Anorak

News | Anorak - Part 5

News Category

Coronavirus Cup bias: Liverpool to be awarded PL title and West Ham stay up

With top-flight football banned until April 4 at the earliest as the coronavirus bites, fair minds have been pushing their agendas. West Ham United’s vice-chairman Karren Brady insists that the Premier League season has to be declared void if no more fixtures are possible. “Sorry Liverpool,” says the woman to the table toppers and whose club is only out of the Premier League relegation zone on goal difference. “As games in both the PL and in the EFL are affected, the only fair and reasonable thing to do is declare the whole season null and void,” says Brady in her Sun column. “Who knows who would have gone down or come up if the games have not actually been played in full?” Can we guess? It is, she concedes, “A huge blow to Liverpool who might be robbed of their first title in 30 years.” But robbery is fine so long as it’s “fair and reasonable”.

But over in the Telegraph, we learn: “Liverpool are still likely to be crowned Premier League champions, even if the coronavirus crisis causes the season to be abandoned… a senior club executive revealed on Friday night that there was little ­opposition to awarding Jurgen Klopp’s men their first English title for 30 years following what threatened to be the longest suspension of the professional game since the Second World War.” An unnamed senior Liverpool FC executive says the Reds win the title because it seems likely they would have won it anyhow. Sport isn’t unpredictable. Liverpool won’t do a Devon Lock. Liverpool get the the Coronavirus Cup and the other teams get… Well, what? To applaud from their sick beds?

There are, of course, financial implications, wages and transfer debts must be paid and there is lost broadcast revenue,” says Brady, “lost matchday income but this pales into insignificance as the health and well-being of everyone must come first.” To say nothing of the cost of West Ham’s relegation from the Premier League, which she doesn’t.

Posted: 14th, March 2020 | In: Liverpool, News, Sports | Comment


Cold, Flu or Coronavirus? This handy chart helps you identify your virus

Coronavirus

The bloke sat across the aisle who just sneezed violently on the Tube, bus or train? Worry not. It looks like coma mon cold. The woman with the nagging dry cough in the row behind? Move seats – although it’s probably too late. That could be the Coronavirus.

Other viruses on the London Underground: toxic dust particles and 121 nasty bugs. In 2016, Staveley Head commissioned a study by microbiologists at London Metropolitan University to see what bugs were on the Tube. The London Under the Microscope project spotted 121 different bacteria and mould types on public transport – including nine antibiotic-resistant superbugs. A ride on the Tube might mean sharing a seat with Staphylococcus Aureus (the bacteria responsible for toxic shock syndrome), E.coli, Klebsiella Pneumoniae and Serratia.

Posted: 13th, March 2020 | In: News | Comment


Premier League: suspend season as Leicester players catch Coronavirus

After the N.B.A. suspended its season on Wednesday after one Utah Jazz player tested positive for coronavirus, the Premier League is under pressure to call off the current football season as three Leicester City players get the bug. In Spain, La Liga has been suspended for “at least the next two rounds of matches” because the entire Real Madrid squad is into quarantine because of coronavirus.

“We had a few players that have shown symptoms and signs,” said Leicester City manager Brendan Rodgers. “It would be a shame if the Watford game were postponed], but the public’s health is the most important in all of this. The game is all about the players and the fans and if you have one of those not there, it’s obviously not the same.”

Time to call the season off. Hard cheese, Liverpool.

Posted: 12th, March 2020 | In: Key Posts, News, Sports | Comment


Coronavirus kills media paywalls

Coronavirus pollution

Such is the huge level of internet traffic generated by the coronavirus story that many publications have torn down their paywalls for coronavirus coverage. They want your clicks. Well, not quite, maybe. They say it’s because they are doing a public service (and don’t want you clicking elsewhere for free).

Kottke highlight how the walls came tumblin’ down at:  The AtlanticWSJTalking Points MemoGlobe and MailSeattle TimesMiami HeraldToronto StarStatDallas Morning NewsMedium and the NY Times.

In the UK, we have the trusty BBC – you’d mis it if it went.

Image: more people are staying in as Coronavirus hits.

Posted: 12th, March 2020 | In: News | Comment


Coronavirus and SARS: Why do new diseases come from China?

Coronavirus Wuhan china

Why did Coronavirus strain COVID-19 begin in China? Vox takes a look:

Both SARS and COVID-19 are in the “coronavirus” family, and both appear to have emerged from animals in China’s notorious wildlife markets. Experts had long predicted that these markets, known to be potential sources of disease, would enable another outbreak. The markets, and the wildlife trade that supports them, are the underlying problem of these pandemics; until China solves that problem, more are likely to emerge.

China’s wildlife-farming industry has been shut down by Chinese officials.

Posted: 11th, March 2020 | In: News | Comment


Coronavirus panic: Daily Star doubles as toilet roll

Coronavirus

Panic over. The Daily Star is offering its readers a free ‘cut out and keep’ toilet roll with every newspaper. “BOG OFF!” screams the headline – Buy One Get One For Free? No need to panic buy toilet roll when you have daily newspapers. There are not plans to print newspapers on absorbent tissue paper, nor for The Sun to offer discount subscriptions to Jeremy Corbyn supporters. Says one Guardian executive: “It’s a tissue of lies.”

Posted: 10th, March 2020 | In: News, Tabloids | Comment


Coronavirus toilet roll panic: ‘No toilet rolls kept in this van overnight’

Coronavirus toilet roll panic: 'No toilet rolls kept in this van overnight'
Coronavirus toilet roll panic: ‘No toilet rolls kept in this van overnight’

Coronavirus is giving people the runs – and they’re running to the shops buy stacks of toilet rolls. The way to stop panic buying is to remind people that no research has disproven a link between toilet roll and coronavirus. Be warned.

File under: fake poos.

Posted: 10th, March 2020 | In: Key Posts, News | Comment


Coronamania hits the UK : Tesco introduces rationing

coronavirus
High Street Virus

Tesco has brought in rationing as the coronavirus affects minds and drives the country mad. The panicky are limited to buying no more than five of each of the rationed goods on a list that includes: tinned carrots, long-life milk, antibacterial gel, arse wipes and dry pasta.

The good news is that those in the grip of Coronamania can get all that stuff elsewhere or live on fast food.

Time, perhaps, to bring the Tesco experiment to have a branch in every high street and a Tesco inside every Tesco by visiting your local greengrocer and buying soap.

Posted: 8th, March 2020 | In: News | Comment


Tampon tax is over: invest your saving in vagina candles and steamers

Good news, then. The State’s 5% rake on all sanitary products is to end. The sex-based “tampon tax” will be abolished from January. And you can thank Brexit for the end to it. It was an EU directive that meant the tax rate could not fall below 5%. And so long as the UK was in the bloc’s customs union, the country was legally bound to take a cut from every menstruating woman.

If you want to save money til January, best get what the Vagina Monologues termed “a wad of dry fucking cotton”. What you save on branded padding you can invest in other devices, such as the vagina steamer, trailed on Hollywood princess Gwyneth Paltrow’s blog GOOP thus: “You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus.” Afterwards you can see if your date wants to pull on a Hamzat suit and shag in a laboratory.

If things get too clean and you miss the old days, Paltrow also flogs a candle called ‘This Smells Like My Vagina’, which will ensure a fuller sensory experience to anyone dating a Gwyneth Paltrow love doll or indeed Gwyneth Paltrow.

Posted: 7th, March 2020 | In: Money, News | Comment


Back to The Future’s Christopher Lloyd and Michael J. Fox meet for Parkinson’s poker night

‘All in with Christopher Lloyd at Michael J. Fox Poker Night!’ To help the Michael J. Fox Foundation in its quest to find a cure for Parkinson’s disease, Michael J. Fox met his Back To The Future co-star Christopher Lloyd for a night of charity poker.

Posted: 7th, March 2020 | In: Celebrities, Film, News | Comment


Coronavirus: how to prevent a world soap shortage

detroit soap-Dispenser

Having been told to wash out hands for 20 seconds – or as long it takes to sing Happy Birthday twice – not to touch our face (and certainly not to touch Donald Trump’s face: “I haven’t touched my face in weeks,” he said recently. “Been weeks… I miss it” – you can wonder if you’ve enough soap. Thankfully, Clean the World is a non-profit organization helps hotels to recycle used soap & other toiletries:

Posted: 6th, March 2020 | In: News, The Consumer | Comment


Coronavirus in London: Who is Lady Buckethead?

Coronavirus in London

Are you taking precautions against catching the coronavirus, like washing your hands whilst singing Happy Birthday to the tune to Anarchy in the UK and “self-isolating” in a place where nobody will come into contact with you, like on a bed pushed into a hospital corridor, attending a LibDem conference or becoming Prince Andrew.

Maybe you do like to this woman does (see above) and wear a plastic jar on your head whilst riding the London Underground or a bus?

Hat by Tupperwear. Scarf: model’s own.

Posted: 5th, March 2020 | In: Key Posts, News | Comment


The (Non) Fighting Cock: Eric Dier launches one man stands invasion at Spurs

Eric Dier crowd

Not long after Spurs lost at home to Norwich in the FA Cup, Tottenham midfielder Eric Dier dashed into the stands to confront a member of the self-described ‘Yid Army’ who he felt had “insulted” him. (No – he’s wasn’t going to fetch the ball after teammate Erik Lamela’s missed penalty.) Aside from the obvious point that few Spurs fans knew the big lummox could act with such pace and passion, what happened next was every bit as forgettable as a Dier performance on the pitch. A few videos of the moment appeared over Twitter. But aside from Dier moving forwards and fans moving sidewards to get a closer look, nothing occurred. Cantona’s kung-fu kick at Crystal Palace reminds the unsullied benchmark of ad-libbed pro-fan interaction.

Spurs’ thin-skinned manager Jose Mourinho was moved to tell media: “I think Eric did what we professionals cannot do but probably every one of us would do.”

Minds turn to Mourinho’s snide poke in the eye of an opposing coach when boss at Real Madrid match and being menaced by former Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger. Mourinho’s fighting prowess is pretty much on a par with players and fans of his latest club:

For those of who missed Eric’s moment of nothingness, here it is:

And for those of you want to see another Eric at it, here that is.

The Football Association and Tottenham are investigating the incident. Others are working out of Cantona (85) is still faster than Eric Dier (8).

Posted: 5th, March 2020 | In: News, Sports, Spurs | Comment


Rebecca Long-Bailey and anti-semitism: I’m a victim too!

Rebecca-Long Bailey, aka Corbyn II, is the Labour MP who saw the electorate send her party to their worst defeat since 1935 and gave leader Jeremy Corbyn 10/10 for his work. But she is not Corbyn II. No siree. She for one will call out anti-semitism when she sees it, whether it be on Press TV, a wall in East London or amongst her ‘friends’. Well, so says (not) Corbyn II as she bids to become the Labour Party’s next leader:

That clip made it on to the Andrew Neil show:

Rebecca Long-Bailey: not a Jew.

Posted: 4th, March 2020 | In: News, Politicians, TV & Radio | Comment


18 Syrians* found living inside takeaway boxes in a Darlington hedge (*Syrian hamsters)

How did twenty hamsters inside takeaway food containers come to be living in a hedge in Darlington? The 18 Syrian and two dwarf hamsters were noticed in Park Crescent, Darlington, last Sunday. Volunteers for the National Animal Sanctuaries Support League (NASSL), in Newton Aycliffe, say the creatures were “traumatised” but doing well.



Posted: 3rd, March 2020 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment


Boris Johnson baby linked to cancer

The Daily Mirror turns the joyous news that Carrie Symonds, Boris Johnson’s lover, is expecting their baby into something dark and cruel. Boris “broke” news of the baby, says the paper, “just days after his ex’s mum died of cancer”.

The old die to make room for the young. But unnamed “sources” say the timing has been “devastating” for estranged Mrs Boris, Marina Wheeler, whose mum died of cancer at a spry 87. The Mirror says Wheeler is Johnson’s “ex-wife”. She isn’t. Although a divorce is planned.

The paper adds: “Dip Singh passed away the previous Sunday, the Mirror understands. It is the latest trauma for Marina who, on top of her divorce, had two ops to treat cervical cancer last year.”

Can it be that Carrie and Boris waited a week after Mrs Sigh’s passing to go public with a baby scheduled to arrive in the summer? They waited until the first trimester had passed before going public, which seems wise.

Says the Mirror: ‘Barrister Marina confirmed Dip “died at home with us” but did not comment further.’ That’s the Mirror’s job to fill in the blanks. It ‘understands’ this is painful time for Marina so splashes her private business all over its front pages. How very understanding…

Posted: 3rd, March 2020 | In: News, Politicians, Tabloids | Comment


Smithsonian releases 2.8million images to the public domain

Thomas Eakins, American, b. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, 1844–1916
Thomas Eakins

The Smithsonian Institution has released 2.8 million images into the public domain. The open access online platform is free to use and use it however they see fit. Expect to see the very best of them on Flashbak.

“Being a relevant source for people who are learning around the world is key to our mission,” says Effie Kapsalis, who is heading up the effort as the Smithsonian’s senior digital program officer. “We can’t imagine what people are going to do with the collections. We’re prepared to be surprised.”

Image: Cat In The Yard – Thomas Eakins, American, b. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, 1844–1916.

Spotter: FlashbakShop

Posted: 27th, February 2020 | In: News, The Consumer | Comment


Misbehaving Whilst Black: Six-year-old girl handcuffed and arrested in Florida

Six-year-old girl handcuffed and arrested in Florida

To Orlando, Florida. It’s September 2019 and police are carting off a six-year-old girl. Kaia Rolle is under arrest. The child is filmed by the copper’s bodycam as she’s retrained with zip ties and led to a police car. Her alleged crime: misbehaving in class. The story goes that she had thrown a tantrum and kicked and punched three school employees.

The Orlando Police Department investigated. The arresting officer has been sacked. Officer Dennis Turner failed to adhere to the correct protocol, which states that a police officer must have their supervisor’s approval to arrest any child under the age of 12.

Turner, who was fired days after the arrest became national news, had worked in OPD’s Reserve Unit, which is made up of retired officers who are required to work a certain amount of hours at the agency per month and can pick up extra-duty jobs for pay.

Over the course of Turner’s 23-year tenure at OPD prior to retiring last year, he was disciplined seven times for violations of department policy that ranged from unsafe driving to a child-abuse arrest in which he was accused of injuring his 7-year-old son, record released Tuesday showed. He was also accused of sending threatening text messages to his ex-wife in 2009 and racial profiling, records show.

Lawyer’s repressing the child’s family have released the following footage.

Posted: 26th, February 2020 | In: Key Posts, News, Strange But True | Comment


Coronavirus: Mission Impossible filming stopped; Tom Cruise defeated by virus

Coronavirus: Mission Impossible

Time to rewrite the latest Mission: Impossible film. Filming in Italy for the seventh outing for Tom Cruise and Can Do gang has been stopped because it’s impossible to take on the coronavirus and win. Not so much Mission: Impossible, as Mission: Likely to Succeed Pending A Risk Assessment.

“Out of an abundance of caution for the safety and well-being of our cast and crew, and efforts of the local Venetian government to halt public gatherings in response to the threat of coronavirus, we are altering the production plan for our three-week shoot in Venice,” say Paramount in a statement.

“During this hiatus we want to be mindful of the concerns of the crew and are allowing them to return home until production starts. We will continue to monitor this situation, and work alongside health and government officials as it evolves.”

Plans for the film series’ diminutive lead actor Tom Cruise to take on a coroanvirus is hand-to-hand combat are said to be premature.

short presentational grey line

Posted: 26th, February 2020 | In: Celebrities, Film, News | Comment


Harvey Weinstein: all the facts in your red-hot dailies

The Guardian says Harvey Weinstein “face jail after being convicted of rape”. You might have thought he’d face a holiday in the Bahamas, but the Guardian has the scoop.

Harvey Weinstein

In other newspapers facts on the trial of a fallen Hollywood mogul, the British press are equally on form. How long is Weinstein going to prison for?

The Times: 29 YEARS!

Harvey Weinstein

The Mail: 25 YEARS!

Harvey Weinstein

Such are the facts…

Posted: 25th, February 2020 | In: Celebrities, News | Comment


Sekre bags contain ruined letters of note

Sekre bags contain ruined letters of note
Dead skin and old paper formed into a bag

Finally someone had found a use for old paper in the digital world. The Times says a company called Sekrè – tagline: “Every woman needs a secret” – has made handbags from dead animals and old paper, and is charging the knowing a few grand sterling (£2,700) for the privilege of owning a recycled gem.

If you buy one of these bags and you’re secret is “I’m a dickhead” then – get this – the secret’s out. Because that’s not any ordinary paper in your reassuringly expensive posing pouch, like a snotty Handy Andy or a Papa John’s flyer. Each bag features an “authenticated letter by a famous historical figure”. The boffins at Sekrè add part of an artefact to each bag. Letters from the likes of Charles Dickens, Queen Victoria, Giacomo Casanova, Charles Lindbergh, Grace Kelly, Marlene Dietrich and Brigitte Bardot have been ripped up for bag cladding.

For added personalisation Old Mr Anorak says he’ll lob in pair of used pants from the many VIPs who’ve stayed over at Anorak Towers. After all, Sekre is an anagram of REEKS.

Posted: 24th, February 2020 | In: Fashion, News, Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment


Harvey Weinstein goes down

Harvey_Weinstein

Harvey Weinstein will never w**k in Hollywood again. The onetime movie producer has been found guilty of third-degree rape and a criminal sexual act in the first degree. He was acquitted of of predatory sexual assault. He had denied all charges. And there’s to be a sequel. Weinstein still faces charges of rape and sexual assault of two women in 2013.

Posted: 24th, February 2020 | In: Celebrities, News | Comment


Unsung heroes: NASA mathematician Katherine Johnson has died

NASA mathematician Katherine Johnson

NASA mathematician Katherine Johnson, who helped the first American astronaut to successfully orbit the Earth, has died at the age of 101. Katherine worked out the trajectory for Alan Shepard, the first American in space. She used no electronic computers.

She also worked on astronaut John Glenn’s orbital mission, checking the numbers for the flight.

Katherine is one of three African American women celebrated in the 2016 movie Hidden Figures, which tells the true story of Katherine, Mary Jackson and Dorothy Vaughan, who faced discrimination, racism and segregation but pushed through.

“Johnson helped our nation enlarge the frontiers of space even as she made huge strides that also opened doors for women and people of color. Her dedication and skill as a mathematician helped put humans on the moon and before that made it possible for our astronauts to take the first steps in space that we now follow on a journey to Mars.”

– NASA administrator Jim Bridenstine said in a statement. “

Spotter: Flashbak

Posted: 24th, February 2020 | In: News, Technology | Comment


Transfer balls: Jadon Sancho to Liverpool or Manchester United says clickbait insider

jadon sancho

Sky Sports says its reporter Kaveh Solhekol has the inside line” on Jadon Sancho’s future. Sky tweets: “@SkyKaveh has the inside line on Jadon Sancho’s future.” And the future is linking him with move to Liverpool. So what is the ‘inside line” from “The Insider”?

It is difficult to say where Jadon Sancho will be playing next season because so many clubs want him…

But The Insider knows:

Manchester United are confident they can get Sancho in the summer…

Bayern Munich would love to keep him in the Bundesliga…

…I was a betting man my money would be on Liverpool.

The inside line is that the insider doesn’t know where Sancho will be playing next season, but if he does leave Dortmund it will be very possibly for a big club with lots of money. You heard it here second, folks. And you can read it all over Google, too, where the thoughts of a man who doesn’t know are big news:

jadon sancho

Such are the facts…

Posted: 21st, February 2020 | In: Liverpool, manchester united, News, Sports | Comment


RIP Larry Tesler, inventor of cut and paste

Larry Tesler computerised cut and paste. He worked at Apple from 1980 to 1997. Last Monday he died. He was 74.

Here’s Larry Tesler talking about his work:

Spotter: Cult of Mac

Posted: 21st, February 2020 | In: News, Technology | Comment