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Olivier’s Army – Kylie Minogue’s Lover On Penelope Cruz

KYLIE Minogue, look away now. These are the pictures that will break your heart, says the Mirror.

“KYLIE CAD CRUZ SCHMOOZE,” announces the Mirror’s front page.

There’s a picture of Olivier Martinez. … (read more)

Posted: 5th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


“BRITNEY FORCED INTO REHAB”

“BRITNEY FORCED INTO REHAB.”

What’s this? Britney Spears, pop tart, estranged wife to rapping rodent K-Ferret and baby juggler par excellence is in rehab, that refuge for the tired and emotional … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, February 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Shhhh! – Shilpa Shetty Jade Goody & Victoria Beckham’s Big Fat Zero

SHHHH!

ON Monday we listened as millions and more Britishers tried to pronounce the name Shilpa Shetty, the Big Brother Bollywood babe.

And it is important that you try to say it … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, February 2007 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


2+2=5 – Big Brother’s Jade Goody Is The Real Victim

IT was a bright day in January and Big Brother’s Danielle Lloyd is telling the police the “TRUTH” about the “P*KI JIBE”.

We all know how Big Brother begins, but how … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, February 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Paris Hilton, Linsday Lohan & The Tumour – Who’s Better In Bed?

PARIS Hilton is better in bed than Lindsay Lohan.

In “Paris is best for romps’”, the Sun gets to work compiling a list of the best celebrity shags.

To aid the Sun’s … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Farming Out Britain

YOU can learn a lot about a country by studying its media.

Right now would be immigrants, migrant workers and asylum seekers looking to blend in with the UK landscape are perfecting … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Worried Sick

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die.

And if it can’t … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


House Music – Big Brother’s Racist Chant

“SHILPA ‘called a Paki’ on Big Brother.”

So goes the Sun’s front page. And the news is that an informant within the greater Big Brother alliance claims one use of the … (read more)

Posted: 1st, February 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Politico Incorrenct – Silvio Berlusconi’s Love Letters

TRY to purge from your mind those oily portraits of a young Cherie Blair working as an artist’s model.

And instead get a load of Veronica Berlusconi. Has she not grace? … (read more)

Posted: 1st, February 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Guilty Pleasures – Ashley Cole Out, Spurs Lose & Chelsea Fight

FOOTBALL fans do not love the game. They love their teams.

Many is the Cup Final watched in the, admittedly misguided and downright nasty, hope that any minute there will be … (read more)

Posted: 1st, February 2007 | In: Back pages | Comment


Billy Joel’s Inner Piano

IN the days before Health and Safety, Billy Joel was The Piano Man.

As the Enquirer notes, it is said that Joel once had his wallet stolen in Boston by a … (read more)

Posted: 1st, February 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Chip Shape – Kerry Katona On Victoria Beckham

“I’VE done absolutely nothing this week…” And so begins another look at Kerry Katona’s OK! Diary.

We could leave it there. But nothing is what Kerry does so well. Whether it … (read more)

Posted: 1st, February 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


About The Houses

“SHILPA.” Will we never tire of hearing that name?

The Big Brother winner is once more on the Mirror’s cover page. “SHILPA. Now even the Queen wants to meet me,” goes … (read more)

Posted: 31st, January 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)


Off His Noodle – Doherty’s Thai Style

KATE Moss sweats. She wears an absorbent black boob tube.

The Sun’s front page brings much news. “Look at these photos of Pete and DUMP him,” says the headline. And we … (read more)

Posted: 31st, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Less Than Zero – Beckham’s Model Look

“POSH bans size zero models.”

The good news is that the Americans do get irony. There is every chance that in the land over there, where Victoria Beckham is to make … (read more)

Posted: 31st, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


A Pitch-Forked Battle

PRINCE Charles and Camilla are in bed. It is 4am.

Back from the globe-saving flight to America, Charles and Camilla are asleep, or engaging in whatever a Prince with designs on … (read more)

Posted: 31st, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Sienna Miller & The Diddy Man

SIENNA Miller. Blonde. GSOH. WLTM man with own car. Only the famous need apply. Cuddles.

Another day in the romantic life of Sienna Miller. And a question: “DIDDY OR DIDN’T HE?”

Diddy … (read more)

Posted: 30th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


A Clean Weekend – Moss & Doherty Get Away

IF you marry in Thailand, where do you honeymoon?

It is the problem that may have forced Pete Doherty and Kate Moss into a “discreet” drugs unit.

In “Pete & Kate in … (read more)

Posted: 30th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Chav Scum – And Other Big Brother News

PADDY. Proddy. Big ears. Noddy.

Name calling can be so childish. So who better than children to teach the Sun’s readers a few names?

“AS SHILPA WINS BIG BROTHER, 11 KIDS ASK…What … (read more)

Posted: 30th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2)


Shilpa Curries Favour

“SHILPA.”

So famous is the Celebrity Big Brother winner that she now operates under one name. This is a privilege afforded to only the few, and we think of Jade (Goody), … (read more)

Posted: 30th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Charles & Camilla Light Up The Room

NEVER mind the hair and the teeth – get a load of the necklace.

As the Mail’s front page reports, this cluster of rocks and paste is worth a million dollars. … (read more)

Posted: 30th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Mummy Knows

WAYS to embarrass your children are many.

But there is always something new for mum and dad to try, always a new dance, a new look, a new opinion.

And Anorak spares … (read more)

Posted: 29th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Moob Over Darlin’

GOOD news for adolescent boys and seedy men.

In this age of equality and equal opportunity, it could be you featured on the paper’s much hymned Page 3.

No, you will not … (read more)

Posted: 29th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Shhh! It’s Shilpa Shetty

SHHHH!

Hear that? That’s the sound of millions and more Britishers trying to pronounce the name Shilpa Shetty, the Big Brother Bollywood babe.

And it is important that you try to say … (read more)

Posted: 29th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Horror Stories

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die.

And if it can’t … (read more)

Posted: 29th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment