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Key Posts | Anorak - Part 2

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Cheryl Cole: The Sun hatchet job on estranged husband ignores national sweetheart’s criminal past

“Nation’s sweetheart” Cheryl Fernandez-Versini is separated from husband Number 2. Lest anyone be in any doubt as to whose side we should be on in the tale of love undone, the Sun features two stories:

First up is the Sun’s scoop on our Chezza: she’s no longer “so gaunt…that fans were left fearing for her health” (source: the Sun, December 2015). No way. Now she’s “sports toned”:

 

Screen Shot 2016-01-16 at 10.09.10

 

As for whatshisface well, you should see the company he keeps:

 

Screen Shot 2016-01-16 at 10.09.22

 

Readers looking at the profile of Jean-Bernard Fernandez-Versini, aka ‘- -‘, may wonder why the Sun fails to also rake over Cheryl’s past. After all, in so part of the attack on – – can we find any evidence that he has been in trouble with the law. Cheryl, on the other hand, has form. She was found guilty of assaulting toilet attendant Sophie Amogbokpa. Judge Richard Haworth told her:

“This was an unpleasant piece of drunken violence which caused Sophie Amogbokpa pain and suffering. Her eye was painful for three or four weeks, there was bruising for three months and for a while she had blurred vision. You showed no remorse whatsoever.”

 

sophie amogbokpa

 

 

The hatchet job against – – runs:

…today we can reveal how JB hid his woman-loving ways from his future wife, appeared to exaggerate his business endeavours, distorted his educational record and even regularly changed his name.

Poor Cheryl Tweety/ Cole / – – !

When he first became involved with Cheryl, the restaurateur tried to remove all traces of his playboy past from the internet.

 

Cheryl playboy

 

It included wiping 29 telling photographs from his Instagram account. The pictures, which we publish for the first time today, show him cosying up to various beautiful women, some of whom look strikingly like his future wife… In one image he is being straddled by a woman with her legs wrapped around his neck.

In another he is seen pulling the hair of a woman in a nightclub.

Got one of him punching the nightclub woman in the face? No.

Looks like the gloves have come off in this divorce story.

Posted: 16th, January 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Tyrrells ‘swanky veg’ flavour is for ‘wanky’ crisps munchers

Have you tried Tyrells’ ‘swanky veg’ crisps, “an exotic mélange of lavish veggies, with just a pinch of sea salt to let them sing”.

tyrells ‘swanky veg’ crisps as “an exotic mélange of lavish veggies, with just a pinch of sea salt to let them sing”. Twitter noticed something much less exotic about them.

 

It’s just truth in advertising. All their crisps sound a bit ‘wanky’:

 

 

tyrrells wanky

 

Wanky veg and wanky salted a la mode.

 

Posted: 10th, January 2016 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Artist made this photo of the entire known universe

the universe in one image

the universe in one image

 

Pablo Carlos Budassi has created a single photo of the entire known universe. He did not use a long lens. He used a load of NASA satellite and Rovers’ images to form his logarithmic map – Budassi’s big map features consecutive rings, each representing much a multiple of the one before.

See the map even lager here.

Spotter: Tech Insider.

Posted: 7th, January 2016 | In: Key Posts | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Babypod lets a foetus know its parents are idiots

babypod

 

In the race to get their children ahead, those Other Parents will stop at nothing. They will buy Baby Einstein books, move to the best school catchment zones and transport their loved ones in get-out-of-my-way-4x4s, the bumpers of which are the ideal height by which to brain other people’s less lofty brood. Now they can buy “Babypod“.

Slither a Babypod speaker up a vaginal tract and blast the foetus with sweet music. If you’re having twins, use two speakers, so fostering the kids’ individuality.

Oh, and, mum and dad can listen in, too, via split headphones which hang out of the vagina. What can possibly go wrong?

What more can any pregnant woman want than having more stuff crammed up her private Clown Car?

And take care when cutting the umbilical cord, guys. Those phones are pricey!

Spotter: The Guardian

Posted: 7th, January 2016 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True, Technology | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Getting high on God: Watch televangelists explain their use of private jets

Kenneth Copeland, Jesse Duplantis, defending their private jets

 

They say it’s hard for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. But US TV evangelists Kenneth Copeland and Jesse Duplantis are making ready their appeal. Why do you have private jets?

Well, Amos had one…

 

Posted: 6th, January 2016 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True, TV & Radio | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Simon Danczuk: woman of the year 2016

Simon Danczuk, the sleazy Labour MP for Rochdale, is wrapped around the news like a randy middle-aged man at a bridal shower. The smart move would be for mired Simon to undergo a sex change and emerge as Margaret, or Cherie, a sultry temptress who can make a decent stab at being Woman of the Year, thus cementing his role as the British man / woman most likely to shag a Kardashian, or become one.

Let’s round-up the news.

 

Sunday Times (front page): “Wives at war over Disgraced Danczuk”

karen danczuk named

 

On the cover we see sportswear enthusiast and nipple wrangler Karen Danczuk, Simon wife Number 2.

The scandal engulfing the Labour MP for Rochdale erupted in sexual claims and counter-claims after both his ex-wives, his former girlfriend and the young woman with whom he was caught exchanging sex messages became engaged in a war of words.

Pull up a chair. This is juicier than a Gwyneth Paltrow dinner party.

