Strange But True Category
Weird, offbeat and bizarre news from around the world. Funny, strange & odd news stories that make you wince, laugh and fear for humanity.
Jesus is buff.
But where is he?
This story gets better the more you read. An inmate at DuPage County, Illinois, wants to be released within 14 days. He says that unless his the personal effects taken from him during his July 2015 arrest are retuned within that period, he will leave prison in a huff and moan a lot.
Ignatius “Michael” Pollara, 50, of Tamarac, Florida, wants returned his three pairs of underwear, a “Mr. Froggy” plush animal and concert tickets.
Mr Pollara is being held on $125,000 bail on a burglary charge, accused of stealing several paintbrushes and a box of pencils from a Lombard Hobby Lobby store.
Pollara argued in court on Thursday, against the advice of Assistant Public Defender Mark Lyon, that the Oak Brook Police Department’s “negligence and carelessness” in failing to safely store his items has deprived him of his due process. In a written motion, Pollara also demanded to be discharged from jail within 14 days if the items are not returned. DuPage Judge Brian Telander warned Pollara that his antics frequently come close to trying his patience. But he also asked prosecutors to try to find Pollara’s missing property not considered to be evidence.
Oak Brook police Sgt. Ben Kadolph said on Thursday afternoon his department has “a lot of property” taken during Pollara’s arrest, including a stuffed animal. “We have several boxes of stuff that was taken as evidence in this and possibly other cases,” Kadolph said. “And we have a box of his personal property.” In the motion filed on Feb. 10, Pollara identified the missing items he wants returned. Included in his list were a backpack and a suitcase, a laptop computer, several clothing items, “one Hearst Castle plush blanket,” “tickets to U2 and Grateful Dead concerts” and “one stuffed ‘Mr. Froggy’ plush animal with tag”…
“I think I’ve been here long enough for two paint brushes and a bag of pencils,” he said, before being warned by a deputy to calm down and lower his voice.
Two paint brushes and pencils warrants jail and needs $125,000 bail to talk free until his court date? Wow! America has lost the plot.
And then this
In Florida, Pollara is known as the “Toys ‘R’ Us Kid” and the “Lego Bandit” after he was convicted in a 2012 burglary spree in which he stole more than $2 million in Lego sets and toys from the Toys “R” Us chain.
Although given the prize of Lego, that haul amounts pretty much one Millennium Falcon and a Lego encounter group.
Dustin G. Taylor, 21, of Fort Smith, Arkansas, was unable to located the key that would release the handcuffs a lover had tied to his wrists during a sex game. He called for help. The police answered. They took Dustin to the station, where they released the cuffs. They soon released Dustin was a wanted man and handcuffed him.
It is not known whether Mr Taylor enjoyed the police’s rough treatment and dominant position, nor regrets not joining the police force, where his fetish for handcuffs could have been satisfied in the service of the common good.
To Adams County, Wisconsin, where 76-year-old John H. Przybyla says his failed breath test is down to the beer-battered fish he’d eaten.
The judge thought it was Przybyla who was battered.
He’s been found guilty of drink driving.
Soon, like the fish, he will travelling by bicycle.
WorldNews247 says the man was upset when the the elevator button he’d pressed didn’t cause the doors to open. So he kicked the doors. They opened. He then fell though the opening and down the shaft, breaking his legs.
The thrill of shoplifting can trigger all manner of bodily ticks. In Florida, for instance, Brooke Amber Sutton, 27, allegedly left behind a puddle of urine when she made off with more than $2,100 in designer clothes.
An employee at the Ann Taylor store at Silver Sands Premium Outlets in Miramar Beach, claims Sutton also left behind her cell phone.
Sutton’s been charged with theft, it having been argued that the only thing shed didn’t take was the piss, which she left behind.
Had Paula Jay Ernst, 51, entered, she would have said: “I took reusable grocery bags to steal $199 worth of groceries from a Hernando Publix grocery store and walked out without paying because I had defected in my pants.”
Too late to win the Sony Walkman but good enough to earn Ernst a few nights in jail.
File under: next time use the bag for life.
Evergreen State College police says Mr Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop, 34, assaulted one of their number. Mr Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop has been charged with first-degree assault (two counts), third-degree assault, third-degree malicious mischief and malicious harassment.
On Feb. 16, Mr Jeffrey Drew Wilschke – that being Mr Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop’s former name – will appear in court.
Jeff says he legally changed his name to Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop in 2011.
In 2012, Mr Zopittybop-bop-bop was arrested on marijuana and weapon charges in Wisconsin. He was also arrested in 2013 on drug charges in Iowa.
Inside the Nova Mutum public jail, near Cuiaba, central Brazil, three female visitors are dressed in saucy knickers and dominatrix gear. They promise male prison guards a night they will never forget. To loosen up the guards for the mass orgy ahead, the women give them booze. It’s spiked. The women handcuff the men to the beds, break into the guns and munitions store, and flee.
Says police chief Angelina de Andrades Ferreira: “The plan was to seduce them. They served them cheap whisky with some substance to knock them out, then unlocked the central gate which accesses the internal cells. Whoever wanted to escape left by the front door. From the moment they drank the whisky the agents don’t remember a thing. One was found dizzy, trying to wake up. Another slept for the whole afternoon and couldn’t even be questioned.”
He could be feeling dizzy for months – years, if his wife is waiting.
The three prison officers had been arrested and will be charged with “facilitating a jailbreak” and “culpable embezzlement” because of the theft of firearms.
Of the 28 prisoners who walked out, 8 have been recaptured.
The other 20 have a thing for police officers with helicopters, and will be at the big tree at midnight. Come alone.
To Pennsylvania, where Michael Emrick, 36, has been arrested. That’s him in the T-shirt bearing the message “Really Good At Making Really Bad Decisions”.
And how was your day?
When police found Ralph Bishop, 53, he had his trousers around his ankles and was “interfering” with a tractor parked in a field outside Saxmundham, Suffolk. Well so says the Suffolk Gazette’s “Hugh Dunnit”.
The story says that when questioned, the man admitted to having had sex with around 450 tractors all over the Suffolk countryside. Officers searched his home. They found a stash of more than 5,000 tractor images on his laptop. He appeared to favour John Deere and Massey Ferguson tractors, particularly green ones.
A police officer tells Hugh Dunnit:
“We couldn’t believe it when we found him in the field. He was wearing a white t-shirt and Wellington boots and very little else. He was clearly in state of high excitement at the rear of the machine. Thankfully nobody else was around, but the field is close to a village primary school so we had to arrest him and educate him about the error of his ways. He told us he was particularly ‘in to’ axle grease and the presence of this around the back of tractors was all too much for him.”
This is, of course, a spoof story. But readers of the Daily Star don’t know that. The paper reports:
Like a tractor, the Star’s been had.
To Wellingborough, U.K., where amidst the fat, cardboard, grease and batter, Cassandra Perkins, 22, has found something exciting and newsworthy in her KFC dinner
“It looked disgusting and pink, I didn’t want to touch it,” she tells the Northampton Chronicle. “I first thought that it may have been brain or lung, it certainly wasn’t chicken. My burger had a hair in it as well.”
Beef? Fish? Tortoise? No. It was chicken. As KFC explains:
“Sometimes mistakes can happen and unfortunately on rare occasions, giblets are not removed when they should have been. We have reminded our team members to take extra care in future, and if a customer is ever unhappy with their food we encourage them to let our team know, who will always be happy to help.”
Who knew there was actual chicken in a KFC meal?
In other news: nuggets grow on trees.
To Florida, where the Brevard County Fire Rescue crew are responding to calls of a fire at Wendell Joyner’s home. They arrive to find 58-year-old racing inside the burning home to save his three dogs.
“I got out of the house, and then I realised, ‘Oh, wait a minute, my dogs are in there’, ” says Joyner said. “So, I went back inside to look for my dogs.”
But the smoke is too thick. He needs to get in fast. So he picks up a firefighter’s axe and tosses it through a front window. At which point police jump Joyner, tossing him to the ground. He lands on his face. The cops take Joyner for a medical check up before booking him on charges of disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.
