National Enquirer

National Enquirer Category

The National Enquirer’s weekly look at life in the Hollywood Hills, with zip-on hair, inflatable breasts and someone else’s spouse

Britney Spears In Training For K-Ferret’s Baby

kevin.jpg“BRITNEY TO HAVE KEVIN’S BABY,” announces the National Enquirer.

While Anorak’s go ahead knitting department sets about create a frappuccino warmer, an “insider” tells us that Britney “has always wanted kids” and “she’d like all her children to have the same dad.”

Unless Prince William steps forward, that’s a mating call for Kevin Federline.

“That’s why she’s been on such good behaviour,” continues our woman with a turkey baster. “She’s trying to show Kevin she’s healthy enough to be a new mom again.”

Can it be that K-Ferret only mates with women who can run a five minute mile to the pharmacists before closing time, bench press a rack of ribs (with both kinds of sauce) or inhale a cigarette in one drag while playing the Flight of The Bumblebee on their nostril comb?

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Posted: 17th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (4)

Angelina Jolie’s Perfect Ten Kids

jolie-orphans.png“10 KIDS FOR ANGIE!” announces the Enquirer on its front-page births, marriages and deaths section.

There’s a picture of Angelina Jolie, for it is she, dressed in an olive green toga-style dress, a hand pushed out and relaxed on her bump.

Using the magick of biro, Anorak’s graphic wizards draw embryos on Angelina’s tum-tum and discovers that if all ten are shaped like concentric circles, one baby inside another, there IS room for ten nippers in Jolie’s womb.

Further reading and we learn that the ten children are not within the greater Jolie but scattered across the world.

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Posted: 29th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (4)

Enjoy The Best Sex Ever With Jennifer Aniston

jen-aniston.jpgJENNIFER Aniston is having the “BEST SEX EVER”.

She might be having the/her best sex ever right now, and readers of the National Enquirer’s front-page news may care to pause before turning the page.

In readiness for more insights, Anorak zips through our collection of celebrity sex videos, and after a scene involving Margaret Rutherford, Bobby Charlton and Lord Charles we are ready to look on.

Over two pages we are met by the sight of Aniston and pop singer John Mayer taking in the sun. It’s hard to see any frotting, let alone full coitus, and the effect is not unlike watching giant pandas in the zoo. You wait for the Hollywood gene pool to expand, but nothing.

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Posted: 20th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (2)

That Kevin Federline Britney Spears Phone Sex Tape

britney_spears-phone-sex.jpgGOOD news for the hard of seeing as Britney Spears engages in phone sex with her former husband Mr Kevin Federline, aka K-Ferret.

The Enquirer reports of “titillating chatter, phone calls and Britney’s “soft spot for sex”.

And K-Federline is quite the phone sex stud, being what one source calls “long-winded”. He can “go on forever”.

K-Ferret is a regular orator with call minutes to burn a phone plan that demands action.

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Posted: 13th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (3)

Angelina Jolie’s Mobile Hospital And Princess And Pauper Twins

jolie-twins.pngTHE grim news in the National Enquirer is that Angelina Jolie has “suffered a shocking FALL!”

The still worse news is found on the cover of Grazia, and it is that Angelina’s new “baby” is worth £4million. What fears that the child will struggle to feed and clothe itself high in the Hollywood Hills?

Dealing with each shock in turn, the Enquirer can confirm that Angelina fell over in a room and was left “tearful, weak and panic-stricken” (see A Mighty Heart).

As luck would have it, the medical team that accompany Angelina (a doctor and nurse expert in giant panda reproduction and celebrity births) made sure the babies were alright.

Both embryonic girls are said to be fine, but Grazia says only one of them is worth £4million, so invoking a princess and the pauper scenario that should have all the planet gripped.

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Posted: 13th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Grazia, National Enquirer | Comments (5)

Tom Cruise To Gold Base: A New Website And A New Katie Holmes

scientology-handbook.jpgTO celebrate Tom Cruise’s 25 years since his big break in Risky Business, Anorak has been reenacting Tom’s best scenes. And Tom has a new website.

Today’s we’ve been using the actual Airfix fighter jet Tom sat in for those Top Gun action sequences, and some of the toy soldiers and play-dough figures that were also used in the original.

Goose was sadly sat upon by one of the accounts team, and now doubles as Tom’s wheelchair in Born On The Fourth Of July.

Today Tom’s in the National Enquirer, on account of his wife’s stint at Gold Base, the Scientology rewiring centre in Hemet, California.

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Posted: 7th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (10)

Hillary Clinton’s ‘Lesbian Scandal’

hillary-clinton-lesbian.jpgWANT to know “all the shocking details” about Hillary Clinton’s “LESBIAN SCANDAL”?

The Enquirer has all the details.

The race for the Democratic nomination to be US President is tuning into a minority issue. On the one side is black, mixed-race, Christian, Muslim, elitist, one-legged, part Cherokee Barack Obama and on the other is mum, wife, cuckold, trouser-suit wearer, mountaineer fan, sniper-dodging, nut crushing, shot-putting lactose intolerant Hillary Clinton.

We are only upset that the one-eyed black Jew Sammy Davis Junior did not long enough to see such a show.

But what of the lesbian scandal?

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Posted: 29th, April 2008 | In: National Enquirer | Comments (9)

More Celebrity Suicides With Pete Wentz And Heather Locklear

pete-wentz-and-perez.jpgMORE on the celebrity suicide cult, with today’s guest stars Heather Locklear and Pete Wentz.

The Enquirer reports on Locklear “SUICIDE TERROR”, which on further reading becomes “HEATHER LOCKLEAR SUICIDE RIDDLE”.

The Enquirer quotes – which is a bit like Paul Burrell quoting Heather Mills. It hears a call to the emergency services. The call is from Locklear’s residence, or near her home, or near a home.

A voice on the line says: “I have a patient, and I have a feeling she’s suicidal.” Locklear. It just has to be. But it isn’t. Although it could have been.

Just as Pete Wentz, an American pop star with a younger sister called Hillary has not died.

Says he: “I got in my car. I remember I was listening to Jeff Buckley doing Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” and sat there and took a bunch of [anxiety drug] Ativan in a Best Buy parking lot. And I called up my manager because I was, at that point, completely out of my head with Ativan. And I was talking to him and I was slurring my words, so he called my mom and my mom called me and she came and got me and we went to the hospital.”

Given the money at these star’s disposal, why don’t they end it all in Switzerland, a country with a liberal view on suicide? Indeed, Switzerland is a country that can engender suicidal thoughts in just about anyone, a bit like an American star’s agent…

Posted: 19th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comment (1)

Hulk Hogan Wrestles With His Mistress’s Baby

baby_hulk-hogan.jpg“HULK HOGAN LOVE CHILD SCANDAL,” screams the National Enquirer from its front page.

Hogan is the bald, neon fringed, varnished skinned, 6ft 5in, wrinkle-proof pro-wrestler-turned actor. You’d imagine that any child Hulk sired would be easy to spot.

It turns out that Christiane Plante, mistress to the Hulk, and his daughter Brooke’s “best pal”,  is not pregnant, but Hulk would like her to be.

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Posted: 12th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comment

Patrick Swayze Has Cancer


How exclusive is exclusive? Does Swayze know?

In a shocking world exclusive, The NATIONAL ENQUIRER has uncovered the devastating news that the beloved Hollywood actor and dancer was diagnosed in late January with pancreatic cancer that has spread to other organs.

If true, it’s grim news. If untrue, it’s grim news…

Posted: 5th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (13)

Jennifer Aniston Life In Films, Starring Aaron Eckheart

jennifer-aniston-traveling.jpgHER films may smell like the insides of Dustin the Turkey’s post-binge cage but they do enable Jennifer Aniston to meet men.

And what is Aniston’s career but a chance to meet men?

As the Enquirer reports, after three years Jennifer Aniston is “getting even with Brangelina”. This is “JEN’S PAYBACK!”.

Aniston is recording a new film with Aaron Eckhart. We learn that Jen and her actor friend are now “inseperable on and off set”.

Anorak readers will recall how Vince starred in The Break Up, a movie in which – irony of irnies – Jen met co-star Vince Vaughn and then – get this! – broke up with him.

Now she is recording a new rom-com film with Eckhart, traveling to Vancouver with him to record the film – whoaaa! – Traveling.

Dame Edna Everage would doubtless call this spooky. And we are tempted to adopt her phrasing. But let us not jinx this revenge romance, but allow it to take its natural course, to develop into a journey…

Posted: 26th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comment (1)

It’s Bleak For Jayden James And Sean Preston

kevin-federline-man-of-the-house.jpgKEVIN Federline’s mother is called Julie Bleak.

A cause for relief and much rejoicing at Anorak.

When Anorak began there were just five celebrities – Hardi Amies, Noel Edmonds, Noele Gordon, Princess Diana and Nookie Bear.

Now there number is many. We hung on for while but became confused around the time Danni Minogue rose to prominence, and began to fail with the arrival of pin-codes, passwords and Big Brother.

Good then to find names that say so much about their owners. Federline seems entirely suited to Mr Britney Spears who had, as was the popular gossip, fed Britney a line and won fair maiden.

Now it turns out he is a living saint. But Federline sticks.

Now in the National Enquirer story to illustrate the lives of Jayden James and Sean Preston, Britney’s and Federline’s sons, we hear of the nippers’ “constant nightmares” and Julie Bleak.

The name Bleak sticks. Anorak can add it to the list, between Barry Sheen and Buzby…

Posted: 12th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comment (1)

I Spy Cosmetic Surgey: Mariah Carey Special

mariah_carey.jpgIT costs $150,000 to looks like Mariah Carey.

And, very possibly, a whole lot more not to.

The Enquirer looks at the chartreuse and with the use of “arrows”, “guesswork” and the I Spy Cosmetic Surgery spotters’ book, notices a number of adaptations to the Carey original.

“Botox forehead and frown lines,” says an arrow aimed at Carey’s taught forehead.

(10 points, spotters!)

“Nose job,” says another arrow (15 points). “Fat-grafted cheeks, chemical peels and fillers,” (5, 9 and 10 points) says the arrow angled towards Carey’s face, and wardrobes.

There is a “second breast enlargement” (16 points, pair of); “lipo on upper and lower abs” (22 points); lipo on “outer and inner thighs” (15 points).

“Lipo on waist and hips” (32.3 points, recurring).

Tot the lot up and it is pretty clear that Dr Tony Youn, whose work with arrows and guessology we are observing, is on the money.

Anorak spys a big career for Dr Tony at the Enquirer. And a chance to win Anorak’s Celebrity Expert award – a statuette fashioned into a wet, raised finger…

Posted: 5th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (2)

Britney Spears, It’s Terminal

britney-spears.jpg“PSYCHO BRITNEY – THE END!

“BYE BYE BRIT,” says the Enquirer cheerily.

“As troubled pop tart is carted off to psycho ward, top doc says she is FINISHED”.

Britney Spears is “burned-out”.

It’s a “flame out”.

“The Britney we know is over.”

The end, death, finale and (looks at thesaurus), departure of Britney Spears continues for three pages, and very possibly in next week’s issue…

The end.

Posted: 5th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (6)

Angelina Jolie Test Tube Travels

baskin_icecream.jpg“ANGIE Test Tube TWINS!”

A look through the Geographical Institute and John Bartholomew’s 1953 tome ‘Regional Atlas of the World’ finds no mention of Test Tube, in any variant.

Is Angelina Jolie branching out to pastures unknown in her quest for new children? Is her pregnancy journey a voyage of discovery, literally?

Reading on in the National Enquirer, we discover that the twins were not conceived in the town of Test, Tube, nor Test Tube, rather in a laboratory.

In a land far, far away…


Posted: 5th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comment

Kevin Federline’s Hell ‘N’ Tell Britney Book

britney-spears.jpgIT’S Kevin Federline’s Hell ‘n’ Tell, the moment K-Ferret spills the beans on his marriage to Britney Spears.

The National Enquirer says Federline will get $10million to tell the world all about those bits of Britney’s life that they don’t already know.

The magazine hears “insiders” says the tome will contain anecdotes on sex and violent outbursts. Says a source: “He’s been writing things down for a long time about his tempestuous time with Britney.”

So too has the National Enquirer. And OK!. And heat. And the Sun. And the News of the World, the Mail, the Mirror, People, Perez Hilton, Hello!, Star, Varicose Veins Today, Darning Now! and the Waitrose Food magazine.

We can expect a slew of book on Britney unseen. Here’s a taster of things to come:

Briney’s Rehab Days: Be Well ‘n’ Tell

Britney’s Holiday Sheets: Motel ‘n’ Tell

Britney’s Swimming Strokes: Swell ‘n’ Tell

Britney’s Staff: Personnel ‘n’ Tell

And many, many more…

Picture: 14 

Posted: 22nd, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (2)

Angelina Jolie Guns For Britney’s Nippers

angelina-jolie.jpg“ANGIE’S TWISTED HUNGER FOR VIOLENCE,” announces the National Enquirer’s cover page.

There’ a picture of Angelina Jolie brandishing a gun. She’s aiming at the Enquirer’s readers. And this below the headline “BRITNEY’S DEAD”.

Surely Angelina can find other children to adopt and can leave Sean Preston and Jayden James alone? “What will happen to Britney’s boys?” wonders the Enquirer. Both are white and blonde. And Jolie already has a big one and a small one of those.

Chances are they will have to remain with their father, Kevin Federline, or else we should hope Britney lives on.

Which brings us to Angelina and her gun…

Posted: 15th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (2)

Britney Spears Dies On July 21

methbrit.jpg“BRITNEY DEAD IN 6 MONTHS!” announces the Enquirer.

Anyone wishing to buy tickets for Britney Spears’ tour in August would do well to save their money, or spend it on some Britney goods which will, after her demise, be worth something more.

The predictive Enquirer is dated January 21, which means Britney will die on July 21, 2008.

Perhaps Britney should be told, so as to put her affairs in order?

As for the date, is it auspicious? Channel 4 has yet to produce 100 Best July 21 Moments, the results of a popular survey, but if it does it will include:

1403 – Battle of Shrewsbury: King Henry IV of England defeats rebels to the north of the county town of Shropshire

1969 – Neil A. Armstrong and Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin become the first men to walk on the Moon

2005 – Four terrorist bombings, occurring exactly two weeks after the similar July 7 bombings, target London’s public transportation system

Events by date make unusual bedfellow, and added to the list will be the death of Britney Spears death. Perhaps Buzz Aldrin could comment on it?

Of course, Britney may not die, which could make the date no less memorable to the Enquirer which will publish “SHE’S ALIVE!” across its front pages and the news that Britney has comeback from the dead….

Pic: 14

Posted: 15th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (9)

Bounty Bar: National Enquirer Overlooks Dog The Bounty Hunter

dog-hunter.jpgTHE National Enquirer “Scandals of 2007” finds no space for Duane ‘Dog’ Chapman, known to tens of satellite TV viewers as Dog The Bounty Hunter.

Dog, who resembles a flayed and boiled Dr Zaius, from Planet of the Apes, makes a living chasing bad guys down in his oversized truck while in the company of his progeny and his separated-at-birth wife Beth.

Dog apologized for his transgression. His son had taped his dad telling him to stop dating a black girl, because she was a “f***ing n***er”. The boy sold the recording for a reported $15,000 to the Enquirer, which now overlooks the incident.

As the storm broke, Dog issued one of the best apologies of all time: “I thought that I was cool enough in the black world to be able to use that word as a brother to a brother. I’m not. I didn’t really know until three or four days ago what that meant to black people.”

Dog is so cool with black people he calls them all niggers. It’s not his fault, you see. His words are taken out of context. Had the tape rolled on we would have heard Dog call not only his son’s girlfriend a “fucking nigger” but his black friends too. The Dog does not discriminate.

He went on, mewling like a scalded sharpei: “There’s a special connection that I thought I had between me and black America. And I used to say, ‘I’m black, too.’

“In other words, my whole life I’ve been called a half-breed, a convict, king of the trailer trash, this and that…so when I stood there and said, ‘I kind of know what you feel like, because I’ve been there, too,’ that I felt that I could embrace and like, as brothers…say the word.”

The Dog dares to empathise. Bounty hunter: Bounty bar – black on the outside and white within.

drzaius.jpg “I now learned I’m not black at all, and I never did it out of hate. This sounds so stupid. I always did it out of love. Other white guys would be like, ‘Boy, who does Dog think he is? Dog can say that.’ And black guys would be with me and walk with me and respect me.”

And TV producers would take his show off the air and the Enquirer would forget to include him in its review of the year…And, no, it is not because he is black…

Posted: 28th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (14)

John Edwards Love Child ‘Scandal’, Rielle Hunter Responds


John Edwards is the Presidential candidate with the smooth hair and decent teeth. He cannot fail.

But now the Enquirer reports that his winning look, allegedly, worked on one blonde named Rielle Hunter. She is more than six months pregnant — “and she’s told a close confidante that Edwards is the father of her baby!”

For his part, Edwards has denied having an affair with Rielle. And where is she? The magazine says Rielle has “gone into hiding” – “living in an upscale gated community near political operative Andrew Young, who’s been extremely close to Edwards for years and was a key official in his presidential campaign.”

And now married father Young says he is the father of Rielle’s baby.

Says Rielle said: “The fact that I am expecting a child is my personal and private business. This has no relationship to nor does it involve John Edwards in any way. Andrew Young is the father of my unborn child.”

End of story. Says a source: “Rielle told me she had a secret affair with Edwards. When she found out that she was pregnant, she said he was the father.”

Says the Enquirer: “Rielle loves Edwards and will do anything to protect him, the source says.”

And Enquirer reporter confronts her. Says she: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Why is she living in Young’s gated community? Says she: “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

Who fathered her baby? Says she: “I have no idea who you’re talking about or what you’re talking about.”

When asked if there was a string in the back of her body that can be pulled to make her talk, Rielle replied: “I have no idea what you’re talking about…”

Posted: 19th, December 2007 | In: National Enquirer, Politicians | Comments (13)

Cher Tightens Chastity’s Belt

cher.jpgYOU can pick your friends. In Hollywood you can pick your teeth, your nose and even your buttocks.

And as Angelina Jolie and Madonna have shown, you can even pick your children.

But you cannot control how things will turn out. Teeth blacken. Hair plugs shrink. Children fill out.

And on first sight a person here at Anorak Towers did observe Cher’s statuesque daughter and opine “So that’s what she did with the spare bits”.

The Enquirer observes that Chastity weighs 23st 3lbs, “the same weight as the average female grizzly bear”, also called Chastity.

Says a source: “Cher loves Chas and wants to save her from digging her own grave with a knife and fork.”

We could say that the exercise would do her good. It would be no small thing to excavate an area large enough to encase the Cher offspring.

But we return to our original premise about celebrities picking things they hope best reflect them. And how not everything can be controlled…

Posted: 18th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (5)

Does Jessica Simpson Take It Like Beckham?

tony-romo-jessica-simpson.jpgDO American football fans chant? Reading in the Enquirer that Jessica Simpson is dating Dallas Cowboys’ player Tony Romo, we wonder what reception this romance gets in the stands?

Americans soccerists being reared on the sport by David Beckham may care to note that every one of his games for Manchester United began when his wife sat down.

Fine Beckham moves and passes were shot and re-shot on cameras, the floodlights dimmed and brightened to ensure David looked his best. When Beckham struck the ball, executing the Beckham Bend the crowd would blow on swannee whistles (pass), and slide trombones (shot).

Over in the US, we wonder if Jessica Simpson’s presence is not really well met or if she remains under the cosh of the proctologist’s eternal puzzler “Does she take it up the a**e?”…

Let us hope that the Beckham effect has tamed the barbarians…

Posted: 18th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (2)

Angelina Jolie Moulds Shiloh Into One Of Hollywood’s Leading Sados

shiloh-pitt-choc.jpgSHILOH Pitt can be seen sat on the arm of her mother, the lithesome Angelina Jolie. Both are on the cover of the National Enquirer.

More often, Shiloh can be seen sat at a corner table at Nobu Malibu, a restaurant nine out of ten Sons And Daughters of Stars (Sados) find easier to say than L’Orangerie or Spago (Suri Cruise can say all the names of LA’s leading restaurants in fifteen Earth languages).

You’d suppose wearing Armani Junior and eating miniature black cod with her homeys would give Shiloh all she needs. But the Enquirer says the girl may need more. She may need more love.

As the front-page headline asks: “DOES ANGELINA HATE HER OWN BABY?”

Says Jolie: “I felt so much more for Maddox and Pax because they are survivors and Shiloh seemed so privileged from the moment she was born”; she’s the “outcast in the family because she is so blonde and blue-eyed”.

Much shock and outrage. “What an emotional blow for Shiloh,” writes a fan.

A Dr Judy Kuriansky, a psychologist, says Angelina is “setting Shiloh up for deep psychological trauma”.

Such is the Jolie love for Shiloh. What chance do the rest of the Jolie-Pitts have of fitting in with Los Angeles society if only Shiloh is developing a psychosis? Dr Judy says Shiloh will be “consumed with insecurity” should Angelina adopt more children.

Bring them on, say we. Nothing makes for a better anecdote on a TV chatshow than a teenage life of angst and insecurity. Shiloh will thank her mother one day, and very possibly from the front page of the National Enquirer…

Posted: 18th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (8)

Juilette Lewis On Brad Pitt’s Trend-Setting ‘Little Brad’

brad_pitt_.jpgTHE National Enquirer’s Mike Walker spots Juilette Lewis, former love to Brad Pitt.

Says she: “After playing a rockin’ set with her band at club Chop Suey in Seattle… Juliette Lewis – who was hot ‘n heavy with hunky Brad Pitt back in the Stoned Age – was mingling at the bar when a wise guy fan blurted out: “Hey, Juliette, how was Brad Pitt in the sack anyway?”

Replies Lewis: “He was no… BIG deal, if ya know what I mean!”

“As Juliette turned to head back on stage, the guy yelled: ‘Are you saying Brad was the PITTS?’ Juliette started laughing so hysterically she banged into a table and sent everyone’s drinks flying – but quickly ordered a round on her and hopped back onstage, still giggling.'”

It’s a charming tableau. And of course it makes us wonder if Brad, often billed as “cute”, can be cute if he is overly big. Cute is small, so too “loveable”.

And it leads to other issues. Does Brad laugh it off or say that he last saw Lewis on a cold day in November and it will be a colder day in hell when he sees her again? Do we view the Brad penis from above (perilous) or the front?

And will Brad feel an urge for an augmentation procedure, setting a trend that all men will follow? Will he go for the “Schwarzenegger”, the “Clooney” or the ironic “Lewis”?

Anorak is aware that such things are in poor taste, but Hollywood sets the standards that we follow tomorrow, or a few years later if you live in Suffolk. Remember when Marlon Brando wore a sweaty T-shirt in A Streetcar Named Desire (sales up) and Clark Gable took his shirt off in Frank Capra’s 1934 film It Happened One Night (sales down)..?

Watch this space…

Posted: 9th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (6)

Britney Spears And Her ‘Diddy Men’

ken-dodd.jpgTHE Enquirer invites us within “BRIT’S CRAZY HOUSE!”

We will learn of “her double-locked secret room”, her “Cinderella obsession”; “what she keeps in the candy dish.”

The Enquirer risks spoiling the guessing game by whispering “pink handcuffs, ceiling mirrors & bizarre costumes”.

To Britishers, it is the stuff of a hen night in one of Basildon’s premier nightspots. To the Enquirer it is nothing short of a “madhouse”.

“Heavy dark curtain” cover the windows of the secret chamber, “and the only light comes from bordello red bulbs, which barely illuminate the back colour scheme and the large bed with black satin sheets.”

britney-spears-bald-400a030207.jpgdodd_lg_1.jpgPeering through the keyhole, we are introduced to the whips, spanking paddles, sex toys (these ‘Diddy Men’ are displayed in a glass jar) and “ticklers”.

The impression is not enough unlike finding Ken Dodd in your bed – disarming, amusing and terrifying in equal parts.

It’s an image firmed up by news that recently Britney passed an entire day speaking in a “weird British accent.”

How tickled we are…

Posted: 4th, December 2007 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comment (1)