HEY! You know Will Smith right? That loveable wag who gave us the soundtrack to summer summer summertime and starred in a buncha films ranging from ‘okay’ to ‘dreadful’. Well, he’s promoting Men In Black 3 (or MIB3 if you like abbreviations) and, while out in Moscow, he slapped the lips off a reporter who tried to give him a Frenchie.
VINLY was once the coolest thing around. The famous faces posed with their hit parade, and imported records and cemented their credentials as happening cats and kittens. Here’s a gallery of yesteryear’s idols – Presley, Monroe, Lennon, Hepburn, Nicholson and lots of other people so famous that their surnames are enough to recognise them by – checking out their vinyl…
TABLOID Spin of The Week award goes to the Daily Star, which spotted that Michael Barrymore had tweeted QPR bad boy Joey Barton, recently in the news for behaving badly on the pitch at Manchester City. The Daily Star thundered:
BEYOND irony story of the sat features the new that Katie Price is going to sue Jordan for breach of copyright.
The Pan-Arabia Enquirer, a satirical website, says Katie Price will sue the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan for abusing her global trademark:
Katie Price’s solicitors, Bed, Knobs & Broomsticks, are claiming that, with 185 autobiographies and 65 reality TV shows already under her belt, the model has a far greater international connection to the name ‘Jordan’ than the country of Jordan, which has so far only been the setting for Laurence of Arabia and a few rubbisher films.
THE Irish Independent reports today that Bono has just become a billionaire as a result of the flotation of Facebook. It makes him the richest rock star on the planet:
Elevation, which invests in media, technology and music companies, paid around $90m for just over 2.3pc of the company in November 2009. At the time Elevation had a reputation as “arguably the worst-run institutional fund of any size in the United States”, according to the influential investing blog, 24/7 Wall Street.
Now however, that stake will be valued at about $2.4bn (€1.9bn), of which Bono’s share will be as much as $1.5bn (€1.17bn). That profit will push Bono ahead of Paul McCartney as the richest musician on the planet. The former Beatle is worth as estimated £665m (€827m).
WHEN we read that Tony Blackburn had slept with 500 women, we looked around the place for signs for telltale nylon threads on blouse cuffs. And then the Daily Mirror named one of the conquests as Lyn Paul. This was followed by an apology:
Following our article of 1 May 2012 in which it was reported that Lyn Paul of the New Seekers was a “conquest” of Tony Blackburn, Ms Paul has contacted us to say that she merely shared a dinner date with Tony Blackburn and neither slept with him nor had a relationship with him.
499 to go…
Photo: 1980 – Radio One Disc Jockeys take time off to push Jimmy Savile from Broadcasting House to Park Lane by bed, in aid of the Variety Club of Great Britain and the Outward Bound Trust. (L-R) Simon Bates, Dave Lee Travis, Tony Blackburn, Kid Jensen and Steve Wright.
Producer Harvey Weinstein arrives for the opening ceremony and screening of Moonrise Kingdom at the 65th international film festival, in Cannes, southern France, Wednesday, May 16, 2012. (AP Photo/Joel Ryan)
SINGER Donna Summer died Thursday morning after battling cancer. The 63-year-old singer known as the “Queen of Disco” shot to fame in the 1970s and was working hard until the end. She was reportedly planning to release a new album.
HEY! John Travolta! Everyone kinda assumed you were gay, or at least bi, so don’t worry about your career! However, there’s a small matter of taking people’s sex without exactly asking for it. Don’t worry though! Roman Polanski still earns a decent living!
What’s that? Oh yes, there’s YET ANOTHER man accusing you of sexual misconduct. This time, it’s a gym employee who has accused the Pulp Fiction star of groping him against his will. Marty Singer, Travolta’s rep, says: “As a result of the published lies about my client we expect some ‘John Does’ to come out of the woodwork and assert false claims.”
CANNES 2012: Day 2 photos – Marion Cotillard adds star quality to Rust and Bone at the 65th international film festival, with added Matthias Schoenaerts. The film is about a woman with no legs who falls in love with a bare-knuckled boxer in Antibes on the Cote d’Azur. Oh, and for added realism, Cotillard trains killer whales. If the films are about escaping the normal to experience the quintessential human spirit somewhere else, this ticks the boxes. Well worth a look. Score: Three Orcas.
Actress Marion Cotillard poses during a photo call for Rust and Bone at the 65th international film festival, in Cannes, southern France, Thursday, May 17, 2012. (AP Photo/Francois Mori)
LOVELY story in this week’s OK! about Coronation Street actress Kym Marsh and her man Jamie Lomas. The cover says they “FINALLY CONFESS”. ‘To what?,’ you might ask. The pair are pictured in bed, apparently naked. They are also twice pictured on the point of a passionate kiss. In other, Marsh holds a aloft load of balloons. Why? Perhaps she carries them with her everywhere?
We soon learn that this is “their FIRST and ONLY interview SINCE the CHEATING ALLEGATIONS”. It’s an update on the Sun’s story of Katie Moores, 26, who claimed she’d kissed Lomas at a room in Leeds’ Park Plaza Hotel. Lomas says that’s rubbish. Marsh says:
“The reason I’m standing by my man is he hasn’t done anything wrong. If he’d done it, it would be a different kettle of fish. But he wouldn’t.”
CANNES 2012 in photos: Bill Murray and Bruce Willis stole the show effortlessly as director and writer Wes Anderson (he co-wrote it with Roman Coppola)and co-star Edward Norton worked the cameras for Moonrise Kingdom at the 65th international film festival. Moonrise Kingdom is the festival opener, a quirky, fragile, alluring and ultimately inconsequential tale of teenage love New England America. It stars Tilda Swinton as a retro child catcher, Murray and Willis. The cast alone makes it worth a look…
Actor Bill Murray poses during a photo call for Moonrise Kingdom at the 65th international film festival, in Cannes, southern France, Wednesday, May 16, 2012. (AP Photo/Joel Ryan)
MASSAGE is always a word that has raised the eyebrows of the eternally mucky minded, but since John Travolta got accused of all-manner of stuff, the world has been introduced to the notion of a ‘reverse massage’, which sounds like the filthiest thing ever.
Anyway, one of the massage therapists who accused John Travolta of sexually assaulting him at the Beverly Hills Hotel has hired super high-profile attorney Gloria Allred to represent him. This is interesting because this comes just one day after he withdrew from a lawsuit filed by another lawyer. Thought Travolta was off-the-hook? Seems not.
“We are in the process of conferring with him regarding the next steps, which he may wish to take,” Allred said. Of course, the original suit is still pending, but now, it involves just one male therapist who says he got groped up.
TO the Men In Black 3D photocall, then, at London’s swanky Dorchester Hotel. This is the life, eh, stood in an expensive hotel looking at actors, like Barry Sonnenfeld, Alice Eve, Will Smith, Emma Thompson and Josh Brolin, mugging it up for the cameras. The best bit was elsewhere, when Will Smith went to the Ethos Sports Centre in Imperial College, London, and auditioned for the part of an effete Eric Morecambe in the forthcoming biopic of the comic’s life. Morecambe would have wanted Smith to play him in film. And, in any case, John Travolta is busy…
TOM Wilson. Who he? Film buffs will know that Tom Wilson played Biff in the Back To The Future trilogy. (He also does comedy and voices on Sponge Bob Squarepants.) His business cards are legend. On them is an explanation of The Back to The Future plot. Other actors might try the move, perhaps distilling plot lines into as few words as possible: Twilight (“Very old man hangs bout with schoolgirl”); Star Wars (“Cowboys and Indians in space”); and many more…
WHAT’S the worst concert you’ve ever been to – the biggest rip-off? We’ll get to R. Kelly and his turning the fans into a dairy herd soon enough. First, a personal story. Anorak once went to see Desmond Decker at the Sir George Robey in Finsbury Park, London. The place was packed with Trojan Skins, Two Tone fans and a few less enlightened hooligans. After almost two hours of waiting for Desmond Decker to appear, the singer shambled out before a now very tanked-up crowd. He sang about half a song badly and then wobbled all over the shop. The highlight of the evening was a friend of mine, who by now so utterly plastered he was almost unable to stand, vomiting onto the stage, a fleck of his chunder hitting Decker on the leg. Decker just swayed on. And then he shuffled off. And that was it.
Marc Campbell tells the story of another short and memorable gig in Austin, Texas, where R. Kelly performed for 75 seconds. Fans paid up to $950 to see the singer perform what amounts to a long yawn.