“My defence is I was trying to save my dogs,” Joyner says. “I think at the most, they should’ve taken me aside, and if they felt that I needed it to be in a squad car until things settled.”
On a brighter note: the dogs were rescued.
Accidental death of the day takes us Saint-Marcel, Italy, where a man is doing the housework.
The 47-year-old man has eaten breakfast with his wife and two children. He starts to tidy up, taking the tablecloth to the balcony to shake off any crumbs. The tablecloth slips over the railings – and he tumbles after it.
Conclusion: men are too tall to do housework.
Police first spotted Boulet driving by a motel. They thought him suspicious and stopped the vehicle he was driving to check his credential. When Boulet’s vehicle was flagged as stolen, Boulet ran.
Having run through bush and across a Highway, tiring Boulet was looking for a getaway car. He spotted a parked up police patrol car. Thinking it empty, he ran towards it, pulled the door open, got in and sat down on the officer’s lap behind the wheel.
The officer quickly recognised Boulet as a known suspect.
File under: Life in a Pink Panther movie.
A group of women in the US claim to have children fathered by aliens – and describe their sexual encounters with extra-terrestrials as the ‘best they’ve ever had’.
You should see the other guy…
Bridget Nielson, from Sedona, Arizona, and Aluna Verse, from Los Angeles, California, are among members of the ‘Hybrid Baby Community’ who believe their children live on giant alien spaceships…Recalling a sexual encounter with an alien on board a spaceship, Nielson said: ‘It was great. It was an incredible super primal, super raw, super primal sexual experience. There was a really freedom and we were really going for it. It was the best sex I ever had.’
Believe? And worry not humanoid man – Zorg has 15 hands, both male and female genitalia and never forgets a name. What he can’t find, just isn’t there.
The pair claim that between them, they have 13 children with aliens – and that the conceptions happen either through artificial insemination or real sexual encounters. Members of the group believe aliens have been harvesting their DNA to create children that combine the best of both human and alien characteristics over a period several years.
What are the best of human characteristics, then? We’d say circumspection, empathy, free will and the ability to spot a “marketing executive” at a hundred paces. The best alien characteristics are tricker to spot but are believed to include: huge eyes, very long fingers, GSOH, taking the bins out and always being ready for a cuddle.
The story continues:
The former marketing executive refutes claims pointing to a lack of evidence of such encounters with aliens, saying the extra-terrestrials only take women who, on some level, ‘want to be taken’.
Bridget is part of the HybridChildrenCommunity. Bring a wallet:
To Western Australia where fuel bandits are licking koalas and doing anything they can to get that taste of raw sewage out of their mouths. The thieves had tried to suck fuel from a parked bus. But they opened the waste tank instead of the one containing fuel.
Ooops! Or rather, Poops!
That’s racist! No. It isn’t. The Portuguese football coach red-carded for racism was only using a player’s name.
The referee was swift to issue FC Lordelo manager Juvenal Brandao with his marching orders against Valadares after overhearing the 30-year-old coach bellow “get closer to black”, seemingly in the direction of the opposition’s black striker. However, what the official didn’t know is that one of Lordelo’s central defenders goes by the name of Preto – which is the Portuguese word for black.
So, whereas Brandao was actually instructing his two central defenders to close the gap between themselves, the referee mistook the shout for a racial slur and sent him packing.
Jornal de Noticias has more:
In the beginning I didn’t realise what had happened, but the linesman returned to tell me. Then the penny dropped because the Valadares striker, Rene, is of black race. I tried to explain that ‘Black’ was the name of my player, but I suddenly see the ref running towards me and giving me the red card.
It was all a huge misunderstanding.
Arsenal fan Barry Jenkins got married wearing his full Arsenal kit, including shin pads and, mostly likely, box. He tells us: “My wife is from Woking, and she is awesome. She let me get married in my full Arsenal kit! Maybe I just got lucky.”
Adding: “It’s like I won the FA Cup and found the best woman in the world ever.”
She’s like the FA Cup? Is that as good as it gets for Arsenal fans?