Danczuk accused Sonia Rossington, the mother of his two oldest children, of demanding a “six-figure sum” to “dish the dirt on me” by peddling “untrue allegations . . . of a criminal nature”.

In an interview with The Mail on Sunday, Rossington claimed that he had driven her into therapy with drug and alcohol-fuelled bullying and obsessive demands for sex.

More on that later. For now, Simon says:

“She has chosen not to take them to police but to a newspaper instead… She has not moved on and remains embittered to the point where she has prevented me from seeing or having a close relationship with my children. She has also become obsessed with trying to ruin my political career.”

He’s issued a statement:

“Ever since I was elected an MP in 2010 she has been pestering journalists, trying to spread malicious falsehoods and defamatory allegations about me. I am led to believe she’s been trying to get newspapers to enter a bidding war, asking for a six-figure sum for interviews to ‘dish the dirt’ on me.

“Out of respect for the fact she is the mother to two of my children I have not responded to her continual abuse and…”

So says Simon to the media, a man now Danczuk suspended from the Labour party after he exchanged sex texts with the then 17-year-old Sophena Houlihan.And on her:

Last night it was claimed that Houlihan, now 18, has been working as a dominatrix.

You want more on that? Of course you do. The People notes:

She was 17 when Labour MP Danczuk, 49, sent text messages in which he said he was “horny” and asked if she wanted spanking. The teenager claimed to be shocked by those “sexts” – but on a website Sophena called herself Goddess Rosalie Von Morelli, a financial dominatrix.

She used the site to sell used and worn thongs, “frenchies” and knickers for £15 a pair, and offered bras and toe-nail clippings for £10 a time.

Cue Karen Karen Danczuk, who tweets about Sonia:

“Sell your body for sex . . . I’d sit back and think before you speak. An ex friend of someone sent me explicit photos & evidence of ‘escorting’ . . . amongst other things.”

Rossington says she’s not and never has been a prostitute. She says:

“I’m aware of this, he threatened it years ago. Danczuk does smear, it’s quite easy [to] go through intimate marital pictures of us when we were together and create a false incriminating profile of me on certain websites.”

Over pages 6 and 7, Camilla Long tucks into the Danczuks. It’s sex, sex and sex.

A new relationship with a Labour councillor called Claire Hamilton failed after four months of public snogging and a threesome (amazingly not in public) in which Hamilton kissed Karen for “about an hour” while Danczuk took pictures. Hamilton eventually dumped Danczuk after she claimed he cheated on her, saying she had “no idea” how many women he had “been messaging on Twitter”. She guessed “a lot”…

Nearly a year ago, he was caught favouriting hardcore pornography on Twitter while he was out canvassing for the election. He said he was “a man of the world”, so of course he watched porn, but in this case it was an accident. His phone clicked on the porn owing to a fault. He seemed convincing, even though he was an MP blaming his own telephone for driving him to sex…

 

The Mirror (front page): “DISGRACED MP ‘ CRIED LIKE A BABY”

 

danczuk front page

 

It’s super snogger Claire Hamilton. Labour Councillor Claire says:

“He craves attention so much from anywhere he can get it, but he’s sunk to a new low this time. He told me he had come up with a plan for 2016 to make more money out of the celebrity and press side of things than from being an MP.”

Achievement unlocked. And the sex…

“He said he’d been messaging this teenage singer on Twitter when he was up late or couldn’t sleep in the early hours about ‘life and music and stuff’. I asked if the messages were friendly or intimate and why text someone so young? He wouldn’t tell me or show me the messages”…

“He was saying ‘I’m sorry, Claire, I’m sorry.’ I packed his bag and gave him it. He was crying like a baby. I went on Twitter straight away and typed ‘Danczuk dumped’. I didn’t want to give myself any chance to go back – it was over, done.”

Twitter is so definitive.

“I felt emotionally drained that he was in touch with someone so young. He obviously thought he had a chance with her because he essentially wanted us to have an open relationship. Having now seen the texts, I feel physically stick to my stomach.”

Pass the toenails…

 

The Sun (front page): “SEX TEXT MP: I LOVE YOUNG WOMEN”

 

tumblr_o0dfu6Y2nm1u5f06vo1_1280

 

Says Simon:

“Younger women are my Achilles heel. My first wife was ten years younger than me, my second wife was 17 years younger, my last girlfriend is 17 years younger. Some men like older women, some like younger women, some like brunettes, some like blondes.”

Some like having their balls slammed in the car door. It’s a funny old world.

 

Daily Mail (front page): “My Years of Abuse from Sex Text MP”

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It’s Sonia. We’ll skip to the sex:

When she complained about him having sex with her, while she slept at 3am, he told her: ‘You’re my wife. I can have sex with you whenever I want.’ She said: ‘You learned not to cross him. He would say to me “If you get on the wrong side of me I will destroy you”. And he means it – he wants to take you down so you have nothing, not even a way of making a living.

‘I’ve been in therapy for years over this. I was terrified of relationships. I was afraid of so many things. Simon has cast a long shadow over my life.’

It gets sinister:

…when he came to bed he would have sex with me, interrupting my sleep. I would just wake up and it would be happening. It was always in the missionary position.

‘After a few weeks I was so exhausted I said to him “Please stop this” – but he tried to make me believe it was me who was initiating it. I was so confused. I thought I was going mad. I had no recollection of this at all. I started covering up, wearing long johns, pyjamas, socks, anything to make it more difficult for this to happen. I asked him to stop again.

Bit odd, no?

‘But this went on for months. I thought I was going mad. If it was me initiating things why was he always on top? So I decided to stay awake and see what he actually did and try to find out the truth. What happened was sly and awful.

‘He’d sneak into the room, take off his clothes and peel back the bed covers, roll me on to my back, open my legs and start having sex with me. I let him do this a few times, pretending to be asleep and even tried to record it on a camera, but of course it was dark.

‘I confronted him about it later. I said, “I know what you do and I want it to stop. I can’t believe you tried to make me think it was me initiating things.” He said, “It’s a husband having sex with his wife”.

‘He said, “Listen, Sonia. This is the deal. You are my wife and it’s expected from a wife to give her husband sex whenever he wants it. If you don’t give it to me when I want it I’ll go and look elsewhere.” I burst into tears. But after that he carried on for months with a much more careless attitude.

‘He would throw the blankets off and roll me over though he only took 15-20 seconds to finish.’

Simon has mentioned “injunctions” and layers, He says Sonia’s words are “unfounded and malicious”.

To which we can only add: Danczuk for Labour Leader! The campaign starts here…

Posted: 3rd, January 2016 | In: Broadsheets, Key Posts, News, Politicians, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Did Karren Brady And Duncan Bannatyne inspire this Sunday Sport sex comic?

bannatyneOver on Twitter, jobbing pundit and Alan Sugar Apprentice advisor Karren Brady has seen a picture of televised investor and Dirk Bogarde hair enthusiast Duncan Bannatyne and sniped to Sun readers:  “For a seriously clever entrepreneur, Duncan Bannatyne is acting like a silly old fool. At 66 he has taken up with his second mid-30s partner this year and flaunts it by posting a hilariously repulsive picture, above, of him snogging this young lady.”

Bannatyne responded by tweeting, “Brady is a complete coward to attack my GF in this way. Total coward Brady.”

She was, of course, mocking him, as well she might.

But it is a little odd that Brady should find inter-generational love so repulsive. She works as Vice Chairman of West Ham United under Chairmen David Gold and David Sullivan. Gold’s daughter, Jacqueline Gold, was once married to a man 17 years her junior. Sullivan  (born 1949) is married to a former glamour model (born 1965).

The young Karren Brady was appointed sales director of The Sunday Sport, the tits and football aid to masturbation disguised as a newspaper set up by Sullivan in 1986. The newspaper featured the Sunday Sport Adult Celebrity Comic!

Here’s a tasteful taster (NSFW):

 

sunday sport

 

Any similarities to Bannatyne and Brady are purely coincidental.

 

Posted: 28th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The best 11 churches for scoring cocaine

drugs churchCocaine has been found in “iconic churches”. The Sun has the scoop all over its front page.

They’ve tried rock music, free wine and loose change (you take it off the plate, right?), so mitres off to the Church for seducing the unwashed with free Grade-A drugs.

Matt Quinton says cocaine has been found  at 11 of the country’s “top 25 cathedrals”.  How they’re ranked, Quinton doesn’t say, but he’s doubtless taken in such criteria as toilets, warmth, eye candy, parking, and the vicar’s likelihood of ‘squiring’ a worshipper and undergoing a sex change.

On page five – “The Powder and the glory” – Matt tells us how he found the drugs. He toured the country, swabbing toilet seats and cisterns for traces of cocaine. He says the tests employed are 95% accurate, which means they are not accurate at all.

We await the Church Times’ scoop on what it found in the Sun’s toilets, but the smart money is on porn, flushed pay-as-you-go mobile phones and wafers.

Posted: 28th, December 2015 | In: Key Posts, News, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Great Obits: RIP William ‘Bill’ Fink < END OF LINE >

RIP William 'Bill' FinkAvid technophile, program developer, and educator, William Ralph “Bill” Fink, whose master functions were harnessed by Microsoft Corp. as a technical evangelist has sadly passed away at the age of 46.

Mr Fink, from Belleville, Illinois, encountered an unhandled exception in his core operating system, which prematurely triggered a critical STOP condition on Wednesday, December 16, 2015.

He is survived in legacy by his wife, Rhonda Michele, nee Gardiner, Fink, his children, Cassidy Gardiner and William John Fink, his parents, William and Nancy, nee Kaiser, Fink, and his brothers, Michael and Matthew (Kelly) Fink.

Diagnostics indicated multiple cascading hardware failures as the root problem. Though his hardware has been decommissioned, Bill’s application has been migrated to the Cloud and has been repurposed to run in a virtual machine on an infinite loop. < END OF LINE >

Posted: 22nd, December 2015 | In: Key Posts, News, Strange But True, Technology | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Jermaine Baker: ‘death by a single fuck up’

jermaine baker

 

Jermaine Baker, 28, was shot dead by police. The Daily Star says police will “lay down their weapons” if one of their number is charged over the shooting.

Baker is an “alleged gangster”. It is claimed he was killed whilst trying to “spring too crooks from a prison van” in Wood Green, north London.

What’s odd is that only one shot was fired. The police favour the double-tap technique; two shots fired in quick succession. One shot to kill can be unreliable.

Baker was shot in the chest.

Was he armed? Well, an imitation firearm was found nearby.

The officer who fired once has been arrested. The Independent Police Commissioner has been investigating.

The Star calls it a “police farce”. It doesn’t say what Baker’s nearest and dearest call it.

The Express takes up the story on its Page 5.  The headline, “Cameron: Let police shoot to kill”, argues that policemen cannot operate if they fear they will “dragged through the courts for opening fire to save lives”.

Would Cameron’s view change if his loved ones lived in rougher parts of town and actually encountered police when they were not acting as the elite’s bodyguards?

Was Baker a clear and present dancer to human life?

On the Mail’s Page 4 we hear more that the PM “may give more legal protection” to police marksmen.

We hear from ‘The Eliminator’, a chap called Anthony Long, who says he “did not give any thought at all” before shooting dead three criminals. Long says shooting a suspect is “not an accident”. He says the current laws are “quite adequate”.

In July, Long was cleared of murdering Azelle Rodney, a gangster.

In the Mirror, we hear that the review over shoot-to-kill policing is “not linked to Jermaine Baker”.

The BBC has news from the other side.

Haringey Borough Commander Victor Olisa said police did not believe Mr Baker was a gang member, as had been suggested in some newspapers. Community spokesman Darren Henry said: “The police officers murdered Jermaine. He was asleep when he was shot. There are witnesses who are afraid to step forward because of the witness intimidation in the Mark Duggan case.”

The police shot dead a sleeping man? PS: Duggan was killed with a bullet to the chest. Duggan had no gun in his hand when he was shot dead. A gun was found nearby. One informed Met source said: “It was death by a thousand fuckups.”

Duggan was hit by two shots. Tap. Tap.

David Lammy, the Labour MP for Tottenham, told Radio 4’s Today programme: “Jermaine Baker’s life is no less than anybody else’s who die in these circumstances. And if we live in a civilised country, you lose your life as a result of a police action, it should garner the greatest of scrutiny. That is the basis of having policing by consent in our country.”

What about cameras? Londonist notes:

After the death of Mark Duggan, armed police were supposed to start wearing body cameras to record incidents. However, in October the IPCC pointed out that the camera’s positioning meant its view was blocked when an officer raised a weapon to the shoulder.

Even if this had been rectified, the Commissioner has said that there are two types of firearms officer deployment: overt and covert. Cameras are noticeable: wearing one would give away the identity of any plainclothes officer on the scene. The operation in Wood Green was apparently of a covert nature.

What we want to know is: why only one shot fired? Was this death an accident cause by a itchy trigger finger?

Posted: 21st, December 2015 | In: Key Posts, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The top five Christmas songs written by Jews

circa 1925: Russian-born US composer Irving Berlin (Israel Baline, 1888 - 1989) at the keyboard with violinist Jascha Heifetz. (Photo by Henry Guttmann/Getty Images)

circa 1925: Russian-born US composer Irving Berlin (Israel Baline, 1888 – 1989) at the keyboard with violinist Jascha Heifetz. (Photo by Henry Guttmann/Getty Images)

 

Have yourselves a happy Christmas, folks. Here are the top five Christmas songs written by Jews:

“White Christmas” – Written by Irving Berlin. Bing Crosby’s version is the bestselling single of all time

“The Christmas song” (“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire”) – Written by Bob Wells and Mel Torme.

“Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow” – Sammy Cahn.

“Santa Baby” – written by Joan Javits.

“Winter Wonderland” – written in 1934 by Felix Bernard.

Take it away, Eartha Kitt:

Posted: 20th, December 2015 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Mom makes epic etching fail: ‘friends are the rapists you can drink with’

A mom got a little crafty and decided to make her own wine glasses, complete with the pithy phrase, “friends are therapists you can drink with” written on them. What started as a fun experiment quickly turned unintentionally creepy. “My mom made wine glasses to give to her friends for the holiday,” explained redditor Shagen34. “Her spacing was a little off on the first one.” With the correct spacing, they look a little more innocent. The handwritten font is still pretty creepy, though. But hey, it’s a fairly common mistake, at least according to various buffoons on TV. [h/t Tech Insider | Reddit]

 

Mom wanted to make a glass with the phrase “friends are therapists you can drink with” written on the side.

“My mom made wine glasses to give to her friends for the holiday,” explains redditor Shagen34. “Her spacing was a little off on the first one.”

 

A mom got a little crafty and decided to make her own wine glasses, complete with the pithy phrase, “friends are therapists you can drink with” written on them. What started as a fun experiment quickly turned unintentionally creepy. “My mom made wine glasses to give to her friends for the holiday,” explained redditor Shagen34. “Her spacing was a little off on the first one.” With the correct spacing, they look a little more innocent. The handwritten font is still pretty creepy, though. But hey, it’s a fairly common mistake, at least according to various buffoons on TV. [h/t Tech Insider | Reddit] A mom got a little crafty and decided to make her own wine glasses, complete with the pithy phrase, “friends are therapists you can drink with” written on them. What started as a fun experiment quickly turned unintentionally creepy. “My mom made wine glasses to give to her friends for the holiday,” explained redditor Shagen34. “Her spacing was a little off on the first one.” With the correct spacing, they look a little more innocent. The handwritten font is still pretty creepy, though. But hey, it’s a fairly common mistake, at least according to various buffoons on TV. [h/t Tech Insider | Reddit]

 

Therapist. The rapist. There’s a B-movie in this.

Spotter: Tech Insider |

Posted: 19th, December 2015 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


BBC refuses to televise Tyson Fury fights

BOLTON, ENGLAND - NOVEMBER 30: Tyson Fury speaks at a press conference at the Macron Stadium on November 30, 2015 in Bolton, England. (Photo by Chris Brunskill/Getty Images)

 

The headline is, of course, bunkum. The BBC has not refused to televise Tyson Fury fights because the State broadcaster shows no meaningful boxing, just as it transmits no live Premier League football or club rugby, The Open golf tournament, fishing and international cricket.

What the BBC will do, however, is dream up a boring televised AGM awards do, call it – get this – BBC Sports Personality of the Year Awards, and then agonise over the inclusion of any sportsman or woman who refuses to let only their feet or fists do the talking.

And so it is that Tyson Fury, the world heavyweight boxing champion, finds his position as a State TV-endorsed personality under threat because he said a woman “belongs in the kitchen” and “on her back”.  Fury also considers homosexuality a crime against the Christian God he wears on his sleeve. For his sins, Fury is being investigated by Britain’s thought police.

Fury is clearly a bigot. Anyone who hears him talk and finds themselves nodding is most likely punch drunk or pitifully – but not criminally – thick.

But he is a more than decent boxer. Beating Wladimir Klitschko to become world heavyweight champion was admirable. He out-boxed his opponent. He did not out-opinion him. He didn’t have to. The debating society is not so rough. A decent right hook can secure you a top job in the Labour Party, but that mob are desperate and flailing.

Neither was the fight a battle of morals. You like Mohammed Ali, the boxer voted BBC Overseas Sports Personality of the Year twice? You know his view on race? Here’s a dose:

 

 

Last year’s winner of the BBC shindig was Lewis Hamilton – the British tax-exile who lives in Switzerland.

Don’t vote for the morals or the words – vote for the sporting achievement.

If you watch a football match and find yourself wondering, “I’m unsure about entering the war in Syria, so I’ll wait and see if Andy Murray wins this point. If he does, I think we should start bombing” you need psychiatric help.

Of course, you’ll have to watch the champions on a broadcaster other than the BBC, which largely eschews sport as a battle of skill, preferring to spend its days inviting the audience to answer the saddest question of all, as it put it to them via Radio 5 Live: “Are sportsman role models”. What it means, of course, is are these athletes cheered by the guileless unknowing, the great unwashed, the kind of people who read red-top tabloids and watch sport in pubs – a demographic so brainless and lacking in parental guidance they see Wayne Rooney as a father figure? Do people not like us see sportsman as role models?

To which we’d say: is the BBC a role model? That question to you, Tyson Fury.

Posted: 9th, December 2015 | In: Key Posts, News, Sports | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Have you seen Rita Ora’s nipples?

Rita Ora topless breasts nipples

 

Big news in the Sun, whereon Rita Ora is trailing the X Factor grand final – and pointing to what this year’s winner can expect from pop stardom:

“RITA – I’ve lost count of times my boobs popped out”.

It’s sensational front-page news – with a key pulled quote from a two-page interview – that has Sun readers asking, ‘Popped out.. for a curry / to the shops?’ And, moreover, what of ‘nipped out’, which certainly lends itself to a better pun.

 

rita ora tits

 

We’d leave it there, but spread like a bikini-clad St. Agatha over pages 12 and 13, Rita has more news of her wayward, fresh-air-seeking breasts.

X Factor judge Rita Ora is becoming as famous for her unruly boobs as she is for her singing career.

Rita’s music might be middle-of -the road, but her tits are most certainly punk.

But she doesn’t care and admits she has lost count of the times her nipples have accidentally gone on display.

Gone on display? As in been exhibited, perhaps, in a museum or on Simon Cowell’s mantelpiece? Says Rita:

“It’s fun. It has happened to me lots so I am not paranoid about it anymore. You end up losing track of them.”

Here’s a tip, Rita: why not keep tabs on your boobs by making your next tattoo a barcode. If your breasts gets out, then call UPS and have them trace your primary female characteristics and pick them them – making sure your in between the hours of 8am and 5pm.

Posted: 9th, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, News, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Calais crisis: Daily Mail readers flock to The Jungle for opening of new Pizza Express

The Jungle

 

Have you seen the new “mini city” in France? Called The ‘Jungle’, the city features: a dozen shops, libraries, restaurants, makeshift hotels, a sculpture garden, a dome-shaped theatre, an Eritrean night-club, a playground, a book shop named Jungle Books (gerrit?) and a church.

The Mail’s Josh White says his place looks like a “mini-Glastonbury festival”, only cleaner, and with less kids called Scarlett, 4x4s and lice.

And the great news is that this city of culture can be reached by ferry, or li-lo, what with it being in Calais. It’s the kind of place that ‘edgy’, liberal white people looking for a dash of ethnic colour head to to feel daring and fulfilled. The danger, of course, is that Jake and Lara will buy a second home there, so raising the property prices and driving out the poorer, swarthier inhabitants. But it’s not yet an enclave of London. That for later when the Pizza Express and artisan bakers open – when arriviste Lara hires one of the former locals as a nanny.

It turns out that those people who want to reach the UK for a better life are efficient, innovative, daring, creative, driven, resourceful and sociable.

Or as the Mail puts it elsewhere:

 

daily mail calais jungle

 

Last one to book the Jungle mini-break’s an Aldi shopper!

 

 

Posted: 7th, December 2015 | In: Key Posts, News | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


After San Bernardino: victim Nicholas Thalasinos was asking for it

massacre california jews

 

Linda Stasi has news on the massacre at a social services center in San Bernardino, California. She shines a narrow beam of light on one of the 13 people murdered: Nicholas Thalasinos.

They were two hate-filled, bigoted municipal employees interacting in one department. Now 13 innocent people are dead in unspeakable carnage. One man spent his free time writing frightening, NRA-loving, hate-filled screeds on Facebook about the other’s religion.

The other man quietly stewed and brewed his bigotry, collecting the kind of arsenal that the Facebook poster would have envied.

To recap: one man wrote things on Facebook. One man murdered 13 people. Keep in mind these intrinsic differences as you read on:

What they didn’t realize is that except for their different religions they were in many ways similar men who even had the same job.

To recap that recap: one murdered 13 people; one wrote things. To Stasi’s adipose mind each of those actions – murdering 13 people and writing on your Facebook page – defines the man.

When anyone is murdered in the US – an unarmed man or woman at a do, say – you should withhold sympathy until you’ve seen their Facebook posts, trawled through their tweets and bon mots for signs of gurning stupidity, gayness, fascism, carbon neutrality, football team affiliation, weirdness and so on. This is why mawkish Channel 4 news presenters always emphasise children as the true victims of war – it locates a victim viewers of every prejudice can surely agree as unequivocally deserving of our tears.

(Of course, we who know what utter swine some kids are remain unconvinced by the ploy. Did you hear what spiteful Julie whispered about Zed the bed wetter? Better to sob for Billy, who was good at football and came top in spelling.)

Stasi continues:

One man, the Muslim, was a loser who had to travel all the way to Pakistan to get himself an email bride. (I refuse to add to their fame by using the killer and his murderous wife’s names.)

That wife radicalized him and fueled his hatred. The FBI is investigating her ties to Al Qaeda and ISIS. Go to the Middle East, meet your new wife, meet some terror leaders, begin your wedded bliss back in the USA.

Cherchez la femme, eh.

The other man, the victim, Nicholas Thalasinos, was a radical Born Again Christian/Messianic Jew, who also connected with his future wife online and had traveled across the country to meet her.

The killer, however, became half of an Islamic Bonnie & Clyde, while the other died as the male equivalent of Pamela Geller.

And on Stasi goes. As for being Bonnie & Clyde, mass murderers Syed Raheel Farook and Tashfeen Malik were not driven by any greed for filthy lucre. Nothing so noble. They sought only death.

Stasi then adds:

The killers deserve every disgusting adjective thrown at them. And more. But…

But?

…the victim is also inaccurately being eulogized as a kind and loving religious man.

What d’yer know about the corpse, Linda?

Make no mistake, as disgusting and deservedly dead as the hate-filled fanatical Muslim killers were, Thalasinos was also a hate-filled bigot. Death can’t change that. But in the U.S., we don’t die for speaking our minds. Or we’re not supposed to anyway.

Which makes you wonder what the point of Stasi’s story is? She doesn’t like what the murdered man wrote on Facebook. He didn’t deserve to die for what he thought, she graciously concedes. But now that he is dead, we should spare the pity because his politics were not within the Stasi-acceptable part of the mainstream.

Thalasinos was an anti-government, anti-Islam, pro-NRA, rabidly anti-Planned Parenthood kinda guy, who posted that it would be “Freaking Awesome” if hateful Ann Coulter was named head of Homeland Security.

He was murdered. He was shot dead at a party.

He asked, “IS 1. EVERY POLITICIAN IS BOUGHT AND PAID FOR? 2. EVERY POLITICIAN IS A MORON? 3. EVERY POLITICIAN IS RACIST AGAINST JEWS?” He also posted screeds like, “You can stick your Muslim Million Man march up your asses,” and how “Hashem” should blow up Iran.

His Facebook page warns that “Without HEALTHY PREGNANT WOMAN (Democrats) would have NO SOURCE of BABIES to SACRIFICE and SELL!”

He was asking for it? He was asking to be murdered? Shed no tears for him. He said things Stasi – and how about that name for nominative determinism, folks – does not agree with.

Stasi then nails her bigotry:

We have freedom of speech but…

No buts, Linda. But them no more. Freedom of speech – the right to speak your mind and debate your point of view – has no buts.

 

Posted: 6th, December 2015 | In: Key Posts, News | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Get Your War On: Corbyn wins, Cameron immortalised and tweeters battle on

cam warIt’s war, then. It always is. Britain has entered the war in Syria. MPs voted, backing the bombing with a majority of 174.

The Daily Mirror says this is “CAM’S WAR”, nailing the battle to David Cameron’s lapels. Something in the history books for Dave, then, who had been relying on footnotes about ‘Sam Cam’ and ‘LOL’ to mark his place in the ledgers.

The Mirror leads with news that Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn  “warned” that not everyone is in favour of fighting. Says Corbyn: “The Prime Minister’s approach is bomb first talk later.”

But they did talk and talk and talk in the Commons. For an age the talk was about Cameron’s comment that the naysayers were a ” bunch of terrorist sympathisers”. Labelling them all as such was crass and clumsy. Cameron might have surveyed the Opposition benches and been more pointed about those with “friends” in Hamas.

The Sun says Corbyn “cosied up to IRA during its campaign of slaughter” and called Hamas and Hezbollah “friends”.

The Mirror says politicians from all sides demanded Cameron apologise. “12 times” he refused to do so.

Mirror columnist Kevin Maguire looks at the vote and concludes that Cameron “lost the argument” to bomb Syria. Very few journalists are good at maths. But to say that a 174 majority represent a moral defeat is monocular to the point to tunnel vision. Maguire then shares his observation that Cameron is a “posh Tory with no class”.

Maguire also agrees with Corbyn that attacking Islamic State will make us a target. Newsflash: we are a target.

The Mail says Corbyn was “crushed”. In all 66 Labour MPs voted against their leader, including Hilary Benn, who called he jihadis “fascists” and an “evil” that must be defeated. Corbyn was “ashen-faced” and “eviscerated”.

The Indy leads with Benn’s speech. Cometh the hour, cometh yet another Labour MP to show just how feeble Corbyn is.

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The Mail says pro-war Labour MPs were sent pictures of dead kids  and attacked online by hard-Left moralists. Stella Creasy MP saw her home and office marched on by “hundreds” of protestors. The Sun sees her tweet one righteous tweeter, “Seriously do one sunshine.”

You can’t beat ISIS on twitter, but you can call out a few bellends.

Let’s get our war on, then.

 

 

 

Posted: 3rd, December 2015 | In: Key Posts, News | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Sarah Vine sympathies with online attacks on Gordon Ramsay’s ‘promiscuous’ daughters

gordon ramsay children

 

For two days the Daily Mail has published this photograph of TV chef Gordon Ramsay’s four children: Jack, 16, Matilda, 14, Holly, 16, and Megan, 17. It was twins Jack and Holly’s joint 16th birthday party, and the family were dolled up for a party.

The Mail’s Sam Creighton said the children had been the victims of “online attacks”. Well, not the children so much as the three females, who had their outfits appraised by sweet Sam. Cop a load of “14-year-old Matilda, wearing a black-and-white crop top  with matching short skirt”, oozed Sam (age on application).

 

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One day on and Sarah Vine, aka Mrs Michael Gove MP, is offering her opinion on the outfits. As you can see, Jack has been cropped from the family photo. Sarah opines:

Poor Gordon Ramsay – now there’s three words I never thought I’d write. The 49-year-old chef posted what he thought was an innocent picture of his children on a night out – and was hit by a tsunami of online criticism about his parenting skills. The problem was the girls’ outfits. Matilda, 14, in a stripy crop top and skater skirt; Holly, 16, in a slip of a sequin dress; and Megan, 17, also in a crop top and spangly mini-skirt.

A pox on that online criticism. Why can’t these nasties / trolls / dickheads get a newspaper column like Sarah Vine and mock women here, here, here, here and here?

She continues:

‘Way too much skin,’ observed one critic; ‘keep their innocence a little longer’ suggested another; ‘those are some short skirts,’ said a third. I can certainly see what they mean…

The online comments which will have cut Ramsay most deeply, the ones that prey on every protective dad’s (and mother’s) darkest fears, are the ones that said his daughters looked like ‘hoochies’ — slang for promiscuous young girls.

Having sympathised with those online attackers, Vine concedes:

…today it’s different in a way I’m only beginning to understand. The pressure to look a certain way is so much more intense. When I was a teenager, you hardly ever saw a photo of yourself. But in the age of photo-sharing apps such as Instagram, girls are constantly reviewing and analysing their appearance.

To say nothing of the horror of being analysed by middle-aged moralists in the Daily Mail, which she doesn’t.

Posted: 2nd, December 2015 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, News, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Princess Charlotte photos: three eyes, a comb-over and everything sponsored

Princess_Charlotte 111

 

Pictures of Princess Charlotte occupy the front pages of the Mail, TelegraphMirror and Express.

The Mirror says the child’s hair  is “light brown – somewhere between  the colour of Kate’s darks locks and William’s blond ones”.

The Mail says the photos taken by “proud Kate” show a child with a “sweep of dark hair and sparkling eyes”, making her  “most definitely her mother’s daughter”.

 

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Some confusion about the hair, then.

The Mail can’t make its mind up about anything – the headline to Rebecca English’s story on Kate’s mini-me tells us Charlotte’s a mini-him

 

princess chatlotte

 

The Mail than further contradicts itself by saying Charlotte’s “twinkling blue eyes are inherited from her father.” Maybe she has one of Wills’ eyes and one of Kate’s?

Make that three eyes, because the Mirror says “six-month-old Charlotte seems to have inherited her late gran Princess Diana’s big blue eyes”.

The Mail notes how she sits “unaided in a shabby-chic-look armchair” at the family’s 10-bedroom Anmer Hall pile.  She is “gazing almost wistfully at something in the distance…perhaps her nanny, Maria Borrallo”, or perhaps at grandpa Charles whose talking to a pot plant and looking at her for traces of his own features.

The Express concludes that the child looks a “Lotte like her mum”. It assures all paparazzi that Charlotte is a “natural for the camera”. Phew!

The Mirror makes it a multimedia event, somehow noticing from two photos that Charlotte is “shrieking with delight”.

And on its goes. But what’s also bizarre about this story is the number of brand’s checked. Kate uses a Canon EOS 5D Mark II (Express) camera. Charlotte wears a dress by Liberty (Express) and ribbed baby pink tights by Amaia Kids (Mail). She looks at a Jelly Cat Fuddleworth Puppy (Mirror).

