FAREWELL Benedict XVI. Not that he’s going very fara way. He’s staying inside the Vatican, walking the corridors of power dressed in white robes and answering to the title “His Holiness”, a Pope Emeritus:
The Vatican spokesman, the Rev. Federico Lombardi, said Benedict himself had made the decision in consultation with others, settling on “Your Holiness Benedict XVI” and either emeritus pope or emeritus Roman pontiff. Lombardi said he didn’t know why Benedict had decided to drop his other main title: bishop of Rome.
MUG Shot of the week features the mug of Jerry Thompson. The 35-year-old smiled for the camera after being arrested for his alleged role in the robbery of a New London, Connecticut, bank. The bank is round the corner from police headquarters. Thompson was arrested in a local train station, his pockets stuffed with red dye-covered money.
WHAT’S A Rap Attack. Mr Whodini? With their Magic’s Wand, Jalil Hutchins, Ecstasy (John Fletcher) and Grandmaster Dee (Drew Carter) will show you:
CCTV cameras have caught a toe-curlingly amusing moment when one unlucky pup found himself locked outside of him hotel room with no clothes on. That’s zero clothes. Naked as the day he was born. Not even a sock to his name.
And, worse still, this poor sod finds that he’s dealing with the most unhelpful creatures on the planet – humans.
INVENTIVE jobseeker, Nick Begley, was getting pretty hacked off with not finding a job, and so, he decided to get creative with his CV. No, he didn’t pretend he’d gone to university and invent a load of jobs he hadn’t done, but rather, turned his resume into something that no-one could ignore.
SEX-abuse scandals are replacing kiss’n'tells as tabloid fodder. Sensation swirls about the LibDems’ former party chief executive Lord Rennard. Women say he acted “inappropriately. There is a claim that Rennard repeatedly “brushed a woman’s leg at dinner. Another says he propositioned her. She “” the offer to join him in his room.
At first, Lib Dem leader and deputy prime minister Nick Clegg said he had no idea about any of it. The allegations made on Channel 4 News were news to him. By Sunday, however, Clegg’s memory told him that he had known about Rennard’s alleged “indirect and non-specific concerns” since 2008. Moreover, LibDem chief of staff Danny Alexander had had confronted Rennard over such matters.
AUSTRALIA’s carbon tax forces companies to pay a (£15; $24) levy for every tonne of greenhouse gases they produce. Julia Gillard’s government is keen to create a clean energy economy. The tax will hit airlines. But, thankfully, Gillard is here to help them, too. Her glasses are travelling at speed:
Albert Park optical stylist Sue Feldy has been inundated with phone calls after she was exposed as the woman behind Prime Minister Julia Gillard’s new glasses …
Mrs Feldy was sworn to secrecy over her role in shaping Ms Gillard’s new look, but gained official permission to speak after being contacted by a radio station.
“I think I knew it would cause a bit of a stir,” Mrs Feldy said. “We have to keep getting them in, the stockist can’t keep up!”
Mrs Feldy flew to Canberra with 100 pairs for Ms Gillard to browse.
IN 1966, Woody Allen fought a kangaroo at the Hippodrome. The Australian light heavyweight champion is in the brown shorts:
THE Pope is resigning. Father Guido Sarducci, rock critic for the Vatican newspaper L’Osservatore Romano, makes his pitch for the top job in the Roman Catholic Church. He had plans to get the youth in, too. The Five Minute University is here to help:
JEAN Say, then 62, killed his daughter and son in 2011. He cut the throats of his children Regina, eight, and Rolls, ten, in their beds. He then called his estranged wife, Antoinette, then 44, and told her: “I have killed your children. Come and get the bodies.” He was jailed for at least 30 years.
Jean Say, originally from the Ivory Coast, is back in the news.
THAT Olympics Legacy in action: Betchworth school, Surrey, has decided to ban children from cycling and walking to school. The North Downs Primary School says its Betchworth and Leigh bases will be “driving only” from September.
No Team GB golds for walking, but cycling is a sport the nation excels at.
CRUFTS, like Hitler, always believed in pure breeds, showcasing the finest in incestuous hound relationships and making them scampered around before an audience that smelled of Brut, hairspray and wax-jackets. Judges in comfortable loafers would stand these poor inbreds on tables and poke around at their genitals to see if they were uniform enough.
That’s all about to change though as Crufts is going to feature mongrels and crossbreed dogs for the first time!
CARDINAL Keith O’Brien has resigned. Gay rights group Stonewall once called the head of the Catholic Church in Scotland, “bigot of the year”.
He’s accused of sexual impropriety against four priests, three of them still serving. Nothing has been proven. The cardinal has denied the charges. Piers Paul Read says in the Times that “his resignation suggests that there may be some fire behind the smoke“.
Cardinal O’Brien has tendered his resignation as Archbishop of St Andrews and Edinburgh. Vatican policy advices that bishops retire at the age of 75. He’s 74.
IN 1987, the US Postal Service produced a stamp to honour William Faulkner. Before he was a man of letters, Faulkner was delivering letters. Between 1921 to 1924, he worked as the University of Mississippi’s postmaster. He didn’t enjoy it. This is, reportedly, his resignation letter:
As long as I live under the capitalistic system, I expect to have my life influenced by the demands of moneyed people. But I will be damned if I propose to be at the beck and call of every itinerant scoundrel who has two cents to invest in a postage stamp.
This, sir, is my resignation.
(Signed by Faulkner)
THIS was predictable. Anyone who tweeted photos allegedly of James Bulger’s killer Jon Venables are being charged with contempt of court. Bulger was two when 10-year-olds Venables and Robert Thompson killed him
Anyone who knows the case and who cares about justice should not have broadcast the pictures.
YEARS before the Sun crested the “News in Briefs” Page 3 feature, US cupcake magazine Pose introduced its readers to the ladies’ speech bubbles.
THE European Union is looking into imposing import duties on cheap Chinese solar panels. If they go ahead with this it will be one of the most ludicroulsy stupid things any government has ever done: yes, worse than a land war in Asia. Not as bloody or wasteful, but more stupid:
The UK could lose billions of pounds and thousands of jobs in the solar industry if the EU imposes tariffs on cheap imported panels from China, a report has claimed.
The European commission is investigating if solar panels coming into Europe from China are being sold below market value – known as “dumping” – and benefiting from unfair Chinese government subsidies.
The move by the commission, instigated last year, is the largest of its kind, with solar panels and key components worth more than £18bn exported from China to the EU in 2011.
It followed complaints from European solar manufacturers and could lead to anti-dumping and anti-subsidy duties being imposed on Chinese-made panels to stop the cheap imports harming Europe’s domestic industry.
HOW media works: Zoe Brennan wants readers of Mumsnet to help her with a story:
I am writing a feature for The Daily Mail about the increase in the number of children being sent to A&E. Figures released earlier this week show an increasing number of youngsters are sent direct to hospital, because GPs are reluctant to treat children. Babies in particular. This means long waits, and inappropriate care. Has your child been sent to A&E with a common infection or minor injury by your GP or NHS Direct? Have you an opinion on this subject, as a parent?
IN 1967, Sandra Dodd, a 14-year-old fan living in the USA wrote to David Bowie. Would Bowie be interested in endorsing her efforts to start a USA fanclub? The 20-year-old Bowie took the time to reply.
I hope one day to get to America. My manager tells me lots about it as he has been there many times with other acts he manages. I was watching an old film on TV the other night called “No Down Payment” a great film, but rather depressing if it is a true reflection of The American Way Of Life. However, shortly after that they showed a documentary about Robert Frost the American poet, filmed mainly at his home in Vermont, and that evened the score. I am sure that that is nearer the real America.
<ahref=”http://www.lettersofnote.com/2009/12/my-real-name-is-david-jones.html”>Letters of Note
WE at Anorak love an unexpected reason for an apparently sexualy-driven offence. Remember the poor sod who in a bid to salve his constipation got a bottle stuck up his anus? There was this vicar who fell backwards on to his kitchen table while hanging curtains and im paled himself on a raw potato. There was the woman who fell on a can of hairspray. This poor sod got a fence up his bum? Now meet Michael Clarke, 76, who tells Furness Magistrates’ Court having previously admitted a charge of indecent exposure.
THE Vatican has yet to open as a gay nightspot in Old Compton Street. The Catholic Church is not yet undone by rumours of homosexuality in the Pope’s palace. The Vatican’s spokesman, Fr. Federico Lombardi, maintains the line that such stories of gay sex amongst the prelates is salacious gossip and has nothing to do with Benedict XVI’s decision to resign:
We are indebted to Vatican Radio’s English translation, which makes the Father appear more than a little verbose:
There is no lack, in fact, of those who seek to profit from the moment of surprise and disorientation of the spiritually naive to sow confusion and to discredit the Church and its governance, making recourse to old tools, such as gossip, misinformation and sometimes slander, or exercising unacceptable pressures to condition the exercise of the voting duty on the part of one or another member of the College of Cardinals, who they consider to be objectionable for one reason or another.
IN the 1980s, fans could get close to the stars on telephone chatlines. The messages were pre-recorded. But the billing was live.
The New Kid On The Block had a message for you:
KURT Vonnegut wrote to Richard Gehman in 1967. He had advice to give.
“Mornings are for writing and so are most of the afternoons… The classes don’t matter much.”
Gehman was due to teach at University of Iowa’s famous Writer’s Workshop,where Vonnegut had been there from 1965 to 1967.
“Cancel classes whenever you damn please.”