Strange But True Category
Weird, offbeat and bizarre news from around the world. Funny, strange & odd news stories that make you wince, laugh and fear for humanity.
The thrill of shoplifting can trigger all manner of bodily ticks. In Florida, for instance, Brooke Amber Sutton, 27, allegedly left behind a puddle of urine when she made off with more than $2,100 in designer clothes.
An employee at the Ann Taylor store at Silver Sands Premium Outlets in Miramar Beach, claims Sutton also left behind her cell phone.
Sutton’s been charged with theft, it having been argued that the only thing shed didn’t take was the piss, which she left behind.
Had Paula Jay Ernst, 51, entered, she would have said: “I took reusable grocery bags to steal $199 worth of groceries from a Hernando Publix grocery store and walked out without paying because I had defected in my pants.”
Too late to win the Sony Walkman but good enough to earn Ernst a few nights in jail.
File under: next time use the bag for life.
Evergreen State College police says Mr Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop, 34, assaulted one of their number. Mr Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop has been charged with first-degree assault (two counts), third-degree assault, third-degree malicious mischief and malicious harassment.
On Feb. 16, Mr Jeffrey Drew Wilschke – that being Mr Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop’s former name – will appear in court.
Jeff says he legally changed his name to Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop in 2011.
In 2012, Mr Zopittybop-bop-bop was arrested on marijuana and weapon charges in Wisconsin. He was also arrested in 2013 on drug charges in Iowa.
Inside the Nova Mutum public jail, near Cuiaba, central Brazil, three female visitors are dressed in saucy knickers and dominatrix gear. They promise male prison guards a night they will never forget. To loosen up the guards for the mass orgy ahead, the women give them booze. It’s spiked. The women handcuff the men to the beds, break into the guns and munitions store, and flee.
Says police chief Angelina de Andrades Ferreira: “The plan was to seduce them. They served them cheap whisky with some substance to knock them out, then unlocked the central gate which accesses the internal cells. Whoever wanted to escape left by the front door. From the moment they drank the whisky the agents don’t remember a thing. One was found dizzy, trying to wake up. Another slept for the whole afternoon and couldn’t even be questioned.”
He could be feeling dizzy for months – years, if his wife is waiting.
The three prison officers had been arrested and will be charged with “facilitating a jailbreak” and “culpable embezzlement” because of the theft of firearms.
Of the 28 prisoners who walked out, 8 have been recaptured.
The other 20 have a thing for police officers with helicopters, and will be at the big tree at midnight. Come alone.
To Pennsylvania, where Michael Emrick, 36, has been arrested. That’s him in the T-shirt bearing the message “Really Good At Making Really Bad Decisions”.
And how was your day?
When police found Ralph Bishop, 53, he had his trousers around his ankles and was “interfering” with a tractor parked in a field outside Saxmundham, Suffolk. Well so says the Suffolk Gazette’s “Hugh Dunnit”.
The story says that when questioned, the man admitted to having had sex with around 450 tractors all over the Suffolk countryside. Officers searched his home. They found a stash of more than 5,000 tractor images on his laptop. He appeared to favour John Deere and Massey Ferguson tractors, particularly green ones.
A police officer tells Hugh Dunnit:
“We couldn’t believe it when we found him in the field. He was wearing a white t-shirt and Wellington boots and very little else. He was clearly in state of high excitement at the rear of the machine. Thankfully nobody else was around, but the field is close to a village primary school so we had to arrest him and educate him about the error of his ways. He told us he was particularly ‘in to’ axle grease and the presence of this around the back of tractors was all too much for him.”
This is, of course, a spoof story. But readers of the Daily Star don’t know that. The paper reports:
Like a tractor, the Star’s been had.
To Wellingborough, U.K., where amidst the fat, cardboard, grease and batter, Cassandra Perkins, 22, has found something exciting and newsworthy in her KFC dinner
“It looked disgusting and pink, I didn’t want to touch it,” she tells the Northampton Chronicle. “I first thought that it may have been brain or lung, it certainly wasn’t chicken. My burger had a hair in it as well.”
Beef? Fish? Tortoise? No. It was chicken. As KFC explains:
“Sometimes mistakes can happen and unfortunately on rare occasions, giblets are not removed when they should have been. We have reminded our team members to take extra care in future, and if a customer is ever unhappy with their food we encourage them to let our team know, who will always be happy to help.”
Who knew there was actual chicken in a KFC meal?
In other news: nuggets grow on trees.
To Florida, where the Brevard County Fire Rescue crew are responding to calls of a fire at Wendell Joyner’s home. They arrive to find 58-year-old racing inside the burning home to save his three dogs.
“I got out of the house, and then I realised, ‘Oh, wait a minute, my dogs are in there’, ” says Joyner said. “So, I went back inside to look for my dogs.”
But the smoke is too thick. He needs to get in fast. So he picks up a firefighter’s axe and tosses it through a front window. At which point police jump Joyner, tossing him to the ground. He lands on his face. The cops take Joyner for a medical check up before booking him on charges of disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.
“My defence is I was trying to save my dogs,” Joyner says. “I think at the most, they should’ve taken me aside, and if they felt that I needed it to be in a squad car until things settled.”
On a brighter note: the dogs were rescued.
Accidental death of the day takes us Saint-Marcel, Italy, where a man is doing the housework.
The 47-year-old man has eaten breakfast with his wife and two children. He starts to tidy up, taking the tablecloth to the balcony to shake off any crumbs. The tablecloth slips over the railings – and he tumbles after it.
Conclusion: men are too tall to do housework.
Police first spotted Boulet driving by a motel. They thought him suspicious and stopped the vehicle he was driving to check his credential. When Boulet’s vehicle was flagged as stolen, Boulet ran.
Having run through bush and across a Highway, tiring Boulet was looking for a getaway car. He spotted a parked up police patrol car. Thinking it empty, he ran towards it, pulled the door open, got in and sat down on the officer’s lap behind the wheel.
The officer quickly recognised Boulet as a known suspect.
File under: Life in a Pink Panther movie.
A group of women in the US claim to have children fathered by aliens – and describe their sexual encounters with extra-terrestrials as the ‘best they’ve ever had’.
You should see the other guy…
Bridget Nielson, from Sedona, Arizona, and Aluna Verse, from Los Angeles, California, are among members of the ‘Hybrid Baby Community’ who believe their children live on giant alien spaceships…Recalling a sexual encounter with an alien on board a spaceship, Nielson said: ‘It was great. It was an incredible super primal, super raw, super primal sexual experience. There was a really freedom and we were really going for it. It was the best sex I ever had.’
Believe? And worry not humanoid man – Zorg has 15 hands, both male and female genitalia and never forgets a name. What he can’t find, just isn’t there.
The pair claim that between them, they have 13 children with aliens – and that the conceptions happen either through artificial insemination or real sexual encounters. Members of the group believe aliens have been harvesting their DNA to create children that combine the best of both human and alien characteristics over a period several years.
What are the best of human characteristics, then? We’d say circumspection, empathy, free will and the ability to spot a “marketing executive” at a hundred paces. The best alien characteristics are tricker to spot but are believed to include: huge eyes, very long fingers, GSOH, taking the bins out and always being ready for a cuddle.
The story continues:
The former marketing executive refutes claims pointing to a lack of evidence of such encounters with aliens, saying the extra-terrestrials only take women who, on some level, ‘want to be taken’.
Bridget is part of the HybridChildrenCommunity. Bring a wallet:
To Western Australia where fuel bandits are licking koalas and doing anything they can to get that taste of raw sewage out of their mouths. The thieves had tried to suck fuel from a parked bus. But they opened the waste tank instead of the one containing fuel.
Ooops! Or rather, Poops!
That’s racist! No. It isn’t. The Portuguese football coach red-carded for racism was only using a player’s name.
