Anorak - Author Archive

Spurs Balls: Eric Dier gets man managed through a poo

When Eric Died dashed from the pitch during Spurs Carabao Cup match with Chelsea, his manger, Jose Mourinho, was in hot pursuit. Dier needed the toilet.

The Standard’s James Olley … (read more)

Posted: 30th, September 2020 | In: Sports, Spurs | Comment


Octogenarian pizza delivery driver Derlin Newry is coining it in

Derlin Newey works a 30-hour week as a pizza delivery man in Utah. He’s 89. The Valdez family recored Newey delivering their pizzas and loaded the interactions on TikTok. A fanbase … (read more)

Posted: 30th, September 2020 | In: Money, News | Comment


Luxury holiday company promotes Auschwitz death camp as part of Christmas ‘escape’ package

The marketing blurb for Inspired Luxury Escapes is tempting: book your “escape” to Krakow. There’s booze, sausages and the world’s No.1 Nazi death camp:

As the Christmas period approaches, Krakow transforms … (read more)

Posted: 30th, September 2020 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment


Madeleine McCann: no body of evidence against Christian Brueckner

“German police ‘don’t need Madeleine McCann’s body to prove suspect murdered her’,” declares the Mirror. The more depraved killers, often take their victims’ whereabouts to the pit. Ian Brady and … (read more)

Posted: 28th, September 2020 | In: Madeleine McCann, News, Tabloids | Comment


Christmas Gifts: 26 Erotic Stickers from Joseph Apoux’s Alphabet Pornographique

Hold the satsuma. Stocking fillers come no fruitier than this collection of stickers featuring all 26 letters of Joseph Apoux’s Erotic Alphabet of 1880. A single print of the French … (read more)

Posted: 25th, September 2020 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


Scottish government bans students from going home for Christmas – handing parents your dirty washing is a crime

Looks like you kids are stuck with that mouldering bag of filthy clothes and sheets for longer, maybe until it be comes an ambulatory life form and sickened by its … (read more)

Posted: 24th, September 2020 | In: News | Comment


Scottish government bans students from going home for Christmas

Looks like you kids are stuck with that mouldering bag of filthy clothes and sheets. Matt Hancock, the enfeebled health secretary, is chewing over the idea of banning students from … (read more)

Posted: 24th, September 2020 | In: Key Posts, News | Comment


West Ham United manager Moyes and players test positive for Covid-19 – must isolate – Arsenal worry

West Ham United manager David Moyes and players Issa Diop and Josh Cullen have tested positive for Covid-19. All were banned from playing in West Ham’s Carabao Cup tie against … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, September 2020 | In: Sports | Comment


Covid-19 curfew and lockdown: Government Vultures are controlling our lives

The Government is controlling things it should be controlling. Why is your loved one’s funeral, a wedding or birthday party any of their business? Are you forming the opinion that … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, September 2020 | In: Key Posts, News, Politicians | Comment


Russell Brand and his dog introduce apricots and cinnamon to the working man

You don’t need to like Russell Brand to see that he’s rather good at what he does. And what he does well is media with a lot of ‘me’. It’s … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, September 2020 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Madeleine McCann: Christian Brueckner is innocent because circumstantial evidence is not enough

Christian Brueckner is innocent of any involvement in the vanishing of Madeleine McCann. If you doubt that statement is true, prove that it isn’t. That’s the challenge facing German prosecutors … (read more)

Posted: 21st, September 2020 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, News, Tabloids | Comment


Spurs sign Gareth Bale for £13m but Dele Alli ruins Mourinho’s jigsaw

“Gareth Bale completed his emotional return to Tottenham on Wednesday night in a move that was driven by Jose Mourinho.” So declares the Daily Mail in a story that in the Express is reduced … (read more)

Posted: 17th, September 2020 | In: Back pages, Sports, Spurs, Tabloids | Comment


Transfer balls: Bale to Spurs because Jose Mourinho failed to get him at Manchester United and Real Madrid

Who made the call that 31-year-old Gareth Bale should go back and play for Spurs? His agent, Jonathan Barnett, who tells the BBC: “Gareth is closer to leaving Madrid than … (read more)

Posted: 16th, September 2020 | In: Back pages, Sports, Spurs | Comment


Madeleine McCann: Christian Brueckner for hire, puppies and imaginary babysitting

Last week Sky News presented an exclusive news feature on Madeleine McCann and the man German police suspect of kidnapping and murdering her, the convicted paedophile and rapist Christian Brueckner, … (read more)

Posted: 16th, September 2020 | In: Madeleine McCann, News, Tabloids | Comment


Every letter of the Victorian Erotic Alphabet is now available as a print

Stuck for a housewarming gift, anniversary pressie or something to put in the downstairs loo to entertain the guests? Don’t be. You can buy Jospeh Apoux’s fabulous Erotic Alphabet of … (read more)

Posted: 15th, September 2020 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


Transfer balls: When Spurs signed Jack Grealish

Jack Grealish has signed a new five-year contract to remain at Aston Villa. That should come as something of a shock to Spurs fans who get there news from … (read more)

Posted: 15th, September 2020 | In: Back pages, Sports, Spurs | Comment


Chinese won’t buy Jo Malone candles from John Boyega – Star Wars actor censored in ‘racist’ China

Do Chinese people living in China not buy scented candles from black people, like the actor John Boyega? The London-born star has resigned his role as “global ambassador” for scented … (read more)

Posted: 15th, September 2020 | In: Celebrities, News | Comment


Hitler advertisers heaters in Taiwan : ‘Declare war on a Cold Front’

When you think of Germany, which personalities come to mind? Which individual makes you think of Germany? In 1999, for people in Taiwan it was Adolph Hitler. DBK, based in the … (read more)

Posted: 14th, September 2020 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Emma Barnett – interrogating the sins of the father

Emma Barnett is the new presenter of Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour. She’s a terrific interviewer, possessed of that that rare knack of coming over as warm and intelligent whilst her … (read more)

Posted: 14th, September 2020 | In: News | Comment


The topless Extinction Rebellion protest – photo

Go topless to prevent the extinction of all life on Earth. The Extinction Rebellion protesters did it because something “Can’t Bare the truth”. That’s a pun. But it’s not quite … (read more)

Posted: 12th, September 2020 | In: News | Comment


Shere Hite explains the female orgasm and how to have one – no s.hite

The Times obituary on Shere Hite (nee Shirley Diana Gregory; November 2, 1942 – September 9, 2020) looks at the career of the “controversial sexologist and feminist who shed new … (read more)

Posted: 12th, September 2020 | In: News | Comment


Operation Moonshot: Matt Hancock is wrong about his own Covid-19 tests

Health Secretary Matt Hancock is talking rubbish when he says it’s “inappropriate” for people in England to seek a free Government Covid-19 tests when they don’t have any symptoms. The … (read more)

Posted: 10th, September 2020 | In: News, Politicians | Comment


FUCK 2020 – see out a terrible year with these fantastic T-shirts

Say ‘FUCK 2020’ with these great T-shirts from the always brilliant Flashbak. There are also cards and a great Tote bag featuring Santa Claus with a Handgun by Will Crawford, … (read more)

Posted: 9th, September 2020 | In: Fashion, The Consumer | Comment


New Chelsea kit makes them look like Crystal Palace

Having splurged £230m on lots of new players, Chelsea have a new shirt for fans to pull on and dress like their heroes. It’s a “new legacy,” guffs the marketing … (read more)

Posted: 7th, September 2020 | In: Chelsea, Sports | Comment


Akaal Channel 770 has the world’s best Green Screen

On the Akaal Channel – 770 on your Sky Remote – the Breakfast Show features a truly excellent green screen. No room for the Empire State Building but we think … (read more)

Posted: 7th, September 2020 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


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