Is everything sponsored? Let’s hope so. It’s high time the Creosote Royals paid for themselves,

Posted: 30th, November 2015 | In: Key Posts, News, Royal Family | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


An open letter to Katie Hopkins: keep going!

Katie Hopkins

Katie: keeping hacks employed

When the Independent vowed to say no more on former reality TV contestant Katie Hopkins’s to-deadline polemics, we wondered if it would last. The paper’s story, headlined “Dear Katie Hopkins”, was an Indy manifesto:

“You don’t know us, but sometimes you retweet the articles we write about you. You might retweet this one, who knows. We’re writing today to say we’re ignoring you from now on.”

The open letter contained links to six Indy articles on outrageous things Katie Hopkins had uttered in other publications and social media. It was pretty clear that when Katie spoke, the Indy listened. But no more. That was then.

So how many articles has the Indy produced on Things Katie Hopkins Says since its open letter of September 25?

Answer : 26.

 

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Why don’t they just employ her and cut out the middleman?

 

Posted: 28th, November 2015 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Ribery joins Arsenal, shuns Manchester United and heads to Chelsea

Can it be that Chelsea are ready to pay £45million for Bayern Munich’s Franck Ribery? Yes, says the Daily Mail. It’s true! The paper declares:

“Roman Abramovich to break the bank for Bayern Munich star”

That’s lot of cash for a 32-year-old. Indeed, Matt Lawton says it will “break the bank”.

 

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Well, not quite. Roman Abramovich has already lent Chelsea over £1bn of his hard-earned cash. So what’s another £45m between pals? And, in any case, he’s broken that bank before.

 

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The story goes:

Roman Abramovich has told new Chelsea chief executive Ron Gourlay to make signing Franck Ribery his top priority

 

 

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Only, Mr Gourlay is not the Chelsea chief exec. He’s not even on the board, having left his post last year.

 

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By now you’ll have noticed that the Mail’s story from 2009 was wrongly republished on its website this week. But other newspapers, like the Daily Mirror, which replayed the news on its transfer blog, did not spot the glaring error.

ESPN told us: “Chelsea may make Franck Ribery Transfer Move”

The Guardian added: “Football Transfer Rumours: Franck Ribery Chelsea for £45m”

Yeah, just £45m, Guardian readers:

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Neither Man United nor Chelsea ever did bid for Ribery. He didn’t sign for Arsenal, either, although the Guardian did say he would:

 

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Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 27th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Key Posts, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Ursula Haverbeck gets prison for Holocaust denial: free speech under attack

haverbeckIf you believe in free speech, the idea that nothing should be censored, that nothing is unsayable, then you should defend Ursula Haverbeck’s right to liberty. Haverbeck, a far-right Nazi fan, has been convicted of sedition in a German court for denying the Holocaust.

Ursula Haverbeck is a deeply-unpleasant individual. Her repeated Holocaust denial makes liars of the ghostly murdered and the honourable living who vow to never forget the German-state’s industrial murder of Jews, gypsies and other Untermensch who fell short of the ideal. At 87-years-old, it’s unlikely she’ll read any more books, listen to the facts and change her mind. Her cherished bigotry defines her. And that’s the way she likes it. In 2010, a Munich court gave this racist a suspended sentence of six months for much the same offence. She didn’t stop.

The question we are concerned with is why her words constitute a crime?

Haverbeck has been sentenced by the district court Hamburg to ten months imprisonment for telling a German TV show that Auschwitz was not an extermination camp, but a work camp, that millions of Jews were not murdered. Perhaps she thinks they drowned in their own sweat? But let’s not now delve into the Haverbeck mind. We’ve seen books, films, bones, tattoos, scars and testimonies to know the inside of her head is a poisonous and cramped place. The German prosecutor spoke of her “hair-raising bullshit” and “fanatical blindness”. We’ve seen enough.

Our problem is with the State deciding what can and cannot be said. Haverbeck and her supporters should be out-thought in open debate, their twisting of history and perversion of the mighty human spirit shown for what it is.

But criminal? If expressing your beliefs is criminal, then what of the ritualistic way in which Halal meat is killed? Those liberal Danes want it banned, reasoning that slitting an animals’s throat is barbaric and far less morally right than firing a bolt into its brain. Denmark’s minister for agriculture and food Dan Jørgensen told Denmark’s TV2 that “animal rights come before religion”.

In 2013 the Council of Europe read a  report by former Germany MP Marlene Rupprecht, thought it rather brilliant and passed a resolution stating how it “is particularly worried about a category of violation of the physical integrity of children, which supporters of the procedures tend to present as beneficial to the children themselves despite clear evidence to the contrary. This includes, amongst others… the circumcision of young boys for religious reasons…”

Hang the Jews’ covenant with God that makes circumcision a must. The rights of a cow are more vital than Islamic mores and spiritualism. Ban it all. The defiant can wait for the glare of the searchlight and the Gestapo knock.

Let us be in no doubt. Once you allow the State to tell you what beliefs are criminal, however well-meaning the impetus behind the purge, the result is the same: repression, censorship, division and an abdication of free thought and will.

You wonder who is playing God – and why we let them…

Posted: 26th, November 2015 | In: Key Posts, News | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0