Anorak

- Author Archive

Neighbourhood Watch

SO what happens next? Dame Eliza Manningham-Buller knows. On the Sun’s front page (“200 TERROR CELLS IN UK”), the “boss” of MI5 says terrorism is out to get each and … (read more)

Posted: 10th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


One For The Defence

Explaining the relationship uniformed officers have with defence solicitors is difficult, especially if you’re american where (so I’m told) the relationship is much more confrontational and you have a right … (read more)

Posted: 10th, November 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Animal Passions

“EMMERDALE stars in noisy sex row,” says the front page of the Sun. This is breathless news, panting even. For those of you not versed in the ways of Emmerdale, … (read more)

Posted: 10th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Simon Cowell’s Little Angelis

IS SIMON Cowell pop music’s Fagin? OK!’s picture of the celebrity maker shows him being pampered by six little boys and girls. Collectively the gang are known as Angelis. They … (read more)

Posted: 10th, November 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


All A Lohan

All A Lohan Hollywood starlet Lindsay Lohan has, reportedly, been barred from performing at a charity fundraising event because her image is not in keeping with the tone of the … (read more)

Posted: 10th, November 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Wine Con

MARTIN Isark is an oenophile. Hanging might well be too good for him, but for now the wine expert risks incurring the wrath of illiterate kiddie-protectors and wine makers by … (read more)

Posted: 10th, November 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


I’m On The Plane

“I’M on the plane.” What’s that, you say? You’re breaking up. I can’t hear you. “I’m on the plane!” Eh? “I’m on the plane! I’M ON THE PLANE!” At which … (read more)

Posted: 9th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Britney’s No. 1 Fan

“BRITNEY’S doomed love,” says the Sun. Britney Spears, for it is she, has filed for divorce from the man known to her as Kevin Federline and as K-Ferret to you, … (read more)

Posted: 9th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Caravan Club

WOULD you believe it if we told you that Freddy Eastwood, scorer of that goal that knocked mighty Manchester United out of the less-than-mighty Carling Cup has a daughter called … (read more)

Posted: 9th, November 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Goody News

PHEW! Jade Goody has been given the all clear. It is good of the Sun not to keep us in the dark. And one day on from hearing that lovable … (read more)

Posted: 9th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Syntax Error

REMEMBER when Paul Gascoigne was the cheeky, emotional Geordie who would deliver the World Cup to English hands? If you can’t recall Gazza in his pomp, then looking at the … (read more)

Posted: 9th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Friendly Fire

“RUMSFELD is casualty of war,” announces the Telegraph’s front page. The headline maker is, of course, Donald Rumsfeld, the career politician whose job it was as US Defence Secretary to … (read more)

Posted: 9th, November 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Mid Terminators

THE Democrats have won control of the House of Representatives. Hurrah! Boo! It’d hard to know what to make of it. Not that the Times can make much of anything, … (read more)

Posted: 8th, November 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


What Jade Goody Saw

“JADE HITS A GRAN IN FACE,” says the Sun’s front page. Reading on, we learn that Jade Goody “belted a granny twice in the face after wading in to a … (read more)

Posted: 8th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Britney & Kevin’s Closing Number

“YOU’RE useless – you’re nobody,” screams Britney Spears at her husband Kevin Federline, aka rapper K-Ferret. The couple are in a nightclub to launch K-Ferret’s new album. But this is … (read more)

Posted: 8th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Bed & Borat

IF during the past week you have trimmed a hedge, pulled a pint or made a hotel bed the chances are that you are Polish. Try not to worry. It … (read more)

Posted: 8th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Footballers’ Agent

Loadsa Pollock Is it art? Yes, it’s a Pollock. A Jackson Pollock. The American artist, famous for his splashy lines, is more popular than ever. David Martinez, a Mexican financier, … (read more)

Posted: 8th, November 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment


TV Crimes

WAS it something in the fizzing space dust, the panda cola or the humungous spring rolls that has caused some adults born in the late Sixties and Seventies to obsess … (read more)

Posted: 7th, November 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Once An EastEnder…

EASTENDERS might be unwatchable, but the former stars of the dire telly soap are worth the occasional look. The Sun says Gillian Taylforth, who played the show’s Kathy of the … (read more)

Posted: 7th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Anne Hathaway’s War

THERE is more than a hint of Liza Minnelli about Anne Hathaway, the American actress and star of haute predictable fashion movie The Devil Wears Prada. In the movie Hathaway … (read more)

Posted: 7th, November 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Out To Lunch

ANYONE know what Jamie Oliver’s children eat at their Hampstead school? And if they do take in packed lunches, how much polenta and halloumi salad you need to buy one … (read more)

Posted: 7th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Saddam Hussein & Myleene Klass Collide

IT’S Saddam Hussein as you’ve never seen him before. “YOUR/ SADDAM/ HANGMAN/ KIT,” says the Sun above a cut out and play “fun noose game”. All you need to do … (read more)

Posted: 7th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Liz Hurley’s In The Pink

ELIZABETH Hurley and Arun Nayar are “MORE IN LOVE THAN EVER”. Good news indeed. It is news worthy of any front page. And on reading it our smiles are every … (read more)

Posted: 6th, November 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Paul McCartney’s Coffee Break

PAUL McCartney is spending money. It’s day 9,345,987 in the divorce of Paul ‘Macca’ McCartney and Heather ‘Mucca’ Mills. And the Star reports that Paul has bought the “explosive tapes” … (read more)

Posted: 6th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Saddam Husssein: What Next?

AS predicted, Saddam Hussein sentenced to death by hanging today. Whether it’ll bounce the Republicans sufficiently remains to be seen. The drug-taking gay-prostitute habits of a leading Evangelical, combined with … (read more)

Posted: 6th, November 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment