Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Daily Mail Introduces David Beckham’s New Son – Who’s The Mum?
THE Daily Mail says David Beckham has had a son – and like his sister, he’s called Harper.
Anorak understands better than most that typoos happen, but might this be an error by the Daily Mail news delivery service, which in the thrust to scream FIRST produces two versions for every story? Had David Beckham’s daughter been a boy named Harper, the Mail and its impeccable sources would have been bang on.
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Posted: 11th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Hulk Hogan Files Defamation Suit Against Ex-Wife, Which Is Nice
DIVORCE and break-ups are always tricky things. Splitting up the CD collection. Trying to not punch each other on the nose. The whole trying to have a conversation with someone while crying so badly that you produce snot-bubbles big enough to be a frog’s throat.
When you’re wrestler Hulk Hogan, it must be even trickier. You can just run to the ringside and cup an ear for support. You can tear your vest off and suplex someone to feel better. And so, the next best thing is to sue your ex-wife and claim that she lied and defamed him in her new book.
The 18-page lawsuit claims Linda Bollea wrote “Wrestling the Hulk — My Life Against the Ropes” to help revive her career. She wrote that her husband abused her during their marriage and had homosexual encounters.
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Posted: 9th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Tweet Beat: ‘Please Pass On’ Kelly Hoppen’s Aids Day
TWEET Of The Week: Kelly Hoppen’s Tweet for World Aids’ Day.
We’re sure it’s not what she meant. Her heart in the right place even if the words are not…
Posted: 9th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Porn Job ‘Terrifies’ Amanda Seyfried: The Linda Lovelace Crymax
WHEN Lindsay Lohan got the chop from the Linda Lovelace biopic for being a big, tragic mess, everyone wondered who would take her gig. That’s because everyone wants to watch a film about porn because it’s likely to feature a lot of sex-scenes but the lighting will be much better than the grot you watch online.
Don’t pretend you don’t.
Anyway, LiLo’s Mean Girls co-star – Amanda Seyfried – has got the job and she’s pretty frightened about the whole Deep Throat thing.
Amanda told ABCNews.com: “It’s going to be really hard and kind of terrifying at the same time.”
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Kerry Katona: Do You Pronounce Mysterious New Lover Steve Alce As Steve Alcy?
KERRY Katona, face of own-brand ketchups, wants to talk about her new lover. His name? Why, it’s Steve Alce.
Says Kerry:
“I’m in love with him. I really, really like him. He is lovely… kind and caring. Steve is so unlike other men I have been with and I can honestly say I have never felt this strongly about anyone before. He is not with me because of my fame and wants to stay out of the limelight. He likes Kerry being Kerry and takes me for who I am. He is quiet and thoughtful – almost mysterious – which I love.”
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Posted: 9th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
The Greatest Album Covers In Lego: A Gallery of Brilliance
BOYS never grow out of their toys: artist Aaron Savage has recreated great album covers with Lego. Which one’s your favourite? (Lily Allen, Michael Jackson and Blondie and brilliant)…
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Posted: 9th, December 2011 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comment (1)
Closer Magazine Are Having A Baby With Christine Bleakley
SINCE babies are already taking over the world I was interested to read Katie Banks’s article in Closer magazine this week. I think Katie’s got herself a little flustered here and has disappeared into the pink playpen she keeps under her desk because reading her go on and on about Christine Bleakley wanting a baby made me realize that every girl eventually outgrows her Care Bear collection.
It was real nice of Katie to clear up a piece of obvious the size of Vanessa Feltz when she tells us that Christine is thinking about having babies with fiancee Frank Lampard.
Katie goes on to say that once Christina has unattached Frank’s umbilical cord from his b-hole then Frank will want to have babies every morning.
“He’d have babies in the morning”
(Via: Christine Bleakley / Closer magazine)
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Posted: 9th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Conrad Black Writes Of His Personal Holocaust
THE Anorak Book Club brings you an extract from convicted fraudster Conrad Black’s memoir, A Matter of Principle.
We join the action as Con and his wife Barbara Amiel, are being turfed from their £23m home in Palm Beach, Florida. Says Con:
“She reminded me of a well-known photo I showed her of European Jews during the second world war being marched along the streets carrying their small bundles of belongings. Behind one such family walked a little girl, her body language summing up utter despair.”
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Posted: 8th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Here’s Cheryl Cole’s Lonely Lonely Phone Number
IF you’re a man that doesn’t make those unique (but funny) male sounds in the morning and have a high level of testosterone then may I suggest you contact Cheryl Cole as soon as possible.
According to those yappy assed girls over at Closer and Star magazines Cheryl is going to be cameoing in either The Walking Dead or Home Alone 3 this Christmas and she’s crying (yes crying) her little heart out with loneliness. Nobody wants her but the magazines are all saying she wants a man to share in her spotlight, her bed and with her Mom’s pickled onions.
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Posted: 8th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Tom Cruise Drops Top Gun 2 Rumour Bomb
SCIENTOLOGY may well be making everyone dislike Tom Cruise, but he’s still a big celebrity noisemaker. And now, while touting his latest Mission: Impossible film, he’s decided to make everyone sit up and waggle their ears by saying that there’s a Top Gun sequel in the offing.
In fact, it’s ‘being worked on’.
Tom told MTV.com he is still involved, saying:
“I hope we can figure this out to go do it again. If we can find a story that we all want to do, we all want to make a film that is in the same kind of tone as the other one and shoot it in the same way as we shot Top Gun… We’re working on it.”
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Posted: 8th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Charlie Sheen Says Ex Isn’t A Drug Dealer And He’s A Very Trustworthy Source
TIGERBLOOD! Remember when everyone thought it was very funny to say that? It was like those Budweiser toads all over again. Effectively, wearisome after five minutes.
That said, through that period, Charlie Sheen was good value. He punched a chandelier, he ran around with a suitcase filled with cocaine, he stood atop a radio station wafting a machete around and was rumoured to have entirely gold teeth.
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Posted: 8th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kerry Katona Is OK So Say OK! In The Most WTF Interview Of The Year
TRY saying worldwide wreck over and over very quickly. Now try saying Kerry Katona. That works, it’s easier to say, it means the same thing and still infects your mouth like marching powder.
I don’t find it offensive when I hear Kerry called a mashed ball of dumb, but I do find it offensive when I hear her called relevant or interesting. Which brings me nicely round to asking what in the name of a rats nest are OK! magazine doing this week by gluing Kerry’s life of mess over three whole pages?
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Posted: 8th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
The Most Stupid Celebrity Quotes of 2011
THE most stupid celebrity quotes of 2011, featuring: Kim Kardashian, Kris Humphries, John Galliano, Jim Carrey On Emma Stone, Jennifer Hudson, Paula Abdul, Snooki, Kris Jenner, Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, Alex Pettyfer, Donald Trump, Paris Hilton, Ashton Kutcher On The Penn State Scandal and Johnny Depp:
Spotter: Buzzfeed
Posted: 8th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Princess Diana Wannabe Lady Gaga Drives Without A Seatbelt In Copycat Death Bid
LADY Gaga fears she will die like Princess Diana. Firstly, Diana is not dead, but living on the fabled Sixth Floor of the Harvey Nichols department store. Secondly, Jimmy Savile is only newly dead and his sage advice to “clunk click every trip” remains unheeded. (It is lamentable that man who was so very close to the Royal Family failed to get across to Diana the importance of buckling seat belts.)
For Lady Di, read Lady Gaga. The US singer has written a song track after dubbing the royal a “martyr for fame”.
The paparazzi were cleared of any blame in the accident that took Diana’s life. Earl Spencer, Diana’s brother, said any editors who traded in photographs of his sister had “blood on their hands“. Diana was “the most hunted person of the age“. Diana is forever a force of good, no longer a real person but a sainted martyr, an emotional icon. The media are the baddies who offed the queen of people’s hearts. Gaga has bought into the story told by the creepy BBC and opportunistic Tony Blair that Diana was a victim of her age who died for us while on holiday.
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Posted: 8th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Sarah Harding Escapes The Pussies In Rehab
WHEN Sarah Harding said, “Only pussies go to rehab” she became my favorite drunk. Nobody likes a nasty drunk (unless they’re naked) and who likes an angry drunks? Sarah was always a lovely drunk and never one to find herself in handcuffs after acting the fool. (Maybe she did.)
When I heard she’d been sent to rehab in Arizona it was sad faces all round because Drunkenho-ville had just lost it’s mojo.
A month is a long ass time in rehab but I can’t believe Sarah got her drunkie gene “rehabed” in that short amount of time. Sarah is now back home and according to the pink pens that light up the world of OK! magazine she’s now looking forward to Christmas. That you may want to take as good news.
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Posted: 8th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Michael Barrymore, shockingly, admits to cocaine possession
MICHAEL Barrymore is a cad isn’t he? He ruled the light-entertainment world with his long, long legs, bug-eyed stared, AWIGHT and of course, his obvious hatred for the general public. With Strike It Lucky, My Kind Of People/Music, Barrymore was untouchable.
Then someone died in his swimming pool and it all went wrong.
Since then, Barrymore has been a bankrupt drunk and Celebrity Big Brother crackpot, never really recreating his madcap popularity, preferring instead, to be a damaged has-been. BBC Four will make a cracking docu-drama on him one of these days.
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Posted: 7th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Mel B’s Sister Danielle Says Spice Girl Ignores Her ‘Dying’ Son
“DANIELLE Brown holds a picture of her beautiful baby boy Hendrix, covered in excruciating sores, his fingers and toes horribly bloated from a killer disease and her eyes filled with tears. It’s been a tough few weeks for the sister of one of Britain’s most famous women.”
Shame on Sarah Brown. Can’t Gordon do something?
No. OK! speaks of Mel B, the former Spice Girl known as Melanie Brown. Her sister’s young son Hendricks has Kawasaki disease. OK!’s font-page ehaldine says:
“MY SON COULD DIE ANY TYIME – BUT MY SISTER MEL B NEVER CALLS”
We are then treated to a view of the family Browns’ skid marked knickers being aired:
OK! At a time like this, you want to be in touch with your big sister…
DB: At a time like this, your family comes together.
