Anorak

Paul Sorene | Anorak - Part 8

Paul Sorene - Author Archive

Martial Phwoar! Manchester United striker in Paris sex scoop

Anorak was looking for the headline ‘Martial Phwoar’, but instead has to make do with the Star’s “exclusive” that Manchester United forward Anthony Martial is a “Cheapskate”.

The paper alleges … (read more)

Posted: 10th, February 2019 | In: Key Posts, manchester united, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester United balls: David de Gea wants £500,000-a-week; or less

The Mail says De Gea is off to PSG

Manchester United goalkeeper David de Gea, 28, is “insisting” (BBC) the club pay him £350,000-a-week if they want him to sign a new … (read more)

Posted: 10th, February 2019 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Gemma Collins seeks spiritual advice from Kerry Katona

Who better for Gemma Collins to turn to for spiritual advice than Kerry Katona, former Queen of ITV’s I’m A Celebrity jungle and long billed in the tabloid press as … (read more)

Posted: 10th, February 2019 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, News, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment


Liverpool balls: Mane offside for ‘lovely goal’; Howe wants VAR; Bournemouth and West Ham robbed

Sadio Mane was “offside” (BBC) when he opened the scoring in Liverpool’s 3-0 win at Bournemouth. Mane has scored in four successive Premier League games for the first time in … (read more)

Posted: 9th, February 2019 | In: Back pages, Key Posts, Liverpool, Sports | Comment


Sir Philip Green allegedly paid woman £1m for kissing and groping her

The injunctions are dead. Sir Philip Green wanted the law to prevent the Daily Telegraph from revealing details of alleged sexual and racial abuse against him. Today the paper leads with … (read more)

Posted: 9th, February 2019 | In: Broadsheets, Key Posts, News | Comment


Labour’s little problem with Luciana Berger

Chuka Umunna says the Labour Party is “institutionally racist”. Too many of its fans are Jew haters and Jew baiters. Umunna is an erudite, cosmopolitan bloke. He hasn’t left Labour, … (read more)

Posted: 8th, February 2019 | In: News, Politicians | Comment


Jeff Bezos dick photos and Trump’s Pecker

PSST! Wanna see what Jeff Bezos’s penis looks like? American Media Inc. (AMI), the National Enquirer’s parent company, thinks you might. Mr Bezos, who owns Amazon and the Washington Post, isn’t keen on you … (read more)

Posted: 8th, February 2019 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, National Enquirer, News, Politicians | Comment


Walmart sells Hitler pillows

Who wants to buy a pillow bearing the image of Hitler’s face and a swastika? People of Walmart do. The Fresno Bee:

When the Very Rev. Ryan Newman bought the pillow on … (read more)

Posted: 8th, February 2019 | In: Key Posts, News, The Consumer | Comment


Manchester City balls: Spurs win by losing but Pep’s pots count for nought

Stan Collymore’s Daily Mirror column continues to demand that we light the torches and march on Pep Guardiola’s Manchester City. Trouble is that the glare from those burning fires has … (read more)

Posted: 7th, February 2019 | In: Back pages, Manchester City, Sports, Spurs, Tabloids | Comment


Brexit: Guardian absolves Labour MPs who backed Brexit and EU wonk Donald Tusk sent to Hell

When Donald Tusk, president of the European council, sent Brexiteers and Leave voters to a “special place in hell”, the Guardian knew who he was talking about: Tories. In a … (read more)

Posted: 7th, February 2019 | In: News, Politicians | Comment


Rolf Harris is alive and coming to a school near you

Convicted child abuser Rolf Harris is alive. Who knew? This week the man once famous for asking kids “Can you tell what it is yet?” as he panted his way … (read more)

Posted: 7th, February 2019 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, News, Tabloids | Comment


See you in Hell, Donald Tusk

Dante and Virgil escape from Hell, from a 15th century manuscript of the Inferno

European Council President Donald Tusk says there is a “special place in Hell” for “those who promoted … (read more)

Posted: 6th, February 2019 | In: Key Posts, News, Politicians | Comment


Chelsea balls: Willian off; Hazard decides; Luiz on a free; and a transfer ban

Sports writing highlights in the London Evening Standard, which brings news of Chelsea FC’s Willian. On Page 57, we read a story continued from the “back page”. But the back … (read more)

Posted: 5th, February 2019 | In: Back pages, Chelsea, Sports | Comment


Scum: Liam Neeson uses rape and racism to promote a movie

Actor Liam Neeson reacted to the rape of a friend by asking her what colour skin the perpetrator had. Funny question, no? He then armed himself with a cosh and … (read more)

Posted: 5th, February 2019 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, News | Comment


Manchester United to double Rashford’s wages

How much is Marcus Rashford worth to Manchester United? Talk is of Real Madrid testing the water with a £100m bid for the striker. United pay Rashford around £75,000-a-week. They … (read more)

Posted: 5th, February 2019 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment


Arsenal balls: Emery’s transfer budget

Arsenal have a strange squad of players, a composite blend of the over-paid, over-hyped and under-performing. But worry not. New blood is on the way. The Sun says Arsenal are … (read more)

Posted: 5th, February 2019 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, News, Sports | Comment


Love Island winner Jack Fincham: being famous gets you drugs and booze

Jack Fincham, winner of TV’s Love Island, and Mr Dani Dayer, wants to talk about “My coke shame”. But before the shame, the sympathetic back story. The Sun, which leads … (read more)

Posted: 5th, February 2019 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, News, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment


Arsenal Balls: 4 years since last away win over Big 6 team; greedy Stan Kroenke to blame; Emery needs 10 new players

Stan Kroenke – the man with one plan: milk the club and, er, that’s it

It is now four years and 21 matches since Arsenal last won away from … (read more)

Posted: 4th, February 2019 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Key Posts, Sports | Comment


Historic sex abuse: 33 men arrested in Yorkshire on the word of one woman

In Yorkshire, 33 men have been arrested over claims they were involved in child sex abuse. The men, aged from 30 to 40, were arrested in Calderdale, Kirklees and Bradford … (read more)

Posted: 4th, February 2019 | In: Key Posts, News | Comment


Media Balls: Arenal robbed; Aguero cheats; Manchester City go full bizarro world

An arse and his elbow

Handball it was, then. The third goal scored by Sergio Aguero as his Manchester City beat Arsenal 3-1 in the Premier League went in off his … (read more)

Posted: 4th, February 2019 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Manchester City, Sports | Comment


Maltipoo proves Ant McPartlin is not a shit

The Sun doesn’t bother to hire a dog whisperer to translate what the pair of Mulitpoo dogs hooked in Ant McPartlin’s paws think of their new ‘owner’. But we do … (read more)

Posted: 4th, February 2019 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, News, Tabloids | Comment


The Pool RIP: people will pay for what they enjoy reading

Claire Woodward looks at the end of The Pool, the website for women by women that ran up crippling costs in quick time. Harking back to the era when magazines … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, February 2019 | In: Money, News | Comment


Rapper Murs breaks it down: ‘Beastie Boys is the Greatest Hip Hop Group of All Time’

I saw the Beastie Boys play live. They were fabulous.

Rapper MURS considers The Beastie Boys to be the greatest hip hop group of all time.

Do I think the Beastie Boys are the best? … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, February 2019 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comment


Ban mobile phones from schools and Parliament

You can read the Times’s story on calls to ban mobile phones in school – but only for the kids, natch. – and not have the foggiest idea why you’re … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, February 2019 | In: Key Posts, News, Politicians | Comment


Teacher plays sex worker’s advice at GCSE revision talk

Does Harris school need a rebranding?

To the Harris Purley Academy in Croydon, where the parents have come to lean about GCSEs. At the back of the hall ‘Sir’ presses play on … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, February 2019 | In: News | Comment