… licence to be an idiot spy

THE first rule about Spy Club is keeping your big, stupid mouth shut. However, have a particularly large and imbecilic gob, Dean Gaffney (pictured) missed the memo and has been … (read more)

Posted: 28th, November 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Telford man sentenced after causing ‘terror by dildo’

IMAGINE you heard about a man concealing a dildo about his person. You’d imagine he was either embarrassed to have it on him as something of a prude or, indeed, … (read more)

Posted: 27th, November 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Good old Germany finally outlaws having sex with animals… but not without opposition

HAVING sex with an animal is pretty much universally frowned upon. It doesn’t matter how much you sexualise your cat on Instagram, you know you’re not actually allowed to make … (read more)

Posted: 26th, November 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Chris Brown deletes Twitter account after pretty awful rant while Rihanna tweets this photo of him

TO say that Chris Brown is like a giant, fighty child, is something of an understatement. He sulks and pouts when he’s called out for being unapologetic for assaulting Rihanna … (read more)

Posted: 26th, November 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Newsreaders quit, live-on-air: Cindy Michaels and Tony Consiglio sign off

EVERYONE in media is so bloody concerned for their careers that they refuse to upset anyone or make any bold moves. So when someone finally does it – and in … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, November 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment

Say hello to the Bigfoot of Tunbridge Wells

BORING places are always the ones who have fantastical creatures. There’s no Chupacabra of Camden or Mothra of Manchester, because people are far, far too busy to sit around and let … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, November 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comments (2)

Play ‘Football Manager’ and get a job in the Azerbaijan Premier League

IF you’ve played Football Manager (or Championship Manager, or whatever the other one is called), you’ll know what a life ruiner it is. Men have been reduced to wrecks, pacing … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, November 2012 | In: Sports | Comment

Mass death never sounded so cute: Dumb Ways to Die

DEATH. It isn’t a nice thing, but it sure as hell is inevitable. So, with that, which should treat death with the contempt it deserves and laugh in its face, … (read more)

Posted: 21st, November 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment

Killer gets a fate worse than prison – CHURCH!

AMERICA is a dangerous place filled with guns and cholesterol, but this time, they’ve gone too far. A seventeen year old kid has been found guilty of manslaughter, which isn’t … (read more)

Posted: 20th, November 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

Masturbator tells police squad ‘I’m nearly done’

THERE is nothing worse than someone or something interrupting a nice bout of onanism. There you are, trashing away with a very clear picture of Claire Huxtable in your mind … (read more)

Posted: 20th, November 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Brilliant drunk idiot tries to ride a crocodile (with unsurprising consequences)

SOMETIMES, drunks are a gift that keep giving. Most of the time, they chat nonsense and puke up on their fried chicken, but sometime, they’re worth their weight in wobbling … (read more)

Posted: 19th, November 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Journalists go mental and naked on Rihanna’s 777 flight

EVEN though Rihanna is the most annoying popstar on the planet (seriously, we get it – you’ve got a pair of buttocks you’d like us all to see and you … (read more)

Posted: 19th, November 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Julie gets high in the dentist and makes the whole world laugh

GOING to the dentist is no fun. They drill your face, tell you off for the amount of sugar you spoon into your honking gob, and force you to read … (read more)

Posted: 16th, November 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment

NatWest chase dog called Noodles for overdraft payment

BANKS, as we know, are joyless, recession-causing imbeciles. Those delightful swine at NatWest are showing this off with aplomb at the minute, chasing a dog called Noodles for money.

YOU HEARD.

Rupert … (read more)

Posted: 16th, November 2012 | In: Money, Strange But True | Comment

Sweden, where public transport is blighted by sex

SOME stereotypes are ace. While the English are known for complaining and being racist, the Swedish are simply known as being really, really sexy. Who wouldn’t want that as people’s … (read more)

Posted: 15th, November 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment

Manchester United mercenary Robin Van Persie parks in disabled bay for two days

FOOTBALLERS are dreadful aren’t they? They get paid all that money and for what? To roll around on the floor pretending to be in agony while overweight people tell them … (read more)

Posted: 14th, November 2012 | In: Sports | Comment

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