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Name Calling

‘DID you know that if you’re called Rupert you “represent the symbols of a success group and live in well-built houses”? ”Vote Tony” And the … (read more)

Posted: 7th, April 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

A Tangled Web

‘UNDER the heading “interests” on the websites of our beloved MPs, we would expect to find one bald word: self. ”Last one to Singapore’s a virgin” … (read more)

Posted: 7th, April 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

Great Expectations

‘“IT was the best of rides, it was the worst of rides. It made me throw up so violently, I lost a lung and small piece of my lower intestine, … (read more)

Posted: 7th, April 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Mass Appeal

‘JUST get a load of that crowd! The Telegraph estimates there must be between one and 1.2million people in the streets. ”Is this the queue for the new … (read more)

Posted: 7th, April 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Cutting-Edge Education

‘YOU’D think in this day and age, school kids would know how to use a knife. Admittedly, most prefer to carry a gun, but even so, you have to know … (read more)

Posted: 7th, April 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Fighting Talk

‘AFTER the dignified behaviour of the Liverpool fans on Tuesday night, it is a shame to open the papers today and find that the ugly side of Anfield is still … (read more)

Posted: 7th, April 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Hate-Philled

‘PHIL Neville probably isn’t the first footballer you’d think of in connection with a texting scandal. You have to go to bed very late to fool Phil … (read more)

Posted: 6th, April 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Winners Are Grinners

‘GOOD of the Independent to distil what already amounts to acres of election coverage into a front-page quote from each of the three main party leaders. Labour’s marathon … (read more)

Posted: 6th, April 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Tara In Royal Cover-Up

‘“ROYAL BOOB BAN,” announces the Star. “No t*ts at the wedding – apart from the groom.” ”I do” That’s tits, of course, not tots. And the … (read more)

Posted: 6th, April 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Guilty Secret

‘HABEAS corpus is a funny, old-fashioned sort of phrase, isn’t it? ”And his ears to be boxed until he atones for his sins. Next!” It … (read more)

Posted: 6th, April 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Fighting For Seats

‘WHILE Tony, Michael and “call me Charles” fight for the top seat, the rest of are fighting for a seat on the train. ”Anyone smell cheese?” … (read more)

Posted: 6th, April 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Party Time

‘THERE are lies, politicians and statistics. And they all converge at general election time. ”You wearing my tie?” On the day Tony Blair will announce the … (read more)

Posted: 5th, April 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

The Abi Habit

‘NEWS now of Abi Titmuss, the woman former Blue Peter presenter John Leslie helped transform from a nurse into a pneumatic strumpet with only some old washing up bottles and … (read more)

Posted: 5th, April 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Vanity Unfair

‘DESPERATE Housewives is a show that has now garnered more articles than it has viewers. A godsend to desperate hacks No day passes without some tired … (read more)

Posted: 5th, April 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Speedos Kill

‘YOU can always trust a man who tucks his vest into his Y-fronts. But can you trust man who does the same with his swimming trunks? The elastic … (read more)

Posted: 5th, April 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Horse & Groom

‘NO sooner have the RSPVs been returned, the time off work booked and the commemorative tea towels pressed and laundered than the Royal wedding is put back a day. … (read more)

Posted: 5th, April 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Father Of The House

‘LOOKING at the Independent’s list of leading contenders for the now vacant position of Pope, we see no mention of one Tony Blair, Bishop of Downing Street. Howard … (read more)

Posted: 4th, April 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

The Boy’s For Turning Back

‘WHETHER or not Margaret Thatcher inspired her son Mark to dabble in politics we may never know. ”The bigger boys made me do it, mummy” What … (read more)

Posted: 4th, April 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Field Of Dreams

‘OF course politicians are all just like us. As Labour MP Andy Reed says on his website, “Most MPs are just ordinary people doing an extraordinary job”. Spot … (read more)

Posted: 4th, April 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Strictly Speaking

‘TO confront the threat posed by satellite TV, the BBC has hit upon a brilliant new format: why spend money on Rupert Murdoch’s crap when the BBC is more than … (read more)

Posted: 4th, April 2005 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Otherwise Engaged

‘“AS death drew close he raised his right hand as if blessing an unseen crowd and whispered his last word: AMEN.” ”I hear some of your priests are … (read more)

Posted: 4th, April 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Toon Cryer

‘SPEAKING of Lee Bowyer, the Star offers an intriguing explanation of Saturday’s fisticuffs at St James’s Park. Has Bowyer had his chips? The paper reminds us, … (read more)

Posted: 4th, April 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Working Girl

‘OVER the last few months, we may have inadvertently helped to support the myth that Paris Hilton does things. She doesn’t. This waxwork of Paris Hilton is more … (read more)

Posted: 4th, April 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

Anne’s Lesbian Shame

‘“BITCHY ANNE’S LESBIAN BUST UP,” shrieks the Sun. Screw you? No, it’s nothing to do with the tireless royal charity worker. This is Anne Robinson, the … (read more)

Posted: 4th, April 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Pack It In

‘ANYONE seen Joey, the show about the retarded one people in cans and sophisticated parts of Wyoming laughed at in Friends? Pile them high No, thought … (read more)

Posted: 4th, April 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment

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