Anorak

Tabloids | Anorak - Part 246

Tabloids Category

The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.

Fat Of The Land

‘JADE herself is clearly aware that drastic steps will have to be taken if she ever wants to model for anything other than Wall’s Smoked Back Bacon.

‘If you want us naked, you pay extra’

The Star reports that the … READ ON

Posted: 25th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Space Invader

‘IT’S a depressing thought that in 30 years, the average bloke will have to convert a marquee into a pair of trousers to have any hope of squeezing his 42in hips into them.

Coming to a planet near you

But … READ ON

Posted: 25th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


An Offer Too Good To Accept

‘BURGLARS who have been raiding a Norwegian company might get away with more than they planned, after the company boss offered them a two-month holiday.

Bill Schjelderup, managing editor of Bergen Energy, says recent burglaries have cost the company £86,000, … READ ON

Posted: 25th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Money Troubles

”MILLIONS drown in a sea of debt,’ announces the Express. ‘Asylum seekers’ summer fun with YOUR £1m,’ says the Mail.

Young asylum seekers train for their first Channel crossing

Which all adds up to money leaving YOUR pockets and going … READ ON

Posted: 24th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madame’s Newest Girl

‘PART of the cavalcade of fun enjoyed by the hard-partying refugees involves a trip to Madame Tussaud’s.

Kylie begins to melt under the heat of the museum lights

‘Dear mother,’ writes Yuri on the back of a photograph of himself … READ ON

Posted: 24th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Ciao, Tony

‘THAT we should be so lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky to be asylum seekers. Instead, we’re saddled with debts, and a future that says no pension, no NHS and no World Cups.

We’re all going on a summer holiday

We have … READ ON

Posted: 24th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Breast Of Hear’Say

‘HEAR’SAY ordering Myleene to cover up her boobs may not be quite in the same league as the Rolling Stones asking Mick Jagger to get lip reduction surgery – but it does mean that now the only two boobs on … READ ON

Posted: 23rd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Arranged Marriage?

‘WAITING for ‘the one’ often drives people crazy with frustration. But no one considers that ‘the one’ might not even be born until they’re 57.

The ridiculousness of this notion was quashed when a 20-year-old Iranian man married a 77-year-old … READ ON

Posted: 23rd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Nasty Nick Nicked

‘UNLIKE most British villains – the Krays, Frankie Fraser, Kenneth Noye, John Palmer – Nicholas van Hoogstraten scores some big points at scrabble.

S-A-S-S-I-N-A-S-S

It is a pity that he didn’t stick to playing scrabble as this morning the papers … READ ON

Posted: 23rd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


(Sex) Toys R Us

‘WHAT do you think of when talk – as it inevitably does – turns to the subject of sex toys? A blow-up rubber Jordan (with foot pump provided) for sir; a Fokuoko 9000 or Hitachi Magic Wand for madam. Maybe … READ ON

Posted: 23rd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Caine Mutiny

”WILLIAM Hickey meets Michael Caine. Again and again and again and again…’ Thus spake John Cooper Clarke a quarter century ago, in his seminal work, (You’ll Never See A Nipple In) The Daily Express.

‘My name is Sir Michael
READ ON

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


It’s Andy being a Royal

‘WE mock Michael Caine’s class paranoia, but then something happens that makes you wonder if there isn’t something in it.

Andy on the trail of another birdie

The Sun recounts how a ‘shocked motorist’ saw Prince Andrew brush off a … READ ON

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Suited And Booted (Out)

‘MORE evidence of class bias from the Express. This time, the victims were entirely innocent, as the opening sentence immediately indicates, concerning as it does, ‘three middle-aged consultants and two executives’.

He’s got trouble written all over him

Not only … READ ON

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Soul Bidder

‘WHEN Faustus sold his soul, he expected 24 years of power and pleasure in return. But all Gareth Malham got for his soul when he auctioned it on an internet site was £11.61.

The impoverished artist from Byker, Newcastle, advertised … READ ON

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Spirit Of Free Enterprise

‘YOU’VE insured your house, your car, your cat and your complete collection of The People’s Friend Yearbook. But have you insured your home against ghosts?

Ultraviolet, a Bristol-based insurance company, is happy to do so, and who can blame them? … READ ON

Posted: 19th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Jamie Puckers Up

‘THERE are some headlines guaranteed to make even those of the hardiest disposition nervous. And one such appears on the front page of this morning’s Express. ‘Britain In Germ Terror Threat,’ says the headline – but it is the neighbouring … READ ON

Posted: 19th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Babe And The Woods

‘HAPPY now, Bob Styles, aged 26, of Eastbourne? Yesterday, readers will recall, you were gutted at Channel 4’s decision not to show a full frontal of Big Brother’s Kate when she whipped her bikini top off. But this morning the … READ ON

Posted: 19th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Readers’ Pets

‘IT is just as well for the charms of Miss Nordegren because being a Mail reader is a depressing business. This morning, that misguided bunch learn that a ‘summer of air chaos’ is in the offing. ‘Union militants are back … READ ON

Posted: 19th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Belinda Passes Her MOT

‘Laura decided to take Ian back after he promised her that she could have a baby. But being the lying, two-faced little weasel that he is, he’s also booked himself into a vasectomy clinic without telling her.

As the rest … READ ON

Posted: 19th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Police In Pub

‘WE all know the police weren’t exactly happy about Home Secretary David Blunkett’s plans for reform, but few of us suspected that the Boys In Blue would go this far.

Police release picture of Blunkett insider wanted for questioning

A … READ ON

Posted: 18th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Dyke Tied Up

‘THE papers seem obsessed this morning with what everyone’s wearing or not wearing. While the Star’s Page 4 is devoted to Kate’s topless back, the Mail’s Page 4 is concerned with far weightier issues, relaying a story about the BBC … READ ON

Posted: 18th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Bring Your Own

‘MARCO Arellano, 34, of Brooklyn, New York was arrested in the Alpine Gourmet Farm on Seventh Avenue for adulterating the food.

He had done the same in various salad bars in the centre of town using a dressing he had … READ ON

Posted: 18th, July 2002 | In: Tabloids | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0