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Princess Diana’s Stolen Photos?

PRINCESS Diana is smiling.

Today, Diana is wearing a black gown, pearl and sapphire choker, pearl drop earrings and a smile.

It is good to know that with in the maelstrom of … (read more)

Posted: 11th, June 2007 | In: Royal Family | Comments (12)


Big Brother Laura Williams’ Dead And Alive Hole

OFFICE Worker Dan Lever wants the world to know that he has had sex with Big Brother’s Laura Williams.

“Lusty Laura”, as the Sun dubs her, is “DEAD HORNY”. As Dan … (read more)

Posted: 11th, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)


Madeleine McCann And Amaral Policing

MADELEINE McCann is missing and the Mail has news.

No, not of the girl. No news of her. The Mail looks instead at Goncalo Amaral, billed as the officer leading the … (read more)

Posted: 11th, June 2007 | In: Madeleine McCann | Comments (30)


Sizing Up Emily Parr

THE monstering of Big Brother’s Emily Parr continues in the Sun.

In “EM’S FAT RAP”, the Sun hears from Nicola Jordan. She met Emily at a pub in Southport, Merseyside, last … (read more)

Posted: 11th, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)


Big Brother Chanelle And Shabnam Get It On

CONCERNS aplenty when Big Brother turned the house over to women.

Getting so many women together on one room ensured a party, but of what sort – Hen, Tea or Tupperware?

But … (read more)

Posted: 11th, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Manchester United Ticket Prices Rise 44%

MANCHESTER United are to celebrate their Premiership success by raising ticket prices by 13 per cent in a move which has angered the Old Trafford faithful.

With a number of clubs … (read more)

Posted: 11th, June 2007 | In: Back pages | Comments (3)


Big Brother Tracey Barnard’s Lippy Service

“THIS is Tracey the raver as you’ve never seen her before – wearing make-up,” says the Mirror in its Big Brother review.

Only we have. Last week the housemates painted Tracey’s … (read more)

Posted: 11th, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)


Big Brother: Name Seany And Gerry’s Double Act

SEANY and Gerry are being contrived into a double act.

Last season, we had Michael (gay) and Spiral (Irish). This time we have Gerry (Greek and gay-ish) and Seany (Irish and … (read more)

Posted: 10th, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Hillary Clinton’s Sneer

Quote: “Is it possible to be quoted yawning?” Philippe Reines, Hillary Clinton’s Senate spokesman, in the Washington Post.

Figure of Speech: mycterismus (mik-ter-IS-mus), the sneer. From the Greek, meaning … (read more)

Posted: 10th, June 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


George Bush Is Going: Colin Powell Says Close Guantanamo

GEORGE Bush is nearing the end of his trenure as leader of the Free World.

He’ll be thinking about his legacy. He may bomb France.

And his minions current and former are … (read more)

Posted: 10th, June 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


The Thought Police: Inner Racism Test For Job Seekers

DIZZY writes:

Oh dear, if this report is correct, the Thought Police really are here. Apparently a new system that is designed to identify sub-conscious racism may be introduced for applicants … (read more)

Posted: 10th, June 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Thought Police Take UK Driving Tests

THEY want to check your brains. They want to stop the crime before it happens:
Psychological assessments should become part of the UK driving test, a road safety expert has urged.

Robert … (read more)

Posted: 10th, June 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)


Please Sir: Make Employees Pay For Staff English Lessons

ANYONE want to hire a pregnant , non-English speaking worker? And pay for her to learn English? It will help the immigrants feel welcome. Yeah, really…
Employers will be told to … (read more)

Posted: 10th, June 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Why Paris Hilton Was Released

HERE’S the latest theory:
My friend’s brother (who works with [Sheriff Lee] Baca’s assistant sheriffs) told me that Paris was released due to a severe, “stress-induced” herpes … (read more)

Posted: 10th, June 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Madeleine McCann: The Spanish Prisoner

PAULO Reis writes from Portugal on Madeleine McCann and the Spanish hoax:
Antonio Toscano, the alleged “investigative journalist” who claimed to know the name of Madeleine’s abductor is an hoaxer who … (read more)

Posted: 10th, June 2007 | In: Reviews | Comments (26)


Big Brother Betting update: Ziggy In Favour; Tracey Could ‘Ave It

ZIGGY’S price has shortened to 9.8 which makes him the new favourite as Gerry’s price has drifted to 10.

Tracey’s price continues to drop and you can currently back the ‘crazy … (read more)

Posted: 10th, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Madeleine McCann: Gerry and Kate Have Had Enough

SAYS Madeleine McCann’s father Gerry: “In the first few weeks when I slipped into dark moments of despair I was finding it quite easy to emotionally switch a light back … (read more)

Posted: 10th, June 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (32)


Big Brother’s Grass-Mates: Telling Tales On Chanelle

ONE benefit of younger Big Brother housemates is that former schoolmates are in ready supply. (Pic: Craig Fleming)

The wounds of stolen boyfriends, pushing in the dinner queue and spiteful laughter … (read more)

Posted: 10th, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)


Big Brother’s Chanelle Hayes Is Carved Up

CHANELLE Hayes is making headlines.

The People delivers the news on the Big Brother agonist in a crescendo of headboard-banging grunts:

“BB girl swore she’d never cheat”
“She has humiliated me on TV”
“I’ll … (read more)

Posted: 10th, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)


Is Paris Hilton Afraid Of Small Spaces?

A FRIEND of Hilton’s says:
“It’s not surprising to me that she was melting down because she was cooped up in a tiny cell 23 hours a day. When I heard … (read more)

Posted: 9th, June 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


If Janice Dickinson Was On Big Brother…

THe self-proclaimed first American supermodel seems to be auditioning for celebrity Big Brother. On reality TV, says the middle-aged tailor’s dummy: “I’d fuck Simon Cowell in a heartbeat. And I … (read more)

Posted: 9th, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Big Brother Gay Or Not A Gay: Seány, Ziggy And Gerry?

“I COULD be gay; I could be straight; I could be bi. I’m just Seány.” Says Seány.

The bloated Mick Hucknall is gay.

Says: “You’re the most straight gay I’ve ever met.”

Ziggy … (read more)

Posted: 9th, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)


Church of England Threatens Resistance: Fall of Man

FROM Bob in the Anorak Forums: (The story is here)

I see the Bishop of Manchester has lifted his cassock into a twist over some fantasy alien “shoot em up” game … (read more)

Posted: 9th, June 2007 | In: Reviews | Comments (9)


Dutch Ban Smoking In Amsterdam Cannabis Cafes

I WAS heard an American toursits go up to a copper at Amsterdam airport and ask where the weed shop was becsue he wanted a smoke. Soon he’ll need a … (read more)

Posted: 9th, June 2007 | In: Reviews | Comments (40)


‘Worrisome’ George Bush Meets ‘Sir’ Pope

GEORGE Bush is with the Pope. Let us pray:
ROME (AP) – President Bush, deeply unpopular here and met by boisterous protests, sought to impress Pope Benedict XVI and the Italian … (read more)

Posted: 9th, June 2007 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)