Anorak

Mof Gimmers | Anorak - Part 29

Mof Gimmers - Author Archive

Foxes soon to control London after mugging mother-of-two

LONDON is a place where human contact is at a minimum, with people crammed into steel cylinders, underground, hiding in their iPod earphones and Kindles, only to be spat out … (read more)

Posted: 14th, November 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment


Elmo can’t stop talking about sex, but denies any wrongdoing with 16 year old

HAVE you seen Being Elmo? Rubbish isn’t it? It’s cinematic fluff that faces you with a story of a man who, without much fuss, because really famous for having his … (read more)

Posted: 13th, November 2012 | In: Celebrities, Reviews | Comment


Italy: Where the air is filled with drugs

WHEN you think of Italy, do you think of fine art, tomato/garlic/cheese based food, the Mafia and blokes parping their tiny horns on scooters?

Well now, you should think of drugs … (read more)

Posted: 12th, November 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)


Who wants to see Jamie Oliver sucking a dildo?

HAVE you seen Jamie Oliver’s Fifteen Minute Meals? It’s a show so irritating that it makes you want to punch the very notion of television into next week. And Jamie, … (read more)

Posted: 12th, November 2012 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comment


How many houses does it take to fill a Death Star?

WITH everyone currently going crazy over George Lucas selling Star Wars to Disney, and everyone going even more nuts for the Star Wars version of Angry Birds, there’s a very … (read more)

Posted: 9th, November 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment


£200 to get slapped about for 15 minutes? We have just the thing! A Tata Massage

HUMANS are a woefully repressed bunch. They get tired of fitting-in and, eventually, turn into outrageous secret ne’er-do-wells who want a bit of pain. Those doing it properly end up … (read more)

Posted: 9th, November 2012 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Jermaine ‘Michael Jackson’s brother’ Jackson, wants to change his name to Jacksun

CELEBRITIES don’t have a good record with names. Prince changed his to a squiggle and Frank Zappa and Bob Geldof sent their offspring into certain bullying by given them daft … (read more)

Posted: 8th, November 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Phillip Schofield asks Cameron about paedophiles and PM gets confused

SOMETIMES, television is so bewildering that you can’t possibly believe that it is comprised of real human beings. Take for example, this morning, when Phillip Schofield went feral and handed … (read more)

Posted: 8th, November 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comments (2)


Lady driver ordered to wear ‘idiot sign’ by court (video)

BAD drivers are the bane of everyone’s lives, but some are more idiotic than others. One lady in Ohio has managed to sidestep the political fervour that rampaged through her … (read more)

Posted: 8th, November 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment


Welcome the Second Coming of the Anti-Christ Baby

WHILE the world shimmers in the positive glow of Obama’s second term in America, blindsiding us all, is the appearance of Lucifer himself.

That’s right. The Devil is here and he’s … (read more)

Posted: 7th, November 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Blackbirds found blind drunk in playground

SOME young tearaway blackbirds found dead at a primary school in Cumbria, which doesn’t sound very funny. However, when you consider the fact that they were dead from alcohol poisoning, it … (read more)

Posted: 7th, November 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Nadine Dorries, wave goodbye to your career!

POLITICIANS, as we all know, as thundering bozos. They don’t know their arses from their elbows and they prove it time and time again by their wilfully idiotic actions. And … (read more)

Posted: 6th, November 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Let us chase Bigfoot in a blimp!

CLEARLY bonkers Idaho scientist with a potato for a brain is ignoring the catcalls from his peers as he bids to find Bigfoot. In a blimp.

And faculty member Jeffrey Meldrum … (read more)

Posted: 5th, November 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment


UFO enthusiasts don’t believe in UFOs

THE idea of UFOs is an excellent one. The thought that our failing species may be killed off by alien invaders, rather than our own incompetence, is a rather pleasing … (read more)

Posted: 5th, November 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Doctors can’t find toothbrush in teenager’s body

WE’VE all swallowed things we shouldn’t in our lives, but one teenager took things to new levels of excellence by swallowing a toothbrush, whole.

Amazing.

Better yet, when the unlucky teen went … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, November 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Chris Brown wants to be a better person (just forget the tasteless Halloween outfit, okay?)

BELIEVE it or not, Chris Brown wants to be a better person and has admitted that he doesn’t blame the public for “hating” him over him beating the crap out … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, November 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Simon Cowell is willing to be beheaded, so he can live forever

HANDS up if you’d like to chop Simon Cowell’s head off. Quite a lot of you it seems. Well, he’s willing to let someone do it. No, honestly. See, the … (read more)

Posted: 1st, November 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Why Disney buying Star Wars & Co, is a good thing

NERDS, geeks, sci-fi nuts and nostalgia enthusiasts have been kicking through the air, swearing and cussing at the news of Disney’s new ownership of Star Wars. Disney, it seems, are … (read more)

Posted: 31st, October 2012 | In: Film | Comment


Chantelle Houghton tears Alex Reid a new hole on Twitter

ONE of the more uncomfortable relationships to clutter up the gossip columns has been that of Alex Reid and Chantelle Houghton. Basically, she’s rather dim but sweet and Alex Reid … (read more)

Posted: 30th, October 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Hurricane Sandy is here because of those awful gays

THE weather is not something anyone can control, not that religious people understand. They’re like those people who wear lucky underpants, thinking it has any discernible effect on an upcoming … (read more)

Posted: 30th, October 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)


Nuclear waste? Cancer? Shoot at it with the world’s biggest laser!

EVERYONE knows that laser beams are ace. They go PYOW! and ZZAP! and make things explode in a most entertaining manner.

And now, lasers are going to be aimed at things … (read more)

Posted: 29th, October 2012 | In: Technology | Comment


Army of Nazi raccoons defeat Germany

AMERICA are once again staking a claim of winning WWII, this time, with an army of raccoons. You heard right. The bushy tailed north American invaders were freed in the … (read more)

Posted: 29th, October 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Hear the one about WWII remote controlled bomb-pigeons?

THE thing that really defines Britishness, is the man tinkering around in a shed, coming up with hare-brained ideas. And so, in that spirit, British secret services considered sending “radio-controlled … (read more)

Posted: 26th, October 2012 | In: Flashback, Technology | Comment


Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel have tasteless, disgusting wedding

WHEN famous people tie the knot, they tend to throw their cash around a fair it. Of course, most celebrities prove the old maxim ‘you can’t buy taste’, but looking … (read more)

Posted: 26th, October 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Tom Cruise gets over divorce and starts suing!

ONCE you get over a break-up, take all your belongings out of bin bags and dump them at your mums, you start looking for people to kick. And Tom Cruise … (read more)

Posted: 25th, October 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment