Anorak

Tabloids | Anorak - Part 242

Tabloids Category

The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.

Writer’s Block

‘ONE man who has also tasted freedom for the first time in a long while is Lord Archer, who is pictured arm in arm with his fragrant wife Mary while on a day release from North Sea Camp prison.

Archer

Posted: 29th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Bonkers As Conkers

”’WHAT’S Forbidden,” reads the headline above a list that will strike fear into the hearts of traditionalists everywhere.

With marbles banned, the kids had to use rocks of crack instead

”The following pastimes have been banned in some British schools,” …

Posted: 29th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Vanity Mirrored

‘IT doesn’t pay to be as vain as a peacock, even if you are one. Officials at Fredriksberg Park in Copenhagen have had to get rid of most of the park’s peacocks after they caused thousands of pounds worth of …

Posted: 29th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Dyke A L’orange

‘YESTERDAY Jade ate her whole fist. In fact, yesterday Jade managed to eat herself. Which is more than pop did.

The identity of the waitress was kept secret for her own safety

But follow the van to the front page …

Posted: 26th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Ready, Aim, Duck!

‘THIS is just the start. They want our monkey on Gibraltar. They catch our fish. And now they want to slaughter our ducks. How long is it before the Spanish come for our heads?

Six down, 3994 to go

According …

Posted: 26th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Fight Club

‘EXTREME wrestling came to Walford this week as a freestyle bout between the Slaters and the Trumans broke out in The Vic. The standoff began when Cat accused Zoe of being ‘a selfish caaahh’ for not coming to Little Mo’s …

Posted: 26th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Future Schlock

‘LIFE after Big Brother? Surely there’s no such thing. How could life be worth living once the Elstree house is deserted and Kate, Alex, Jade and Jonny are no longer welcomed daily into our homes?

Jade took instantly to the

Posted: 25th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Fat Of The Land

‘JADE herself is clearly aware that drastic steps will have to be taken if she ever wants to model for anything other than Wall’s Smoked Back Bacon.

‘If you want us naked, you pay extra’

The Star reports that the …

Posted: 25th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Space Invader

‘IT’S a depressing thought that in 30 years, the average bloke will have to convert a marquee into a pair of trousers to have any hope of squeezing his 42in hips into them.

Coming to a planet near you

But …

Posted: 25th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


An Offer Too Good To Accept

‘BURGLARS who have been raiding a Norwegian company might get away with more than they planned, after the company boss offered them a two-month holiday.

Bill Schjelderup, managing editor of Bergen Energy, says recent burglaries have cost the company £86,000, …

Posted: 25th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Money Troubles

”MILLIONS drown in a sea of debt,’ announces the Express. ‘Asylum seekers’ summer fun with YOUR £1m,’ says the Mail.

Young asylum seekers train for their first Channel crossing

Which all adds up to money leaving YOUR pockets and going …

Posted: 24th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madame’s Newest Girl

‘PART of the cavalcade of fun enjoyed by the hard-partying refugees involves a trip to Madame Tussaud’s.

Kylie begins to melt under the heat of the museum lights

‘Dear mother,’ writes Yuri on the back of a photograph of himself …

Posted: 24th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Ciao, Tony

‘THAT we should be so lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky to be asylum seekers. Instead, we’re saddled with debts, and a future that says no pension, no NHS and no World Cups.

We’re all going on a summer holiday

We have …

Posted: 24th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Nasty Nick Nicked

‘UNLIKE most British villains – the Krays, Frankie Fraser, Kenneth Noye, John Palmer – Nicholas van Hoogstraten scores some big points at scrabble.

S-A-S-S-I-N-A-S-S

It is a pity that he didn’t stick to playing scrabble as this morning the papers …

Posted: 23rd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


(Sex) Toys R Us

‘WHAT do you think of when talk – as it inevitably does – turns to the subject of sex toys? A blow-up rubber Jordan (with foot pump provided) for sir; a Fokuoko 9000 or Hitachi Magic Wand for madam. Maybe …

Posted: 23rd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Breast Of Hear’Say

‘HEAR’SAY ordering Myleene to cover up her boobs may not be quite in the same league as the Rolling Stones asking Mick Jagger to get lip reduction surgery – but it does mean that now the only two boobs on …

Posted: 23rd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Arranged Marriage?

‘WAITING for ‘the one’ often drives people crazy with frustration. But no one considers that ‘the one’ might not even be born until they’re 57.

The ridiculousness of this notion was quashed when a 20-year-old Iranian man married a 77-year-old …

Posted: 23rd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Suited And Booted (Out)

‘MORE evidence of class bias from the Express. This time, the victims were entirely innocent, as the opening sentence immediately indicates, concerning as it does, ‘three middle-aged consultants and two executives’.

He’s got trouble written all over him

Not only …

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Soul Bidder

‘WHEN Faustus sold his soul, he expected 24 years of power and pleasure in return. But all Gareth Malham got for his soul when he auctioned it on an internet site was £11.61.

The impoverished artist from Byker, Newcastle, advertised …

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Caine Mutiny

”WILLIAM Hickey meets Michael Caine. Again and again and again and again…’ Thus spake John Cooper Clarke a quarter century ago, in his seminal work, (You’ll Never See A Nipple In) The Daily Express.

‘My name is Sir Michael

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


It’s Andy being a Royal

‘WE mock Michael Caine’s class paranoia, but then something happens that makes you wonder if there isn’t something in it.

Andy on the trail of another birdie

The Sun recounts how a ‘shocked motorist’ saw Prince Andrew brush off a …

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Spirit Of Free Enterprise

‘YOU’VE insured your house, your car, your cat and your complete collection of The People’s Friend Yearbook. But have you insured your home against ghosts?

Ultraviolet, a Bristol-based insurance company, is happy to do so, and who can blame them? …

Posted: 19th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Jamie Puckers Up

‘THERE are some headlines guaranteed to make even those of the hardiest disposition nervous. And one such appears on the front page of this morning’s Express. ‘Britain In Germ Terror Threat,’ says the headline – but it is the neighbouring …

Posted: 19th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Babe And The Woods

‘HAPPY now, Bob Styles, aged 26, of Eastbourne? Yesterday, readers will recall, you were gutted at Channel 4’s decision not to show a full frontal of Big Brother’s Kate when she whipped her bikini top off. But this morning the …

Posted: 19th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Readers’ Pets

‘IT is just as well for the charms of Miss Nordegren because being a Mail reader is a depressing business. This morning, that misguided bunch learn that a ‘summer of air chaos’ is in the offing. ‘Union militants are back …

Posted: 19th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0