DESPITE being the single most boring couple in the entirety of absolutely everything, the world has taken a peculiar interest in Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart and whether or not they’re sharing bodily fluids. Of course, they’re not because even basic bodily functions are too bored by this pair to function properly.
Yet, somehow, like two shadows fading in the twilight (see what we did there?), they’ve given in and decided to let the world know that they’re actually courting, as your nana used to say. After years of being pointlessly coy, K.Stew has ‘fessed up.
POOR old Queen. They’ve been at a loss since Freddie Mercury – the only one in the group with a modicum of talent or charisma – went and selfishly died, leaving the group to team up with berks like Ben Elton and Dappy from N-Dubz.
Since Freddie shrugged off his mortal coil, Brian May has decided to trade himself as a Diet Slash, appearing anywhere that needs a guitar solo, as well as being chief clog wearer and star-gazer because… well… he can’t offer the world anything else, other than looking exactly like Anita Dobson. Roger Taylor meanwhile is a drummer and, apart from Phil Collins and Don Henley, drummers don’t ever have a career beyond drumming.
WITHOUT doubt, you will have looked at Mark Ronson’s face at some point and tried to climb through your TV screen or magazine page in an attempt to kick it clean off his head. He’s the most annoying human ever. Ever. Ever, ever, evereververver.
He’s got so much smug that he’s had to buy a second home for it. And that second home is the size of the Death Star. Ronson is so satisfied with himself, it is obvious that he can only reach sexual climax while looking at photographs of himself, while listening to his own music and recounting a list of all the celebrities he thinks he can call ‘friend’ in his mind.
WITH pornography now a utility piped into the homes of the consumer by BT and Google, we take a look at how the aids to masturbation were once packaged. Not those nostalgia-proof British sex comedies, rather the XXX-rated stuff that was sold with the promise of Scandinavian advanced sex (Swedish Wife Exchange Club), mystical Oriental delights (Oriental Vixen) and in-yer-face antiseptic American brashness (“100 Screws” – Scheherezade). You might not have seen these films, but you knew they existed, like far-off land inhabited by creatures who had actually been to ‘The Continent’ and negotiated Dodgy’s Steve’s emporium before it was raided by the lads from the Obscene Publications Squad…
SENTIMENTAL singer and Katie Price’s former second-favourite twat Peter Andre is taking his brand of puppy-dog love to ITV2 for a show called Peter Andre’s Bad Boyfriend Club. Do you want to be on the show? Here’s the appeal:
“ITV2 are looking for boyfriends that need to raise their game. It’s time the boys stopped taking their girlfriends for granted and if your relationship is suffering, Pete is ready and waiting to help!”
Peter will teach you useless boyfriends that you can buy your own Touche Eclat without pretending it’s a gift for her indoors, and not feel any pressure to rent action films to fit into a pre-conceived stereotype. RomComs are fine. Loving Pudsey dog is fine. You don’t need a girlfriend to as act as a foil for your emotions. C’mon guys. Group huggle…
Anorak is an independent online sensation exposing prejudice, inhumanity, stuff shirts, misogyny, a biased news agenda, conformity, misanthropy, spin and the worst and best of human culture in words, pictures and video.
HEY! You know Will Smith right? That loveable wag who gave us the soundtrack to summer summer summertime and starred in a buncha films ranging from ‘okay’ to ‘dreadful’. Well, he’s promoting Men In Black 3 (or MIB3 if you like abbreviations) and, while out in Moscow, he slapped the lips off a reporter who tried to give him a Frenchie.
TABLOID Spin of The Week award goes to the Daily Star, which spotted that Michael Barrymore had tweeted QPR bad boy Joey Barton, recently in the news for behaving badly on the pitch at Manchester City. The Daily Star thundered:
BEYOND irony story of the sat features the new that Katie Price is going to sue Jordan for breach of copyright.
THE Irish Independent reports today that Bono has just become a billionaire as a result of the flotation of Facebook. It makes him the richest rock star on the planet:
DONNA Summer has died. the media’s ‘Queen of Disco’ was just 63. The singer born Ladonna Adrian Gaines is on three front pages:
HEY! John Travolta! Everyone kinda assumed you were gay, or at least bi, so don’t worry about your career! However, there’s a small matter of taking people’s sex without exactly asking for it. Don’t worry though! Roman Polanski still earns a decent living!
