Key Posts Category
Britain’s Got Talent 2011 Week 2: Edward Reid, Razy And Finger Stuffing Michael McIntyre
BRITAIN’S Got Talent 2011 – Week 2: the World’s Weakest and Strongest Fingers; Razzy dances, Edward Reid claps, and Michael McIntyre stuffs and old man:
Edward Reid sings nursey rhymes to the tune of Leona Lewis’ Run. Britain hasn’t got talent- it’s got Edwardian parlour games:
“I teach a group called the Nifty Fifties which are pensioners. I teach them drama, which is a fantastic class. I like working with people with special needs, they seem to have amazing personalities. Somehow they have no inhibitions, so all the classes are always funny and entertaining. I used to work in a day centre and i used to walk about singing all the time and someone said to me, ‘You’ve got a nice voice,’ and I’ve never heard that before.”
Elaine’s Weakest Finger:
“I’m over 21, I’m from Manchester and I go to college. I’m doing a cookery course, learning soup and sauces.”
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Posted: 23rd, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment
Bristol Riot: Tesco Smashed, Police Lies And Violence Provoked (Photos And Videos)
RIOTERS in Bristol have caused severe damage to a Tesco convenience store, following a botched operation, in which police now claim they were acting to prevent a petrol bombing of the store, writes Richard North.
Despite a local witness writing that the trouble was sparked by a heavy-handed police action following an operation to evict a long-term squat, Avon and Somerset Constabulary are spinning like mad. Supt Ian Wylie claims:
“There have been several significant incidents in this building during the past few days, which have caused serious concerns to police and local residents”.
The massive police operation started around 9pm. Officers in riot gear and full length shields – many of them from out of town – backed up by horses, vans and the police helicopter, forced their way into the squat and evicted the occupants. The operation was very heavy-handed and no explanations were offered for the action. And despite this, it was still relatively quiet in the area by around 10pm.
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Posted: 22nd, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (3)
The Dmitri Medvedev Action Figure Can Dance: Video And Photos
ANORAK’s favourite Russian President, Dmitri Medvedev, is a star of disco.
For some years, we have viewed Medvedev as a pocked-sized dynamo, a Russian mascot in his trademark electric blue suit.
We now know that if the right button is pressed, the guy can dance.
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Posted: 22nd, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment
Kick The Language Police Out Of Football: Spurs’ Yid Army Empowers London’s White Niggers
A NEW campaign to stamp out the use of the word “Yid“, meaning Jew in Yiddish, from English football will do nothing to combat anti-Semitism. Instead, it will undermine football fans’ freedom to form and define their own group identities while hindering real prejudice from being identified and challenged.
The Jewish comedian David Baddiel and his brother Ivor, both Chelsea fans, have directed a video together with Kick Racism out of Football in which some top British players castigate Tottenham Hotspur fans and their opponents for using “the Y-word” in terrace chants. The Baddiels want to make “the Y-word” as socially unacceptable as “the N-word” and “the P-word”. In the video, former footballer Gary Lineker explains that “back in the 1930s and forties, Jewish people all over Europe were being rounded up and killed. People called them Yids.”
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Posted: 22nd, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (4)
Chris Jefferies Hires Robert Murat’s Lawyer In Libel Case
CHRISTOPER Jeffries, the man given the full Robert Murat by sections of the British press in connection with the murder of Joanne Yeates, has finally launched his libel cases against the Sun, Daily Mirror, Daily Mail, Daily Express and Daily Star.
His lawyer Louis Charalambous says Jeffries is “seeking vindication of his reputation for the terrible treatment he received” at the hands of the press.
Jeffries has chosen his lawyer well. In 2008, Mr Charalambous represented Robert Murat, the poor sod who was the subject of “seriously defamatory” allegations in scores of newspaper articles linking him to the disappearance of Madeleine McCann.
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Posted: 21st, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (3)
Honest Logos: What Facebook, YouTube And McDonald’s Should Say
WHAT do logos really mean (even the very bad ones and sexy ones)? Viktor Hertz has produced a gallery of “Honest logos”. What is the message behind the branding? (No word on Anorak’s logo – what would you replace it with?)
Posted: 21st, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment
Julian Assange Wins Best Dressed Man Award For ‘Wearing’ A Woman: Jamie Oliver Gutted
JULIAN Assange, a man wanted in connection with an alleged rape – a man who allegedly told his alleged victim “I am wearing you” – is, in the opinion of Le Figaro Madame magaine, one of the worlds top 20 dressers.
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Jon Venables: Albert Kirby And Denise Fergus Are Bled By A Rapacious Media
JON Venables, one of James Bulger’s killers, is causing a “storm”, says the Daily Star. Only, he isn’t. It’s just the media that wants him to. Before we hear from former Det Supt Albert Kirby, who led the investigation and who features on the BBC TV show Jon Venables: What Went Wrong?, here’s a quick look at the story so far:
On 12 February 1993 two-year-old James Bulger was abducted and murdered by ten-year-old boys Robert Thompson and Jon Venables. In November 1993, Venables and Thompson were jailed. Venables went to Red Bank unit in Newton-le-Willows. Thompson went to Barton Moss secure children’s unit in Eccles, Greater Manchester.
In 2001, they were released on lifelong licence. Venables broke his licence and in 2010 was recalled to jail. He was then found guilty of downloading and distributing child porn.
Before the details of Venables’ crimes were knows, Kirby speculated.
“Was it a social offence, drink or drug related, was it dishonesty or was it violence, heaven forbid?”
The man who led the case to catch Bulger’s killers was speculating.
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Posted: 21st, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (20)
The Pocket Chair Exists
THE Pocket Chair is a thing that exists. Adam Jay is a big man with a small chair.
“Standing around is now a thing of the past”…
Posted: 21st, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment
Madeleine McCann: The Most Disgusting Our Maddy Story Ever
MADELEINE McCANN: An innocent child is missing and a rabid news media is happy to keep her name to the fore so long as her mum and dad create news.
The Express says “CHAT show host Piers Morgan is favourite to clinch the first major TV interview with Kate McCann to kick start a new global campaign to find her daughter”.
“First major TV interview”? What of all the other major interviews? Are we now at Day Zero in the hunt for Our Maddy?
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Posted: 20th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann | Comments (3)
Peter Andre Didn’t Hump Elen Rivas While His Children Watched
PETER Andre is a modern day saint. Think about it. He had sexual relations with Katie Price so no-one else had to. He really took one for the team while Jordan fell on the metaphorical sword.
Of course, Price went off with Alex Reid, attracted to his womanly frame and the fact that he was so dumb that he couldn’t spot that he was nothing more than bait to make Peter Andre jealous. This saw Andre crying on Sky News at the hands of the monster that is Kay Burley.
Then, secretly, Pete started going out with Elen Rivas. Sadly for him, everyone had kinda guessed it already.
About the fact he was keeping this relationship a secret, Andre says:
“I never let them see Elen and I in bed together, not ever.”
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Posted: 20th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Katy Perry Saves Russell Brand From A Soggy Arthur Remake: Photos
WILL Arthur launch Russell Brand into the US as an actor of note? The 1981 original turned Dudley Moore into a big star and win an Oscar for John Gielgud. Or will Brand do for Arthur what Jude Law did for Alfie: make the original look even better? Is the film any good and is Brand as likeable and cuddly as Moore?
The experts have watched it:
“Russell Brand gives a career-killing performance,” David Edelstein, New York magazine
“Make no mistake, people are going to hate Brand in this” – Pete Vonder Haar , Houston Chronicle
“He should follow his creative heart and stop going for the big Hollywood money. Let him do something that is more about taking risks” – Eddie Murphy
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Royal Wedding Jelly Bean Watch: Independent’s PR Fiction For People Who Love Shit
FOLLOWING the debate in the Independent’s mini-me i newspaper on how to cover the Royal Wedding in a superior and condescending fashion,
And under the URL (click the image):
www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/utter-PR-fiction-but-people-love-this-shit-so-fuck-it-lets-just-print-it-2269573.html
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Posted: 19th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comments (4)
Barking Council Paints Yellow Lines On Pavement: Pedestrians Obey New Rules
THEY’VE painted yellow lines on the pavements of Ripple Road, Barking. They are Barking and Dagenham Council. Their offical words is thus:
“A number of measures have been brought in to tidy up the shopping parade near the Harrow pub. The lines were painted to provide a marked walkthrough for pedestrians outside the shops.” The spokesman added: “We’re going to gauge the reaction of local residents and shopkeepers over the next two to three months. Based on the views we get back, we’ll make a decision on whether to keep the lines or remove them.”
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Posted: 19th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (4)
Daily Mail Uses Koran Burning EDL Member To Attack Muslims
TODAY’S anti-Muslim story is brought to you by the ever-busy “Daily Mail Reporter”. Andy Ryan, 32, and, reportedly a member of the English Defence League, has been sent to jail for 70 days for burning a copy of the Koran he stole from a library in Carlisle.
The story is not about Muslims. The story is about a thief who burns books.
But in the Mail the news becomes:
A man has been jailed for 70 days today after he burnt a copy of the Koran just over a month after a Muslim got away with a paltry £50 fine for a similar offence.
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Posted: 18th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (10)
Bread People: Famous Dough Faces
BREAD People – for the doughy of face. for mroe photos of douihg faces head to BreadPeople.
Posted: 18th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Royal Wedding Death Plot: Loving Kate Middleton Is A Mental Illness
KATE Middleton has “STALKERS”! The Daily Mirror leads with news that “COPS” have “SWOOPED” on these Stalkers.
Reading on we learn from Victoria Murphy that:
STALKERS out to gatecrash the royal wedding are being targeted by police.
Who are these stalkers plotting to bypass the police, the cavalry, the snipers, the footmen, the SAS and Camilla to get close to Princess Catherine?
They have swooped on at least a dozen suspects, including mental health patients, and warned them to stay away from Wills and Kate’s big day on April 29 – for their own safety.
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Posted: 18th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment (1)
RAF Wages War In Libya From Four Star Hotel In Bari
RUMOURS are that the RAF is fighting the war in Libya from the Grand Hotel D’Aragona in Bari, Italy. The lads are staying in austere conditions:
A very intimate, relaxing atmosphere and the friendly management ensure that all guests are more than adequately catered for during their stay.
The place has an Olympic swimming pool and a children paddling pool. The rooms boast a balcony, free Wi-Fi access, Sky TV and ample free parking.
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Wayne Rooney’s Hooker Helen Wood Shags Chelsea Star And Darth Vader
HELEN Wood says she “bedded” Wayne Rooney’s teammate at Manchester United.
As ever Wood is not named but given a Rooney-related title. The NoTW says on its front page:
“WAYNE HOOKER TELLS ALL.”
We know her to be Helen Wood, and she will tell us that she has shagged “Roon’s Man U team-mate, a Chelsea star, 3 actors, a judge, a politician, top cop & a VIP!”.
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Britain’s Got Talent 2011: Gay And Alan Cooper Are Winning With Stephen Hall
BRITAIN’S Got Talent is back. Glenn Hoddle look alike David Hasselhoff has taken Simon Cowell’s seat on the judging panel. To his right, fellow judge Amanda Holden appers to have only narrowly survived a tumble into the Botox vat Cowell left behind in his changing rooms.
But the stars of the show are not only the face surgeons but the likes of Gay and Alan Cooper, who performed a version of the Titanic soundtrack on hand bells.
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Posted: 16th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment
The Greatest eBay Advert Ever: The Ford Focus 1.8 Zetec Ghia (With Knickers)
THE best ever eBay adverts if for a “Ford Focus 1.8 Zetec Ghia Mint Green (Possibly works underwater but this is unconfirmed)” sold by “Pistolfeet” for £1080 on april 16, 2011.
The advert:
IF Trebor made car paint then I imagine it would look something like the colour of this car, it’s a pale minty green. I will include some green Trebor mints in the sale so that you can compare for yourself. Please specify if you would prefer Extra Strong mints instead, they are white (unlike the colour of this car) but I personally prefer them even if I do hold them partially responsible for the decay in one of my teeth.
I took this car in part exchange along with some cash for another car I was selling. I didn’t really want it but I wanted the car I had less and since I am a valeter by trade I saw potential in this.
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Posted: 16th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (5)
Manchester City Beat Manchester United In FA Cup Photos: The Banner Is No Dead Yet
MANCHESTER City have beaten Manchester United in the semi-final of the FA Cup. As United’s fans make their way home from Wembley on the London Underground, City fans journey back north wondering if this is the year that banner is put away. You know the banner. It’s the one at Old Trafford that ticks over each year City go without a trophy.
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Chinese Company Names that Say It All
TURD Baby and Watery Coffee Inc. present Chinese company names that say so much about the place…
Posted: 15th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment
Zsa Zsa Gabor And Husband Are Going To Try And Have A Baby (Yeah, Like That’ll Happen)
HAVE you seen Zsa Zsa Gabor lately? If not, let us give it to you bluntly – she’s 94-years-old, is riddled with illness and only has one leg after she got the gangrene cut out of her. Okay? Now, digest this next piece of information – she’s trying for a baby.
That’s right, despite being barely alive, Zsa Zsa Gabor and her spouse Prince Frederic von Anhalt (an amazing name, granted) went to a Beverly Hills fertility clinic to fulfil her dream of them having a child.
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Posted: 15th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Easter Eggs Are Banned In Schools: The Spring Sphere Lie
IN Seattle, America, the kids are being told that EasterEggs are to be called “Spring Spheres”.
Fox News reports on a 16-year-old “local private high school sophomore” named “Jessica” who called a radio show to reveal that while helping a third-grade teacher at an unnamed school she was told to called call Easter eggs “Spring Spheres”.
Says Jessica:
“At the end of the week I had an idea to fill little plastic eggs with treats and jelly beans and other candy, but I was kind of unsure how the teacher would feel about that… I went to the teacher to get her approval and she wanted to ask the administration to see if it was okay. She said that I could do it as long as I called this treat ‘spring spheres.’ I couldn’t call them Easter eggs… But the third graders had other ideas. When I took them out of the bag, the teacher said, ‘Oh look, spring spheres’ and all the kids were like ‘Wow, Easter eggs.”
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Posted: 15th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts | Comments (8)