The referee was swift to issue FC Lordelo manager Juvenal Brandao with his marching orders against Valadares after overhearing the 30-year-old coach bellow “get closer to black”, seemingly in the direction of the opposition’s black striker. However, what the official didn’t know is that one of Lordelo’s central defenders goes by the name of Preto – which is the Portuguese word for black.
So, whereas Brandao was actually instructing his two central defenders to close the gap between themselves, the referee mistook the shout for a racial slur and sent him packing.
Jornal de Noticias has more:
In the beginning I didn’t realise what had happened, but the linesman returned to tell me. Then the penny dropped because the Valadares striker, Rene, is of black race. I tried to explain that ‘Black’ was the name of my player, but I suddenly see the ref running towards me and giving me the red card.
It was all a huge misunderstanding.
Arsenal fan Barry Jenkins got married wearing his full Arsenal kit, including shin pads and, mostly likely, box. He tells us: “My wife is from Woking, and she is awesome. She let me get married in my full Arsenal kit! Maybe I just got lucky.”
Adding: “It’s like I won the FA Cup and found the best woman in the world ever.”
She’s like the FA Cup? Is that as good as it gets for Arsenal fans?
Do you love cheese? How much? Iceland have taken to securing cheese inside plastic boxes. This is not done to keep the cheese fresh, rather to prevent shoplifting.
In other news: is ‘Coloured cheddar” racist?
It is a widely held belief that to render yourself completely invisible, you need only look ‘old’. Mindful of that, we look at events in Branston, Rhode Island, where director of senior services department Sue Stenhouse is stood by an elderly woman at a press conference.
She’s there to salute a new city programme “connecting high school students with seniors who need help shovelling snow this winter”. The OAP has a sign identifying her as “Cranston senior home resident”.
But all is not as it seems. The snow has been scraped up from a city ice rink. The old woman is a man, a local van driver, who was, reportedly, invited by Stenhouse to dress like an old lady. Rumbled, Stenhouse has resigned. We don’t know about the man, but look out for him being voted Brantson Woman of The Year 2016, or dying alone and unheralded.
Hours of fun with a washing machine, a brick and a small trampoline:
In February 2015 Ryan Air staff marked the arrival of snow by drawing a giant snow penis by a company plane parked at Dublin airport.
To Austria, where hunters are guaranteed a “happy ending”on return to camp. A business has been offering hunters in the Neustift-Innermanzing municipality lots of killing in Lower Austria’s Alpine foothills followed by an evening of human skin. The advert trills:
“After an exciting day’s hunting what could be better than a cosy night for two, or even three, in a remote mountain cabin. Everything is possible. The hunter’s return will be welcomed back by a lovely companion, and of course absolute discretion and confidentiality are guaranteed.”
The country’s Association Against Animal Factories (VGT) is aghast:
“It is hunting with prostitutes. It seems that with money anything is possible,” says VGT boss Martin Balluch.
The hunting company has now removed the offer. Although hunters are free to go and **** themselves.
Jane Fryer sees the picture of the kangaroos “in the shade of a Australian mango tree”. She sees the “last loving embrace for a dying kangaroo”. Fryer says the male kangaroo “tired to revive his mate” as his little joey looked on.
The loving male’s revival technique, says Australian Museum Principal Research Scientist Dr Mark Eldridge, involves attempting to insert his penis into her dying body.
Says the expert:
There is a story behind the images, but not the anthropomorphised version of true love that has accompanied the images in publications. The male, which appears to be lovingly “cradling the head” of the female as she dies, is actually in a state of sexual arousal.
“The male is clearly highly stressed and agitated, his forearms are very wet from him licking himself to cool down. He is also sexually aroused: the evidence is here sticking out from behind the scrotum (yes, in marsupials the penis is located behind the scrotum).”
Kangaroos are extremely sensitive to heat, says Dr Eldridge. Furthermore, the kangaroo is not, unfortunately, “propp[ing] up her head so she could see her joey before she died”. Instead, says Dr Eldridge, “this is a male trying to get a female to stand up so he can mate with her.”
Cancel the Disney movie.