Key Posts Category
Braco Heals By Staring, Looking And Gazing At Human Fruits
BRACO is the silent guru who will heel by looking at you and places where you live and breathe. Braco gazes. Braco stares. Braco watches.
The energy emanating through Braco’s gaze is so strong that many more experience remarkable transformation simply by being in a photograph that another one holds before him in what we here in America call a Gazing Session.
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The Royal Wedding Is For Conformist Idiots: So Says The Liberal Elite
THE Royal Wedding is but days away, and with Kate ‘Dodi’ Middleton is the front runner to marry Prince William and save us all from a President for at least another generation.
Others, however, think the monarchy is a joke they can see through. Guardian columnist Tanya Gold want to show us that she knows what you are too stupid to realise:
“I am going to be tried for saying this, but a royal wedding will make idiots of us Brits.”
What it is to be superior to the dolts who buy plates and mugs (how apt). They have no idea that the plate is just a bit of china with a photo stuck on it. Good that the liberal intelligentsia can point out their flaws and call them idiots. Hang the fact that the wedding is harmless froth, a bit of fun that look good on the telly and in your street, if you are inclined to hang out bunting and enjoy yourself. You’re all mentally negligible fools. The smart option is to spend the day sneering publicly, recycling and telling your pals that you are not watching the wedding.
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Posted: 14th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comments (2)
In Which The Dog Fails To Hump: Video
IN this video, the dog will fail to hump. It is all in the preparation:
Photos Of Life In Afghanistan: The Soldiers’ Lot
DID you know that British forces are fighting a war in Afghanistan? It’s true. We are reminded of the war whenever a serviceman dies and their name leads the news bulletins. The news then moves on to talk about the economy and football. But for those not killed and maimed in battle, the war continues.
But away from the fighting, what is a soldier’s lot like day in and day out? In these photos, you will get an idea.
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Posted: 14th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment (1)
Kate Middleton: Princess Diana’s Ring Haunted By Bulemia
IN “WIDTH THS RING”, the Sun brings front-page news that Kate Middleton is now so thin her engagement ring has been reduced in size to fit her finger.
“Super-slim Kate has Diana’s engagement band shrunk to fit.”
Is the Sun fast-tracking Kate to Diana-dom? Is Kate not even waiting until the marriage to a Prince before she loses weight? Never mind the Kate hand being unable to support a ring, we’re watching to see how long it is before her too-thin neck causes her head to tilt to one side – like Diana’s did!
Gulp! Is the ring haunted by an eating disorder!? Does Kate Middleton’s ring have bulemia?
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Posted: 13th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment (1)
Only In America: Photos Of US Culture That Say So Much
WE’VE pulled together a gallery of photos of life in the USA. These are things that could only exist in America. Things like the children’s clothes store for XXXL kidz; the deep-fried garlic mashed potatoes on a stick shack; a sandwhich as big as an actual child; crosses that glow in the dark; sexy guns; and how to seduce Jesus – a cosmetic redemption kit…
Posted: 12th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment (1)
Local News Photo Of The Day: The Graffiti Woman
LOCAL news photos of the day comes to us via Alistair Coleman. The Northern Echo reports on the innocent victim of graffiti thugs…
Posted: 11th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment (1)
Ryan Donovan: How The Media Lied About HMS Astute ‘Shooter’ Reggie Moondogg
RYAN Donovan, aka Reggie Moondogg, is charged with the murder of Lieutenant commander Ian Molyneux and three counts of attempted murder aboard HMS Astute. The media reacts to the submarine sailor.
The Daily Mail tells readers:
“A simple Google search would have alerted the Royal Navy that the submariner held over a gun killing led a secret double life as a rapper named Reggie Moondogg.”
A simple Google search unveiled a “secret life”? Er..? Go on:
Social networking websites reveal that he wrote a series of violent rap songs in which he boasted about being ‘big and mean’ and a ‘serious sinner’ and talked about ‘dead presidents’.
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Posted: 11th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (4)
Jemima Khan: Why Is A Minted Socialite Editing The New Statesman?
THE divine newspaper columnist Suzanne Moore has made her thoughts known on the topic of Jemima Khan guest editing the current issue of the New Statesman. As a former writer on the little-read publication, who departed amid some acrimony, she’s entitled. Suzanne has no personal beef with the fragrant Jemima but does wonder on a social network site, slyly, whether the magazine may ‘walk the walk on social mobility.’
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Posted: 11th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts | Comments (2)
Kate Middleton And Prince William Reveal Wedding Dress Nerves In Lancashire: Photos
PRINCE William and Princess Catherine were in Darwen, Lancashire. This was her final official engagement with Prince William before their wedding.
Kate pulls on a sensible high-street jacket, takes a deep breath before leaving her hermetically sealed life in Anglesey and gets to work in the regions.
(When Kate is married she will revert to her usual style of masses of bling, huge back-combed hair and Disney-themed shoes.)
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Posted: 11th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment
Coco Pops Sales Plummet As Jedward’s Stupid Faces Adorn Box
COCO Pops are the cereal of the cheeky monkey child. Coco The Monkey has always embodied that vague notion of wacky rebellion, essentially being the spokessimian for those sticking two fingers up at those who say you can’t eat chocolate for your breakfast.
Of course, adults like to secretly gorge on Coco Pops even though they tell everyone in the office that they eat boring things like muesli and that most hideous of constructs, the ‘graze box’.
However, that’s all about to change as Kellogg’s have done something so incredibly stupid that we’ll probably see the end of Coco Pops existing as a thing.
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Posted: 11th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Madeleine McCann: JK Rowling Advertorial As News And Kate’s Secret Trips
MADELEINE McCann: “JK Rowling’s MADDY BOOK”, is big news in the Daily Mirror, where the Harry Potter’s writer’s new work makes the paper’s front page.
Instantly we cry foul. What chance has Kate McCann of achieving stellar sales for her own Madeleine reader if a top writer like Rowling is entering an already pretty crowded marketplace?
Already this month, Leo Robson told New Statesman readers about King of the Badgers, a work of fiction, by Philip Hensher. In the book, a child goes missing:
The catalytic kidnapping plot, with its echoes of the Madeleine McCann case, is introduced feverishly through the gossip of the salivating yet finger-wagging Hanmouthites, but then gently developed; it is through David, talking to Mauro, that we find out “they’ve arrested the girl’s mother”, and it is a walk-on character, a family man with a dogging habit, who finds a crucial corpse.
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Posted: 11th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann | Comments (5)
Banning ‘Extremists’ From France – What Would Voltaire Say?
AS a believer in ‘the domination of the world by Islam’ and a supporter of capital punishment for ‘whoever insults the message of Mohammed’, Anjem Choudary may not be the kind of guy most of us would have over for dinner. But in banning the so-called ‘preacher of hate’ from entering France, the authorities there must have got Voltaire, that staunch defender of freedom of expression, spinning in his grave.
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Posted: 10th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (4)
Wayne Rooney’s X-Rated Sky Show: Manchester United Player’s Face Pixelated On TV
WAYNE Rooney has had his “TV show axed”. He has been “dropped by TV”. Can it be that whenever Rooney is on the magic box before the 9pm watershed, his face will be pixelated by Sky Sports?
It’s a harsh judgement on the Manchester United’s player’s face and, vitally, mouth, but the demands of the 3D HD TV experience may well necessitate some degree of censorship.
The NoTW says that “Rooney has been kicked off kids’ TV”. Dan Wootton, tells readers:
Just days after the England star’s foul-mouthed on-screen rant Sky chiefs axed his Street Striker show – as viewers can’t forget his romps with vice girls.
Given that Rooney’s show is pre-recorded, and so not like live football, Anorak wonder why the sweary bits can’t just be edited out and then repackaged as an X-rated version for broadcast on one of Sky’s adult channels?
Photo: Wayne Rooney’s women (alleged).
Wootton goes on:
Our revelation that Sky TV has axed his money-spinning kids’ show Street Striker tops a week of complete humiliation for the England star.
The revelation in Rupert Murdoch’s News of The World that Rupert Murdoch’s Sky has ended Rooney’s show after the player told Sky Sports viewers to “fuck off” on the telly is indeed the definition of a scoop.
As for Rooney’s “complete humiliation” – this would be the same Rooney who also last week scored the winning goal in United’s Champions’ League quarter-final with Chelsea. Football may be tribal and monocular, but tabloid reporters have cataracts.
Because Anorak is a family organ, we have decided to forgo the gallery of Rooney and instead feature the more wholesome images of Jennifer Thompson, a prostitute introduced to us by the, er, NoTW:
Donald Trump’s Hair: A Scientific Study
DONALD Trump’s hair. Is it a ambulatory sign of the perils of making an apricot souffle? Is it a work of engineering marvels? Is it an attempt by Trump to stand out? Does Trump crave to be noticed, in much the same way that England and Manchester United’s Bobby Charlton hit upon the idea of wearing a novelty wig over this flowing chestnut locks?
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Posted: 9th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Why Ryan Donovan Did It: Heroic Royston Smith And HMS Astute (Photos)
A SAILOR named Ryan Donovan, 22, has, allegedly, shot and killed Ian Molyneux on HMS Astute, a nuclear submarine based at the Faslane Naval Base on the Clyde and docked in Southampton. (It’s the sub once defeated by sand.) Another man, Chris Hodge, has been shot and is badly injured.
The shooting makes the front pages:
“Bloodbath aboard Clyde sub as officer shots dead” – The Scotsman (front page)
“Two Navy officers shot by guard on Scots sub” – The Herald (front page)
“Sailor shot dead on British nuclear sub” – Daily Express (front page)
“Sailor in gun attack – Shot dead on Nuke Sub” – The Sun (front page)
“Maniac shoots sailors on nuclear sub” – Daily Mirror
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Posted: 9th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (5)
These Photos Of Ladies’ Day At Aintree Are Fantastic: Grand National Fillies Live
IF you do one thing worthwhile with your time, look at these photos of Ladies Day at Aintree Racecourse. If you are a visitor to Anorak from overseas and are keen for an insight into British culture then please browse our photos of Ladies’ Day at Aintree Racecourse, Liverpool. Ladies and gentleman, we present The Ladies…
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Posted: 8th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (4)
Illegal Death Crash Driver Aso Mohammed Ibrahim Escaped Iraq To Make The UK More Dangerous
PAUL Houston has left the Royal Courts of Justice, having lost his latest bid to deport Aso Mohammed Ibrahim, the failed asylum seeker who killed his 12-year-old daughter Amy in a hit-and-run. The Court of Appeal rejected his case. Amy was his only child.
Aso Mohammed Ibrahim, 33, an Iraqi Kurd who was serving a driving ban when he drove into Amy Houston in Blackburn, Lancashire, and left her to die dying under the wheels of his car in Blackburn. That was 2003. He had been marked for deportation.
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Posted: 8th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment
Can Nicola McLean Make Anorexia Sexy? OK! Investigates
NICOLA McLean, a former pneumatic Page 3 has breasts that look even more out of proportion to the rest of her because she has anorexia.
On the cover of OK!, Nicola cradles her naked chest, pulls on a pair of short denim shorts and turns to face her audience. She may even have tossed back her hair from her face (chin dipped to bare shoulder; eyes raised) to allow nothing to get in the way of her telling us:
“I AM ANOREXIC.”
Nicola’s “eating disorder” might well be “devastating”, but what we want to know is: can it be turn on? Can anorexia be sexy? Can mental illness be alluring?
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Posted: 8th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Charlie Sheen Wants Mila Kunis Whether She Likes It Or Not (Photos)
CHARLIE Sheen, the stumbling, mumbling meme, should enjoy his brief renewal of fame – mainly because it is clearly going to end quickly and painfully. When he was on drugs, he was great fun. Like children round a dead dog, we thrilled as we poked him with a stick, dry-heaving at each deathly breath that came our way.
Then he went and spoiled it all by becoming self-aware. Tiger blood, it would seem, can convince a man that he’s actually of some importance to the world, when really, all we wanted was a tragic clown.
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Posted: 8th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
The Truth About Charlene Downes And Blackpool’s Paedophile Gangs
CHARLENE Downes was 14 when she was murdered in Blackpool and her body turned into kebabs. So they say. There is no proof of this. There is no proof that the teenager is dead.
There is no proof that Charlene exchanged sex for “food, alcohol, cigarettes and affection”. But the police say she was murdered. And the police say she was groomed for sexual exploitation.
The English Defence League has adopted Downes, and her mother, Karen Downes, is happy they have.
And you might be happy they have, too. The Times leads with the “dark secret” in Blackpool.
More than sixty schoolgirls in a seaside town were being groomed for sex by a group of men who have been linked with the unsolved disappearance and murder of a 14-year-old…
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Posted: 7th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (22)
The Beast Of The Bridgewater Mercury: Turtlepig Rocks Somerset
SOMERSET’S Bridgewater Mercury reports on a crowd gathered at Town Bridge in Bridgwater on Monday afternoon to check out an unidentified object.
Coral Pople provides the money quote:
“I’ve been here for 45 minutes. Everyone was saying it was a turtle – but it looks more like a pig to me.”
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The Genius Of Wayne Rooney: Manchester United’s Champions League Legend Undoes Chelsea (Photos)
WAYNE Rooney: you know all about his faults. We know that he might not be true to his wife, swears, spits and is not an international male model. What you might have overlooked is that he is a genius.
A season marked by allegations of paid-for sex with Jennifer Thompson and a contract dispute is also a season marked by a brilliant goal in the Manchester United derby match with Manchester City, the ability to outplay 95% of any opposing team on an average day and the scorer of a crucial goal in the white heat of a Champions’ League quarter final against Chelsea.
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Posted: 6th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (6)
Jay Z Loses His Mind And Becomes Fan Of Kerry Katona
JAY-Z, for the most part, is a man you can trust. He’s given the world a frightening amount of great hip hop records, shared fine artists like Rihanna via his record label and, of course, he’s married to Beyonce which shows he has impeccable taste in the female form.
Or does he? You see, J-Hova has clearly lost his bap as he’s apparently come forward as a fan of Kerry Katona.
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Posted: 6th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comment (1)
Maria Hose Cristerna Gets The Horns: The Tattooed Woman In Photos
MARIA Hose Cristerna has had her teeth sharpened into fangs, her eyes injected with colours, horns implanted into her head (put in without anaesthetic) and a copy of The Dandy drawn on her face. If she can fix a night light to her nose, you could read her like a book (and in Braille, too!)…
Posted: 6th, April 2011 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment
