Anorak

Mof Gimmers | Anorak - Part 27

Mof Gimmers - Author Archive

First Atheist church in UK opens

SINCE everyone decided religion was a really stupid idea, mainly because a bunch of left-leaning comedians said-so, and of course, various religions abused children, blew people up and cut off … (read more)

Posted: 7th, January 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment


Jewel robbers break into KFC by accident

BEING a jewel thief must be an exciting gig. Turtle neck sweaters, Milk Tray on the go and creeping around with all the suave sophistication of a cat with a … (read more)

Posted: 4th, January 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment


Wild deer runs through the streets of Chelmsford to signal end of world

BADGERS are collapsing roads, tiny horses are using public transport, cows are harder than you and catfish are killing land mammals. Slowly but surely, animals are showing humans that they’re … (read more)

Posted: 4th, January 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment


Woman spends NYE imprisoned in a shop

NEW YEAR’S EVE is a wonderful time isn’t it? A feeling of togetherness, celebration and dodging puddles of puke and sexual sputum. Unless you’re the old woman from France who … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, January 2013 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment


A monkey! Riding a dog! In the middle of an American Football match!

THINK about the entertainment that surrounds football matches in England. A meat and potato pie with grey innards? Someone doing a draw so someone wins ¬£200? Or if it is … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, January 2013 | In: Sports | Comment


Is it a bird? Is it a plane? What? It really is a flying Superman?!

IMAGINE for a moment, that you’re riding around with a friend in SoCal, and suddenly, one of you notices that Superman is flying over your head.

You’d either die from happiness … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, January 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment


Kate Winslet to be sent to space with her new, awful surname

WHEN it was announced Kate Winslet had got married in secret, no-one really minded either way. She seems nice enough and doesn’t jar everyone as much as other Hollywood stars. … (read more)

Posted: 30th, December 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Man has stroke and wakes up speaking Welsh

IMAGINE having a stroke. Unpleasant right? Imagine then, you wake from having had a stroke and finding out that you can’t speak your native language anymore and in fact, it … (read more)

Posted: 30th, December 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Brian Cox autotunes his way back to the beginning of time

AUTOTUNE has been the pariah of ears throughout 2012. However, Autotune is a fine invention when used well or creatively. Regarding the latter, a number of amusing Autotuned videos have … (read more)

Posted: 29th, December 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Kabang the child-saving hero dog with no nose saved from cancer

OVER in the Philippines, there is a dog with no nose. Is it really cute or really horrible? Well, let us learn about Kabang the dog before passing judgement.

Kabang is a … (read more)

Posted: 29th, December 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment


Man overdoses on Brussel sprouts (it’s a gas, gas, gas)

IT is fair to say that the humble Brussel sprout polarises opinion. Some love them more than any other food, while others heave at the thought of shovelling them down … (read more)

Posted: 29th, December 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Africa thinks Mike Tyson has had a sex-change (extreme female rape empathy)

FOREIGN press outlets are getting confused with Western satire. The Onion’s obvious spoof piece which said that Kim Jong Un had been voted sexiest man of 2012 was reported as … (read more)

Posted: 20th, December 2012 | In: Sports | Comment


Manchester United install tanning booth for players

MANCHESTER United aren’t going to help football’s softy, preening image after they installed a tanning booth at their training ground.

Now, of course, they’ll argue that they’ve installed a ‘Vitamin D … (read more)

Posted: 20th, December 2012 | In: Sports | Comment


Cows crash a van and are much, much harder than you

THINK you’re hard do you? Chances are, if you’ve been in a carcrash, the first thing you did was to make sure you were alive and then hold your wickle … (read more)

Posted: 19th, December 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment


Tiny horses would rather catch the tube than walk

HUMANS are brilliant because they’ve worked out ways of not doing things in increasingly elaborate manners. Want to get somewhere? Make a machine take you. Stupid animals do all that … (read more)

Posted: 18th, December 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment


The amusing plot to kidnap, castrate and kill Justin Bieber

WE’VE all been annoyed by Justin bloody Bieber at some point, with his wholesome little face and unwholesome views on rape.

With that, we can all have a chuckle at a … (read more)

Posted: 14th, December 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Novak Djokovic buys all the donkey cheese in the world

WINNING Wimbledon is one thing, but for Novak Djokovic, it isn’t nearly as good as donkey cheese. That’s right. You can buy donkey cheese. Or at least, you could before … (read more)

Posted: 13th, December 2012 | In: Sports | Comment


Blind man runs over girlfriend after 5 bottles of wine

GALLOWS humour is something that drags every one of us through the day because, without it, we’d spend our entire lives sobbing at work.

And so, let us laugh at a … (read more)

Posted: 12th, December 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment


CCTV footage of fools in train stations released

BEING drunk on a train is the single most soul-destroying experience a human can suffer. Sat on a wobbling, hot carriage with a headache, reeking of ale and needing the … (read more)

Posted: 12th, December 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment


Turkey: Apocalypse hotspot

THE end of the world is clearly nigh. Badgers are trying to kill us and catfish will almost certainly be eating us whole very soon. Even the Australian PM has … (read more)

Posted: 11th, December 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment


Catfish strike knell for end of humans while eating birds out of water (video)

YOU may have heard the blues song which sings “I wish I was a catfish, swimming in the deep blue sea, I’d have all you pretty women, fishin’ after me.” … (read more)

Posted: 10th, December 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Sexy cockerel calendar produced for hens

YOU’VE obviously been very worried about the arousal of hens in 2012 because someone has gone to the trouble of producing a calendar for lady chickens, filled with sexually alluring … (read more)

Posted: 10th, December 2012 | In: The Consumer | Comment


Australian PM issues zombie warning

AUSTRALIA’S prime minister, Julia Gillard, has announced the apocalypse in a video posted on YouTube. No, this isn’t someone impersonating her. This is a real world leader, telling us that … (read more)

Posted: 7th, December 2012 | In: Politicians | Comment


Badgers: They ARE trying to kill the human race

BADGERS have clearly never forgiven humans for making them a dancing meme all those years ago, when people used to laugh at any old crap online. With ‘badger badger badger … (read more)

Posted: 6th, December 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment


Would you eat a burger if you needed ID for it? The Atomic Fallout Pizza burger is here

BURGER eaters are having to show ID before they can eat a patty. How about that? Now, before you start thinking that this is some awful, awful Jamie Oliver stunt … (read more)

Posted: 6th, December 2012 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment