Anorak

- Author Archive

Helen’s Melons

‘WATCHING Channel 4’s Helen of Troy on Saturday night was like reliving the moment when the moderately good looking German exchange teacher arrives at school. ‘Henry VIII had … (read more)

Posted: 24th, October 2005 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Public Transport

‘THE London bombs were awful. But Londoners are made of stern stuff and with stiff upper lips – and a congestion charge scheme and renegade traffic wardens that make any … (read more)

Posted: 24th, October 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Something Blue

‘THE only thing better than seeing a showbiz wedding is hearing a showbiz couple talking about having a showbiz wedding. ‘Get me to the OK! cover on time’ … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, October 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

Ghadie All Over

‘BEFORE ordering the crab sticks and the savoloys, a celebrity need to make sure their wedding celebrations don’t clash with anyone else’s. ‘I’m getting married after Jordan, ding dong … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, October 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

Knit-Picking

‘“KERRY EXCLUSIVE – MY PREGNANCY SURPRISE.” Her loss The only Kerry we know is Kerry Katona. … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, October 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

Toxic Shock

‘BRITNEY Spears has always made more headlines than memorable hit records. Hit me baby one more time … (read more)

Posted: 21st, October 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

Shoot On Sight

‘MORE news on the life and times of Prince William. How many minutes did Uncle Eddie last in the armed forces? … (read more)

Posted: 21st, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

The Tortoise And The Hair

‘VOTE David Cameron and say “NO!” to avian flu, “No!” to MRSA and “No!” to terrorism. Well, if Cameron did say that it would be a start. As it is … (read more)

Posted: 21st, October 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

A Special Relationship

‘FOR Maggie and Ronnie, read Condoleezza and Jack. News in the Times is that the US Secretary of State and our own Foreign Secretary are on a three-day date in … (read more)

Posted: 21st, October 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Oh My God!

‘HOW proud Hollywood parents must be when their little bundle of designer clothes opens her photogenic mouth and utters her very first “OHMYGOD!”. ‘It parts on the tongue’ – Moses … (read more)

Posted: 21st, October 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

The Joy Of Six

‘A PARENT’S ability to embarrass their children is infinite. Say the wrong thing in the wrong way and little Armani will scowl and wish she’d never been born and you … (read more)

Posted: 21st, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Scare Tactics

‘IF you succumbed to every horror the papers threw at you, you’d be suffering from Variant CJD from eating mad burgers, riddled with MRSA superbugs following hospital treatment and surrounded … (read more)

Posted: 21st, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Watching The Birdies

‘THE first uncomfortable swallow does not mean you’ve got bird flu. But the Times would like you to know that the illness has just claimed its 67th victim. Feeds a … (read more)

Posted: 21st, October 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Having Our Phil

‘PRINCE Philip is of the opinion that young people are “ignorant”. Just listen: “The point is that young people are the same as they always were – they are just … (read more)

Posted: 20th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

War With The Birds

‘JUST to let you know that the war on terror has – as we predicted it would – become the “WAR ON BIRD FLU”. Chicken al-Licken speaking live on Al … (read more)

Posted: 20th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Coming Of Adage

‘SINCE the moment of his birth, Prince William has been striving to be less ignorant. ‘Ballet good show’ … (read more)

Posted: 20th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

The Hair Apparent

‘GIVEN the sound thrashing usually administered to Tory leaders at election time it’s little wonder old Etonian David Cameron is so keen to land the job. Cameron looks back to … (read more)

Posted: 20th, October 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Just say Noel

‘LIKE when John F. Kennedy died and we first heard Dayvid Beckham speak, we can remember the very moment it happened. It came like a bolt from the blue: “TV … (read more)

Posted: 20th, October 2005 | In: Celebrities | Comment

International Tired Young Things

‘PICTURE the scene – the latest over-hyped 16-year-old footballing whiz-kid, having just signed on the dotted line for one of Europe’s big guns, drops a bombshell at the press conference … (read more)

Posted: 20th, October 2005 | In: Back pages | Comment

Beyond Ken

‘THERE’S a game of spot the difference on the cover of the Telegraph. Can you spot the key difference between the four faces? Odd man out … (read more)

Posted: 19th, October 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Chicken In A Basket

‘TERRORISTS kill and maim, but you’d be unlucky to catch the flu off them. Last year he took me to the Algarve … (read more)

Posted: 19th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Politics Light

‘HOW much does in cost to change a light bulb? It’s a simple enough question. No jokes. No trickery. The lights are on but no-one’s home’ … (read more)

Posted: 19th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Gruesome Toothsome

‘“HOW POSH finally got it right,” trills the Express, the words hanging above a double-page spread of Her Poshness wearing all manner of clothes. The uncomfortable tooth … (read more)

Posted: 19th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Altered Image

‘“ABEL Xavier, the Middlesbrough defender, will protest his innocence after testing positive for a banned substance,” says the Times. A shock for Xavier … (read more)

Posted: 19th, October 2005 | In: Back pages | Comment

Fear & Loathing

‘IS the world a more dangerous place since America and her allies attacked Iraq? The world is a safer place without him around … (read more)

Posted: 19th, October 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Contact Us Writers