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News | Anorak - Part 8

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We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.

Manchester United balls: Wayne Rooney is off to play in China?

china wayne rooneyIf this were the 1970s, and we were Benny Hill, we would describe the Sun’s back page exclusive that the Chinese are wooing Wayne Rooney as looney.

As it is the Sun says “Utd fear a takeaway”.

Cue jokes about walls.

As for the story, well, it’s balls. China has lot of TV cash to invest in the sport. Rooney, being a top players, is one name the money men want to attract.

So is he going? No. The Sun adds:

There is no suggestion of an agreement being in place with Rooney but his advisors are considering all options ahead of his next move.

No news, then.

Posted: 23rd, November 2015 | In: manchester united, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Yodel delivery driver leaves package on top of customer’s roof

Ever use a ladder to retrieve a package?

YodelOnline Suprised your delivery driver decided to throw the package on the roof? Any reason why?

 

YodelOnline Suprised your delivery driver decided to throw the package on the roof? Any reason why?

Posted: 23rd, November 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Ronaldo to Manchester United and Benitez to Coventry

Ronaldo picking

 

Trouble at Real Madrid. One bruising defeat to Barcelona and Cristiano Ronaldo, 30, says of manager Rafael Benitez: “Either he goes, or I go.” And that means Ronaldo is off to play for Manchester United.

Well, so reports the Daily Telegraph, in an article headlined: “Rafa Benitez heads for Bernabau exit.”

Writer Oliver Brown links to the source of his scoop that Ronaldo picks Real’s manager.

We follow the link, which turns out to be a second Telegraph story.

…given the snake-eye Ronaldo was casting in Rafael Benítez’s direction, one would be foolish to rule out a parting of the ways, even if Real Madrid were far more likely to bin Rafa than sell Ronaldo. Though ‘it is understood’ Florentino Péérez would be prepared to let him leave if United paid them the £80m fee back.

This story makes not a single mention of Ronaldo’s ultimatum.

To recap: Ronaldo never said it’s either him of Benitez; Benitez is not leaving; and the Telegraph is bullshit.com.

 

Posted: 23rd, November 2015 | In: manchester united, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Manchester United get Gareth Bale, Ronaldo and Benitez

bale ballsIn “GALACTIGO”, the Daily Express says Manchester United are poised to sign Cristiano Ronaldo and Gareth Bale. If Real Madrid sell their players, if Manchester United have the money to sign then, if the players want to leave and play at Old Trafford, and if the planets are in alignment, United will get their men.

Bale, says the Express, is not a fans’ favourite at Real. A poll by Marca found “more than 48,000 people thought him the worst player on the pitch” when Real were tonked 4-0 by Barcelona., “closely followed by Ronaldo”.

Really?

Over at Marca, we read “Could Real Madrid have won the game?”

Answer: “Absolutely no chance.”

The paper adds:

Raphaël Varane looked like a nervous schoolboy. Toni Kroos returned to his deeper role, but nobody seemed to notice. He was rendered invisible. And Luka Modric was swept away by Iniesta, whose imposing performance was a finger in the eye for all those who assured that his best days were over early on last season.

No word on Bale and Ronaldo. But a few words on the manager are forthcoming:

Rafa Benítez’s dismissal is not a matter of if, but when. The debacle against Barcelona would seem to have made the decision a foregone conclusion.

And now for the poll facts.

Following Saturday’s disastrous result at the Bernabéu, more than 120,000 MARCA.com readers voted and assigned blame for what happened. Although everyone involved shared in the overall blame, Florentino Pérez was singled out as the person most at fault.

Florentino out!

The Real Madrid president picked up over 42% of the votes as the person most to blame for the crisis at the club following its embarrassing home defeat to Barça.

Pérez came in a long way ahead of Benítez (31.9%) and the players themselves (26%) when assigning blame for the team’s current situation.

And the players?

One of the most interesting things is that the Bernabéu faithful are most disappointed with the club’s big-name stars. Bale, Ronaldo and Benzema are amongst the players that fans blame most for the historic defeat. Them, and Danilo.

The players that fans are least disappointed with are Carvajal, Marcelo, Navas, Modric and James, in that order.

Team loses to arch rivals. Monocular fans turn on big name players, manager and president they hope will make them win, letting off steam in an online poll.

Ronaldo and Bale lead Real to champions’ League glory. All is right with the world. And in the UK, the Express says the biggest culprit are of to Old Trafford. Rafa for United it is, then…

 

Posted: 23rd, November 2015 | In: manchester united, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Radio France changes pro-migrant headline after Paris massacre

Hindsight at wok in the French media, where the website of State-owned Radio France has rewritten its opinion on terrorism and migration.

The original headline on the September 14 story ran: “Refugees: the fantasy of terrorist infiltration.”

 

 

refugee

 

Scores of innocent people are murdered in Paris. One of the murderers, Syrian Ahmed Almuhamed, 25, reportedly posed as a migrant when he arrived in Leros, Greece.

 

The Radio France headline now declares: “Terrorists among the migrants?”

 

fr22_thumb

 

It’s no longer a fantasy dreamt up by the far-Right. Although it is still a question.

Posted: 23rd, November 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Panic: Europe runs out of Jews to murder and Prince Charles explains all

Belgium justice minister, Koen Greens, has discovered a problem: allowing terrorists take out frustration on Jews is ok until you run out of Jews. He says:

“It’s no longer synagogues or the Jewish museums or police stations, it’s mass gatherings and public places.”

Belgium justice min discovers 1 problem w/ letting terrorists take out frustration on Jews: you run out of Jews.

In other news, suspected Paris attacker Salah Abdelslam is at large. a huge sweep in Belgian has resulted in the arrests of 16 suspects in 19 raids.

And the Sun has a poll as front-page news:

 

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Really?

NEARLY one in five British Muslims has some sympathy with those who have fled the UK to fight for IS in Syria. The number among young Muslims aged 18-34 is even higher at one in four.

The figures emerged in our exclusive poll conducted after the Paris atrocities led by French and Belgian jihadis returning from the war zone.

Prominent Muslims said the poll was a wake-up call.

Labour London Mayor hopeful Sadiq Khan tells The Sun today: “It is clear that Britain needs to take its head out of the sand and act to tackle extremism and radicalisation at home. Tackling extremism is a challenge for everyone but I believe British Muslims have a special role to play.”

In dangerous times the marginalised pull on the cloak of statesmanship. UK Independence Party Leader Nigel has been talking:

“We have a fifth column that we have welcomed into our country. And what makes me really angry is that the European Union’s common asylum policy is taking a bad situation and making it even worse.

“The thing that makes me angry about what happened in Paris is frankly the fact that it was so utterly and entirely predictable,” said Farage. “I think we’ve reached a point where we have to admit to ourselves, in Britain and France and much of the rest of Europe, that mass immigration and multicultural division has for now been a failure.”

“We have to be frank, every single one of those killers beleived they were doing what they were doing in the name of Islam. And our weakness, the weakness of our leaders, has actually allowed in our country, the creation of a parallel society.”

“A blind eye turned to polygamy, to forced marriage. Now 80% of Muslim marriages are completely outside and unregistered from British law.”

“When I hear there are 400 fresh jihadi fighters, fresh back – battle-scarred veterans from Syria…”

“This dream of the free movement of people, this dream for others of the Schengen area. It hasn’t just meant the free movement of people, it has meant the free movement of Kalashnikov rifles. It has meant the free movement of terrorists, and it has meant the free movement of jihadists.”

“It is time that democratic groups in Britain and right across Europe stood up and fought and gained and strength, and say an end to this! We want back border controls, we want back national security.”

As Tim Blair notes, the mood is changing.

Several weeks after a France Inter headline dismissed as a right-wing fantasy the idea that terrorists could be among Europe’s refugees, the same story’s headline – and part of the story itself – has been re-written:

 

refugee

 

Now.

 

fr22_thumb

 

 

Don’t panic!

tumblr_ny8lmx56yK1u5f06vo1_1280

 

But the real reason for all this fear and murder is not religion. It’s not nihilists seeking reason in death.  No. As Prince Charles says, it’s climate change:

 

tumblr_ny8mhpfAOB1u5f06vo1_1280 (1)

 

Mad Syrians and dogs go out in the noon-day sun. Says Charles, a man whose resources remain bountiful:

“We’re seeing a classic case of not dealing with the problem. It sounds awful to say, but some of us were saying 20 something years ago that if we didn’t tackle these issues you would see ever greater conflict over scarce resources and ever greater difficulties over drought.

“There’s very good evidence indeed that one of the major reasons for this horror in Syria was a drought that lasted for about five or six years, which meant that huge numbers of people in the end had to leave the land.”

Charles has lots of land. Maybe these people can come and farm it?

Posted: 23rd, November 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Biased BBC: Murdering Jews in Israel is never ‘terror’

biased-bbc

Rabbi Aharon Yesayev, 32, from Tel Aviv, Reuven Aviram, 51, from Ramle, Ezra Schwartz, 18, of Sharon, Massachusetts, Yaakov Don, 49, from Alon Shvut, and Shadi Arafa, 40, from Hebron have been murdered in Israel.

How did the BBC report the targeted murder of Jews in Tel Aviv and Gush Etzion?

Jonathan Sacerdoti notes:

The BBC does not mention the word ‘terror’ whilst the article about the victims murdered in Paris opens with the words “Tributes have been paid to the 130 people who lost their lives in the Paris terror attacks”. Evidently the BBC’s two-tier system of reporting terror attacks is not only confined to the use of language.”

On BBC Watch Hadar Sela writes:

Whilst stuck in early morning traffic on the way to Manchester airport last Monday I found myself listening to BBC Radio 5 live’s morning broadcast… Listeners were given a range of information which typically included names, ages, occupations, family statuses, places of birth and education and in some cases also heard of the reactions of loved ones. Such information of course enables the listener to get beyond mere casualty figures and goes some way towards helping audiences appreciate the individual personal tragedies of victims and their families.

Is it bias? Is it that the huge impact of the Paris attacks warrants a larger feature? Should every victim be named in the initial report?

The BBC reported:

Palestinian attacks in Israel and West Bank kill five

Five people have been killed in two attacks in Israel and the occupied West Bank, officials say.

In the first attack, two Israelis were stabbed to death by a Palestinian man at the entrance of a shop that serves as a synagogue in the city of Tel Aviv.

Later, a third Israeli, a Jewish American and a Palestinian were killed in an attack near a Jewish settlement.

A wave of violence over the past two months has claimed the lives of 15 Israelis and dozens of Palestinians. Many of the Palestinian fatalities were knife-wielding attackers of Israelis, shot by their victims or security forces…

Thursday’s first attack took place in a busy commercial building on Ben Tzvi road in southern Tel Aviv.
Witness Shimon Vaknin told the Jerusalem Post newspaper that the afternoon prayer service had just begun at the shop when a man attacked a number of worshippers…

The militant Palestinian Islamist movement Hamas posted a tweet praising “the heroic attack in Tel Aviv”, adding: “We ask the fighters to keep doing so.”

No names. And not one mention of ‘terror’.

But the Jerusalem Post, form which the BBC gets its quotes, reported:

A Palestinian armed with a knife murdered two Israelis and moderately wounded a third during a rampage in a southern Tel Aviv office building on Thursday afternoon.

The victims were named as Aviram Reuven, 51, from Ramle, and Aharon Yisayev, 32, from Holon.

The attack began at around 2 p.m., when 36-year-old Raed Khalil bin Mahmoud, the father of five and resident of Dura in the West Bank southwest of Hebron, walked to the second floor of the Panorama building on Ben-Zvi Street and began stabbing worshipers at an afternoon minha service being held inside a Judaica store.

It’s worth looking at the BBC most recent stories on ‘Israel’.

November 13: “Israelis killed in West Bank as Palestinians shot dead”

The murders and the murdered are all named.

November 10: “Jerusalem: Palestinian youths stab Israeli train guard”

The victim is not named.

October 16: “Palestinian killed by Israeli soldiers in Hebron”

No names.

The BBC does have a little form in being less than even-handed.

 

 

 

Posted: 22nd, November 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Mr Phuc Dat Bich ‘banned from Facebook’

An exasperated Vietnamese-Australian man has shared a photo of his passport to prove his name really is Phuc Dat Bich after he was banned from Facebook several times.

 

Dats Phuced Up

Dats Phuced Up

 

Mr Phuc Dat Bich, 23, says “nobody seems to believe me when I say that my full legal name is how you see it… I’ve been accused of using a false and misleading name, which I find very offensive. Is it because I’m Asian? Is it?”

Phuc Dat Bich says his Facebook account had been “shut down multiple times” with demands that he “change my name to my ‘real’ name”.

Mr Phuc works in IT, apparently. He might be known as Mr Phuc IT.

As for the story, we’re says: it’s a hoax, right?

 

Posted: 22nd, November 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Police swoop on man with ‘armed’ sandwich

armed sandwich

 

To Stevenage railway station, Hertfordshire. It’s 4.40pm on Thursday afternoon. Police are responding to an urgent call: someone has seen a man with a gun.

Armed police have located the man, who is searched and found to be in possession of a sandwich.

You kebab eaters have been warned.

Posted: 22nd, November 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Liverpool have £42m for Aubameyang, Chelsea offer £20m, Arsenal release Reus

ST GALLEN, SWITZERLAND - JULY 25:  Marco Reus of Dortmund (R) celebrates his team's second goal with team mate Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang during the friendly match between Juventus and Borussia Dortmund on July 25, 2015 in St Gallen, Switzerland.  (Photo by Daniel Kopatsch/Getty Images)

ST GALLEN, SWITZERLAND – JULY 25: Marco Reus of Dortmund (R) celebrates his team’s second goal with team mate Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang during the friendly match between Juventus and Borussia Dortmund on July 25, 2015 in St Gallen, Switzerland. (Photo by Daniel Kopatsch/Getty Images)

 

Transfer balls: News is that Liverpool manager Jürgen Klopp is on course to reunite with Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, the  Borussia Dortmund striker who has scored a mere 19 goals in 16 appearances so far this season.

The Guardian says Arsenal and Barcelona are among clubs to have noticed that Aubameyang is rather tasty, but Liverpool hope the player’s relationship with Klopp, who signed him, will secure a “£42m deal”.

The Sun, however, says Chelsea are leading the hunt, and are”weighing up a £20m bid”.

It all adds up to a lot of guesswork. Like this in the Bleacher Report:

Liverpool are hoping to recruit Borussia Dortmund star Marco Reus, but they will only be able to do so if Arsenal can secure his team-mate, Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, at the same time.

According to Heiko Ostendorp of German outlet Sport Bild (h/t Metro‘sGeorge Bellshaw), the pair “have made a pact to not leave the club unless the other is also leaving” with the Reds targeting Reus and the Gunners eyeing up Aubameyang.

That would be the dame Metro that told its readers:

 

reus signs arsenal

 

Such are the facts.

Posted: 22nd, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Liverpool, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Is Cher Dead?

On December 2014, Cher had three months to live, reported the National Enquirer.

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Seven months later Cher was dead.

 

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Cher is not dead.

 

 

Posted: 21st, November 2015 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Arsenal: Hector Bellerin breaks Usain Bolt’s sprint record (sort of)

usainbolt1

Is Arsenal defender Hector Bellerin faster than Usain Bolt, the world’s greatest 100m runner?

Elizabeth Cassin writes for the BBC:

When Usain Bolt broke the 100m world record in 2009, it took him 4.64 seconds to run the first 40m. But it’s been reported that Arsenal defender Hector Bellerin ran the same distance in 4.41 seconds. So could Bellerin beat Bolt in a race?

Over 40 metres, yes. From a standing start: no.

When he was asked if he would like to run against Usain Bolt, Bellerin replied, “Obviously I would fancy it, but there’s nothing I think I could do. He’s a sprinter, he’s the quickest man in the world.”

Who is the quickest man in football this season (speeds measure during a match)?
fastest footballer premier league
But who is the slowest?

Posted: 21st, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Angelina Jolie not dead: weight falls to weekly deadline

angelina jolie dead

 

Angelina Jolie weighs 83lbs. We know this because the National Enquirer leads with the weighty issue on its cover page. The NE loves to talk about Jolie’s weight. Her love-rival, former Mrs Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston, sucks the tabloid straw marked ‘Womb News”; Angelina gets “Thin” and “Death”. Brad, well, no-one ever mentions his luxuriant, post-ubiquitous-hat age-defying hair, odd for a middle-aged man seemingly in a state of perpetual “WORRY”.

Lest anyone reading think 83lbs an enviable weight, the NE tells us that Jolie has been on the wrong end of a “Doc’s DEADLY DIAGNOSIS”. It is a “heartbreaking medical crisis”. And Jolie’s not going alone or quietly because Brad Pitt “fears she’s a ‘WALKING TIME BOMB’.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 21st, November 2015 | In: Celebrities, News, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Spurs balls: Kane and Alli get pay rise but Manchester United and Chelsea wait

del alli

 

The Sun leads with news that Spurs will invest £25m in tying Dele Alli and Harry Kane to long term deals. The money won’t come in one hit. As the paper says:

Striker Kane, currently on £45,000 a week, is likely to be offered a deal worth £70,000 a week. Alli would double his pay from £12,500 to £25,000 a week.

Good money. Great money for young men doing what they love. But compared to the £300,00o-a-week Wayne Rooney earns at Manchester Untied or the £200,000-a-week Raheem Sterling earns over the same period at Manchester City, not much.

Spurs fans eager for their club to hang onto two bright prospects will not be comforted by the numbers. Any idea that Kane will stay put out of loyalty (the Spurs fans hopeful chant that Harry is “one of our own” is sweet and desperate) is undermined by pictures of the young Harry wearing an Arsenal kit.

As for Alli, he spoke with David Hytner in October:

In his first newspaper interview as a Tottenham Hotspur player, Dele Alli said “unreal” and “surreal” on a number of occasions. Then again, he was speaking after making his first start for the club, in the showpiece friendly against Real Madrid at Bayern Munich’s Allianz Arena, in front of 70,000 fans and, 24 minutes in, he had nutmegged Luka Modric.

Alli said that he and Real’s superstar midfielder had “had a laugh about it in the tunnel afterwards”.

That’s Modric, who used to play for Spurs before a bigger club beckoned him over. He plays with Gareth Bale, who made the same move from White Hart Lane to Madrid. Alli joined Mauricio Pochettino’s Tottenham squad in February 2014 for £5m.

Says Pochettino:

“It is the same situation as with Harry Kane last season. Be careful with the young players that arrive in the Premier League. It is not easy. You can see that Dele is very mature and a player who shows great quality. He has a great personality and good character. But it is too much of a rush to talk about bigger steps for him. Always in football, you need to take it step-by-step, game-by-game.”

Until a big club with vast sums of money comes calling.

Posted: 21st, November 2015 | In: News, Sports, Spurs | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Dover school ticks off parents for smoking outside school gates

Parents stood by the school gates at Dover’s Eythorne Elvington Community Primary pupils are being told off. The school’s headmistress, Liz Bird has issued parents with a directive: stop swearing and smoking by the gates.

Mrs Bird tells her local newspaper:

“I think it came out that a child had heard some parents swearing. They brought it to the school council where they can share their concerns and can discuss them. They feel very strongly about these things.”

In her newsletter she tells parents:

“We ask that smoking takes place well away from the school and appropriate language is used in the vicinity… The children at the school have a strong sense of what is right and what’s not right.”

Why is an adult smoking outside the school, stood on the pavement in the great outdoors, not right? The smoke from cigarettes can be harmful – but these adults are not puffing away in class and giving the kids blowbacks. The risk of infection is tiny. So why are the parents being banned? Because the Kinder Kops have bought into the idea that smoking must be wiped out and smokers made into the enemy of the right-minded. Foul-moths will not be tolerated.

