Anorak - Author Archive

Manchester United captain Harry Maguire called ‘unsportsmanlike’ by Greek prosecutor

Harry Maguire, the Manchester United, has been found guilty in a Greek court of repeated bodily harm, attempted bribery, violence against public employees and insult. United say he will remain … (read more)

Posted: 26th, August 2020 | In: manchester united, News, Sports | Comment

How to raise your IQ: afford to live near a green space

The results of the survey are in. The greener the urban child’s world, the higher their IQ. Boffins have produced a paper which looked at linking access to parkland and … (read more)

Posted: 25th, August 2020 | In: Money, News | Comment

Transfer Balls: Pogba to stay at Manchester United as Real Madrid run out of cash

On becoming the world’s costliest footballer in 2016, Paul Pogba told us “the time is right to go back to Old Trafford”. Pogba left Manchester United in 2012 for £1.5m, … (read more)

Posted: 25th, August 2020 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment

Madeleine McCann: Christian Brueckner’s pal, hope boosted, and two blond men

At the time of writing, Christian Brueckner remains innocent of any crimes relating to the vanishing of Madeleine McCann. The convicted paedophile is not unique. Everyone is assumed innocent because, … (read more)

Posted: 24th, August 2020 | In: Madeleine McCann, News, Tabloids | Comment

Cashing in on death: the Covid-19 plush toy (made in China)

You can buy a Covid-19 Plush toy and snuggle up to a stuffed effigy of the virus that has killed and contributed to the untimely deaths of thousands of people. … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, August 2020 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment

Manchester Untied captain Harry Maguire ‘threw a swing’ in Mykonos

Manchester United captain Harry Maguire has been spending part of his summer hols in a police station on the Greek island of Syros. United say Maguire is “fully co-operating with … (read more)

Posted: 21st, August 2020 | In: manchester united, News, Sports | Comment

Transfer Balls: Gareth Bale back to Spurs (not Manchester United) and Gabriel to Arsenal (soon)

Arsenal are “closer than ever” to agreeing a deal with Lille’s Brazilian defender Gabriel Magalhaes, 22, says the BBC. The source for this story is L’Equipe. The website offers no … (read more)

Posted: 20th, August 2020 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Spurs | Comment

Disaster prone Boeing 737 Max is gone; all hail the Boeing 737-8 (the same plane with a new name)

No need to worry, passengers. The Boeing’s 737 MAX jet, the not all that good plane grounded after two fatal crashes which killed 346 people – Boeing was accused of … (read more)

Posted: 20th, August 2020 | In: Money, News | Comment

Arsenal launch 2020-21 kit with shades of Harry Potter, a naked David Seaman and Kieran Tierney holding a carrier bag

It’s enjoyably odd that the better bits of the video launched to herald the arrival of a new Arsenal kit features a former player with no kit on – a … (read more)

Posted: 20th, August 2020 | In: Arsenal, Sports | Comment

The Government and Ofqual cheat at exams because they get away with it every year

The Education Secretary, Ofqual and the Prime Minister have punched the air in delight. They have given full throat to their support for an education system that prioritises the system … (read more)

Posted: 17th, August 2020 | In: News | Comment

Boy snorted out plastic Lego piece stuck in his nose for two years

Th side-effects of inhaling Lego cannot be overstated

For two years Sameer Anwar, 7, had a piece of lego stuck up his nose. The other day he sniffed a pile of … (read more)

Posted: 17th, August 2020 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Arsenal sack Sanllehi from the absurd ‘head of football’ job

Arsenal have sacked Raul Sanllehi from his job as – get his – “head of football”. The new head of football is managing director Vinai Venkatesham, who used to … (read more)

Posted: 15th, August 2020 | In: Arsenal, News, Sports | Comment

A-Level disasters: Gavin Williamson’s enema sees education secretary buried in a matchbox

“Increasing the A Level grades will mean a whole generation could end up promoted beyond their abilities” – Gavin Williamson

Gavin Williamson is a politician so shallow he could drown in … (read more)

Posted: 13th, August 2020 | In: News | Comment

Dead man comes back to life and win Lottery twice

In 1999 Bill Morgan, 37, suffered a heart attack and was pronounced clinically dead. Having narrowly survived a car crash, Bill was given emergency drugs which triggered an extreme allergic … (read more)

Posted: 13th, August 2020 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True, TV & Radio | Comment

The Age of Mitigating Circumstances: Scotland decides not to shaft 75,000 children over exam results

Great news from Scotland. Having downgraded thousands of school exam results – for exams pupils trained to take for years and were then banned from taking – the Scottish government … (read more)

Posted: 11th, August 2020 | In: News | Comment

Summer and indoors sunglasses to keep the sun and people at the right distance

Sunglasses should only be worn indoors by professional gamblers, prisoners, Jack Nicholson, Z-listers who wants to be noticed, hungover international cricketers and anyone who understands the risk of being mistaken … (read more)

Posted: 11th, August 2020 | In: Online-PR, The Consumer | Comment

Beyond Parody; Independent fooled by Toby Young’s spoof Covid-19 ‘dating site’

In the drive to divide the population into the knowing and the stupid (surely deplorables and non-deplorables – ed), the Indy declares: “There’s now a dating site for ‘lockdown sceptic’.” … (read more)

Posted: 11th, August 2020 | In: News | Comment

BBC Breakfast turns migrants Channel crossing into a would-be snuff movie

Where were you when the BBC was on a boat in the English Channel watching migrants trying to stop their rubber dingy from sinking? You might have seen the BBC’s … (read more)

Posted: 11th, August 2020 | In: Key Posts, News, TV & Radio | Comment

Transfer Balls: Jadon Shancho to Manchester United for £50m, £108m and a moving weekly wage

Jadon Sancho will not join Manchester United this summer, says the BBC. He will remain a Borussia Dortmund player. The German club’s sporting director Michael Zorc tells everyone: “We plan … (read more)

Posted: 10th, August 2020 | In: manchester united, News, Sports | Comment

Dawn Butler: Labour MP complains about racial profiling; Jews forced out of Labour nod

Labour MP Dawn butler says racial profiling led to police stopping a car she was travelling in. The MP for Brent Central recorded the incident in Hackney, east London. She … (read more)

Posted: 10th, August 2020 | In: News, Politicians | Comment

Transfer balls: Coutinho agrees to join Arsenal who don’t want him; Higuain set for debut

You know the routine by now, of course. The newspapers report that a A-list player (Reus / Benzema / Zaha) is on his way to Arsenal for a huge fee. … (read more)

Posted: 9th, August 2020 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports | Comment

Eric Joyce is guilty: not all Labour or Tory MPs are

Can you make political capital out of former Labour MP Eric Joyce being given a suspended sentence after admitting to making an indecent image of a child? The 59-year-old for … (read more)

Posted: 8th, August 2020 | In: News, Politicians | Comment

Transfer balls: Jorginho to quit Chelsea; Lampard wants Rice; West Ham seek £60m; Arsenal sign Willian

It’s transfer season and Chelsea midfielder Jorginho wants to be with people who love him. “Everyone knows there is a very strong rapport between [Juventus manager Maurizio] Sarri and Jorginho after five years … (read more)

Posted: 7th, August 2020 | In: Back pages, Sports | Comment

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