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Posted: 7th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kerry Katona Finds Her Lost Baby And A New Frozen Squirrel
KERRY Katona is on the cover of OK!. Eyes narrowed. Faced dusted to a rosy blur. Kerry illustrates the headlines:
“I collapsed when I was told my poor baby had died”
No!
And: “I don’t want to ruin things with my new man”
But you can’t help yourself?
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Posted: 7th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Tamara Ecclestone Blackmail Horror: Police’s News of the World’s Elite Story Unit Investigates
TAMARA Ecclestone, star of TV’s Billion $$ Girl – aka the recruitment video for UK Uncut, Occupy London and every other anti-capitalist movements – is embroiled in a “blackmail letter plot“.
The Sun reports:
THE daughter of Formula 1 billionaire Bernie Ecclestone has called in police over a blackmail bid. TV presenter and socialite Tamara Ecclestone is said to have been “horrified” after receiving threats to reveal details about her personal life.
Those bits of her personal life she not reveal to camera, and OK! magazine? Can it be that she’s holding something back?
Glamorous Tamara, 27, contacted cops on Monday after getting a letter from an extortionist who warned her he was about to release lurid claims from a former close friend. The heiress, who lives in a £45million mansion in Kensington, West London, was interviewed by detectives who are now treating the incident as blackmail.
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Posted: 7th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Ashton Kutcher Cops An Eyeful Of Lea Michele At New Year’s Eve Premiere: Photos
SO. There was Lea Michele, star of Glee, dressed in a lust-for–me frock, being peered down on by Demi Moore’s estranged husband Ashton Kutcher, who continues to marvel at breasts that aren’t as hard as an ex’s heart. Also there: Fergie (the other one), Sofia Vergara and Zac Efron…
Stanley Kubrick’s Photos For Look Magazine
STANLEY Kubrick was once a staff photographer at Look magazine. Can you see his rich, majestic careful eye in the photos? Do you see hints of mass ie research by which he arrived at his subjects? If you need caption, they should be in Futura Extra Bold – it was Kubrick’s favourite:
Kardashian Getting Sued Over Alleged Attack On Transgender Woman Chantal Spears (Photos)
HATE crime or equality? You’re about to decide whether or not you can go around lamping people who are transgender. Okay?
So, Khloe Kardashian is apparently being sued for assault in connection with an alleged incident that took place in Hollywood in 2009. According to reports, Kardashian got into a row with a transgender woman named Chantal Spears (aka Ronald Spears) at Playhouse nightclub.
Spears claims that the widest faced Kardashian pushed and struck her “in and about her body“, which conveniently lead to injuries.
It all kicked off when Spears allegedly walked up to Khloe’s husband, Lamar Odom, and told him that he was “too young to be married“.
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Posted: 6th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Jennifer Aniston Traps Skinny Demi Moore In A Bagel
JENNIFER Aniston has “SAVED 90lb DEMI” Moore.
Not saved as in”she’ll keep…the bitch”, but saved, as in prevented from not eating and withering to nothing.
Aniston has form. In 2008, Grazia reported that Aniston had sent Courteney Cox a chef to “encourage Courtney to start eating better and more regularly”.
We were afforded an insight into the Cox-Aniston eating regime, and how they have indulged in “food mirroring”. Children under the age of seven may know this as “she’s copying me”.
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Posted: 6th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Jeremy Clarkson And Eamonn Holmes’ Sense Of Humour Bypass
EAMONN Holmes, Sky News presenter and part-time This Morning host on ITV, says of the Jeremy Clarkson advertorial that all public sector strikers should be shot:
“We’re not al easily offended these days. But some people are very easily offended these days. Some people know their rights theses days.”
Holmes says anyone who can’t laugh has had a “sense of humour bypass“.
This would be the same Eamonn Holmes who sent, via his lawyers, a letter of complaint to the BBC after a series of sketches about him on Jon Culshaw’s The Impressions Show.
Using the catchphrase “I was fierce hungry, so I was”, Belfast-born Holmes was depicted by Culshaw eating a sofa, a jockey, and a vase of flowers…
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Posted: 6th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Mark Wright’s Night Of Tabloid Sex With Emily Scott (Photos)
ONE problem with McFly bassist Dougie Poynter winning I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here! is that he’s not Mark Wright, star of The Only Way Is Essex and an OK!’s abort ‘n’ tell. The Sun presses on regardless, leading with a photo of Wright – and, vitally, Wright’s stomach – and the front-page headline:
“The only way is no sex Emily”
In boom times reality telly shows were all about waiting for the sex. In austerity Britain, it’s about not having sex or even getting off with each other in a hammock.
Says Wright of Emily Scott, his co-camper:
“Emily is a lovely person and a very pretty girl but there is no romantic interest there for me and I am not interested in starting a relationship with her.”
Over on the Mirror’s front page, the headline is:
“The Truth About Me And Emily”
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Posted: 5th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