 

Posted: 20th, November 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Arsenal balls: fear and panic sell Laurent Koscielny short

wenger fearArsenal could be without Laurent Koscielny for their next Premier League match at West Bromwich Albion. The Sun says in “WENGER’S PARIS FEARS OVER KOSCIELNY” that the Gunner’s French manager Arsene Wenger “fears” the player is “too traumatised by the Paris attacks to play tomorrow”.

That’s the same player who a couple of days after the mass murder in Paris played for France at Wembley.

What Wenger actually said was – and this was him responding to a question:

“I’ll look how deeply they [Koscielny and his France team-mate Olivier Giroud) are affected. You look for resilience and them showing a desire to play… West Brom is a big game for us so I will talk to him [Koscielny] to see if he is completely recovered and focused… If not I will not play him.”

Fair enough. The player is a human being. But there is something crass about inviting speculation on his mental state and yelling “Star traumatised”. If Koscielny is stressed, surely a back-page headline – being elevated to the biggest story in world sport – is not what he needs.

 

Posted: 20th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Songs of Vietnam: The Top 10

A human skull keeps watch over US soldiers encamped in the Vietnamese jungle during the Vietnam War. (Photo by Terry Fincher/Getty Images)

A human skull keeps watch over US soldiers encamped in the Vietnamese jungle during the Vietnam War. (Photo by Terry Fincher/Getty Images)

 

In We Gotta Get Out of This Place: The Soundtrack of the Vietnam War, Doug Bradley and Craig Werner, professor of Afro-American studies at the University of Wisconsin–Madison, narrate the story of the music that whirled about the heads of American fighters.

 

 

Read it all: The Top 10 Songs Of The Vietnam War: The Veterans’ Picks

Posted: 20th, November 2015 | In: Music, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: tabloid creates epic bullshit.com story about Liverpool and Arsenal ‘target’

daily star bullshit

 

Transfer balls: The Daily Star has a scoop about a “Liverpool target”. The headline tells us:

Liverpool target talks up shock move: It’d be a dream to play for them!

Who is it?

PARIS ST-GERMAIN winger Ezequiel Lavezzi hinted that he’s open to a move away from the French capital.

“Liverpool”. “Move”. “Dream to play for them”.

Chisanga Malata then writes about Lavezzi’s dream:

…the former Napoli star has talked up a move to the Nou Camp by revealing that it’d be a ‘dream’ to play for Luis Enrique’s side. “I’m not going to deny that it would be a dream to play in a team like that,” he said.

Number of times he mentions Liverpool: nil

Respect the Daily Star has for its reader: nil.

Previously in the Star:

 

daily star football

 

He went nowhere.

 

Posted: 19th, November 2015 | In: Liverpool, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Chelsea, Manchester United and Bayern Munich in Robben story plot

Transfer balls: Is Arjen Robben heading back to the Premier League to play for Manchester United?

Yes, says the Daily Express. He is. The paper’s headline is definitive:

Former Chelsea winger agrees January move to Manchester United

 

robben balls

 

 

Why wold Robben agree to join Man United now?

Adam Skinner writes:

United manager Louis van Gaal is keen to add some pace to his forward line and Robben is understood to be keen to leave Bayern Munich.

Well, d’uh. He’s agreed to join Manchester United. You told us that, Adam. Not sure how well that will go down with Bayern Munich fans when they watch him play for the German giants before the transfer window opens in January.

Skinner continues:

The Daily Mirror claim the former Chelsea winger is unsettled as a result of the fall-out and is relishing the chance to move back to England for a second crack at the Premier League.

What the Mirror claims is an actual done deal in the Express.

Van Gaal has already expressed his desire to make a marquee signing in the January transfer window and might continue his spending spree after completing a deal for the 31-year-old.

Might? And, Skinner, a marquee is a big tent not a human being.

Having made a statement and then denied it, Skinner adds:

Robben could form one half of a sensational double deal, with Gareth Bale also thought to be at the top of a list of targets.

Could. Thought. Might.

Such are the facts.

Posted: 19th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, manchester united, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Arkansas judge allegedly offered sexual spankings or prison

spanking judge alleged

 

To Arkansas, where young white male offenders are offered a deal: take a sound spanking to your naked backside and get a  reduced sentence. It’s alleged that Judge Joseph Boeckmann, swapped jail time for hanky spanky times. Boeckmann is also accused of having child pornography on his computer.

Towerload writes:

Boeckmann regularly awarded “substitutionary sentences” of community service to certain defendants, typically white males between the ages of 18 and 35, according to the ethics complaint released Tuesday:

 

Screen-Shot-2015-11-18-at-7.26.44-AM

 

And there are, as ever, the alleged dirty pictures:

 

spanking judge

 

Despite the seriousness of the allegations, the commission investigating them has no power to suspend Boeckmann or remove him from office, according to a report from ArkansasOnline.com. Instead, the commission would have to seek Boeckmann’s removal through the Arkansas Supreme Court.

Boeckmann, who isn’t commenting on the allegations, has 30 days to respond to the ethics complaint.

You wonder what kind of deal he’s try and negotiate, if found guilty.

 

Posted: 19th, November 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Darren Raekwon McIntosh-Buffonge gets the Manchester United bullshit.com treatment

Manchester United have agreed terms with 17-year-old Darren Raekwon McIntosh-Buffonge. A mere five years ago, Darren was let go by Arsenal. He then tried his luck at Fulham. And now he’s signed a scholarship contract at Old Trafford.

Bit deal for him. But not a big deal for Arsenal nor Man United – unless you read your news in the Metro, where the move is:

 Done deal: Man United confirm signing of brilliant ex Arsenal midfielder

Good grief.

 

 

Posted: 19th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, manchester united, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Abdelhamid Abaaoud: a naked dead body and the blonde

Is Abdelhamid Abaaoud, the drugged-up Muslim nihilist who planned the murders of 129 people in Paris, dead?

Abdelhamid Abaaoud dead body

 

The Mail wonders if Abdelhamid Abaaoud has been killed by French forces?

The Sun provides an answer:

Abdelhamid Abaaoud

 

But why is “dies” in inverted commas? “GOT HIM” is a neat update on the ugly “GOTCHA” by which the Sun heralded the sinking of the ARA General Belgrano, an Argentine Navy cruiser sunk by a British submarine during the 1982 Falklands War.

 

gotcha the sun

 

The Sun is less certain and uncertain. The article on the dead “mastermind” runs:

A TERRORIST’S body is carried from a flat after a gun battle with more than 100 police yesterday, as sources claimed it may be the IS mastermind behind the Paris massacre.

Officers hunting Abdelhamid Abaaoud — who planned last week’s carnage which killed 129 — said a blonde accomplice blew herself up as cops and special forces stormed the scene.

A blonde? Is he a brunette?

Armed cops fired an astonishing 5,000 bullets as they swooped on the terror cell. IS massacre mastermind Abaaoud was believed to be one of the two suspects who died in the pre-dawn swoop on a flat.

Adding:

It was reported that the 27-year-old Belgian fiend had died in a hail of bullets and grenade blasts in the northern Paris suburb of Saint-Denis.

His cousin Hasna Aitboulahcen blew herself to bits as she tried to lure the cops into a deadly trap. The suicide blast — Europe’s first involving a female — killed police dog Diesel, who had been sent to approach her and sniff out explosives.

The Mirror has more facts:

mirror mastermind

Abdelhamid Abaaoud is dead. Or as good as dead.

Eight people were taken alive, including this chap:

 

Abdelhamid Abaaoud naked

 

The Star nails it.

 

star

 

The end.

 

Posted: 19th, November 2015 | In: News | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Skydiver and cat jump sat in a fully furnished lounge

sky diver jump cat

 

In this advert professional skydiver Jeff Provenzano show us that so hip are Nvidia Shield tablet computers that anyone owning one can experience the thrill of skydiving with their cat by simply turning one on.

 

Spotter: Nerd Approved, Neatorama

Posted: 19th, November 2015 | In: News, Technology, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0