Anorak

- Author Archive

Getting A Line

‘IT’S a question that has been asked at a million dinner parties in a million London homes: where the hell is everyone else? Abandon hope, all ye who … (read more)

Posted: 1st, June 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Code Of Conduct

‘WE are all of us looking for meaning. ”It’s a crazy plan, but it just might work” In the Mail, Bobby Freeman was cooking breakfast … (read more)

Posted: 1st, June 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves

‘THE report of the Spice Girls’ death has been greatly exaggerated. There are only two people in a marriage Yesterday’s Mirror did not produce pictures … (read more)

Posted: 1st, June 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Going Bananas

‘TO let you know the profiles of each of this year’s 13 Big Brother contestants in one go would take too long and test your patience to breaking point. … (read more)

Posted: 31st, May 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

A Head Of Steam

‘THE recipe for the new Europe seems obvious: let the British run the shops, the French run the cafes and the Germans look after the trains. ”Ahhh! The … (read more)

Posted: 31st, May 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Setting Le President

‘THE truth the papers fail to point out is that the French people’s decision to say “non!” to the EU constitution doesn’t matter to the better part of the British … (read more)

Posted: 31st, May 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

War On Wannabes

‘BOB Geldof has told us what he wants what he really, really, wants. Feed the Spices He wants to put an end to world hunger. … (read more)

Posted: 31st, May 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

A Stubborn Ass

‘AS with most things in all our lives, where OK!’s Kerry Katona leads, the rest of us follow. The thinking man’s Katona So it is with … (read more)

Posted: 31st, May 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

Strange Fruit

‘WHAT’S plump, red and covered in hundreds of dimples? No, not Elton John’s sun-kissed thighs – nothing good be further from the truth. ”Strawberries” The answer … (read more)

Posted: 31st, May 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

Toxic Shock

‘WHEN does being a virgin lose its appeal to the masses? Making people feel sick the world over It’s an interesting question, and one that … (read more)

Posted: 31st, May 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

Keeping Tabs

‘CANCEL the papers. Turn off the TV news. Place the carrier pigeon in a pot on gas mark 3 for an hour. Anorak is back! Not everything is yet in … (read more)

Posted: 30th, May 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

I’ll Beale Back

‘“I SLEPT with the Cup,” says Liverpool’s captain Steve Gerrard on the Sun’s front-page. EastEnders’ very own Princess Diana Good for him, he deserves it. What … (read more)

Posted: 27th, May 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Better Late Than Never

‘DO you know that it takes us 10 minutes and 17 seconds to decide that we are late? ”Sorry I’m late, as the tart said to the vicar” … (read more)

Posted: 27th, May 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

The Bump Kin

‘IT’S been a while since Jordan saw her feet, but we can exclusively reveal that the protuberance making each of her steps a dice with death is a boy. … (read more)

Posted: 27th, May 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

God’s Messenger

‘REMEMBER when Kabbalah was an exclusive A-list thing? It taught the beautiful people how to achieve eternal peace, praise beyond measure and everlasting publicity? For it was written. … (read more)

Posted: 27th, May 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

The Hooded Law

‘WHILE the foodists tell us that we are what we eat, the fashion police are telling us what to wear. ”And where are you going in such a … (read more)

Posted: 27th, May 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Salad Days

‘AH, how we hanker for those halcyon days when we only had to worry about what we put into our own mouths. ”Don’t worry, miss, it only fires … (read more)

Posted: 27th, May 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Boys In The Hoods

‘CLOTHES maketh the man, and the man maketh lots of greenhouse gases that will one day kill us all. Just ten more fines and Pc Mansell would … (read more)

Posted: 27th, May 2005 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Rugger Burns

‘“OOH LA LA, CHARLOTTE,” leers OK!, as Charlotte Church steps out of her choir singer’s getup and into a white bikini. Charlotte’s B-side There’s the nation’s … (read more)

Posted: 27th, May 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

Chelsea Blues

‘IT would be absurd to accuse a Mail reader of knowing nothing about gardening, but we are forced to question the paper’s coverage of the Chelsea Flower Show. … (read more)

Posted: 26th, May 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Old Spice

‘YOU can forget Lazarus, Bobby Ewing and Liverpool’s unlikely capture of the European Cup, and know that the greatest comeback of them all will occur sometime soon. Nessun … (read more)

Posted: 26th, May 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Laws Of Physics

‘THAT there is one law for some and another for the rest of us is an accusation often levelled at our judicial system. Pc William Hartle scrubbed up … (read more)

Posted: 26th, May 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Swear Box

‘AS any celebrity chef knows, swearing is fine and dandy if the pudding demands it. Indeed, profuse swearing is now as important to a cook’s repertoire as being able to … (read more)

Posted: 26th, May 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Di Another Way

‘NEWSPAPERS hold phone polls for the same reason that Saddam Hussein used to hold the occasional election – not to provide an objective measure of public opinion, but to see … (read more)

Posted: 25th, May 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

The Hooligan Elements

‘HOW do you make a yob? ”He’s such an expressive child” It’s a question that has troubled researchers at King’s College London, who set out to … (read more)

Posted: 25th, May 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

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