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News | Anorak - Part 20

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We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.

Transfer Balls: Manchester United have £50m for Spurs’ Harry Kane

Transfer Balls: Manchester Untied will offer Spurs £50m for their striker Harry Kane, says the Daily Star.  The paper says United manager Louis Van Gaal is  “demanding the Old Trafford top brass” sign the 22-year-old England striker.

The paper says United launched a failed £25m bid for Kane over the summer.

Will Kane and Spurs take the money?

Who know? After all, this is the Daily Star, which told Google News that Kane already plays at Old Trafford:

Screen Shot 2015-10-24 at 14.15.57

 

And:

Screen Shot 2015-10-24 at 14.18.37

Such are the facts…

Posted: 24th, October 2015 | In: manchester united, News, Sports, Spurs, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer Balls: Nicolas Gaitan move to Manchester United is done and off

Transfer Balls: The Daily Express says Benfica’s Nicolas Gaitan is NOT heading to Manchester United.

 

gaitan manchester united

 

Uche Amako finds no room in this tale of the “saga” to mention that Gaitan already agreed to join Manchester United. We read it in the Daily Express:

 

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Gaitan’s transfer to Man United was confirmed in the Express‘ sister title, the Daily Star:

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And:

 

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Such are the facts…

 

Posted: 23rd, October 2015 | In: manchester united, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The making of Frank Sinatra’s Strangers In The Night

Bert_Kaempfert

 

Mark Steyn celebrates his Sinatra Centenary series with a look at the making of a hit song:

It was 1966. Enter Bert Kaempfert “the German kaiser of kitsch”:

He eschewed the standard 32-bar A-A-B-A song, possibly on the grounds that a middle section was way too much work. Instead, his tunes are built on the slightest of melodic themes, endlessly repeated. Yet they are, as the Germans say, Ohrwürmer – or earworms: maddening tunes that insinuate their way into your head and refuse to get out. “L-O-V-E” is the über-Kaempfert, a tune so simple that its lyricist Milt Gabler turned it into a spelling lesson, an “Alphabet Song” for grown-ups:

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very very extraordinary
E is even more…

So Kaempfert had form. And so Jimmy Bowen listens to Hal Fine’s bunch of Kaempfert themes and something called “Beddy-Bye” comes up. And Bowen plays it again, and again. And then he says, “Man, get me a lyric on that, and I’ll do it with Sinatra.”

“Beddy-Bye” sounds to me like yet another minimalist Kaempfert tune: the five-note title phrase, reprised a tone up and a tone down, is about 50 per cent of the tune. Yet a remarkable number of other people claim to have had a hand in its creation. The last time I mentioned the thing in this space David C Tobin of Washington, DC wrote to say that it was composed by Avo Uvezian, a Beirut-born Armenian-American pianist cum cigar manufacturer. He does indeed claim to have written the music, but so does the late Ivo Robić, the crooning Croat, who insisted that he’d composed it for a folk music festival in Split, Yugoslavia. M Philippe-Gérard, the Brazilian-born French composer of “When The World Was Young”, sued on the grounds that the tune was stolen from his “Magic Tango”, but lost in court.

So until these various Croatian-Armenian claims are as litigated as the Franco-Brazilian ones, we’ll stick with the official narrative. In 1966, Bert Kaempfert wrote this tune for his first Hollywood movie score, for the aforementioned A Man Could Get Killed, directed by Ronald Neame. And all it needed now was a lyric and Jimmy Bowen would make good on his promise and get Kaempfert a recording by Frank Sinatra.

Bowen had never made such a pledge before – for a fairly obvious reason: He was in no position to promise any such thing. “Obviously,” he explained subsequently, “nobody knows what Frank is going to do till he says what he’s going to do.” But he knew that that “Beddy-Bye” theme smelled like a hit, and Hal Fine took him at his word. He farmed the tune out to various writers, and submitted a couple of lyrics. Jimmy Bowen didn’t like either of them.

So Hal Fine tried again, this time with Eddie Snyder and Charles Singleton….

For “Beddy-Bye”, Eddie Snyder took his cue from the film and the James Garner/Melina Mercouri characters: They’re strangers, exchanging glances, and, by the time the tune’s reprised in the final moments, you know that, as the song says, they’re “in love forever”. “We had the scene,” recalled Snyder. “A man is sitting across from a girl in a bar. That was it.” But that was all they needed:

Strangers In The Night
Exchanging glances
Wond’ring in the night
What were the chances
We’d be sharing love
Before the night was through…

 

Read it all.

 

Posted: 23rd, October 2015 | In: Music, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Cop posed a woman to give oral sex to men through a glory hole

cerna oral sex crimeTo Missouri, where former police officer David E. Cerna, 34, advertised on Craigslist for straight men to blow. Cerna posed as a woman keen on giving men anonymous oral sex. Men accepting the invitation were invited to pop over to Cerna’s home, and stick their troublemaker through a hole so that the shy ‘woman’ could administer oral sex.

No-one would be that desperate or stupid, right? Wrong. At least 60 men did this.

Cerna filmed the sex and posted the videos online, leading to a charge of invasion of privacy.

Cerna is also accused of secretly taping men with a spy camera in the restroom of a Chesterfield gas station.

It’s further alleged that Cerna abused children. Attorney Gonzalo Fernandez says:

“In fact the contact would often be initiated by him performing some sort of traffic stop. Some of these people are minors… I know one of them was as young as 16.

“David Cerna kind of took it upon himself to walk through various bedrooms of the house by himself, which at the time seemed strange to the family and now knowing what they do about his propensity for clandestine filming, you wonder.”

 

Posted: 22nd, October 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Swansea City balls: magic Gary Monk vanishes

Gary Monk is magic! The Swansea City manager really is magic. He can make himself disappear. Yesterday the Mirror’s John Cross tweeted:

Garry Monk misses training as pressure mounts at Swansea

Monk missing. Pressure mounting. Two plus two equals… Sacked?!

The Mirror duly reported why Monk was missing:

Garry Monk did not go into training at Swansea today. It is understood that he missed the session because of personal reasons.

Or as Swansea City put it:

Screen Shot 2015-10-22 at 19.03.50

 

Had Monk reappeared, as if by magic?

The Mirror’s John Cross went back to work:

Garry Monk is under mounting pressure at Swansea. The Swans have been on a winless run of six games…. Swansea today moved to deny that Monk missed training by posting pictures of their manager taking a session at the club’s Fairwood HQ. But they confirmed that Monk did miss the team’s warm-down session on Tuesday following the defeat to Stoke the night before.

He missed the warm-down session at Stoke City? Do you even need a manager to supervise that? Did it miss it for “personal reasons”? And ‘moved to deny” sounds a lot like denying and saying the Mirror was wrong.

Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 22nd, October 2015 | In: News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Manchester United: Chinese turn Bastian Schweinsteiger into a Nazi doll

schweinhund

                              Schweinhund                                                                   Schweinsteiger 

In China you can buy a Nazi figuring that looks like Manchester United’s German midfielder Bastian Schweinsteiger. Yeah, that’s what we thought: who in China buys Nazi figurines? This one costs HK$958 (£80).

Schweinsteiger is upset enough to set his lawyers on the Hong Kong-based company, makers of ‘Bastian’, the one-sixth lifesize doll. They say it’s pure coincidence the doll looks like him. all Germans look the same, see.

“We have no figure which is based on a football player,” Patrick Chan tells Bild (not to be confused with the Vőlkischer Beobachter). “It was pure coincidence that the ‘Bastian’ figure looks like Schweinsteiger. The figure is based on the typical German. We believe that all Germans look like this.”

They do. Stick this one in a dress and it’s Heidi Klum.

Posted: 22nd, October 2015 | In: manchester united, News, Sports, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Satire is dead: Caitlyn Jenner named ‘Woman Of The Year’

jenner woman of the year

 

Caitlyn Jenner has been Named ‘Woman Of The Year’ by Glamour magazine. No, not a satire.

Posted: 22nd, October 2015 | In: Celebrities, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Eden Hazard wants to quit Chelsea for Real Madrid AND Barcelona

 

News is that Eden Hazard wants to leave Chelsea. The Belgian fancies joining Real Madrid says L’Equipe. As is so often the way with these things, Hazard has told friends, family, pals, dogs and parrots that he wants to move. For some reason, they all decide at once to tell the Press. Hazard says nothing in public, preferring to let his football do the talking, which it is – quietly.

The Indy takes up the story:

The report comes in the same week that Hazard seemed to ‘like’ a post on Instagram linking him with a move to Real Madrid.

At at once we see the plan. Hazard is no longer playing his best in order to avoid winning a man-of-the-match bottle of champers and being made to speak in public. He now only communicates through nameless cousins and ‘likes’.

Eden Hazard real madrid

Of course, Hazard’s potential moves have been in the news for some time:

 

Screen Shot 2015-10-22 at 10.43.19

 

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Such are the facts…

 

Posted: 22nd, October 2015 | In: Chelsea, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Arsenal balls: ‘devastated’ Ramey back in three weeks

The Metro balls

“Devastating”

Arsenal Injury Balls: Having read about the “devastating” injury to Aaron Ramsey in the Metro and how the Welsh footballer will miss ’10’ matches, the Mirror says he will be out “up to a month”.

The Mail says he’ll be fit to play in…three weeks.

The Metro really is full of utter balls.

Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 22nd, October 2015 | In: Arsenal, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Petra László ‘sues’ refugee she tripped and prepares to seek asylum in Russia

Safe trip, Petra!

                                                                               Safe trip, Petra!

 

Petra László, the journalist who became the story when she tripped up Syrian refugee Osama Abdul Mohsen as he walked past her with a child in his arms and then issued a craven apology is turning to law.

On trial for disturbing the peace, Petra László, says she will sure her Mr Mohsen for dirtying her socks / making her look like a ******* / whatever and Facebook because they are rich / gave space for people to call her names / whatever.

Techdirt notes:

 

“He [Mosen] changed his testimony, because he initially blamed the police,” Laszlo said, though she can be clearly seen in two different videos kicking him. “My husband wants to prove my innocence. For him, it is now a matter of honor. It is now a matter of honor.”

And money?

In an interview with Russia’s Izvestia newspaper, the terrible journalist says:

“I can definitely say that my life is ruined. It’s unlikely that I will be able to find a job and do what I like the most.”

What that is we are not told, but the

Russia Today adds:

The camerawoman said that at least 10 fake ‘Petra Laszlo’ accounts containing improper contents have appeared on Facebook and some people have offered some $20,000 for her murder via these groups…

Laszlo told Izvestia that she asked Facebook’s management to delete these groups, but claims her letters and complaints to Facebook have been left unattended and that, instead, the social network has intentionally deleted groups supporting her.

She told the paper she plans to sue Facebook for its prejudice. According to the paper, she also wants to prove that the asylum seeker she tripped had been untruthful, because the man has changed his testimony in court. She said that he had initially blamed a police officer for the incident, but later began accusing her.

Adding:

“Once the court is over, we’re going to move to another country,” said Petra Laszlo, mentioning Russia as a likely destination for immigration. “We consider starting to learn Russian. It is important for us to leave Hungary. We’ll make the decision once the trial is over,” she said.

Best buy some good shoes and shinpads, Petra. It’s a long walk.

 

Posted: 22nd, October 2015 | In: Key Posts, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Arsenal balls: Ramsey and that ‘devastating injury’

The media loves an injury. Arsenal midfielder and Wales captain Aaron Ramsey was injured during the Gunners’ match against Bayern Munich. The Metro picks up the player’s medical charts. And gasps:

 

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Devastating? Ramsay had his leg badly broken at Stoke City. That was devastating. This is a hamstring injury.

Sam Kearns writes:

Arsenal fear that Aaron Ramsey will be out of action for up to six weeks after the Wales midfielder injured his hamstring in the Gunners’ 2-0 win against Bayern Munich.

How does he know that, then?

….according to Goal.com, the former Cardiff City man is facing a six-week spell on the sidelines that will see him miss matches against Bayern Munich, Tottenham and Dinamo Zagreb.

Over at  Goal.com, Greg Stobat writes:

Arsenal fear Aaron Ramsey faces six weeks out with the hamstring injury that forced him off during the 2-0 win over Bayern Munich on Tuesday night.

As we wonder out if Stobart and Kearns are one and the same, we read the BBC:

Wenger said Ramsey will miss Saturday’s Premier League game against Everton and could be out for some time. “He’s very down, he told me that the hamstring is a tough one. He’s out yes,” Wenger said.

In the Telegraph the news is fuller:

What had been an increasingly settled Arsenal team will be disrupted, however, by the loss of Aaron Ramsey. He suffered three similar hamstring injuries last season and, while assessments are ongoing, the initial sense is that he will be out until at least next month’s international break.

Those begin on November 13. That would mean Ramsey missing five matches, including a League Cup rubber against Sheffield Wednesday – not 10 matches, as the Metro thrills.  If he is out for six weeks, that should see him miss 8 matches.

Such are the facts.

Posted: 21st, October 2015 | In: Arsenal, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Back To The Future Day: Keith Lemon and ITV2 waterboard nostalgia

It’s Marty McFly / Back To The Future Day when we all get to wear self-tying shoelaces, ride on hoverboards and watch TV’s suicide note on ITV2:

 

Keith Lemon Marty Mcfly

 

And you still wonder if the BBC is worth the licence fee..?

As @NellKane10 puts it: “ITV2 waterboarding nostalgia.”

 

Spotter: Tom Jamieson

Posted: 21st, October 2015 | In: News, TV & Radio | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


How to turn your McDonald’s drink cup and straw into a dubstep amplifier

mcdonalds dubstep straw

 

Posted: 21st, October 2015 | In: Music, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Martin McFly Day: USA Today leads with the film star’s arrest

Today is the day when Martin McFly, star of the Back to the Future film, arrives when he travels to the future? USA Today shares the joke:

 

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Posted: 21st, October 2015 | In: Film, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


You can buy this ‘Channel’ taxidermy thong

 

taxidermy G-string

 

Spotter: Crappy Taxidermy. DM

Posted: 20th, October 2015 | In: News, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Arsenal: Dynamo player failed drugs test, Bayern can be beaten, Ospina injured

Can Arsenal overturn the form book and beat Bayern Munich in tonight’s Champions’ League match at the Emirates? Can a team defeated by the ordinary Dynamo Zagreb and Olympiacos beat the mighty Germans?

Arsenal Manager Arsène Wenger is ambitious:

“At the moment they have the best record in Europe. Maybe they are the most outstanding team in Europe. Historically they have won the European Cup how many times? Five? And Arsenal zero. So you cannot say that historically we are at the same level as Bayern. What we want is to get there. But the history doesn’t play the game. What will decide the game is the performance we produce. That comes from if we believe we can do it.”

Can they win? Wenger adds:

“I believe we have some ground to make up in Europe as we have not been at our requested level in our first two games. Our focus has been much stronger in the Premier League than it has been in Europe, and we know in this game the focus needs to be exactly the same as in the Premier League. We have the belief and confidence that we’re doing something right, so that helps. We maybe could be a little suspected in the first two games of not taking the opponent seriously enough, but this time this is not the threat. So let’s take the positives of our Premier League and get the right focus that you get when you play a big opponent. It’s a realistic statement to say we have to win one of the two games against Bayern. Maybe not even realistic enough.”

The Times notes:

Wenger’s frustration at the Zagreb defeat, in particular, was compounded by Arijan Ademi, the Dynamo midfield player, failing a drugs test after the game. Uefa is waiting for the results of his B sample before opening disciplinary proceedings, but the result will stand regardless as only in the case of more than two players from the same team having been found to have committed a doping violation in the same competition are team sanctions imposed.

Test them all, then. Why not?

Says Wenger:

“When you don’t play at your best and your opponent is doped, it is difficult. The rules are the rules and I cannot change that, so I don’t think the result is really under any threat. We have organised World Cups before now with 740 players and zero doping cases, and I don’t know if that is really a fact. I was surprised the player was Ademi because he didn’t play before he played against us. But we have to wait as well because there is a counter check to see what comes out.”

Why aren’t all footballers at top matches checked?

As for the match, David Ospina, the Arsenal goalkeeper who gifted the Greek a goal, is out injured. The feeling is that whoever is in the Gunners’ goal will have to play brilliantly.

 

Posted: 20th, October 2015 | In: Arsenal, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Hunters mistakenly enter zoo and kill two elk

elks shot

 

To  Norway shot dead two elk only to realise seconds later that they had been shooting through the fence into a zoo.

“I reacted with disbelief, and the first few seconds afterwards were pretty unreal,” says Heinz Strathmann, the chief executive of Polar Park zoo, north of the town of Narvik. Two hunters out shooting elk spotted their prey – in the zoo.

“I think this is very sad, and it’s not okay. We had five elk, now we have only three.”

The hunters rang the zoo, explaining that their elk hounds had managed to get inside the elk enclosure, and then given chase, preventing the hunters from realising that they were shooting into a zoo.

“This is a regrettable mistake made in connection with lawful hunting on the outside of the park,” says Arne Nysted, chairman of the wildlife tribunal in Troms County. “It was a fatal error, but everyone understands that it was not done at all on purpose.”

 

Posted: 20th, October 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Indians threaten to skin Autralian man with tattoo of Hindu Goddess on shin

letter god 2

 

We’ve yet to see anyone brave / stupid  enough to sport a tattoo of the Muslim prophet Mohammed. But Matthew Keith, 21, thought it a sound idea to get the Hindu Goddess Yellamma inked on his shin. Locals spotted Klein at an eatery in Bangalore. They saw his tattoo. At least one of the offended threatened to skin him.

 

letter god 4

 

Then the police came and took him off to the station. Keith claims he was forced to write an apology letter to his harassers. Police say that’s wrong.

 

letter god

 

Mr Keith wrote on Facebook:

“Forced letter of apology before I could leave the police station … traumatising situation where it is apparently acceptable to be harassed, threatened and mobbed … I respect India and Hinduism completely. That’s why I spent 35 hours getting a massive Ganesha put on my back and 4 hours getting the Goddess (Yellamma) on the only bit of space I had left on my body .. my girlfriend … does not deserve sexual abuse.”

 

It being what the gods would have wanted…

 

Posted: 20th, October 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Things found inside vinyl record sleeves

Things found inside records

 

Over on Flashbak, the story of one man’s collection of things found inside record sleeves. Ever hide anything inside yours?

See them all here.

 

 

 

Posted: 20th, October 2015 | In: Music, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


John Waters on why you should watch filth and the obscene

John Waters agrees: we all (as Brendan O’Neill puts it) have a duty to offend:

 

Posted: 19th, October 2015 | In: Celebrities, Film, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Aston Villa: David Moyes’ failure in Spain is no qualification for Premier League success

Screen Shot 2015-10-19 at 08.27.23Great news for Aston Villa fans comes via the Sun’s back page. Villa are on “alert” because fans of Real Sociedad want team manager David Moyes sacked. It’s pretty rum when your team’s fortunes depend on a saviour being sacked by their current club.

And what of Tim Sherwood, Villa’s current manager, who only yesterday was being backed by Sun columnist Alan Shearer?

The worry is that were Sherwood to go, he would then join David Moyes and Brendan Rodgers as young British managers given top jobs but ultimately seen as failures.

The football business is stuck on names. Villa get Moyes because Moyes did well at Everton. But why would Villa fans want Moyes, a man with baggage?

The BBC picks up the story of Moyes’ life in Spain.

Real Sociedad manager David Moyes said “I know I’m the best man for the job” after the pressure on him grew with a 2-0 defeat by Atletico Madrid. Fans reportedly chanted “Moyes go home” in English with Sociedad only outside the relegation zone on goal difference. “You cannot always keep changing your manager and think that’s the answer to your problems,” the Scot said.

He’s right, of course. So why, then, does the Star report that Moyes wants to manage Aston Villa?

 

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The answer is the same reason that Villa might be eyeing Moyes: a lack of imagination and foresight.

In the Mirror Moyes denies seeking a move:

Moyes also denied reports that would be willing to the return to the Premier League should Aston Villa decide to do away with Tim Sherwood and offer the Scot the role at Villa Park. “During pre-season I had contact with clubs, which is normal, because they know my statistics, but my intention is to stay here at La Real,” he said. “I’m not thinking about anything else. You saw the hard work and determination the players put in, how they fought.”

Did Villa offer Moyes the job in the summer?

The Mail presents Moyes’ return to the top flight of English football as a given:

David Moyes may be back in the Premier League even sooner than first thought after his side failed to win at home for the fourth time this season.

Lose in Spain and you get a top job in the top division.

Sudha Vishwanath sums it up:

These are dark days indeed, when failure overseas is a qualification factor for becoming an EPL club manager!

If Villa do sack Sherwood they should seek adventure and a vision. Moyes offers neither.

 

Posted: 19th, October 2015 | In: News, Sports | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Hoff His Head: ‘invisible’ David Hasselhoff wows to fight ISIS like Rambo would

hoff isisThe big news in the Daily Star is plain to see: “This paper cost just 20p.” Below that news is the other news that David Hasselhoff is “HOFF TO FIGHT ISIS”.

Can the actor who stood atop the crumbling Berlin Wall and with Joshua prowess blew his own trumpet to bring it down also end ISIS?

The Star explains:

The actor, who played lifeguard Mitch Buchannon in the surf rescue show, said he would launch a personal Rambo-style mission to wipe out the terrorist network.

Rambo, played by Sylvester Stallone, would most likely take on ISIS with less fanfare. He’s most likely already there, camouflaged and waiting the foliage of a Mosul pot plant to slaughter the enemy. However, to the Star Rambo is a more of a state of mind than an actual fictional Hollywood character. Hasselhoff you could not make up.

The Hoff, who also starred in 80s classic Knight Rider, said he had developed a personal hatred for the brutal Isis regime.

So. He’s off, rather Hoff, to take on ISIS, hurtling across the deserts at the wheel of his indestructible Kit car, the perfect blend of man and machine: Hasselhoff behind the wheel; Hasselhoff on the stereo,

Asked to name his “priority activity if he was the invisible man for the day”, the star replied he would kill off all the estimated 200,000 Isis fighters. He said: “I’d go to Syria and annihilate everyone involved in Isis.”

Hoff will only fight ISIS when he becomes invisible, which you’d imagine is hard to achieve through an interview with Weekend magazine. Maybe Channel 5 can help?

 

 

Posted: 19th, October 2015 | In: Celebrities, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0