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About The Houses

More on that later. For now the papers are full of the news that after fighting to keep his grace-and-favour mansion in the May Cabinet reshuffle, Prescott has relinquished his … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, June 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Parking Mad

For the truly hardy, there is the Olympian sport of travelling on public transport, encompassing fencing (umbrella used to lead the charge onboard an overcrowded Tube train – it’s Agincourt … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, June 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

The Royal Robot

Having already staged the kidnapping of David Beckham for a TV show, we wonder if Ferdinand has just played another of his hilarious tricks on the future king, perhaps turning … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Mile High Club

And so we enter the world of Peter Doherty. The pop f***wit is on the Mirror’s front page after his exploits aboard an easyJet flight.

Pete and his Babyshambles band … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Poles Apart

It is only in the interests of reporting and context that the Times is forced to mention that line, as delivered by Basil Fawlty to a table of German tourists. … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment

Half Baked

Elaine – “It’s nonsensical” – had made a Madeira cake with the best natural ingredients: flour, butter, sugar, eggs and lemon rind.

“My cakes are perfectly healthy, baked with the … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Baps Yer Lot

Our loyal and passionate England supporter only lets up in his invective when he bites down on his gigantic burger. He then continues to rile and goad the lads, spraying … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

God Save Us

How cruel it is that the birth of her first child should coincide with the messianic arrival of Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt. Geri has every right to be disappointed. Who needs … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Working Party

I can’t. It’s raining.”

“I can’t. I just bought a computer. Can you show me how to use it?”

“I can’t. I’m waiting for the FBI to call.

“I can’t. … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, June 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Football Balls

She is standing on a dance floor with an arm in the air. She is either a) dancing; b) hailing a taxi; c) calling for a waiter to explain why … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, June 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Ace Ventura – Pete Detective

As Nikki put it, the house is full of “amniosity”.

Perhaps it’s the fact that so many of the wannabes have waited so long to get this chance at fame that … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, June 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment

The Rat’s Back

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Darren Day is back. And he does appear to have been away, because he arrives in Hello! wearing a tan that can best be described as … (read more)

Posted: 1st, June 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

A Perfect Match

You’d think sportsmen and women compete for enough awards already, what with the various cups, plates and trophies up for grabs, but if a sponsor demands it they can always … (read more)

Posted: 1st, June 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Dawn Nose

Dawn Blake entered the house a tallish woman with an ambition to win £100,000 and a kind of fame. She left the house still tall and with a reputation for … (read more)

Posted: 1st, June 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Grade As All Round

Presumably, the data will be punched into a computer and the results listed in league tables. At a glance, parents will be able to see which schools have the most … (read more)

Posted: 31st, May 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Toff Love

He came. He sat. He ruminated. George has gone.

And with George goes any chance we have of hearing some gossip about Prince Harry, with whom he went to school, … (read more)

Posted: 31st, May 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Eat Me

That’s the promise on OK!’s index page, and not wishing to be prudish we prepare to tuck into the desperate blonde of last season’s Big Brother.

And as we turn … (read more)

Posted: 30th, May 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Family Values

You would call him a Nazi, a little Hitler, a traffic warden. You would bang on about the Town Hall Taliban and threaten to call Esther Rantzen or worse, if … (read more)

Posted: 30th, May 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

She Does

For those of you not aware of her work, Linsey is a talent who has performed in such movies as On Location in Fantasy Island, Ben Dover Does the Boob … (read more)

Posted: 30th, May 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Soap Opera

Big Brother is not a soap opera. If only it were, the actors could be easily replaced.

Dawn Blake would go into an upstairs room to do her homework in the … (read more)

Posted: 30th, May 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Teenage Kicks

Why have we been cursed with a mind that conjures up such ungodly images?

And why does the living waxwork that is David Get know about Jackson’s love life?

The … (read more)

Posted: 29th, May 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Hallelujah!

For those of you who can’t be there, pictures of the event are to be handled by the San bushmen, who plan a series of exclusive rock paintings.

Silence reigns. … (read more)

Posted: 29th, May 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Yes, We Have No Bananas

Here is a selection of things that will kill you and yours from last week’s paper of doom…

MONDAY

“Cut-price tummy tick that nearly killed me” – Kelly Hodge tells … (read more)

Posted: 29th, May 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Blame The Parents

Georgy Porgy has yet to kiss any of the girls. He has also yet to make any of them cry. Nikki has wailed a bit, but then Nikki’s life is … (read more)

Posted: 29th, May 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment

A Meaty Role

Jade is to embark on a movie career. And from France, Jade was telling us about her debut acting role in the film version of Catherine Tate’s TV show.

It … (read more)

Posted: 28th, May 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

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