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Moob Over Darlin’

GOOD news for adolescent boys and seedy men.

In this age of equality and equal opportunity, it could be you featured on the paper’s much hymned Page 3.

No, you will not … (read more)

Posted: 29th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Shhh! It’s Shilpa Shetty

SHHHH!

Hear that? That’s the sound of millions and more Britishers trying to pronounce the name Shilpa Shetty, the Big Brother Bollywood babe.

And it is important that you try to say … (read more)

Posted: 29th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Horror Stories

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die.

And if it can’t … (read more)

Posted: 29th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


HOW BRITISH ARE YOU?

“HOW BRITISH ARE YOU?”

Take the Telegraph’s quiz. “TEST YOURSELF,” offers the paper’s front-page teaser.

So you do.

Question: “There has never been a revolution in Britain because: a) We couldn’t be bothered; … (read more)

Posted: 26th, January 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Less Than Zero

MODERN nursery rhymes: Jake Sprat would eat only fat; his sister Armani would only eat on the third Tuesday of the month.

More news on food as the Mail looks to … (read more)

Posted: 26th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


One Night In Paris II: Let’s Make A Weekend Of It

“PARIS: The sequel.”

So begins the Sun, which goes on to say: “NEW SEX VIDEO OF HEIRESS HITS WEBSITE.”

Sticky fingered adolescents and journalists who may otherwise be scouring the Internet for … (read more)

Posted: 26th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Jolie, Pitt & Aniston EXPLODE!

ANGELINA Jolie explodes in OK!. And now Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt are having an “EXPLOSIVE SECRET MEETING” in the Enquirer.

Forget the War in Terror, the real danger is that … (read more)

Posted: 26th, January 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


The Big Brother Rest Home

BIG Brother: 09011 32 3311.

It’s the number the Mirror wants it readers to call to vote Jo out of the Big Brother house.

But why bother? Why not just leave Jo … (read more)

Posted: 25th, January 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Quiz? Ego!

“HIYA! Thanks for calling. What do you think’s the answer. Remember the question: “Name ten things you find in a schoolboy’s satchel.”

Caller: “Is it a drawing of Peter Pan having … (read more)

Posted: 25th, January 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment (1)


Big Boned Brother

THE Beckhams are in the Sun.

In itself, this is no big news. In time to come, when David is married to a pig inseminator and Posh has been rendered down … (read more)

Posted: 25th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Beckhams Wax Lyrical

THE Beckhams are in the Sun.

In itself, this is no big news. In time to come, when David is married to a pig inseminator and Posh has been rendered down … (read more)

Posted: 25th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Timing Is Everything

QUOTE: “Hi, I’m Art Buchwald and I just died!” Humorist Art Buchwald, who just died.

Figure of Speech: kairos (KIE-ros), rhetorical mastery of the occasion. From the Greek, meaning “occasion.”

Kairos, the … (read more)

Posted: 25th, January 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Brits & Oscars

HELEN Mirren. Judi Dench. Kate Winslet.

Which of these three will bring home an Oscar, the epitome of acting excellence, the award that as much guarantees box office success as rewards … (read more)

Posted: 24th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Ganging Up On Music

THEY are watching. They are listening.

Caroline Bishop is in the bath. The 39-year-old mother of two is giving full throat to a medley of hits. Gary Glitter hits.

And this will … (read more)

Posted: 24th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Smell Of Victory

SMELL that, America?

Forget waking up and smelling the coffee and so much frying fat, meat and petrol, this is the smell of victory. British victory.

The British are coming. And it … (read more)

Posted: 24th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Keep Britain Tidy

PSST! Anyone want a dolphin?

If you go down to Branscombe beach, Devon, you may just arrive in time to get your hands on one.

The Mirror has a picture of the … (read more)

Posted: 24th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Big Brother Is Shipwrecked

“THE NEW JADE.”

That Jade Goody is contrite is beyond doubt. No-one likes to be exposed as a pig-thick bully on national telly. But this new Jade is not the old … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Jay Walking

TACKLE the cancer of crime at its source, before it can fester. Prevention not cure. That’s the way.

And so we study of the case of the “HOODLUM”. For reasons that … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Loony For George Clooney

“IS the world ready for another Clinton in the White House?”

The Express asks the questions. And it presses on: “Unlike her husband, Hillary’s only lust is for power. But Bill’s … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Lucky Heather

HEATHER Mills McCartney has won. Or lost.

Heather can put on her leg, which she wields about our hearts and minds like a prosthetic claymore. The War of Mills v McCartney … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Model Children

“GUESS whose little girl’s on the catwalk?”

That question to you, dear Mail readers.

Given the truth that Keith Richards’ daughter is now working as a model, and so too are the … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Chelsy Blue

CHELSY Davy wears a blue-and-white long-sleeved tunic dress.

This is “Blue Monday”, the unhappiest day of the year. But, as the Mail says, if anyone can cope with the anguish of … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


To Sheikh Or Not To Sheikh?

“SHOULD Muslim police officers get special treatment?”

The Express cannot decide without the help of its readers. It shows and does not tell. The readers must always decide.

And to the story. … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, January 2007 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


Angelina Jolie’s Twelth Man

THE interview with Angelina Jolie promises to be “EXPLOSIVE”.

Jolie, sex bomb, is in conversation about “her pregnancy, moving back to England and eating crickets with Brad”.

It’s clear that if Angelina … (read more)

Posted: 21st, January 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Enough Is Never Enough

“I DIDN’T know what to do,” trills Vanessa Feltz, “crying wouldn’t be enough, laughing wouldn’t be enough, jumping up and down wouldn’t be enough, not even shouting or screaming would … (read more)

Posted: 21st, January 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment