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Just Mike – Jennifer Aniston’s New Lover

“JENNIFER: new nose and new man.”

But what came first?

Did Jennifer Aniston, for it is she, get the new nose then get the new man, or was it the other way … (read more)

Posted: 13th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Blackening Shilpa’s Name

“YOU’RE RACIST SHILPA.”

Oh, irony of ironies. Can it be that the victim has become the abuser?

The Star’s front page has much to shout about. This is Big Brother’s Shilpa. This … (read more)

Posted: 12th, February 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Gordon Brown’s Integrated World Cup

GULPING Gordon Brown, the man who makes breathing look like a deliberate of will, has a plan.
Under Gordon’s management, Britain will be mighty once more. No more will we just … (read more)

Posted: 12th, February 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


EastEnders’ Shane Richie’s Suicide Note

IT’S Shane Richie’s cry for help.

The fear is that after years of acting in EastEnders, so much exposure to depressing plots and desperate acting, Richie has snapped.

The note at his … (read more)

Posted: 12th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Pinning Around – Kylie Minogue & Penelope Cruz’s Doll

“I’M thrilled to be nominated,” says Penelope Cruz of her chances of Bafta success. “Although I’m tempted, I’m not sticking pins in Dame Helen’s picture yet…”

By now Cruz might be … (read more)

Posted: 12th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Helen Mirren’s Nutbag

WHAT odds Her Majesty the Queen abdicating in favour of Dame Helen Mirren? And what odds that any of the serfs would notice or mind?
Indeed, the twin pluses of watching … (read more)

Posted: 12th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Towers Of Babble – Big Brother Donny’s Tribute Act

BIG Brother’s Big haired Donny Tourette’s latest album is “quite tuneful”.

As reviews go this is right up with the thrusting teenage boy being labelled “sweet” by the girls and the … (read more)

Posted: 11th, February 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Ralph Fiennes Mile High

FINE British actor Ralph Fiennes has been on long-haul flight from Australia to India.

And during the Qantas flight something occurred. According to stewardess Lisa Robertson it went like this:

“While conversing … (read more)

Posted: 11th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


EVERY day of every week

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die.

And if it can’t … (read more)

Posted: 10th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Smiley Kylie – Minogue’s Hotpants, Russell Brand’s Big Brother Sex & Prince Harry’s Fight

WHY do we like Kylie Minogue? Is it because after years of grooming and shaping she still manages to look and sound like a pre-pubescent girl wearing her mum’s make-up … (read more)

Posted: 9th, February 2007 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


Rich & Thin – Victoria Beckham Makes A Meal Of Spice Girl Reunion

FEBERILE times as Victoria Beckham heads to another restaurant.

In “POSH NOSH”, the Mirror is on hand to see Her Poshness go to the Nobu Berkeley eatery in London’s Mayfair. For … (read more)

Posted: 9th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Lord & His Shepherd

WHAT is it about learning that Jeffrey Archer lives in a vicarage that causes readers to throw back their heads and snort “Ha!”?

Is finding God the last refuge of the … (read more)

Posted: 9th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Strip Or No Strip – Deal Or No Deal’s Kelly Kay & Mum

“I GOT into topless modelling when I as 19,” says Kelly Kershaw, familiar to men of a certain disposition, Sun readers and her mum Jane as Kelly Kay.

Kelly first came … (read more)

Posted: 9th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (3)


Hillary Clinton’s Evil and Bad Men

QUOTE: “What, in my background, equips me to deal with evil and bad men?” Hillary Clinton, repeating a reporter’s question.

Figure of Speech: innuendo, the winking figure. From the Latin, meaning … (read more)

Posted: 9th, February 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Shilpa’s Just Desserts – Big Brother Winner Meets Tony Blair

“SHILPA’S IN THE HOUSE,” announces the Sun.

And so it is that Big Brother’s Shilpa Shetty pulls on a white sari, a garland of flowers and heads to the Houses of … (read more)

Posted: 8th, February 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Britney Spears’ Naked News

BRITNEY SPEARS is in the bath.

Britney Spears is waiting for her accountant. Her manager. Her publicist. Britney Spears is waiting for her people to arrive.

According to Britney’s former nanny, the … (read more)

Posted: 8th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Prince Harry’s Retreat

PRINCE Harry Baseball Cap’s preparations for the front line are progressing well.

Young Harry knows that there are bigger fights to fight than the brawl at London’s Mahiki Club.

As Dirk Tourette, … (read more)

Posted: 8th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Michael Barrymore Pie In Elton John Syrup

ANYONE for “Barrymore Pie”?

In PIES AND PREJUDICE”, the Sun looks over the fare on offer at Mad O’Rourke’s Pie Factory.

Why anyone should want to dine at an eatery where the … (read more)

Posted: 7th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Lust In Space

“SHUTTLE astronaut wore nappy in bizarre mission to kidnap love rival.”

The Express’s introduces the “astronaut avenger”. Named Captain Lisa Nowak, this space ranger can be seen in her orange flight … (read more)

Posted: 7th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Jemima Khan Won’t Dance To Hugh Grant’s Music And Lyrics

“GRANT’S girl Khan do better.”

So says the Mail’s Allison Pearson, who has, like the rest of us, been observing Hugh Grant and Jemima Khan.

Allison says Grant looks more like the … (read more)

Posted: 7th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Kylie Minogue – From T&A to V&A

“KYLIE’S revenge on her cheating lover,” promises the Mail’s front page.

Kylie’s now ex-lover is French actor Olivier Martinez. And Kylie revenge is to have… Well, can you guess?

Did Kylie: a) … (read more)

Posted: 7th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Big Brother’s Jade, Danielle & Shilpa Confess

“DANIELLE DUMPED – Distraught over love-split from boyfriend Teddy.”

“SHILPA DELIGHTED – Ready to meet the Queen and Prime Minister.”

“JADE DESTROYED – Jack’s flirting with Danielle sends her to rehab.”

So goes … (read more)

Posted: 7th, February 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Dusky Maidens – Big Brother’s Russell Brand On Women & Danielle’s Inner Shlipa

“BRAND’S BIG BROTHER CELEB SEX BOOK – star tries to ban seedy biog.”

The Star’s front-page news is supported by a shot of Danielle’s Lloyd, the woman who is in Dubai … (read more)

Posted: 6th, February 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Hugh Grant Flops

HUGH Grant is in conversation with the BBC Breakfast show host Kate Silverton.

Silverton, all lip gloss and eye-catching bad fashion, is too routinely awful to escape the suspicion that it … (read more)

Posted: 6th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Down(load) With The Beatles

IT’S “BEATLEMANiA”.

The Mirror, ever tuned in to the zeitgeist, uses its front page to trumpet the band that will conquer the world.

With their uniform mop top hair-dos and simple catchy … (read more)

Posted: 6th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment